Bridzilla Disney Style?

[HM]

I'd attend the wedding, but probably not the reception.

 

[strangebutspecial]

The problem is that OP can't win with someone like her SIL. If she shows up at the wedding then she "tried to ruin it" and should have known better than to come. If she doesn't go, then she's a meanie and holding a petty grudge and trying to make her brother upset. Either way, the bride will declare that none of this is her fault. OP can only do what feels right for her.

 

[karice2]

I never understand people who say that a person should swallow their pride or do something that they want to do for family. Behaviors that we would not allow in our lives from strangers should not be accepted from family either.

Maybe I am hard but I don't talk to my siblings for things that they have done that are horrible. I won't reach out, I am not going to be the bigger person, they simply don't exist to me anymore.

I am not sad about it and I don't care what anyone thinks about it.

People who treat you badly will continue to do so if you allow them.

BrierRose, don't go to the wedding and have peace of mind.

 

[TipsyTraveler]

I never understand people who say that a person should swallow their pride or do something that they want to do for family. Behaviors that we would not allow in our lives from strangers should not be accepted from family either.

People who treat you badly will continue to do so if you allow them.

My feelings exactly. If "family" is such a sacred thing then I expect those people to treat me at least as well as my friends do and better than a stranger on the street would. You don't get to treat me poorly because we have some "bond" in which I had no say in the matter. If anything, I chose to bring my friends into my life. Perhaps I owe more effort to those relationships than I do to the relationships which are merely the result of genetic happenstance. Maybe that attitude is a Maryland thing.

 

[Cannot_Wait_4Disney]

The problem is that OP can't win with someone like her SIL. If she shows up at the wedding then she "tried to ruin it" and should have known better than to come. If she doesn't go, then she's a meanie and holding a petty grudge and trying to make her brother upset.

In that case, the thing to do would be to go, sit quietly in the back, and not get into anything with the bride. Then if bridezilla makes any accusations, they'll fall on deaf ears to anyone in attendance. And if just sitting there ruins anyone's wedding, that is their problem.

 

[luvsJack]

In that case, the thing to do would be to go, sit quietly in the back, and not get into anything with the bride. Then if bridezilla makes any accusations, they'll fall on deaf ears to anyone in attendance. And if just sitting there ruins anyone's wedding, that is their problem.

Not necessarily true. If the sil knows how to turn on the tears and the pity party, she can make the OP look evil just for showing up. And it won't fall on deaf ears. And if those ears happen to be the OP's brother, will he ignore his new bride or be upset with his sister again?

Only the OP knows how deep her sil can take this.

If this bride truly has some of the personality disorders that have been described here, the OP may truly not be able to win here.

 

[North of Mouse]

A spoiled 'BRAT' of the first order - your brother had well better run now 'before' he says 'I do'!! That girl is 'trouble' and you wouldn't have to be very smart to see it!!

 

[North of Mouse]

I never understand people who say that a person should swallow their pride or do something that they want to do for family. Behaviors that we would not allow in our lives from strangers should not be accepted from family either.

Maybe I am hard but I don't talk to my siblings for things that they have done that are horrible. I won't reach out, I am not going to be the bigger person, they simply don't exist to me anymore.

I am not sad about it and I don't care what anyone thinks about it.

People who treat you badly will continue to do so if you allow them.

BrierRose, don't go to the wedding and have peace of mind.

Family must not mean very much to you! Writing someone 'off' has such large reaching consequences. What about future children (your future nieces, nephews, your children's cousins??)?? Also family gatherings, etc.???

You may not ever need to have any contact at all with 'strangers' so a 'clean break' may be easy, but not so with family.

We just got back from 5 days with a gathering of my siblings - 6 of us, the 7th couldn't make it. Would take nothing for the enjoyable time we had. We all at one time or another have had to 'bite our tongues' but we don't let 'anything' cause a 'break' in our family - 'so' worth it! Our mom taught us well!! (By the way, we've had lots of experience - we are all 60-81 years old!!)

The OP would do well to do what she can to keep the family 'intact' - not saying she doesn't have her work cut out for her - but 'she' will be the winner in this - can hold her head up - can't be responsible for her sil's bad actions/reactions.

 

[AnAmericanInDisney]

The bride sounds mentally unbalanced. I bet the stress of the wedding has sent her completely over the edge. Does she have a history of mental health issues? Has she been under someone's care?

 

[JanaDee]

Briar Rose, is the wedding tomorrow or next Saturday? Have you decided what you're going to do?

Since your daughter is old enough to make her own decision, has she decided what she is going to do?

 

[jenny105]

What an ungrateful brat.

 

[Brier Rose]

Briar Rose, is the wedding tomorrow or next Saturday? Have you decided what you're going to do? Since your daughter is old enough to make her own decision, has she decided what she is going to do?

It's next Sat the 15th. Unless something changes, none of us are going. I still haven't spoken to my brother, even tho I've tried several times. The bride keeps insisting that there is no point in us talking about it because I obviously don't care what she has to say. I've told her multiple times that I DO want to talk, but she just insists she's "not ready".

My brother is so clueless. My sister said that when she tried to discuss it with him, he just seemed totally disconnected to the situation, he's not happy about it, but ultimately is ok with us not coming.

Apparently he and my mother both feel that even if nothing "happens" the stress of even the possibility will be enough to darken the day.

My nephew is the ring bearer, so my sister and her family are going, but she told them both that she will NOT be in any of the photos. She doesn't feel like what they're doing is right, and said she won't be part of a permanent reminder of the whole fiasco.

She was in Disney with us too, so she also got to see the crazy first hand. Lol We're both dumbfounded at the lengths they're willing to take this over the fact that I sent her ONE angry profanity laden text message..one that I've apologized for..more than once. She has yet to admit or even address one single issue that any of us had with her. This is the ONLY time we have ever had any sort of disagreement. It just makes NO sense.

I kind of agree with some of the other posters here regarding family drama. It IS drastic to walk away from family, but at the end of the day MY FAMILY is my DH, my DD, and my DS. Anybody else who wants to constantly cause drama, hurt, and pain are just not somebody I want myself or family to be exposed to..family or no.

 

[runsandjumps]

I too don't understand how people will let their family treat them like garbage just because they are family. No one deserves to be treated as you have. And yes we don't have both sides of the story but if the OP feels this way she shouldn't have to be subjected to this simply because they are blood. People treat their relatives worse I think than strangers because they know they can get away with it and their family will take it. Well I won't from any of my family either.

 

[JanaDee]

It's next Sat the 15th. Unless something changes, none of us are going. I still haven't spoken to my brother, even tho I've tried several times. The bride keeps insisting that there is no point in us talking about it because I obviously don't care what she has to say. I've told her multiple times that I DO want to talk, but she just insists she's "not ready".

My brother is so clueless. My sister said that when she tried to discuss it with him, he just seemed totally disconnected to the situation, he's not happy about it, but ultimately is ok with us not coming.

Apparently he and my mother both feel that even if nothing "happens" the stress of even the possibility will be enough to darken the day.

My nephew is the ring bearer, so my sister and her family are going, but she told them both that she will NOT be in any of the photos. She doesn't feel like what they're doing is right, and said she won't be part of a permanent reminder of the whole fiasco.

She was in Disney with us too, so she also got to see the crazy first hand. Lol We're both dumbfounded at the lengths they're willing to take this over the fact that I sent her ONE angry profanity laden text message..one that I've apologized for..more than once. She has yet to admit or even address one single issue that any of us had with her. This is the ONLY time we have ever had any sort of disagreement. It just makes NO sense.

I kind of agree with some of the other posters here regarding family drama. It IS drastic to walk away from family, but at the end of the day MY FAMILY is my DH, my DD, and my DS. Anybody else who wants to constantly cause drama, hurt, and pain are just not somebody I want myself or family to be exposed to..family or no.

I'm sorry.

Your brother will get what he deserves. As far as your Mother? Yeah, I'd be pretty pissed off at her, too. She's no better than the bride or your brother.

You're right, your family is your DH, DD and DS. Focus on that.

 

[PlutoPony]

I still haven't spoken to my brother, even tho I've tried several times. The bride keeps insisting that there is no point in us talking about it because I obviously don't care what she has to say. I've told her multiple times that I DO want to talk, but she just insists she's "not ready".

At this point - a week from the wedding - it seems clear that your brother, the bride, and your mom really don't want to hear anything else about this matter. It's over and they've moved on. While it's still quite important to you (understandably) the rest of the family is focused on the event itself now. IMHO it's time to stop communicating with them at all and let things go along as they will. Continuing to bring it up or try to talk to any of the involved parties could well make you look desperate and will not reflect well on the position you're taking that the bride is at least somewhat complicit in this.

Take a deep breath and disengage from the event NOW. Let the chips fall where they may and reassess later what kind of relationship you'd like to have with your family. You don't have to decide that now.

But continuing to try and talk with those involved is at best useless and at worst digging a bigger hole for you in their eyes. They're focused on the wedding now.

 

[betsywdw]

I'm so sorry to read all of this OP! I remember being part of the thread when you were planning your DD's Sweet 16 party and being so impressed with your planning! Wow, that seems like ages ago.

 

[Brier Rose]

I'm so sorry to read all of this OP! I remember being part of the thread when you were planning your DD's Sweet 16 party and being so impressed with your planning! Wow, that seems like ages ago.

Omgosh!,

Yes, that was ages ago, but all too fast at the same time! She's 23 now!

 

[Skywalker]

..now my daughter is no longer maid of honor…like she ever should have been anyway.

Wait, I am kind of curious what the above means...?

I noticed a couple of times you mentioning how more upset you were for your daughter, that she was excluded from Facebook photos, etc. I think maybe you are overreacting because of the perceived hurt for your daughter. You said you were friends with the bride in your own right, but then again you went all "mama bear" when your daughter was excluded from things you thought she should be a part of. Your daughter is 23 years old. It is time to not involve yourself with that side of her life, let her speak up for herself. My kids are teenagers, I can't imagine sending a text to their friends and telling them off for excluding my kids. Maybe the bride was shocked because on the one hand you are "her friend", n the other hand you are the "the mom of one of her friends" so maybe you have crossed some lines because of that. I am sure my kids have felt excluded, etc, but since I am not right there in everyone's faces I would never know and my kids would have to deal with their own friends.

Also about your brother "building up" the bride, saying a dress looked better on her etc. I remember a similar thing happened to me. I had to try on a dress and my (future) sister-in-law ran upstairs to put on the same dress, saying because she was "thinner" it would look better on her. My now husband said to his sister basically "Nope, looks better on Skywalker." Now, in her case she was obviously trying to "upstage" me, and he came to my defence. Nothing happens in a vacuum. I don't know all the context for your brother's comments re your daughter, but that is something we here will never know. Family dynamics and all that.

People who cut family out of their lives left and right are often destined for a lot of lonely years in the future.

 

[tigercat]

Again, if you don't have family that is ....out there shall we say you have no idea how it is. Having a disagreement, or a little argument is not the same at all.

I come from a fairly large family. 2 siblings I have no relationship with at all because of their behaviour. None of the rest of the family has anything to do with them as well. And 1 sibling I have found out has been telling lies about me and then lying right to my face about it when I confronted him and his wife I will stay away from. I will not at this point cut him out but I really don't want a relationship with him.

My one daughter works for him and she has gone the way of the 2 siblings that went "off" and tells him and my sil all these stories about me. He actually believes them. The rest of the family knows the truth so doesn't believes these lies. And as much as some of you will believe I have some part in the lies you can believe it but it isn't true. Some stories are about her coming over to my house and I won't let her see her daughter (who she threw out of the house as soon as she turned 18) or talk to her. Something I have never done not even when she first came to live with us. I figured my granddaughter was old enough to make her own mind up as to when or how much she was to see and talk to her Mum not me. In fact my daughter has at this point not gotten out of her car when she does come to pick up her daughter and if I go out to talk to her she rolls up the window and turns up her music. I don't go out but I am not sure how that translates into me not answering the door. Again, just a way to get in good with my brother and sil.

My other two children and my foster son don't understand it at all. My oldest daughter had tried to have a relationship with her but at this point she has given up.

You can not win with people like this. The only person you can change is yourself OP not anyone else. If it had been my daughter I would have been upset as well. You can hurt me but don't hurt my kids or grandkids. Good luck.
tigercat

 

[betsywdw]

Omgosh!,

Yes, that was ages ago, but all too fast at the same time! She's 23 now!

So nice to see you again!

23???? I swear that was just last year, right? lol!