Cannot believe this is happening. Teacher lied about my son.

[okeydokey]

What I said to my son was that I believed him, trusted him and was proud of him for telling the truth because I know it was scarey to be called into the principals office. He was happy and he has not talked about it since.

Then maybe you should drop it here. Your son is happy and has not talked about it since.

 

[5lilfish]

Then maybe you should drop it here. Your son is happy and has not talked about it since.

Because her son now has a check of some sort against him for something that he may not have done (and the Para apparently lied saying she had directly heard/seen him do). I'd even let the check against him go, but they were informed that if it happened "again" there would be major consequences. Also, this Para will continue to have contact/authority over her son and now her honesty is in question.

Jess

 

[dogluva]

If the admistration knew that,I bet they would be unhappy. Most para's are not in the classroom as "general aides". They are there because a child in that class has a specific need for a 1:1. I know many para's will help out other children and the teacher in a classroom, but the budget is for a specific child.

In this day and age of tough school budgets, "aides" are being cut. And all the 1:1's are being evaluated annually - as the child matures and ages, they may not be needed - or they may switch to a "shared" para.

They may or may not make it obvious they are there for one child, but that is typically their job description and what pays their salary.

Well, since the administration is the one who tells them what to do, I gues they are happy. We are not talking about children with multiple disabilities. Also, is it really helpful to a child with issues to have someone standing above him or her? In some cases, no. Yes, the budget is for a specific child but sometimes that child is fine. So should the para just stand there if others are needing help? That seems like a waste.

 

[marthachick]

Surprisingly, you can still hear and see across a lunch room. And why would the para lie?

have you ever actually BEEN in an elementary school lunchroom??? Yes, you can see but I seriously doubt you could hear anything that was said unless they were yelling.

 

[laurie31]

The other day my son gets a note home saying that he got in trouble at lunch for saying the word kill and that if it happened again, there would be a major consequence.


I later talked to my son and told him what the para said and he said "that's not true!" "she was not even near us!". I asked him where she was and he told me across the room talking with another adult. So at this point I am extremely confused as to how she could have heard him say anything when she was not there. So I asked him how she knew he said anything and he told me the other child ran out of line and went up to the para and told her something. She came over and told my son he was in trouble and she was telling the teacher.


At this point my husband and I are pretty upset because it has seemed all year that he has been picked on by his teacher, but we always let it go because we did not want to make waves for him.

I would agree with the "let it go" advice EXCEPT for the parts I quoted from the OP.

First, a note that says there will be "a major consequence" if he does this again. Something he claims he didn't even do in the first place. What is this consequence? I would be finding out!

Second, the para took the word of her charge (who knows what he told her) to get the OP's son in trouble. Perhaps the child knew he wasn't supposed to say "kill" and when he heard the OP's son say a variant of that word, he ran to *******

Third, the OP's son has felt "picked on" by his teacher all year. It doesn't sound like it's going to get better and the year is not even half over. Why can't they move her DS to another class? He's going to end up hating school because of this teacher, and that's somthing worth preventing.

If this was the first/only incident, MAYBE I'd let it go, but it sounds like this is the most recent in a series of many. If it were me, I would meet with the principal and see if my child could be moved.

 

[luvsJack]

I know I'm coming late to the party, but where did OP state that the reason the other boy has a 1 on 1 is because he has been deemed to be a danger to the other children? You obviously don't spend much time with children who need a 1 on 1. Generally, being a danger to the other children is waaay down on the list of those reasons.



A well-written IEP will take into consideration the need to try different strategies over the course of the year to achieve the desired goals of the IEP. These strategies would be included in the original IEP, rendering additional meetings in order to change the IEP mid-year unnecessary. If your child's school isn't doing this already, the document and your meeting is nothing more than wasted paper and time.




Do you have proof it wasn't? No one knows who that other adult was.



Again, since you don't know who the other person was, or what they were discussing, this is a judgment you just can't make.



Again, you just don't know how the child's IEP was written, who that other person was, or what they were discussing to make that judgment. Just because you feel she should have been standing a foot away from the child doesn't mean she was not doing her job.



This is by far the best advice I've read on this thread. It supports the child's version of the events without the parent becoming THAT parent at the school.

-----
I'll be honest, at this point, whether or not the para lied would be the least of my worries with OP's son. My concern is more that there seem to be issues regarding school that is causing the child stress. The meeting with the principal should be about that and how that stress can be reduced.

No we don't know who the other person was. And in all reality IT DOESN"T MATTER!! She LIED. She is a grown woman who is supposed to be acting professionally and SHE LIED. She should, at the very least, be reprimanded. If I lied to our students, I would be in serious trouble.

But, if she was hired to be with this child and she wasn't with said child , she was not doing her job. According to the OP, she was supposed to be with him when he needed her to be. Well, if he is twisting someone's arm and saying things he shouldn't be then obviously HE NEEDED HER. If she was hired to be with him and she was on the other side of the room and couldn't hear him then apparently she was not close enough to do her job.

The only reason she has for lying is to cover her on backside. The OP feels that other kids have been taking the blame for things this child has done, so looks like she has lied before. That is an ongoing problem that needs to be dealt with.

 

[Kathi OD]

No we don't know who the other person was. And in all reality IT DOESN"T MATTER!! She LIED. She is a grown woman who is supposed to be acting professionally and SHE LIED. She should, at the very least, be reprimanded. If I lied to our students, I would be in serious trouble.

But, if she was hired to be with this child and she wasn't with said child , she was not doing her job. According to the OP, she was supposed to be with him when he needed her to be. Well, if he is twisting someone's arm and saying things he shouldn't be then obviously HE NEEDED HER. If she was hired to be with him and she was on the other side of the room and couldn't hear him then apparently she was not close enough to do her job.

The only reason she has for lying is to cover her on backside. The OP feels that other kids have been taking the blame for things this child has done, so looks like she has lied before. That is an ongoing problem that needs to be dealt with.

Actually you are wrong on the bolded point. According to OP, the para was supposed to help him carry his tray to the table. Until the point where he was being served his food, she had no need to be standing right on top of him. Unless you know exactly what her duties are, according to his IEP, there is no way you can stand in judgment of her not being where YOU THINK she should have been when the incident happened.

As far as the lying goes. You have your opinion and nothing I say will change that. Obviously, you believe that children don't lie or sometimes perceive events to be different than what really happened. Since I wasn't there and it's a he-said, she-said kind of thing, I don't believe either the para or the children. I didn't condone her lying, if in fact that's what happened. Could the para be lying? Absolutely. Are we sure that she is? Nope. Too many unknowns there for me to call someone a liar.

FTR, how do you know that the para wasn't reprimanded? Personnel matters should not be discussed with anyone.

 

[Magic Mom]

have you ever actually BEEN in an elementary school lunchroom??? Yes, you can see but I seriously doubt you could hear anything that was said unless they were yelling.

very often.

 

[Magic Mom]

and, I don't think it would have been a problem to the OP had she not lied about where she was.

IF she was lying.

 

[palavra]

So the teacher was nervous enough about your DH to bring in the principal? How upset was he? My DH had a meeting once with a teacher without me (I couldn't be there), and he was calm and collection (over a much more serious matter).

Teachers often bring in an administrator if there is an issue other than grades. Just as so many of you here have assumed that the para was lying, and , let's face it, you really have no idea because you don't know the situation or the parapro, teachers have to be very careful that they have back up documentation, especially for hearsay cases.

I was once accused of being racist by a parent because her daughter, of a different race than mine, was failing my class. Thank goodness I had the assistant principal in the meeting with me because it got downright nasty with accusations flying everywhere. In the end, the daughter admitted that she had lied to her mom about what was going on in class and that she had been refusing to turn in any work. By the time that meeting was over, the mother was very angry with her daughter. But, sometimes, I wonder what might have happened if the daughter hadn't confessed. Believe me, I went home in tears that day because I am so far from racist that it isn't even funny, and I had spent extra time with this girl trying to get her back on track. And this is just one such meeting.

 

[Hannathy]

IF she was lying.

OK so if she wasn't lying she is just incompetent? which would you prefer? because if she was standing close enough to hear what was being said she should have been close enough to see him twisting another child's arm and she did nothing to prevent or stop this? Gross incompetency if you ask me. So which would you prefer in an aide?

 

[palavra]

OK so if she wasn't lying she is just incompetent? which would you prefer? because if she was standing close enough to hear what was being said she should have been close enough to see him twisting another child's arm and she did nothing to prevent or stop this? Gross incompetency if you ask me. So which would you prefer in an aide?

You really have it out for this lady, and you don't even know her. I wonder why?

 

[Magic Mom]

OK so if she wasn't lying she is just incompetent? which would you prefer? because if she was standing close enough to hear what was being said she should have been close enough to see him twisting another child's arm and she did nothing to prevent or stop this? Gross incompetency if you ask me. So which would you prefer in an aide?

Maybe she's both, but from the story, I tend to believe neither. YMMV.

 

[Hannathy]

You really have it out for this lady, and you don't even know her. I wonder why?

And I wonder why some of you are defending her when YOU don't even know her? even the principal doesn't believe her .


Everyone makes a mistake, if you do be an adult and own up to it, don't blame a 6 yr old for heavens sake to cover your behind. I think that is extremely low and despicable.

 

[Hannathy]

Maybe she's both, but from the story, I tend to believe neither. YMMV.

You honestly believe she was close enough to hear what was said by a 6 yr old? and yet she couldn't stop another 6 yr old from twisting an arm. Unbelievable. And 2 little boys got together and decided on the same story.

 

[mjkacmom]

OK so if she wasn't lying she is just incompetent? which would you prefer? because if she was standing close enough to hear what was being said she should have been close enough to see him twisting another child's arm and she did nothing to prevent or stop this? Gross incompetency if you ask me. So which would you prefer in an aide?

Maybe was was close enough to hear, but wasn't looking at him (and we have no idea what her actual job is - it's a leap to believe she has to be with him every second), maybe the OP's ds is lying, and there was no arm twisting, just a lot of maybe's.

 

[palavra]

And I wonder why some of you are defending her when YOU don't even know her? even the principal doesn't believe her .


Everyone makes a mistake, if you do be an adult and own up to it, don't blame a 6 yr old for heavens sake to cover your behind. I think that is extremely low and despicable.

I'm not defending her. The point is, no one here really knows what the story is. Assumptions are all that any of us have here.

 

[FlightlessDuck]

I don't have a educated opinion, and to be frank, I don't know how anybody else in this thread can either. None of us were there.

 

[kappy]

Well, back from the meeting with some answers that everyone is wondering.

The principal finally admitted that the para came clean and said #1. she was not standing by the boys and #2. She did not hear my son say anything. What she finally said happened was she was across the room, something happened with the boys, her student ran over to him and told her that my son was telling him to say the word kill and she went over and reprmanded him without asking him what was going on. So SHE LIED! There ya go. When we questioned what was going to be done about it? The principal said "people make mistakes" and refused to talk about it anymore. He also made an excuse that para's who are assigned children tend to become very close to them and really become their advocate, much like a mother hen. What? I AM this other child's mother and your sitting there telling me it is OK that this person lied because she is his advocate? Seriously?

So then we talked about my sons year and how it has been going. How he feels picked on and about having to go into therapy. We politely requested that he be moved to a different class. His reponse? "absolutely not, in my 35 years I have only moved 1 student and I don't feel there is any reason to move him". We tried to explain again why we wanted him moved and he talked over us. I told him that his therpist thinks that he would do better in a more supportive enviroment and he said "the therapist is not here and has no idea what goes on in the class". I sat there just looking at him. I could not believe that it was going this way.

It was very clear that this man had no intention of hearing anything we had to say, so we just stopped talking.

In the end, I think we are pulling him and finding him a new school. I don't feel right in my gut sending him to this school anymore if this is the kind of stuff that goes on.

 

[kappy]

Oh, and 1 more thing. The reason this child has a para is because he has the tendency to wander away. That is why she is assigned to him and to help him with his lunch getting him to where he needs to be. I have no idea if the principal was supposed to tell me that or not, but he did, and I did not ask him to.

He was very open lipped about a lot of things about students that frankly made me uncomfortable.

So another questions is, if she is there to make sure he does not wander off, why was she not with him?