Cannot believe this is happening. Teacher lied about my son.

[twinmomplus2new]

I read tis post yesterday and thought WOW, I would be really mad if I were the Mom. But also knowing you really can't prove it so i would let it go..

THEN today I went into work and was in trouble for something a Child said I did and said. WHICH is so farrrrrr from the truth I could scream.

Situation... first grade child upside down on the swing. Lovey sit on your tushie.
2 minutes later Hey now!!! Your gonna get hurt. I said tushie!!!
Another adult appraoches asks a ? out of the corner of my eye I see same child. Now upside down face inches from wood chips disobeying 3rd time in 35 seconds.
I NOW say Ok Now more no find something else to do. Child responds it was an accident.

I respond with VERBATIM" Baloney cakes!! Cookie I already spoke to you several times, Now go play something else"
non Issue correct.. Nothing even remotely not nice.

There was another staff member there who smiled and said.. How long have you been doing this? I responded 4 years! He smiled and said Well I can tell it's a real labor of love for you!

IMAGINE my surprise when today the story is I said she was full of baloney. That She told me she hurt herself, and I said who cares play someplace else.
Parents called twice and came in for a meeting.
Point is my perspective today is vastly different than yesterday. Kids can twist to thier advantage and sometimes for no discernable reason.

 

[laurie31]

Did you read the update? The para confessed and the whole thing happened as the OP's son claimed. The boy the para was assigned to MADE UP A STORY about the OP's son and the para believed him and didn't even ask for the OP's son's side, and punished the OP's son based on what another child said, which turned out not to be true.

So yes, it's very frustrating to get in trouble for something that never really happened. Thank goodness you have a witness to say you said nothing wrong to the child on the swing. Think how a little six year old would feel. He didn't even have a clue why he was in trouble, since he hadn't done what the other boy said he had done.

 

[palavra]

Did you read the update? The para confessed and the whole thing happened as the OP's son claimed. The boy the para was assigned to MADE UP A STORY about the OP's son and the para believed him and didn't even ask for the OP's son's side, and punished the OP's son based on what another child said, which turned out not to be true.

So yes, it's very frustrating to get in trouble for something that never really happened. Thank goodness you have a witness to say you said nothing wrong to the child on the swing. Think how a little six year old would feel. He didn't even have a clue why he was in trouble, since he hadn't done what the other boy said he had done.

I think the point of her post is that it can and does happen to adults who work with children as well. I recently had a parent conference during which the parent told me that her child told her a different version of a story about his problem with another child in class. I repeated what had happened because I was there and witnessed the event. She went on to insinuate that she believed her child, in essence, calling me a liar. Of course, we were at an impasse, because, as I said, I witnessed the event, so I know exactly what happened. Maybe these sort of stories will help some of you understand where we teachers are coming from. I can assure you though that I would never treat this student any differently than the other students. In fact, at his age, I probably would have done the same thing. It really isn't the student I have a problem with. For him, the situation is over and done with. I actually think he was sort of embarrassed that his mom was making a stink about it.

 

[kappy]

I read tis post yesterday and thought WOW, I would be really mad if I were the Mom. But also knowing you really can't prove it so i would let it go..

THEN today I went into work and was in trouble for something a Child said I did and said. WHICH is so farrrrrr from the truth I could scream.

Situation... first grade child upside down on the swing. Lovey sit on your tushie.
2 minutes later Hey now!!! Your gonna get hurt. I said tushie!!!
Another adult appraoches asks a ? out of the corner of my eye I see same child. Now upside down face inches from wood chips disobeying 3rd time in 35 seconds.
I NOW say Ok Now more no find something else to do. Child responds it was an accident.

I respond with VERBATIM" Baloney cakes!! Cookie I already spoke to you several times, Now go play something else"
non Issue correct.. Nothing even remotely not nice.

There was another staff member there who smiled and said.. How long have you been doing this? I responded 4 years! He smiled and said Well I can tell it's a real labor of love for you!

IMAGINE my surprise when today the story is I said she was full of baloney. That She told me she hurt herself, and I said who cares play someplace else.
Parents called twice and came in for a meeting.
Point is my perspective today is vastly different than yesterday. Kids can twist to thier advantage and sometimes for no discernable reason.

But it WAS proven that my son was telling the truth. So yeah, I can see your side of the story because my son was YOU and think how you felt during it. You said you were so mad you could scream. Now think of how a 6 year old would feel.

 

[kappy]

I think the point of her post is that it can and does happen to adults who work with children as well.

Nobody said it didn't. We all know it does. But in this instance (the OP), it was the adult that lied and the 6 year old took the fall for it. Adults should be able to conduct themselves a little better than a 6 year old.

 

[princessmom29]

There is a difference IF the teacher that does not like the child is able to act like an adult and keep her likes and dislikes to herself. When she starts showing her dislike in a way that makes the child feel bad about himself/herself then that has become abuse.

I worked with children for about 15 years, 3 years as a teacher's assistant and 12 in child care. Of course you have some children that you just don't like as much as others for all kinds of reasons. But you NEVER let the child know it. EVER. This teacher and para have obviously let this child know that he is not liked. Whether someone actually determines it is abuse is beside the point, the point is the affect it is having on this child.

Incidently, if we were having this same conversation about giving people meds to deal with their problems, I would 100% agree with you. I firmly believe that meds are given to freely, but I personally think that most people would be helped by talking to a therapist from time to time.

this is almost impossible to do. I taught preschool while working on my degree, and kids are much more peceptive than most give them credit for. They know, wether you want them to or not. And believe it or not, we as teachers are human and do let our feelings show occasionally,even when we are tying hard not to. Kids pick up on it. Once they have picked up on it, they can read everything that happens as being a result of not being "liked" and make much more out of a situation than it really is. In the OP's case the para has admitted to lying about a child, which is completely unacceptable, but as far as the classroom teacher goes, it seems that she is largely taking the child's word as truth. I know for experience that, especially at their age, the truth is usually somewhere in the middle of what the child sees, and what the teacher sees herself as donig, no matter how good the teacher or how much effort she makes to remain neutral and fair.

 

[princessmom29]

I think the point of her post is that it can and does happen to adults who work with children as well. I recently had a parent conference during which the parent told me that her child told her a different version of a story about his problem with another child in class. I repeated what had happened because I was there and witnessed the event. She went on to insinuate that she believed her child, in essence, calling me a liar. Of course, we were at an impasse, because, as I said, I witnessed the event, so I know exactly what happened. Maybe these sort of stories will help some of you understand where we teachers are coming from. I can assure you though that I would never treat this student any differently than the other students. In fact, at his age, I probably would have done the same thing. It really isn't the student I have a problem with. For him, the situation is over and done with. I actually think he was sort of embarrassed that his mom was making a stink about it.

Yea, the worst i ever had was a 16 year old that called me a name I cannot repeat in front of a room full of children because I refused to let he vist her locker during class. He mother spent the better part of half an hour trying to convinvce me that her little darling said no such thing.

Was I standing right next to her? No, them how did I know she said it and not another child?

Because she was screaming at the top of her lungs.

Are you SURE that is what she said? Mabye you misheard her?

literally everthing in the world came out of her mouth to try to get her child out of her 3rd suspension that year, but NEVER I'm sorry she was so disrespectful to you. I ended up passing her offto an assistant principal to deal with, and he was with her another hour! The child WAS suspended in the emd.

 

[kappy]

this is almost impossible to do. I taught preschool while working on my degree, and kids are much more peceptive than most give them credit for. They know, wether you want them to or not. And believe it or not, we as teachers are human and do let our feelings show occasionally,even when we are tying hard not to. Kids pick up on it. Once they have picked up on it, they can read everything that happens as being a result of not being "liked" and make much more out of a situation than it really is. In the OP's case the para has admitted to lying about a child, which is completely unacceptable, but as far as the classroom teacher goes, it seems that she is largely taking the child's word as truth. I know for experience that, especially at their age, the truth is usually somewhere in the middle of what the child sees, and what the teacher sees herself as donig, no matter how good the teacher or how much effort she makes to remain neutral and fair.

Actually, this is not the case at all. She called me twice and my DH once through this event and told both of us that she believed what the para was telling her because she had worked with her for a long time and that she had NO reason to be lying about it. She said she had absolutely no reason to not believe the para's story. She said that kids make up stories to get out of trouble and she believed that is what my son was doing. Now she has egg on her face.

 

[luvsJack]

this is almost impossible to do. I taught preschool while working on my degree, and kids are much more peceptive than most give them credit for. They know, wether you want them to or not. And believe it or not, we as teachers are human and do let our feelings show occasionally,even when we are tying hard not to. Kids pick up on it. Once they have picked up on it, they can read everything that happens as being a result of not being "liked" and make much more out of a situation than it really is. In the OP's case the para has admitted to lying about a child, which is completely unacceptable, but as far as the classroom teacher goes, it seems that she is largely taking the child's word as truth. I know for experience that, especially at their age, the truth is usually somewhere in the middle of what the child sees, and what the teacher sees herself as donig, no matter how good the teacher or how much effort she makes to remain neutral and fair.

After 16 years, I still still see one of my "least" favorite kids just about weekly. And weekly I get a hug and a how are you Ms XXX? And sometimes a few memories from his time in my class or coming after school. Especially around the holidays when we will talk about the things we did for Christmas. It is not easy to not show it but it can be done. I will be a classroom teacher in two years and I will do the same thing I did for those 16 years. You don't treat one child different from another. You just don't. Of course teachers are human which is why they have those likes and dislikes in the first place, but that doesn't mean it has to show. You act like a professional and a adult. Heck I have to do the same thing with the college students I work with now. The come in the office and some of them can be quite the pain in the neck, but you smile and say "what can I do for you"? If they ask a dumb question, you don't laugh or even smile bigger, you just answer. And you treat them all the same.

This child did not change the story, the para ADMITTED she lied. So there is no truth somewhere in the middle, the child told the truth.

I have a great appreciation for teachers and the job they do. I have worked in education of some sort for many years. I am going to school now to be a teacher. I worked with children and thier parents and all the complaints and appreciation that goes with it for many years. And I still know that there are teachers that will mistreat a child because they do not like that child. They just will. And teachers, just like anyone else from any other profession, will screw up now and again.

Parents should always go with the knowledge that their child may be bending the truth or telling an outright lie, but that doesn't mean they should always believe every teacher over their child every time. There is not one thing wrong with questioning something and finding out the truth of the matter. The children are still children of these parents, they do not belong to their teachers. Parents have a right to know what is going on with their child. You can't just send home a note saying this child will be facing "major consequences" and not expect a parent to find out what is going on. (personally, I think "major consquences" over saying the word "kill" not matter what the context is just silly, but, whatever). I just don't abide by the "let it go" attitude everytime, and I will tell my parents that myself when I start teaching. Just as I did with preschoolers, I will always welcome any parent that wants to know what is going on in the classroom with their child or why their child got into trouble. And a meeting with parent, child and teacher goes a long way in making sure the truth is told by both parties.

 

[twinmomplus2new]

Yes, I read the update and yes I totally agree that in THAT case it was wrong on the adults part. And for the record EVERY single day I see the exact scenario presented by your Principal happen.
Paras are humans and do tend to get attached to thier charges and not all but, some tilt things to the advantage of thier child, IT DOES HAPPEN every day.
Is it wrong? TOTALLY! But, it's human nature and does happen.
EXAMPLe child with a PARA kicked another, Child kicked insisted it was purposeful. Child w/para denied, wrote it up as an accident, Parent of kicked child went nuts wrote letters, had meetings. Nope sorry Para said it was an accident. Well guess what child has kicked twice more. Still think kick one was an accident? AHH no. but yet it remains that way on paper.

That said.... to the original poster..YOUR child needs to be moved. PERIOD end of story. It is a public school correct? You need to go into the no child left behind act in it's entirety. It was written to benefit the needs to the special needs students but, blankets all children. there is a specific passage. I can't recall the page. But it was either page 26 or paragraph 26. That addresses the parental input on the specifics of moving a child in or out of a classroom. IF the parent feels that setting is a detriment to that child.

You need to get the info, (available online.) Go to the Superintendents office. Calm and collected present your information about your rights. If you feel the Principal violated privacy laws and don't mind setting off that bomb. Thats called a FERPA violation. A 10,000 dollar fine for each offense.

The point of my post was simply to Illustrate that When dealing with school staff who deal with backlash like I did yesterday that was false. The reception might not be to instantly lynch the staff member. Because some people stir up so much foolishness for no reason that, The Staff can become immune to ACTUAL valid complaints. Ya know kinda like here we go again..False accusations happen alot more often than people think.

My tone to you was NEVER anything other than being on your side. Good luck to you.

 

[palavra]

Actually, this is not the case at all. She called me twice and my DH once through this event and told both of us that she believed what the para was telling her because she had worked with her for a long time and that she had NO reason to be lying about it. She said she had absolutely no reason to not believe the para's story. She said that kids make up stories to get out of trouble and she believed that is what my son was doing. Now she has egg on her face.

But you put the classroom teacher in an impossible situation. She wasn't there and didn't observe what happened. And, as a professional, she certainly is not at liberty to tell you that she thinks the para is lying, even if that is what she thinks. And, for the most part, she is right that kids do tend to make up stories to get out of trouble. Kids also perceive reality differetly at that age because the line between reality/fantasy is still being formed in their brains. One of the teacher assitants at my school was fired because she spread a rumor to a few parents about one of the other teachers that was down the hall from her classroom. The rumor proved to be unfounded and could have done irreparable damage to the teacher in question if the parents had demanded that something be done. It was a parent complaint that got the situation out in the open in the first place.

 

[Liberty Belle]

This is exactly how I feel. DS is seeing a couselor for anxiety and low self esteem. The self-esteem issues increased 110% since he started school this year BECAUSE of what is going on in class. The therapist is helping him with his anxiety and trying to get him to find his voice because he does not stick up for himself. He is trying to teach my son it is OK to make mistakes and that he is a great kid. But everyday he goes into class and feels like it is NOT OK to make mistakes.

He has come home from school telling me that everyone gets three warnings before they have to move their name to yellow, but he never gets a warning at all, she just tells him to move his clip. And there have been times where he says this other child did it and then he did it but he is the only one that got into trouble. He gets in trouble for the most absurd things. He brought a note home saying he got a yellow light for picking up a pen. I called the teacher and asked her if she could give me more information because there had to be more to the story than him picking up a pen. She told me that he picked up a pen that he was not invited to pick up. WHAT? What the heck does that even mean and why on earth would you give a child a yellow light for that? Tell him to put it down and move on. But now you made him get up in front of the class and move his name to yellow and there goes the self-esteem once again. And once again he feels like it is not ok to make a mistake.

So it is little things like this that I always worried about but just told my son to do his best and try and stay away from this other child. But now, after all this with the para, I feel like he is in a class where nobody has his back. I worry that he is not being treated fairly or if he is OK. He is so hard on himeself as it is. To accuse him, yell at him and tell him there will be major consequences if he does it again without even asking him what happened...it just seems hostile to me. He did not even do what he was getting yelled at for! He will always be wrong, no matter what. That is very clear. And I don't feel that is a safe place for a 6 year old to be. He has to worry about all this crap going on in class AND learn? That is a lot to put on a kid.

From what I've read I don't have a very favorable opinion of this teacher. I have worked with many teachers as a para. A few were excellent, most were ok, and a couple were bad. Just like in any profession.

Was the pen on the teacher's desk? Had the class just been told to not touch anything? Things that seem so trivial at home can really make a difference in a classroom full of children. I even forget that when dealing with my children's teachers. It's just so different than what most parents think, if they've not spent a lot of time in classrooms as an adult.

Have you talked with the principal about getting your son's teacher changed? My oldest did have one teacher I wish I would have removed him from. I know of at least three parents who did remove their children from her room. She really had a negative effect on my son's views of school. So if you think this is impacting him that much, I'd go ahead and request it right away.

 

[princessmom29]

Actually, this is not the case at all. She called me twice and my DH once through this event and told both of us that she believed what the para was telling her because she had worked with her for a long time and that she had NO reason to be lying about it. She said she had absolutely no reason to not believe the para's story. She said that kids make up stories to get out of trouble and she believed that is what my son was doing. Now she has egg on her face.

no, I am saying that you seem to be taking your child's word as absolute truth about everything that goes on with the clasroom teacher. Your child MIGHT have a skewed perspactive on things becuase he knows this teacher "doesn't like him". Mabye not, but it is possible that what he is seeing as a slight is really not, and she is not being as unfair as he says she is. The truth is likely somewhere between her version iand his. I don't see how she has "egg on her face" SHE didn't do anything wrong here. She trusted an adult she knew, and had no reason to believe would ie, to tell the truth. Obviously that trust was misplaced, but o dn't get how thati s the teacher's fault. I would have believed the adult over the child until I had evidence to the ocntrary.

 

[powellrj]

OP, I am not sure where you live, but if you live in Indiana, your child can take his $6,800 and enroll in any school that will take him.

Our school system is so bad that over 1,000 parents did that this year. The new problem is all the surrounding schools are now full because of all the transfer students.

While I would love to believe these things don't happen, I have seen them happen too many times. I hope everything works out for you.