Cost of taking DDs friend on vacation. Is this fair? Update post #110

[ccgirl]

We’re planning a 10-day trip to Los Angeles next summer, which includes 4-5 days at DL. DD wants to invite a friend to come along. Both DD and friend will be 14 y/o at the time of the trip.

We cannot afford to pay the entire cost for the friend, and her parents have tentatively agreed to the trip, depending on the cost.

I’m thinking airfare (approx. $250), cost of DL tickets, and maybe $200-$300 for food. Total cost about $700-$800. Nothing for lodging because one additional person does not increase my costs.

We’re planning on a couple of tours, additional sightseeing, and a couple of “nice” dinners. I don’t know the specifics yet, so I plan to absorb the additional expense into my budget. Her parents can give her whatever they feel is appropriate for souvenirs.

Does that sound fair?

I realize that some will feel that if you can’t completely pay for the costs of the friend, then you shouldn’t invite them. While I understand that sentiment, I’m looking for responses from those who do agree with the concept of having the friend’s parents pay at least part of the costs.

Haven't read all the replies, just wanted to give my two cents. IMHO, I would stop at airfare and plane tickets and I would fork up the rest. I think $200 - $300 is really high for a 14 year old for food.

 

[pyrxtc]

Just curious, how is bringing the friend not going to change your room costs? Are you planning on sharing a hotel room with you, your hubs and 2 teenage girls? As a Mom, (and overprotective slightly psycho Mom some days) I would be uncomfortable with the Dad/kid thing.

Is that the norm? From a lot of posts it seems so.

But money wise, I think the other kid should pay for airfare, tickets and her food. She isn't your kid, her vacations are not your responsibility. And you are a good Mom for not being super ticked at your DD for planning all of this. Vacation time is family time, another kid added to the mix would take away MY fun.

You expect two kids to have their own room ? If I invite someone , it is to sleep in our room with us. What is wrong with the Dad kid thing? he would be sharing a room with his own kid also. You think dad is going to do something to your kid with his wife and daughter in the room even if he was that kind of guy.

I would say you are definitely over-protective!

 

[okeydokey]

Just curious, how is bringing the friend not going to change your room costs? Are you planning on sharing a hotel room with you, your hubs and 2 teenage girls? As a Mom, (and overprotective slightly psycho Mom some days) I would be uncomfortable with the Dad/kid thing.

Is that the norm? From a lot of posts it seems so.

But money wise, I think the other kid should pay for airfare, tickets and her food. She isn't your kid, her vacations are not your responsibility. And you are a good Mom for not being super ticked at your DD for planning all of this. Vacation time is family time, another kid added to the mix would take away MY fun.

A lot of parents, especially of only children, make this offer because it is easier for them. Their child has another child to hang with and makes the vacation more enjoyable for their own child. Since it is a benefit to the family doing the inviting, it is often customary for the inviting family to pay for the guest that they invited, plus its just good manners.

 

[piperdown]

Just curious, how is bringing the friend not going to change your room costs? Are you planning on sharing a hotel room with you, your hubs and 2 teenage girls? As a Mom, (and overprotective slightly psycho Mom some days) I would be uncomfortable with the Dad/kid thing.

Is that the norm? From a lot of posts it seems so.

But money wise, I think the other kid should pay for airfare, tickets and her food. She isn't your kid, her vacations are not your responsibility. And you are a good Mom for not being super ticked at your DD for planning all of this. Vacation time is family time, another kid added to the mix would take away MY fun.

Yes, we would all be sharing a room. If the "Dad/kid thing" was a problem with the other parents, then they can politely decline.

If the only reason they would decline the invitation is their paranoia that my DH is pedophile, then I'd rather not have the child go with us anyway. Odds are if they are fearful of DH, then there will be a multitude of other issues.

BTW, I would not extend an invitation to anyone unless I knew their parents personally. I would think that if they suspected DH to be a pedophile, they wouldn't allow their daughter develop a close friendship with my DD, let alone go on vacation.

 

[piperdown]

A lot of parents, especially of only children, make this offer because it is easier for them. Their child has another child to hang with and makes the vacation more enjoyable for their own child. Since it is a benefit to the family doing the inviting, it is often customary for the inviting family to pay for the guest that they invited, plus its just good manners.

Just so you know, in this particular case, DD and her friend came up with the idea.

I had no plans on inviting her friend. However, now that the girls have brought up the subject, I'm trying to come up with a way to make it work.

I wish we could afford to pay for her friend to come along, but that is just not the case.

In your opinion, would it be better to tell the girls "no" and not even try to come up with an alternative?

 

[robinb]

A lot of parents, especially of only children, make this offer because it is easier for them. Their child has another child to hang with and makes the vacation more enjoyable for their own child. Since it is a benefit to the family doing the inviting, it is often customary for the inviting family to pay for the guest that they invited, plus its just good manners.

I agree with the first part of your post. Bringing another child with us did make things more fun for my DD and for us. She had someone to hang with and I got to sit with my DH on the rides. We usually trade off with my DD.

HOWEVER, I can't agree with your last sentence about paying full freight for that child being "customary" and "good manners". By implication, not paying in full would be "unconventional" and "bad manners". As other threads on this same subject have shown, there is no usual or right way to bring a child to WDW. In addition, the choice one makes to pay 100% or less has nothing to do with "manners". I think it's NICE if you can afford to pay for everything but that choice does not make you a better, nicer, or more polite person. All it means is that you can afford to treat someone else's kid to an expensive all-expenses paid vacation.

 

[dzorn]

OP here with an update.

After discussing the situation further with DH, we decided to postpone talking the friend’s parents. Primarily because the trip is still 9 months away, and a lot can happen and change in that amount of time. I don’t yet have our plans completely nailed down, and probably won’t starting making reservations until early next year.

I also had a conversation with DD about how she and BFF need to calm down with the trip planning because it could very well lead to disappointment for DD and BFF. That my being open to the idea of her friend coming is nowhere close to her actually coming with us. We also talked about how it’s a very real possibility that her friend’s parents could say no, and that their reasons should be respected whatever they are.

If the girls are still pitching idea come next February/March, then I’ll have a discussion with her parents. As I said it a PP, I’m going to ask that the friend’s parents cover the airfare and DL tickets. If they offer money for food, I’ll probably accept, IF it isn’t too generous (no more that $15/day).

You might still want to have an initial discussion with the parents. Given that the trip is 9 months away gives the parents and child time to save if they want her to go on the trip. If the girl is old enough to baby sit and such she may start saving money toward the trip.

Denise in MI

 

[robinb]

You might still want to have an initial discussion with the parents. Given that the trip is 9 months away gives the parents and child time to save if they want her to go on the trip. If the girl is old enough to baby sit and such she may start saving money toward the trip.

Denise in MI

I agree. Also, when you firm down your dates you'll probably be on an airfare hunt and you would want the other parents behind you 100% before booking anything.

 

[dunbarfamily]

We’re planning a 10-day trip to Los Angeles next summer, which includes 4-5 days at DL. DD wants to invite a friend to come along. Both DD and friend will be 14 y/o at the time of the trip.

We cannot afford to pay the entire cost for the friend, and her parents have tentatively agreed to the trip, depending on the cost.

I’m thinking airfare (approx. $250), cost of DL tickets, and maybe $200-$300 for food. Total cost about $700-$800. Nothing for lodging because one additional person does not increase my costs.

We’re planning on a couple of tours, additional sightseeing, and a couple of “nice” dinners. I don’t know the specifics yet, so I plan to absorb the additional expense into my budget. Her parents can give her whatever they feel is appropriate for souvenirs.

Does that sound fair?

I realize that some will feel that if you can’t completely pay for the costs of the friend, then you shouldn’t invite them. While I understand that sentiment, I’m looking for responses from those who do agree with the concept of having the friend’s parents pay at least part of the costs.

I think its perfectly fair and the friend, your daughter, and the girl's parents will be blessed. You have the extra space in your hotel room, and they cover her ticket, airfare, food, and spending money.

I'd talk it over with the other parents to come up with a plan for spending money so the girls have roughly the same amount so they can have fun shopping together, whether they each have $20 or $100. It'd be a little hard if one had a significant amount more or less than the other to spend, I think. Just my opinion though!

Good luck!! Sounds like a fun trip!

EDITED TO ADD:

I think a chat with the other parents sooner rather than later is in order. The friend might have already mentioned it to her parents and perhaps they are just waiting for a phone call. Plus as others have mentioned, knowing about the trip far in advance will allow them to save money and plan ahead, if friend does indeed come along. In addition, if the friend cannot join, the girls can accept it now rather than getting more and more excited, leading to an even bigger disappointment. It's decision time!!

 

[neatokimmo]

Just to clarify, I am not saying your DH is a pedophile. I was trying to say an unrelated kid of the opposite gender sharing a regular hotel room would be uncomfortable situation for my family. I was just surprised at all of the posts saying they did it too.

 

[neatokimmo]

You expect two kids to have their own room ? If I invite someone , it is to sleep in our room with us. What is wrong with the Dad kid thing? he would be sharing a room with his own kid also. You think dad is going to do something to your kid with his wife and daughter in the room even if he was that kind of guy.

I would say you are definitely over-protective!

Over protective, conservative...there are a lot of label that would stick to me lol

Growing up, I didn't go on trips with friends where there was a hotel situation. Only condos or houses. The kids did have a separate area to sleep and get ready for the day.

 

[okeydokey]

Just so you know, in this particular case, DD and her friend came up with the idea.

I had no plans on inviting her friend. However, now that the girls have brought up the subject, I'm trying to come up with a way to make it work.

I wish we could afford to pay for her friend to come along, but that is just not the case.

In your opinion, would it be better to tell the girls "no" and not even try to come up with an alternative?

I'm sure that is true in your case, but over the years I have read many many threads about inviting a friend. Most are parents of older only children and they clearly say that they want a friend to come because it will make it easier on them and their child will have a better time. Then they try to figure out how much to charge the friend. I personally, would not offer an invitation that had a bill attached. I realize that your child and the friend were the planners in this case.

 

[okeydokey]

Yes, we would all be sharing a room. If the "Dad/kid thing" was a problem with the other parents, then they can politely decline.

If the only reason they would decline the invitation is their paranoia that my DH is pedophile, then I'd rather not have the child go with us anyway. Odds are if they are fearful of DH, then there will be a multitude of other issues.

BTW, I would not extend an invitation to anyone unless I knew their parents personally. I would think that if they suspected DH to be a pedophile, they wouldn't allow their daughter develop a close friendship with my DD, let alone go on vacation.

I can't imagine anyone would think your DH was a pedophile, but I know that my 13 year old daughter would be very uncomfortable and awkward sharing a tiny hotel room with a Dad. She would surely decline the invitation.

 

[tlbwriter]

I'm sure that is true in your case, but over the years I have read many many threads about inviting a friend. Most are parents of older only children and they clearly say that they want a friend to come because it will make it easier on them and their child will have a better time. Then they try to figure out how much to charge the friend.

I look at it another way... they figure out how much to subsidize the friend's vacation.

 

[robsmom]

I look at it another way... they figure out how much to subsidize the friend's vacation.

To me the point is that this is not the friend's vacation. The friends parents did not sit down and plan this trip for their child or their family. The friend would not be going on this trip alone, he/she is only going because the first family invited her. I think it is rare that the second family is saying to themselves "oh i really wish that susie could join abc family on their trip". In OP's case the two girls seem to be concocting this plan versus a true invite and I can understand why OP does not want to pay the entire thing. OP, if this was my daughter we would be having major major words and consequences about this situation. She needs to understand that not only did she put you on the spot, but that she also put her friends parents in the position of having to either say no or spend unplanned money. I don't think that anyone should be put in this situation. If I invited someone, I will be paying or I will not be taking them.

 

[mjkacmom]

Just curious, how is bringing the friend not going to change your room costs? Are you planning on sharing a hotel room with you, your hubs and 2 teenage girls? As a Mom, (and overprotective slightly psycho Mom some days) I would be uncomfortable with the Dad/kid thing.

Is that the norm? From a lot of posts it seems so.

But money wise, I think the other kid should pay for airfare, tickets and her food. She isn't your kid, her vacations are not your responsibility. And you are a good Mom for not being super ticked at your DD for planning all of this. Vacation time is family time, another kid added to the mix would take away MY fun.

I'm guessing you don't have a teenaged dd, because nothing ruins a vacation more than a sullen teen who misses her friends! I'm sure if the OP decides to invite her, and the girl gets to go, it will stink for her friend's parents, who have to shell out money on a vacation they will not get to go on themselves. I'd rather not be put in that position, myself.

Dd15's friend invited her on a ski trip in December, right after Christmas. It's her friend's 16th birthday, and she is inviting friends instead of having a party. Friends parents are paying for lodging, food, and lift tickets. Good thing - otherwise, there is no way I'm spending money for ONE of my children to go on vacation.

 

[7SeasSailor]

I think that you should be up front with the parents about the total cost that you expect for their daughter and then tell them what you are prepared to pay for. They have then got choices, yes or no.

 

[poober25]

We just returned from a trip where we took DS friend w/ us. We charged for ticket, gas, and food. The gas we charged was the difference in cost of taking our car, which we would have taken if friend hadn't gone, and taking our van. Parents sent $200 for food--we bought a lot of groceries, had 1 CS theme park meal a day, and 1 "splurge" meal at WCC. We only bought drinks at WCC and 1 meal and carried drinks w/ us. We felt that this was a very fair deal all the way around. This allowed both friends to participate in the World Archery Tournament this past weekend and have a great vacation together.

We stayed in a 2 BR condo, so we did not ask them to cover any of the condo cost. We did ask them to cover everything else, though. We went to a YES program while there, though, so theme park tix were relatively inexpensive. Total other family paid for 9 day vacay $450. Basically, I think that it's very fair to ask for any costs that are not already being absorbed. We tried to keep costs way down, though.

Food money--we kept up w/ food money. Boys were given gift cards to cover any food they bought when they were on their own. I roughly figured friend's portion of grocery cost, and then kept up w/ meals throughout the week. He also need to buy some contact solution while gone, which we were able to pay for out his food money. We came back w/ him having about $10 left. He also had some spending money which he kept himself.

 

[DisneyLoverUSA]

I haven't read through all the responses yet to see what everyone else is saying but it seems like you are basically going to ask the parents to cover ALL the girl's expenses. And $300 for food for 10 days? That's $30 a day for food. I think that is a little high. I wouldn't ask the parents for anything for food or something low like $100 for food and have them understand any extra spending she would need to have pocket money for. But if I were the parent of the child being asked I wouldn't mind AT ALL paying for my kid's airfare and tickets and partial food expenses but taking one of your kid's friends on vacation with you works out in your favor as well because then your child has a friend to keep them occupied.

I wouldn't pay $800 for my kid to go on vacation with anybody like that but I might pay $500 or $600 for 10 days.

If the girl was staying with you at your house you wouldn't call her mom and say HEY I need you to give me $30 a day for her food while she is here. SO I would cover the cost of her food for the most part. I would price out the airline tickets (actual price) price out the tickets and give her the exact amounts of what everything is going to cost then ask her whatever she wants to contribute towards her food cost would be appreciated but not required.

That's why I only take MY KIDS on vacation because first of all we have 4, 3 at home and it costs us quite a bit just to take our own kids. And if we drive somewhere there's no room for more kids in the car. And we can't afford to foot the bill for someone else's kid, so we don't ask anybody to go. Any MORE kids than my own and it would't be a vacation for me it would be more like babysitting or WORK!

 

[gillenkl]

I would ask for the cost of airfare and tickets.