Bridzilla Disney Style?

[sunshinehighway]

My take is that they are both *****es and crazy. However, it does say something when your own mother and everybody else in the family prefers you to stay away from a family wedding. What it says, we don't know. We only have the biased reporting of the OP. It could be that the OP has a huge Drama Queen reputation and they don't want her ruining the wedding or it could say that the rest of the family are uptight *******s, bent on excluding and destroying the OP.

It could also be that the OP's mother is trying to not make the bride mad at her too so she doesn't get an uninvite text.

 

[Brier Rose]

My take is that they are both *****es and crazy. However, it does say something when your own mother and everybody else in the family prefers you to stay away from a family wedding. What it says, we don't know. We only have the biased reporting of the OP. It could be that the OP has a huge Drama Queen reputation and they don't want her ruining the wedding or it could say that the rest of the family are uptight *******s, bent on excluding and destroying the OP.

Everybody else doesn't prefer I stay away from the wedding. My brother requested that the bride "let me come". My mother doesn't want me there because as usual she is trying to make sure anything and everything goes perfect for her baby boy. They ALL know how high strung the bride is. She can be difficult on a normal day, I can't begin to imagine what that wedding day is gonna be like.

Of course what I've said is one sided. I said that in post one. What can I tell you other than my own side? It's all true, but none of you know that and that's fine. I also stated from the beginning that I wasn't looking for anyone to tell me I was right. I didn't want to hear what an awful witch the bride must be, how awful my brother is, or how spineless my mother has behaved.

I was simply venting. Something I would normally do to my mother, but well...

I was..I AM..very very confused and sad by this whole mess. I appreciate very much all of the kind words I've gotten, and for the not so nice words, I'm ok with that too. You don't know me, and you weren't there. You're skeptical of what I've said, it's understadable.

I should have never engaged or tried to defend myself here or elsewhere. It has done nothing but cause me further stress and exhaustion.

I don't think ANYBODY is trying to hurt or destroy anyone. At least I hope not! I don't quite know what IS going on, at this point it's a much a mystery to me as it is to all of you.

 

[Mokat76]

Brier Rose, I'm sorry this whole thing has taken on a life of its own. You worked like a dog to do a nice thing for your future SIL and you get spit on. Then the family went nutso even more. Weddings make some people crazy but that's no excuse for what has happened to your daughter and you. I hope time can heal this eventually but I know right now it just hurts. A lot. (((Hug)))

 

[APiratesLifeForMe2]

Really? I just can't imagine not attending my brothers wedding over drama over a bachelorette party. You won't even go and sit quietly in the back?

Based on what we know of the future SIL so far, she could easy say OP ruined her wedding. Be it a "weird look" or "what she wore". What if the groom went to say hi to his sister after the wedding? The SIL could say that OP stole her thunder. Unfortunately for OP it sounds like a loose loose situation and I don't blame her for needing to sit this one out.

 

[Happy Snowman]

Based on what we know of the future SIL so far, she could easy say OP ruined her wedding. Be it a "weird look" or "what she wore". What if the groom went to say hi to his sister after the wedding? The SIL could say that OP stole her thunder. Unfortunately for OP it sounds like a loose loose situation and I don't blame her for needing to sit this one out.

Probably 100% spot on!!

 

[bellebud]

Based on what we know of the future SIL so far, she could easy say OP ruined her wedding. Be it a "weird look" or "what she wore". What if the groom went to say hi to his sister after the wedding? The SIL could say that OP stole her thunder. Unfortunately for OP it sounds like a loose loose situation and I don't blame her for needing to sit this one out.

yes, definitely!! I'd stay far, far away from the wedding.

 

[dbrn]

I definitely would not go to the wedding, and I'd ignore all of them, including my mother. I can't believe anyone would go for a bachelorette weekend and think it's okay to just ignore half the guestlist.

The only thing in this scenario that I think OP did wrong was the wording of her text. I do think the text was bad, as OP says, and while OP says she's confused about the whole mess, I have to say that if someone sent me an email like that, I wouldn't want her there for my wedding,either. I wouldn't want someone there who spoke to me like that. I think the bride's ticked off about the text, understandably so, and she's only extending the invitation because she also cares about the brother having his family there. I'm not taking the bride's side, because I do think she was way out of line, but I can see her perspective.

Maybe she acted the way she did because she was so stressed about wedding plans. I don't know. Regardless, her behavior was completely inappropriate.

OP, I think I would apologize, sincerely, for the language used in the text (you've said yourself it was bad). That apology would be couched, however, with reiterating (calmly, without profanity) why I was so upset in the first place. It's just plain bad manners to behave that way toward the individuals who travelled a long way to spend time with you, especially people who spent a lot of time and money to try to make the weekend perfect for you. I'd also tell her what I thought of her firing DD from the wedding . . . completely childish behavior toward someone who did nothing to deserve it.

Even if FSIL accepted the apology for the tone of the message, I wouldn't go to the wedding, and my brother and mother would both be getting the cold shoulder from me. I could understand why the brother would take the bride's side, but my mother . . . nope, I'd be ticked, and she would know it.

I think staying away is best to avoid any additional drama, and also because it would be ridiculously uncomfortable to be there where it's clear you're not really wanted. If you don't choose to completely ignore him, I like the idea someone had of sending your brother a card wishing him well and offering your love and support.

As for OP's DD, I love E-Mom's idea of showing up in the MOH gown. Priceless, the kind of thing I wish I had the nerve to do.

OP, I'm sorry you're in this position. I've been through similar family fighting, and it truly is heartbreaking. I hope you will all be able to mend this in time.

 

[CanBeGrumpy]

I don't know what to make of this situation, but I can tell you a sad fact: family relationships have forever changed due to this one incident. I know this from experience. Not to mention your brother's wedding will forever be associated with this story. I am sad for all involved. I've been living in a situation like this my entire marriage. Be prepared to feel anger at EVERY holiday in which you have to interact with your brother and sil. Try to overcome it or it will ruin your holidays. Thanksgiving is 3 weeks away and I'm already feeling angry. It's awful. I hope your family can work this out so you don't have to live like this, too.

 

[LilyLake]

Disclaimer: I am not making any proclamations or a diagnosis here.

Here's my advice: Brier Rose, if you're so inclined, do some research on Cluster B Personality Disorders. I think you will find it enlightening.

You'll also find verification of some of the things you've been told in this thread, such as:

You Can't Win

These people will NEVER change.

You'll need to establish boundaries with which you are comfortable.

Be forewarned: you may find some upsetting information regarding members of your own family.

To any posters who suggest that she sit down and reason with her future sister-in-law, because you don't understand what it's like to deal with people like this: Thank your lucky stars.

 

[strangebutspecial]

Do some research on Cluster B Personality Disorders.

Ding ding ding ding!

Op, you can at least be confident that the truth always comes out eventually. Hang in there!

 

[Julylady]

I don't know what to make of this situation, but I can tell you a sad fact: family relationships have forever changed due to this one incident. I know this from experience. Not to mention your brother's wedding will forever be associated with this story. I am sad for all involved. I've been living in a situation like this my entire marriage. Be prepared to feel anger at EVERY holiday in which you have to interact with your brother and sil. Try to overcome it or it will ruin your holidays. Thanksgiving is 3 weeks away and I'm already feeling angry. It's awful. I hope your family can work this out so you don't have to live like this, too.

This happened in my family as well. A sarcastic remark from my oldest brothers wife to my younger brother at a family event 25 years ago created a rift that has never healed. Every holiday, birthday, wedding, baby showers, kids sporting events, have been ruined by tension between these two families. I would give anything to go back in time and step between them at the moment it happened.

I can never have my entire family together at the same event. It was all over a stupid comment and two stubborn people who both refuse to budge. Holding on to anger for 25 years is an ugly thing.

Rose- I believe your FSIL behaved very badly for whatever reason. You have already admitted that your reaction to it wasn't your wisest move. You have been extremely hurt over her, your brothers, and your Moms reaction. Your relationship with all of them will probably never be the same. But for your sake and the rest of your family, try to make peace with your Mom and brother.

 

[girlswithbows]

My mom's opinion is that she has no opinion. She just can't deal, so she won't. It's very frustrating!! I would say she swings more to their side tho. She makes excuses, and didn't even tell me that she had been texting back and forth with the bride. Even tho I had 6 other people to back up what I was telling her, in her mind I must have done something to set her off.

My brother is also 26. He is from a second marriage. My stepfather actually told me about a week BEFORE all this that he thinks this is a huge mistake. He had met up with them the weekend prior to attend an event and she acted similar..being an unreasonable brat..to my brother.

Things I have found out-

1) my brother called my mother and asked how to "handle" me, at which time she sent her the text message to show my mother what a crazy witch I am.

2) She was disappointed from go because...
I "wasted" our first FP+ on Peter Pan. I thought she loved Peter Pan!! Either way, she KNOWS it's my favorite, and it was my bday...which didn't get mentioned at all btw. Not that I cared!
We ride Winnie the Pooh second which is her fav so she was temporarily happy at least. Lol

3) at lunch, which I got Be our Guest FP+'s for 3 of the other girls arrived. They had never been to Disney before, so DD went to the front of the park to get them. Bride got jealous and determined from that point forward that they were the only ones we cared about talking to. Oookay.

4) we wanted to take a break around 4ish. It was hot, we were exhausted, and at that point I wanted to get to my luggage to get her "Future Mrs." Sash because I thought maybe she was "upset" that we weren't making a big enough fuss over her. She wanted to shop on Main Street with the other two girls, so we left, she got mad.

5) back at the room when I started passing out the gifts for her and the other girls, it took to long and didn't leave her enough time to "make herself pretty" before Epcot.

6) she absolutely positively did NOT want to eat at La Hacienda. A fact that was never mentioned to me..which turned into her sulking the rest of the night and not speaking to the rest of us until the next day.

7) I "was mean" to her about not bringing her bathing suit for the spa. She was also not happy that we weren't all together the whole time..we separated for treatments...

8) she had to wash her hair before the hair and makeup people could work on her. They told her she was fine not too, but she insisted because she felt gross. I knew this would be the case which is why I passed in treatments I wanted so that I could go first and give her time to take a shower. When I told her this, she took it as I was saying she was stupid for getting massage oil in her hair.

9) she and the other two girls got up at 7am and went to AK. They still hadn't spoken to us since the night before. We didn't see them once that day, but the posted lots of FB pics of them in their matching hats..minus DD of course. By 6:15 she was texting me asking if it would cause a problem if the skipped dinner with us. AFTER I had booked Le Cellier at her request. I went off on her. We haven't spoken since.

So...there you have it. My crimes according to her. I'm an awful awful person. And what ANY of that had to do with DD or my other sister who got the same treatment, I still don't know!!

She is a brat and if I were you I would boycott that wedding. Your plans sounded like a blast and if I were the bride I would have forever been in your debt for such an awesome weekend!

 

[amjb]

Disclaimer: I am not making any proclamations or a diagnosis here. Here's my advice: Brier Rose, if you're so inclined, do some research on Cluster B Personality Disorders. /QUOTE]

Exactly what I was thinking. Brier Rose has been painted "black" and the SIL is in the middle of a distortion campaign.

 

[DisneyNutMary]

OP my heart breaks for your DD. It looks like you can handle yourself in the current situation, but your DD is truly the victim in all of this.

Your mother should be enraged that anyone would treat her grandchild so disrespectfully. I don't know about your family, but in mine, mom put us all to the side when the grandchildren came- as it should be. My moms grandchildren could do no wrong in her eyes.
Your mom is about to be the next victim. Mother of the groom is a mere afterthought. Oh her? She just made him. It's all about the bride and her mom on wedding day. Ok maybe I'm exaggerating a bit, but read any wedding tr and you will see how little MOG is in the big picture.

You brother is playing his cards right by always saying his fiancé is more beautiful, better singer, etc. but if he or fiancé is jealous of your DD they both have a lot of growing up to do... DD is family, she's not a threat to the relationship. Though they are so close in age, your brother should still look at her with an uncles pride. It's ok for him to think she is smart and beautiful. Lord knows I think my nieces and nephews are smart, beautiful gifts to the world.

I hope your DD is taking this all in stride, she is one lucky girl of you will be planning her future wedding/bridal shower etc.

 

[Pamlur]

The thing that put the enormous, unforgivable rift in my family 30-odd years ago? My daughter didn't get homesick at college, so my SIL didn't get to play the consoling "big sister/aunt". That's all.

Don't plan to ever be able to have a happy relationship with this young woman, and you won't be disappointed. If things change, it can be a happy surprise.

 

[Lisa loves Pooh]

The thing that put the enormous, unforgivable rift in my family 30-odd years ago? My daughter didn't get homesick at college, so my SIL didn't get to play the consoling "big sister/aunt". That's all.

Don't plan to ever be able to have a happy relationship with this young woman, and you won't be disappointed. If things change, it can be a happy surprise.

Seriously?


I had a stepfather who scolded me for something I wrote about being excited to go to college. Apparently being happy for such an event means that one is ungrateful.

 

[cleverclovers]

Let us know how everything goes. Personally I would take a nice tropical vacation and post lots of pics showing the whole family having fun on a "stress-free vacation". You could even tell a few people ahead of time and maybe they could think of an excuse to skip the wedding with you. RSVP that they are coming - then Sorry something came up. Bride will be stuck paying for the reception meal. I know that sounds evil, but I have been on the receiving end of spiteful backstabbing relatives my whole life. Sometimes cutting them off and considering them "dead" is the only way to live your own life in peace. Good luck!

 

[Jeslynb]

I don't think your mother should get everyone together and make them hash it out.

I do think your mother should be Switzerland and stop discussing this with you and your brother. That would be the mature thing to do.

I personally would go to the wedding, but then, I could care less if it ruined the wedding for that entitled little snot. Tough noogies.

*I* would be the bigger person and graciously offer my sterling presence for her wedding, where I would be the portrait of restraint, grace and manners. I would be above reproach and send a tasteful gift from the registry.

I would definitely "FIFO" (first in, first out) that **** and leave the moment the cake was cut.

Done!

After this, I would never think about her again. She will, or will not, be at various family events going forward and she would be, more or less, invisible to me. I would be cordial and ignore her as much as possible because she is an ignorant child. You don't need to go drinking with 26-year-olds. Sorry. She's your brother's wife, no more, no less.

I can't stand one of my brothers' wives. She's a terrible person. Possibly evil. I just smile and kiss kiss and ignore her. Who cares? And we travel with them on family trips - Hawaii, Costa Rica etc. She doesn't bother me. It may be that I bother *her*, but I don't lose any sleep, kwim?

ETA: burn the card. You don't need to rehash the trip.

 

[marthachick]

And whatever you do. If it lasts long enough for them to have a baby, DON'T throw her a baby shower! Imagine the drama that could start!

 

[Brier Rose]

And whatever you do. If it lasts long enough for them to have a baby, DON'T throw her a baby shower! Imagine the drama that could start!

And whatever you do. If it lasts long enough for them to have a baby, DON'T throw her a baby shower! Imagine the drama that could start!

Lol! Ain't that the truth!

I actually feel much better about everything today. I have yet again told her that I was wrong for what I said in the text, that it was impulsive and the culmination of holding my tongue for days.

I asked her to please take into consideration that even tho what I said was ugly, that it was ONLY regarding this one disagreement and went no further than that. I did not attack her or my brother as far as their character, their relationship, absolutely anything beside the trip issues.

She made it clear in her response that she had no desire to discuss any of it with me. That i obviously already have my mind made up about what I think her part in the weekend was.

I pointed out to her that I NEVER said I wasn't willing to hear her side, she is the one that refuses to talk it over.

Personally I think she is projecting the whole close minded excuse because SHE is the one who doesn't want to talk about. She has no excuse.

Lastly she basically just said she can't get passed the language I used toward her.

Lol

She then warned me that I will regret not attending my brothers wedding.

I may, but then they both may regret the role they have played in our not being there.

I think she is getting nervous because it's going to "look bad".

I've made it clear that I expect an apology from both of them, for her actions in general and her treatment of DD, as well as all of his lies. Otherwise I refuse to subject myself or my family to such foolishness over a curse word.

Even then I may still not go. Lol

She says I'm trying to tell her what to do.
Umm..no..I'm telling her what I expect from her. Whether she does it or not is entirely up to her! Geez!

This is beyond stupid. I can't believe I'm actually talking to an adult here! It's just so bizarre.

At least now I feel finally at peace about it. There is literally nothing else I can do. It feels amazing to be able to just walk away at this point knowing that the ball is in their court.