Cannot believe this is happening. Teacher lied about my son.

[laurie31]

Wow.

If he were my child, he would be pulled immediately.

So the para admitted that she LIED, she disciplined your son for something that NEVER HAPPENED (and that would bother me, even now. It's horrible to be accused of something you didn't do, and to be a little 6 year old and get yelled at and a note sent home for something you didn't do is heartbreaking!), and the principal sees NOTHING WRONG with how your DS has been treated all year?

It sounds like you have other options. It's time to take one of them.

 

[mjkacmom]

I think it's great she came clean, but don't assume she won't be disciplined - adminitrators are never going to let the parents know the conscequences of a teacher OR student. They don't change classes here either, for anything. We had a second grade teacher under investigation after she screamed at a second grader, and violently dumped his desk. He was never moved, and the teacher is still there, 8 years later.

You might want to look into private school? I guess I'm lucky that I haven't had teacher issues, and all of my kids have loved school, and their teachers.

 

[wishspirit]

Well, back from the meeting with some answers that everyone is wondering.

The principal finally admitted that the para came clean and said #1. she was not standing by the boys and #2. She did not hear my son say anything. What she finally said happened was she was across the room, something happened with the boys, her student ran over to him and told her that my son was telling him to say the word kill and she went over and reprmanded him without asking him what was going on. So SHE LIED! There ya go. When we questioned what was going to be done about it? The principal said "people make mistakes" and refused to talk about it anymore. He also made an excuse that para's who are assigned children tend to become very close to them and really become their advocate, much like a mother hen. What? I AM this other child's mother and your sitting there telling me it is OK that this person lied because she is his advocate? Seriously?

So then we talked about my sons year and how it has been going. How he feels picked on and about having to go into therapy. We politely requested that he be moved to a different class. His reponse? "absolutely not, in my 35 years I have only moved 1 student and I don't feel there is any reason to move him". We tried to explain again why we wanted him moved and he talked over us. I told him that his therpist thinks that he would do better in a more supportive enviroment and he said "the therapist is not here and has no idea what goes on in the class". I sat there just looking at him. I could not believe that it was going this way.

It was very clear that this man had no intention of hearing anything we had to say, so we just stopped talking.

In the end, I think we are pulling him and finding him a new school. I don't feel right in my gut sending him to this school anymore if this is the kind of stuff that goes on.

Oh, and 1 more thing. The reason this child has a para is because he has the tendency to wander away. That is why she is assigned to him and to help him with his lunch getting him to where he needs to be. I have no idea if the principal was supposed to tell me that or not, but he did, and I did not ask him to.

He was very open lipped about a lot of things about students that frankly made me uncomfortable.

So another questions is, if she is there to make sure he does not wander off, why was she not with him?

I think you are completely in the right to pull your child here. Not just because the para lied, as that is comparatively small fry to what you said the headteacher disclosed to you! I am a para, and if I thought my head was being so callous or thoughtless, I would be mortified!

Go with your gut, and my gut would be worried right about now!

I hope you can sort this situation out to a good conclusion and what is best for your son.
All the best!

 

[Brit17]

Well, back from the meeting with some answers that everyone is wondering.

The principal finally admitted that the para came clean and said #1. she was not standing by the boys and #2. She did not hear my son say anything. What she finally said happened was she was across the room, something happened with the boys, her student ran over to him and told her that my son was telling him to say the word kill and she went over and reprmanded him without asking him what was going on. So SHE LIED! There ya go. When we questioned what was going to be done about it? The principal said "people make mistakes" and refused to talk about it anymore. He also made an excuse that para's who are assigned children tend to become very close to them and really become their advocate, much like a mother hen. What? I AM this other child's mother and your sitting there telling me it is OK that this person lied because she is his advocate? Seriously?

So then we talked about my sons year and how it has been going. How he feels picked on and about having to go into therapy. We politely requested that he be moved to a different class. His reponse? "absolutely not, in my 35 years I have only moved 1 student and I don't feel there is any reason to move him". We tried to explain again why we wanted him moved and he talked over us. I told him that his therpist thinks that he would do better in a more supportive enviroment and he said "the therapist is not here and has no idea what goes on in the class". I sat there just looking at him. I could not believe that it was going this way.

It was very clear that this man had no intention of hearing anything we had to say, so we just stopped talking.

In the end, I think we are pulling him and finding him a new school. I don't feel right in my gut sending him to this school anymore if this is the kind of stuff that goes on.

Even if you decide to transfer your son to a new school, I would still make an appointment with the Superintendent and make him aware of the entire situation ... IMO, I think the Principal handled this very poorly and maybe it's time for him to retire ... maybe the Superintendent will be able to help and address your concerns and needs better ...

 

[kappy]

Wow.

If he were my child, he would be pulled immediately.

So the para admitted that she LIED, she disciplined your son for something that NEVER HAPPENED (and that would bother me, even now. It's horrible to be accused of something you didn't do, and to be a little 6 year old and get yelled at and a note sent home for something you didn't do is heartbreaking!), and the principal sees NOTHING WRONG with how your DS has been treated all year?

It sounds like you have other options. It's time to take one of them.

Thankfully we are leaving on Friday for a week so we can think about this without my son having to be in school.

I just could not believe I was sitting in that room hearing these things. It was all so surreal and it maked me sick to my stomach.

 

[Wishing on a star]

Wow, this just goes from bad to worse...

1. A professional who LIES to incriminate another child, because she feels she wants to protect 'her' student.
2. A teacher who refuses to separate the two kids and try to remediate the situation.
3. A principal who supports and defends a staff member who has been caught red-handed in a bold faced lie.
4. A principal who willingly and illegally discusses personal information about another child - especially one who is protected due to disability and Federal IDEA law.

I can't say that I am surprised....
I've been-there-done-that, personal experience.
Many times.

My son no longer attends these public schools here.

OP, you have always had my support in this situation.
Now you have my thoughts and well wishes as you look at other options for your child's education.

I am sending , and also at the same time!

 

[kappy]

Even if you decide to transfer your son to a new school, I would still make an appointment with the Superintendent and make him aware of the entire situation ... IMO, I think the Principal handled this very poorly and maybe it's time for him to retire ...

Funny enough, he lives in my neighborhood and I could just walk to his house if I wanted to. A good friend of mine walks with his wife everyday.

I do plan on getting him involved if we do pull him. No doubt about that. His behavior was unacceptable.

 

[emdav]

This exactly she is being paid to do 1:1 with this child. she should be within arms reach at all times to keep him from hurting someone or else he doesn't need 1:1 and the taxpayers can save a ton of money! He either does or he doesn't there is no in between.

You have absolutely no idea what the purpose of the 1:1 aide is for this particular child. It could be that the use of a 1:1 is being faded. You can't fade an aide without giving a child room. We don't know if the aide should be in arm's reach or across the room. We don't have that information, nor should we.

 

[kappy]

You have absolutely no idea what the purpose of the 1:1 aide is for this particular child. It could be that the use of a 1:1 is being faded. You can't fade an aide without giving a child room. We don't know if the aide should be in arm's reach or across the room. We don't have that information, nor should we.

Ummm we actually do now. She is supposed to make sure he does not wander away.

 

[emdav]

Ummm we actually do now. She is supposed to make sure he does not wander away.

I hadn't read the whole thread. I can't believe the information would be disclosed. I think you need to go with your gut and do what's best for your kid. Your school is obviously lacking on professionalism. The lack of privacy is appalling.

 

[kappy]

I hadn't read the whole thread. I can't believe the information would be disclosed. I think you need to go with your gut and do what's best for your kid. Your school is obviously lacking on professionalism. The lack of privacy is appalling.

I had no idea it was illegal, at all. And I never asked for the info, he freely gave it out. I agree that there is a lack of professionalism here.

 

[rodeo65]

Hmmm.... I haven't even read the responses, as I can imagine what half of them say.

I'll just tell you my little ounce of wisdom. I was an honor roll child, taking excelled classes. Had some ridiculous IQ (I haven't taken a test in years, I'm sure it's dropped. ) I really loved school. I had a lot of fun, and just gobbled up whatever they threw at me. I *loved* it. Then I got into Mrs. Bratek's 5th grade class.

I hated her. I hated school. I dreaded waking in the morning. I played sick a LOT to avoid that wretched woman. She was horribly mean, and vile - and singled me out, constantly. I cried in the bathroom's at school more times than I can count. She yelled at me at recess once, I went behind the swings and was crying so hard, I peed in my pants (just what every 10 y/o child needs, right?) So... being the smart cookie I actually was , I fell into a big sloppy melting snow bank. *Phew* Issue resolved. Along with getting picked up, as it was afternoon recess and my mom took me home. Score!

That woman was SO mean to me. I was a kid! A child!!! 10 years old for cripes sake! OMG I get chills thinking of the way she would glare at me. It was awful.

Long story not so short.... I hated school from that point on. My grades sucked, from that point on. They were even gonna hold me back in 7th grade, but my mom talked them out of it. In 2 years, I went from excelled classes, to being held back? No one thought "Gee, this is odd?", other than my mom?

(Trying to sum this up) That disgusting woman spoiled school for me. It was never the same, and I dropped out the DAY I turned 16.

I'm on you and your child's side. Just because they're teachers, doesn't mean they don't or won't do or say things, they should not.

So sorry to hear about that happening to you CatherynRose, DS was heading down a similar path. My dad also had a teacher who ruined school for him when he was in grade 3. It took him quitting at 16 and working for a year to realize he could be a good student and he wanted to go back and get his diploma. DS has been to four different schools before finally finding one who can teach the way he needs to learn. At the second one, though, they nearly destroyed any hope of him enjoying school. He wore a uniform to that school and by Christmas time had chewed the end of his tie to frayed little bits and was starting on his collar, I couldn't get him up in the mornings, he was "sick" often, too. Always some unidentifiable stomach thing.

I never knew what was happening. After moving him the next year he told us that he was singled out as the "bad kid" - the teacher called him rubbish - a term we do not use, but his British administrator would. He was in the principal's office daily (confirmed by a couple of teachers after we left and they left, too). It turns out he has ADHD, which we found out after moving to the third school. He also has a learning disability which was not being addressed. The third school helped us get him diagnosed and put an ILP in place but then did not follow through with implementing it correctly. We finally moved him this year to a school who specializes in kids like him and it is like night and day!! He does homework without asking, gets up and ready in the morning before me, LIKES school again and has friends there that don't judge.

You know in your heart if there is something "off", kappy. In hindsight all the signs were there in our case but we missed them (well actually, I missed them, DH had concerns but DS didn't tell us about what was happening until we moved him.) If you have other reasons you are thinking about moving your son, then listen to those little pings from your gut and get that ball rolling. He'll probably thank you after the fact and you'll hear more that confirms your decision.

 

[floridasunshiney]

This thread could go on forever, round and round in circles, so many differences of opinions. I am a great believer in gut instinct, if something doesn't feel right, it generally isn't. Just remind me NEVER to post anything other than general WDW related questions on here, because if I was the OP of this thread I would feel quite upset and shocked from some of the replies.

 

[Hannathy]

You know I have been on your side the whole time and I do believe you will have to find a new school BUT do not let this drop until you have gone over this man's head. It is time to involve his boss. So what if he never moved a child that doesn't make him right! and there is always a first for everything. If he has never moved a child in 35 yrs he is admitting to being hardheaded and not willing to make needed changes because it does need to be done at times.

Give your baby a hug and also give yourself a hug and know you did what you could to stick up for your son, and he will remember this.

Tonight get on your school districts website and see where you go next with a dispute after the principal and call and schedule an appointment for after your vacation. This school needs to be put on notice before this aid decides to take it out on another little person to cover her butt and the principal refuses to make the kind of decisions he is being paid to make.

 

[surfgirl]

wow. just wow.

For this to be admitted to you means that the principal took it seriously. That is the one positive.

I would not use your friendship by 2 degrees (or whatever) in this situation. If it were me, I would march into the Superintendent's office TOMORROW! If you have other kids, plan for a babysitter, take a book, and be prepared to sit outside his office until he will see you. You can wait for him to get off the phone, etc. If you call and make a meeting, he will find out what's up and the wagons will circle. Don't let that happen - at this point, surprise is on your side.

I would list, in writing, the details of everything you've posted. Don't get focused on the lying thing (although it is serious), instead focus on your child. At this point, I would stress that you've lost confidence in that teacher's (and para's) ability to TEACH your child, much less manage a 1st grade classroom. This teacher has lost all credibility in your eyes. Continue to focus on that. You've tried to work WITH the teacher, and that hasn't worked. Instead, a lie was perpetuated that threatened "MAJOR CONSEQUENCES" for your child. What ????

Tell him (or her?) that you are going on vacation and you will allow him to do his own investigation while you are gone. Make sure you can be contacted either via email or via cell if he has additional questions.

What are you looking for ? RESULTS! Most likely, a classroom, if not an elementary school move. You want the plans put in place while you are gone and expect to be updated and a result (that does not involve your son being in the same classroom) when you return. You also would like a copy of any and all records in your son's folder to ensure that none of this was documented.

Your ace ? The information that was disclosed from the principal about the other student's IEP.

If this is not resolved to your satisfaction, you are prepared to walk into the School Board meeting on {insert date of January meeting here - look it up!} and discuss these items (specifically the privacy violations -- don't know the right terms here) during public comment.

However, don't make those threats unless you are willing to go there. I realize this is a serious plan, but in this case, I think you are perfectly justified in going all mama bear. Obviously, make sure your husband is on board with a plan like this.

Again,
goal => to get your son moved to a different teacher
action => march into Superintendent's office tomorrow asking for resolution. Focus on lack of credibility.
documentation => all of this information, including details of the confidential information about other students. If anything is in an email, print it out.
ace? => IEP/privacy violations

good luck! (btw, I'm horrified for you.)

 

[OceanAnnie]

Well, back from the meeting with some answers that everyone is wondering.

The principal finally admitted that the para came clean and said #1. she was not standing by the boys and #2. She did not hear my son say anything. What she finally said happened was she was across the room, something happened with the boys, her student ran over to him and told her that my son was telling him to say the word kill and she went over and reprmanded him without asking him what was going on. So SHE LIED! There ya go. When we questioned what was going to be done about it? The principal said "people make mistakes" and refused to talk about it anymore. He also made an excuse that para's who are assigned children tend to become very close to them and really become their advocate, much like a mother hen. What? I AM this other child's mother and your sitting there telling me it is OK that this person lied because she is his advocate? Seriously?

So then we talked about my sons year and how it has been going. How he feels picked on and about having to go into therapy. We politely requested that he be moved to a different class. His reponse? "absolutely not, in my 35 years I have only moved 1 student and I don't feel there is any reason to move him". We tried to explain again why we wanted him moved and he talked over us. I told him that his therpist thinks that he would do better in a more supportive enviroment and he said "the therapist is not here and has no idea what goes on in the class". I sat there just looking at him. I could not believe that it was going this way.

It was very clear that this man had no intention of hearing anything we had to say, so we just stopped talking.

In the end, I think we are pulling him and finding him a new school. I don't feel right in my gut sending him to this school anymore if this is the kind of stuff that goes on.

It is what I expected. But I didn't expect the principal to admit and excuse it. Seems like you are in an alternate universe.

I would pursue the matter further. The principal is more appalling than the para. I'm sure you were flabbergasted.

You know I have been on your side the whole time and I do believe you will have to find a new school BUT do not let this drop until you have gone over this man's head. It is time to involve his boss. So what if he never moved a child that doesn't make him right! and there is always a first for everything. If he has never moved a child in 35 yrs he is admitting to being hardheaded and not willing to make needed changes because it does need to be done at times.

Give your baby a hug and also give yourself a hug and know you did what you could to stick up for your son, and he will remember this.

Tonight get on your school districts website and see where you go next with a dispute after the principal and call and schedule an appointment for after your vacation. This school needs to be put on notice before this aid decides to take it out on another little person to cover her butt and the principal refuses to make the kind of decisions he is being paid to make.

I agree with everything you wrote (again). The principal admitted the para is in her charge's corner. How many times has the para reported your DS? It must have been a significant number if he's on his "last" warning. And your DS is a good kid with no history of behavior problems. The para (AKA mother hen) can lie about your child with no consequences, but your DS must answer to her and have her allegations stand. That is not good. It's setting your child up. He doesn't have the skills to go up against this type of situation.

I can't believe the principal would dismiss the therapist's suggestion. It's mind blowing. Given the history, and the lack of action, it looks like your DS is in a hostile environment. You can go to the Superintendent and tell him you would like to have your DS moved to a different school on those grounds.

If you can't trust the teacher, para, nor the principal, it's time to go. And the Superintendent should work with you to get this resolved. Someone within the school system should be thinking of your child.

P.S.- Thank you for the update. I'm sorry it is worse than I expected.

 

[laurie31]

Again,
goal => to get your son moved to a different teacher
action => march into Superintendent's office tomorrow asking for resolution. Focus on lack of credibility.
documentation => all of this information, including details of the confidential information about other students. If anything is in an email, print it out.
ace? => IEP/privacy violations

good luck! (btw, I'm horrified for you.)

This is EXCELLENT advice!

Remember to stay calm. Look the superintendent in the eye. The lack of credibility thing is huge. If the principal would tell YOU private info about another child, what's he telling others about YOUR child???

 

[TheDisneyGirl02]

Just because the principal disclosed that this student wanders, doesn't mean that a part of his IEP was discussed. It may just be a fact that he wanders and that is one of the reasons he has a para but isn't completely the reason.

I do find it hard to believe that a principal would be stupid enough to discuss confidential information in a meeting with other parents. If he did indeed disclose confidential information then the IEP child's parents could have the chance to sue.

 

[Eeyores Butterfly]

I teach a self contained class and have a para who part of my classrom. Nobody knows what really happened. You have to decide if this is something you are willing to pursue. Do teachers talk? Yes. But most teachers will not take it out on a student. I have parents that I really do not like to deal with, but that does not mean that I treat their child any differently. From what I can see of my colleagues, they are the same. Not that it doesn't happen, but if it's that much of a concern, then maybe that is not a good fit for you.

As for the para being right there. In the lunch room my para and I help the students out. Several of them need assistance with their trays, but we do not stand right next to them in line. The line is quite crowded, and they need to learn independence. Typically, we stand back until they get to the food, although we are certainly monitoring.

Do you happen to have knowledge that it was a job related conversation or that it was of the utmost importance that she have that conversation at that particular moment?

I have never dealt with a person hired for this type of position, but I just cannot imagine that a transition time such as lunch is the time for her to be on the other side of a noisy lunchroom (and MOST lunchrooms are very noisy). I can only compare it to a caregiver hired to supervise children during lunch and she takes that opportunity to tell another caregiver what little Johnny did yesterday. Not the time. So for that reason, any conversation that is not an emergency=socializing.

As for the para being right there. In the lunch room my para and I help the students out. Several of them need assistance with their trays, but we do not stand right next to them in line. The line is quite crowded, and they need to learn independence. Typically, we stand back until they get to the food, although we are certainly monitoring and ready to step in if need be. You might even see us talking to each other or to the person monitoring the lunch room who is the other sped teacher. In these situations, we are not socializing. We are talking about work. I take several of the other sped kids who are not self contained, so I might have a question for her about them or about schedules. With my para, I might be filling him in on anything that came up while he was at lunch or we may be talking about what the rest of our day will look like.

This is not to say that the para was not in violation of her duties or not socializing, but the point is, we don't know. Only she and the adult she was talking to know.

 

[princessmom29]

Wait, your child is in therapy because he feels "picked on" by his teacher??? I don't get that one at all. It seems to me that she would have to be doing some pretty horrible things, enough to get her fired, to cause a child to need therapy solely becuase of her. What is she donig to him that is so horrible??