Cannot believe this is happening. Teacher lied about my son.

[Jellical Cat]

I am in the 'put it behind you camp'. I can't help thinking however that the children and the OP wouldn't be where they are if whatever was said was just handled at the moment; shuffling the children in line so they weren't together, and an admonishment that "we don't talk like that". Not a threat of "serious consequences". The word "kill" while never appropriate or nice,was not a cause for dismissal unless it was delivered in the form of a serious threat.

 

[OceanAnnie]

This is ongoing, not one incident.

The other child has a supervising adult assigned to him, that is constantly in his corner. If the child she is supervising is not acting appropriately, then it looks bad on "her", because she didn't prevent it or intervene in a timely manner. That automatically puts the OP's son in a bad position.

So she blames the other child (OP's son). Not saying that is the way it is, but it's in the realm of possibility. People do things to keep their job. Maybe that's why she was less than truthful about where she was when the altercation took place. She has a vested interest in the person she is in charge of.

 

[Magpie]

See this is the problem. This IS my child. Ever since the beginning of the year he has been depressed saying things about never being born and dying. Being a bad kid. Feeling like the teacher is picking on him. We placed him in therapy immediately and it does help. But then every day, he walks into that same enviroment and feels terrible. It is like 1 step forward and 2 steps back, almost every day.

We did the notebook thing and I noticed the exact same thing that you did, she never says anything nice about him. Or if she does, it is followed by a "but he did this wrong".

This is not me jumping all over the school over one instance. This is the straw that broke the camels back after countless meetings with the teacher about my son and how he feels picked on.

In that case, get your child out of that classroom ASAP.

You don't have to be confrontational about it - just insistent. We didn't say a bad word about my daughter's 3rd grade teacher to the principal, to my daughter, or to anyone else. We simply said, "There's a clear personality conflict here, and sometimes two people just shouldn't be forced to be in the same room all day with each other."

When the school could not provide a suitable placement for my daughter (they offered to put her on a bus for an hour and a half to go to a class on the other side of town), we pulled her out of school.

It's easy to keep up with the academic side of things when they're small, so we weren't worried about her "falling behind". And life's too short to be miserable every day.

We told her, "You'll be happier, and your teacher will be happier. It's a win-win all around." She homeschooled for a year and a half, then reentered the system, and hasn't had a problem since.

When you don't like your work environment, you find yourself a new employer.

 

[msjprincess]

Do you happen to have knowledge that it was a job related conversation or that it was of the utmost importance that she have that conversation at that particular moment?
.

I never said anything like that. You were the one who said you knew she was socializing because she was talking to another adult. Do you happen to have knowledge that it was not a job related conversation?

 

[luvsJack]

I never said anything like that. You were the one who said you knew she was socializing because she was talking to another adult. Do you happen to have knowledge that it was not a job related conversation?

did you read the last half of my comment?

I was not trying to debate the issue but if her job was to be with this student during lunch and she was talking to someone about anything OTHER than an all out emergency, then regardless of the topic it should be considered the same as socializing. She should have been with the child she was hired to be with. Period.

 

[dogluva]

This matter would've been over 1 minute after I read the note. In your situation now, I'd tell my ds I believe him, and that would be the end. My kids have gotten in trouble for things they haven't done, but it's never been anything serious.

I agree. She is in for a long haul if she continues complaining over minor issues like this.

 

[dogluva]

She doesn't have to stand next to him every second. If they were in line then he didn't need her assistance at that moment. But regardless, what I meant is why would she lie about your son?

We have one on one paras where I work. However, they are told not to hover over the student. They are there to really help all students as well as the one they are assigned to. They check in but don't make it obvious that they are just there for that one child.

 

[luvsJack]

We have one on one paras where I work. However, they are told not to hover over the student. They are there to really help all students as well as the one they are assigned to. They check in but don't make it obvious that they are just there for that one child.

and, I don't think it would have been a problem to the OP had she not lied about where she was.

 

[dogluva]

We have tried to talk to her, twice. The teacher just keeps telling me that she will talk with her about it. So she is the one putting herself in the middle.

I had requested that they be kept seperate about a month ago when it seemed that this kid was doing things and the others were getting into trouble for it. The teacher said that she could "try". When it was brought up to the princial on Monday he said it would not be a good idea since they seem to like each other so much. So what? I don't know if this kid does not have a lot of friends so they think it would be bad for him? I don't know. But neither one liked the idea.

While I do think you are making a mountain out of a molehill (sorry, my opinion), you may want to encourage you son to hang out with other boys along with this boy. My son became friends with a boy in Kindergarten. He has aspergers. He became almost this boy's guardian because the teachers paired him up with my son, had him sit next my son, etc. The other kids had less tolerance for his behavioral outbursts so they just had my son deal with im ALL the time. To the point where he was pulled out of classes, recess, lunch to "take care" of him when he was having a meltdown. This became very stressful for my boy and I finally had it stopped this year. My son started to feel responsible for him and this is not fair to a ten year old boy. I didn't discourage the frienship but told the staff that he was not there to take care of this boy and they would have to deal with the outburst on their own. I don't know if this is the case with your son but just beware.

 

[surfgirl]

OP, have you spoken with the other child's parents? Not in an accusing..your son is a bully...kind of way...just a word in their ear about the lack of supervision their son seems to be receiving from the so-called aide. If that was my child I would be in there asking for a review at the least!

I would NOT do this - it would appear that you are trying to make it all about another kid. I think you will be heading down the wrong path if that happens. I know in our school, if there is a conflict with another child, they recommend that you talk to the teachers or administration and by getting another parent involved, you create hard feelings. Adults have long memories while children get over things.
--------------------

You've gotten some great advice. First of all, make that list. Write down, if you can, by day, what has happened to your son and any punishment /consequences. Are all the acting out episodes around this other child ? Don't make that a focus, but be prepared for it in the back of your mind.

Do you have any emails from the teacher referencing any of this ? Anything written in a progress report/report card ? Bring them with you. I would also bring last year's report cards or progress reports showing the good behavior and how this year is clearly an outlier.

Have your goals written clearly. Don't make it about the other child - it is about your son, his behavior and actions and results. You CAN say, "Sometimes he doesn't make good choices when he's with other children in this class." The principal will know exactly what you are saying without you pointing fingers. You CAN say, "my son has heard that he will be punished for the exact same behavior that other children in the class are not punished for. I don't know or want to know any other children's details, but I am concerned about the example this is setting. I realize life isn't fair, but it is difficult for a 6/7 yo to understand this concept."

Focus on "this isn't a good fit". If you can make it through December, January would be a great time for a classroom switch. But be ready to fight for that - the administration doesn't want to do it, they don't want other parents to think it is a possibility.

We don't know all the backstory, but it sounds like you've got some issues. I would drop the specific "the para lied" thing. You won't win it, they'll just re-circle the wagons and you'll be painted as a troublemaker. Instead, if you really believe there are bigger issues and this classroom truly is not good for your son (try to look past the personality differences), focus on a positive experience for your son.

good luck. please update us about the meeting.

 

[mhsjax]

I agree. She is in for a long haul if she continues complaining over minor issues like this.

So you think it is ok that the para lied. Wow, I thought we taught our kids not to lie, oh but this is a teacher, so I guess it is ok. For me this is would only be about the para not telling the truth, I can't even begin to imagine how so many of you think this is ok. It isn't about weather or not she was supposed to be with him all the time, this is about her lying. Even her student said she wasn't there.

So I guess next time your child lies, and they will, just tell them it is a minor issue, no worries. You don't want to be in it for the long haul.

 

[surfgirl]

We have one on one paras where I work. However, they are told not to hover over the student. They are there to really help all students as well as the one they are assigned to. They check in but don't make it obvious that they are just there for that one child.

If the admistration knew that,I bet they would be unhappy. Most para's are not in the classroom as "general aides". They are there because a child in that class has a specific need for a 1:1. I know many para's will help out other children and the teacher in a classroom, but the budget is for a specific child.

In this day and age of tough school budgets, "aides" are being cut. And all the 1:1's are being evaluated annually - as the child matures and ages, they may not be needed - or they may switch to a "shared" para.

They may or may not make it obvious they are there for one child, but that is typically their job description and what pays their salary.

 

[penn19]

So you think it is ok that the para lied. Wow, I thought we taught our kids not to lie, oh but this is a teacher, so I guess it is ok. For me this is would only be about the para not telling the truth, I can't even begin to imagine how so many of you think this is ok. It isn't about weather or not she was supposed to be with him all the time, this is about her lying. Even her student said she wasn't there.

So I guess next time your child lies, and they will, just tell them it is a minor issue, no worries. You don't want to be in it for the long haul.

This. Please don't anyone think that a teacher would be above lying. CYA and all that. It happens.

 

[kappy]

Can you clarify something? You said both boys agree that she was across the room. But did the other boy also agree your son was telling the truth about his arm being twisted, or does the boy agree with the teacher on that, that he was being egged on by your son.

Because it just seems like all 3 stories are different.

Your son says teacher was across the room and other boy twisted his arm.

The other boy says teacher was across the room and your son as egging him on with that word.

Teacher says she was right there and your son was egging him on with that word.

Frankly I don't see how it will ever be sorted out.

I'm with the camp that says move along.

The other boy only said that my son said kill(which he did, admited t and apologized for), the teacher was not there and he did not twist my sons arm. He never specifically said that my son was trying to get HIM to say kill, just that he said the word. It is sad that my 6 year old owned up to his mistake but the adult is lying about hers.

and, I don't think it would have been a problem to the OP had she not lied about where she was.

Exactly. The ONLY reason this is an issue is because she lied. Several times. The reason I even called the teacher in the first place was to let her know what my son said, and ask once again to try and keep the boys seperate as my son seems to only get into trouble with this other child is around. It was an innocent phone call requesting only to keep the boys seperate, nothing else. It was the teacher that then called me back and told me that the para said my son was lying and it did not happen that way at all. THAT is what started this whole thing. I never asked the teacher to even do anything about the alleged arm twisting or ask the para about it. SHE did that on her own, and the para lied. Otherwise this would have been dropped the day it happened.

So you think it is ok that the para lied. Wow, I thought we taught our kids not to lie, oh but this is a teacher, so I guess it is ok. For me this is would only be about the para not telling the truth, I can't even begin to imagine how so many of you think this is ok. It isn't about weather or not she was supposed to be with him all the time, this is about her lying. Even her student said she wasn't there.

So I guess next time your child lies, and they will, just tell them it is a minor issue, no worries. You don't want to be in it for the long haul.

And that is what it is for me. The para lied and it makes me uneasy having my son in that class with her. Who knows how many of the times he has gotten into trouble this year had nothing to do with him but he got blamed for them?

 

[pilotwife_02]

The reason why I don't think it's a minor issue is IF the para lied then her son got in trouble and has a strike against him when he shouldn't. They said if it happens again there will be serious consequences. So if one mistake happened who is to say another one and he won't face these serious consequences through no fault of his own.

I'm not saying the para definitely lied I'm just saying that the threat of more serious action (and in this day schools don't take lightly to punishing for words or actions they deem inappropriate) warrants the OP to get to the bottom of it and make sure her son was rightfully accused.

We've all heard the crazy stories of kids getting expelled for bringing play swords to show show and tell, or getting in trouble for "inappropriately" hugging another student. Unfortunately in these times there are zero tolerance policies and as parents we need to make sure our kids are getting fairly accused of something that happened.

It sounds like there are some holes in the story and before my child has this "mark" on his permanent record, I'd want to make sure to get to the bottom of it as well.

 

[Hannathy]

So you think it is ok that the para lied. Wow, I thought we taught our kids not to lie, oh but this is a teacher, so I guess it is ok. For me this is would only be about the para not telling the truth, I can't even begin to imagine how so many of you think this is ok. It isn't about weather or not she was supposed to be with him all the time, this is about her lying. Even her student said she wasn't there.

So I guess next time your child lies, and they will, just tell them it is a minor issue, no worries. You don't want to be in it for the long haul.

I so agree with you! I just can't get over they responses that it is OK for a staff member to outright lie. But heaven forbid the outcry if some CM tells them the wrong info! they should be drawn and quartered.

I'm also concerned that this other child was hurting the OP's child and THAT wasn't dealt with! Did anyone check his arm? did anyone document if there were any marks or redness? Did the teacher write a note to the Mother telling her her child was hurt by another student?

 

[OceanAnnie]

The reason why I don't think it's a minor issue is IF the para lied then her son got in trouble and has a strike against him when he shouldn't. They said if it happens again there will be serious consequences. So if one mistake happened who is to say another one and he won't face these serious consequences through no fault of his own.

I'm not saying the para definitely lied I'm just saying that the threat of more serious action (and in this day schools don't take lightly to punishing for words or actions they deem inappropriate) warrants the OP to get to the bottom of it and make sure her son was rightfully accused.

We've all heard the crazy stories of kids getting expelled for bringing play swords to show show and tell, or getting in trouble for "inappropriately" hugging another student. Unfortunately in these times there are zero tolerance policies and as parents we need to make sure our kids are getting fairly accused of something that happened.

It sounds like there are some holes in the story and before my child has this "mark" on his permanent record, I'd want to make sure to get to the bottom of it as well.

That would be on my list of goals. I would want the "marks" removed. Sketchy at best and shouldn't stand.

 

[OceanAnnie]

I so agree with you! I just can't get over they responses that it is OK for a staff member to outright lie. But heaven forbid the outcry if some CM tells them the wrong info! they should be drawn and quartered.

I'm also concerned that this other child was hurting the OP's child and THAT wasn't dealt with! Did anyone check his arm? did anyone document if there were any marks or redness? Did the teacher write a note to the Mother telling her her child was hurt by another student?

Another great point. I'd have that on my list of concerns. What is the protocol for a student harming another? I'd stress that I want it followed and to be notified if something like this happens again. That is what the para is there for to keep this sort of thing from happening. The OP's son is being penalized because she wasn't.

 

[kappy]

I so agree with you! I just can't get over they responses that it is OK for a staff member to outright lie. But heaven forbid the outcry if some CM tells them the wrong info! they should be drawn and quartered.

I'm also concerned that this other child was hurting the OP's child and THAT wasn't dealt with! Did anyone check his arm? did anyone document if there were any marks or redness? Did the teacher write a note to the Mother telling her her child was hurt by another student?

As far as I know, it was not addressed. The reason? Because the other boy said he did not do it and the para said she was standing right there and it never happened(even though that has now been disproven). So they assume that my son is the one that is lying and pretty much told me that although not in those words.

It just makes me so angry that my son was the one that took the fall for everything. He was never asked what happened by ANYONE until I requested it. They talked to the para, talked to the boy and then called me and told me my son was the one lying.

 

[mjkacmom]

don't take lightly to punishing for words or actions they deem inappropriate) warrants the OP to get to the bottom of it and make sure her son was rightfully accused.
/QUOTE]

The OP will never get to the bottom of this - the para says one thing, the boys say another. It will never go any farther than this. They are not going to bring in a lie detector professional - it's not like the para is being accused of child molestation. There is absolutely no good that will come from taking further action.

The teacher shouldn't have called the OP back after speaking to the para - I'm guessing, since the principal was brought in on such a little matter, there has been some history with the OP and the school.