Biscuit's Grand Adventure | An epic tale three decades in the making!

[bjscheel]

(If your first activity with your future spouse involved a bowling alley, you might be a redneck.)

Raising hand!

Let's see...we live in rural Iowa, burn corn for heat, have a Dukes of Hazzard poster and paraphenalia in the kitchen, and my husband is on his tractor right now...I think we might be rednecks!

 

[GreatBiscuit]

Raising hand!

Let's see...we live in rural Iowa, burn corn for heat, have a Dukes of Hazzard poster and paraphenalia in the kitchen, and my husband is on his tractor right now...I think we might be rednecks!

Awesome! Iowa is good peeps! My wife's college room mate / best friend is from Iowa. (I THINK they just moved from Storm Lake back to Des Moines.) Two things about driving through Iowa stick out. 1. It's the only place I've ever pulled up to a gas station and seen a vending machine which sold live bait. 2. It's got the coollest exit sign on all of I-35. (And I've driven every inch of it at one point or another.) I don't remember the exit number, but it's in the northern part of the state and is for: Manly Forrest City. I love that. It brings to mind lumber jacks living in treehouses like Ewoks.

 

[GreatBiscuit]

Episode 22 – Welcome to….Atlanta???? The eruption of Hades begins.

Previously on Biscuit’s Grand Adventure, a girl was met, a proposal was made and an incorrect booty got slapped. If you recall, I proposed to Tracy in October and of course had an idea that Disney World would be the ultimate, ideal, perfect honeymoon destination. There was one slight problem. I was a flat broke college dude who didn’t have two nickels to rub together. (And honestly looking back, hadn’t quite grown up as this post shall soon reveal.)

This posed a bit of an inconvenience in that The World ain't exactly the cheapest destination a fellow could come up with. However, that December, I got a happy gift. My mom, Aunt Janna and Aunt LeeAnn had gotten together and decided that their collective wedding gift to Tracy and I would be a week in Orlando.

Glory, Hallelujah, and AMEN BROTHER BEN!

In other words, I was pleased by their decision.

Contrary to what you might imagine, I actually didn’t get involved in the planning at all. In fact, thoughts of the trip took a back burner all together. I never picked up a guide, never planned out a single day, and never devoted even an oodle of cranial unction to mapping out “The Plan”. I know that comes as a total shock. In fact, it’s a little bit shocking to me. But let us take a stroll down memory lane and examine the events of that spring semester shall we?

For starters I was studying for the senior comp. If you have not had the joy of experiencing this blessing, you have cause for celebration. This device of cognitive torture was a cumulative exam which covered every course required for one’s major. (Essentially everything that was not a general study / elective class.)

The exam was given in eight sessions, each two hours long, held over the course of two days. It was pure euphoria, let me tell you. Passing was mandatory for graduation so I was certainly motivated. I actually did really well, except for one tiny little portion. I DID have to retake the Philosophy section. (Must have had some sort of distraction in that class.)

In addition to the lovely senior comp, I took an 18 hour class load, served as photo editor of the school newspaper & yearbook, worked as a delivery driver for Dominos, and was engaged to be married. Tracy still had two years of school left and took that semester off to plan the wedding.

This of course meant late night phone calls and a couple of weekend trips back and forth to the Twin Cities. All of this together translated into 4-5 hours of sleep per night augmented with copious amounts of caffeine.

Summer didn’t help matters much. By the time I graduated, packed up my worldly possessions, went job hunting in Oklahoma City (where my soon-to-be wife was going to finish school), did some apartment shopping, and finished the wedding planning, the honeymoon seemed like it was a million miles away.

Even after the wedding, we still had to spend the next day sorting through gifts and finishing packing up Tracy’s stuff for the move to OKC. We were married on Saturday, spent time with family & packing on Sunday, and on Monday Tracy and I left Minneapolis and drove to Kansas City.
We spent the night in KC, and the next morning, we were scheduled to fly out of MCI with a final destination of MCO. (Yep…us geeks know our Airport codes.) Why fly out of Kansas City when we were married in Minneapolis and moving to Oklahoma City? I asked the same questions when my mom ran it by me. Turns out it was $200 cheaper PER TICKET and we had to drive through there anyway to get to our new home.

We had a morning flight and after leaving our over-stuffed car in off site parking, we hopped aboard Delta flight something or other and were off to Atlanta for our connecting flight. It wasn’t until we were on the plane that it began to sink in. We were heading to The World!

Finally, after years of lying dormant, my WDW commando came online with a vengeance. I happened to have a notepad in my carry-on and in the course of about an hour, I had mapped out “The Plan 2.0”. We were spending five days in Orlando, with 4 day park hopper passes. On our last day, we were flying out at 7PM, so my plan was to use our first four days as park days.

Our inbound flight was scheduled to arrive in Orlando around noon, and with any luck, I figured we could be in the parks by 2PM. We’d spend day one in the Magic Kingdom, day two at the Disney MGM Studios, day three at EPCOT Center, and split day 4 between the Studios and the Magic Kingdom.

We were going all counter service, so no priority seating requests to worry about. This was going to be great. I would be at my favorite place, with my favorite person for a week of fun and relaxation. Tracy was excited as well as she also loves WDW and had been there a time or two as a youngster. I see us now, sitting happily on the plane holding hands and making our plans for the week.

So young.

So innocent.

So blissfully unaware that the universe was about to take a cosmic dump on our honeymoon.

The first sign of trouble began as we were making our descent into Atlanta. We could see some fairly active thunderheads as we were coming in. When we broke through the cloud cover, it was sprinkling. As the plane was taxiing to the gate, the skies were a steel blue. About the time we “parked” it opened up and the rain-rain-rain came down-down-down. It was absolutely POURING. By the time we made it off of the plane and into the terminal, it was not only raining, but the lighting and thunder had arrived full force.

EVERY flight was delayed and the entire place came to a standstill. Hmmm…well then…maybe it will blow over quickly. Our original layover was only 55 min, but I soon began to suspect that we would be involuntary residents of Atlanta for just a wee bit longer. We wondered around a bit and periodically checked back at the gate. At one point, it seemed like the weather was going to let up a bit. That’s when it started to hail.

Convenient.

We finally ventured off in search of sustenance and if I recall correctly, located a Chili’s. Then we browsed some shops, wandered around some more, and finally just sat down at the gate and stared at the rain. Eventually the weather did clear up enough for planes to begin moving again, but apparently restarting an airport is not something that happens quickly. We waited and waited, then got to wait some more.

We finally got an announcement that we would be boarding soon so I called my mom to give her an update.

That’s when things got really interesting.

We were staying at on off site resort that one of my aunts had booked via her time share credits. When my mom was setting up the trip, she had spoken with several companies regarding rental cars. She located one that would rent to us (I was 23 at the time, and most places required you to be 25) and booked it. She had done this via the 800 number and was assured by a rep and a supervisor that it wouldn’t be a problem for us to rent the car, and charge it to my mom’s credit card which they took over the phone when she reserved.

You can see where this is going can’t you.

My mom called the local car rental branch in Orlando to advise them of our delay and then discovered that our reservation had been canceled. Apparently they DO NOT rent to anyone under 25. After much arguing and back and forth calls, the bottom line was we had no ride for the week. Hmmmm….well, the resort is supposed to have a shuttle to the parks, so that much is covered, but how do we get to the resort from MCO?

They had no airport shuttle so it looked like a taxi was going to be our only option. No problem, we’ll just have to cut back on spending money. Hopefully a taxi wouldn’t be TOO much.

Knowing that we would be tempted to over spend if presented the opportunity, we had only brought a limited amount of cash with us and neither of us (on the pretense of being responsible) had brought a credit card.

Oh Joy.

Great Biscuit, welcome to real life; real life, meet Great Biscuit.

My mom told me not to worry, she’d think of something and to call her as soon as we landed. We finally boarded the plane and promptly pulled away, only to sit on the runway for what seemed like an eternity. We made it out of Atlanta at 8:30 PM, not knowing what to expect when we landed in Orlando. The flight was relatively short and once we had retrieved our bags, I got a hold of my mom. She told me to go outside and look for a blue and silver minivan.

Off we went, and soon the van was spotted. Inside was the nicest couple, who I’m guessing was in their mid forties. They welcomed us to Orlando, told us they were sorry to hear about our problems, and said they were there to get us to our resort. It was then that I discovered that my mother had invoked divine intervention. After praying for an answer, she decided to call a church in Orlando that was part of our denomination and see if they knew of a shuttle service or could give her the phone number of a local taxi company. (We didn’t have the internet at home at that point, and calling information wasn’t getting her anywhere.)

Turns out that this couple was at the church when she called, and had stayed late from a Bible study to tell the pastor about how a stranger from another church had helped their daughter when her car broke down at college. When my mom called in and explained the situation, they said they knew God was giving them a chance to help someone else’s kid. They brought us from the airport to the resort and refused to take any money. Unfortunately I have forgotten their names, but I thank God for allowing our paths to cross.

After our pay it forward moment, we arrived at our resort around 11:00ish. Finally our day of frustration was over. We had lost a park day, but with any luck, we could still get in a few hours on our last day before we had to head to the airport. From here, things can only go up right? OHHHHHHH poor naïve little Biscuit. If you only knew what the next 24 hours had in store, you’d have never left Atlanta.

Coming up in Episode 23 – Hell Hath No Fury Like a Biscuit Burned

 

[whogirl'smom]

First I have to say you've got to travel around the south a little more...there are bait vending machines here as soon as you get close to the lake (or you can go in the convenience store and get the worms that are handily stashed in their own refrigerator.)

Now, the trip report. This is certainly turning into a big adventure! Isn't it fun to remember what life and vacations were like before the internet? And before credit cards? I remember dh had to apply for his first Visa to book our honeymoon.

Love the little God moments! Although you do seem to be running into some plagues; there aren't any locusts coming are there?

 

[chicagoshannon]

Sounds like quite the adventure! I'm almost afraid to read the next installment.

 

[jcc0621]

However, that December, I got a happy gift. My mom, Aunt Janna and Aunt LeeAnn had gotten together and decided that their collective wedding gift to Tracy and I would be a week in Orlando. Glory, Hallelujah, and AMEN BROTHER BEN! In other words, I was pleased by their decision.

That is one great mom you have there Bisquit

Contrary to what you might imagine, I actually didn’t get involved in the planning at all. In fact, thoughts of the trip took a back burner all together. I never picked up a guide, never planned out a single day, and never devoted even an oodle of cranial unction to mapping out “The Plan”. I know that comes as a total shock. In fact, it’s a little bit shocking to me.

Finally, after years of lying dormant, my WDW commando came online with a vengeance. I happened to have a notepad in my carryon and in the course of about an hour, I had mapped out “The Plan 2.0”. We were spending five days in Orlando, with 4 day park hopper passes. On our last day, we were flying out at 3PM, so my plan was to use our first four days as park days. Our inbound flight was scheduled to arrive in Orlando around noon, and with any luck, I figured we could be in the parks by 2PM. We’d spend day one in the Magic Kingdom, day two at the Disney MGM Studios, day three at EPCOT Center, and split day 4 between the Studios and the Magic Kingdom.

Sounds like a great plan

So blissfully unaware that the universe was about to take a cosmic dump on our honeymoon

Uh oh

It was absolutely POURING. By the time we made it off of the plane and into the terminal, it was not only raining, but the lighting and thunder had arrived full force.

Yuck!

Convenient.

For whom

Knowing that we would be tempted to over spend if presented the opportunity, we had only brought a limited amount of cash with us and neither of us (on the pretense of being responsible) had brought a credit card. Oh Joy. Great Biscuit, welcome to real life; real life, meet Great Biscuit.

Sorry but

Turns out that this couple was at the church when she called, and had stayed late from a Bible study to tell the pastor about how a stranger from another church had helped their daughter when her car broke down at college. When my mom called in and explained the situation, they said they knew God was giving them a chance to help someone else’s kid. They brought us from the airport to the resort and refused to take any money. Unfortunately I have forgotten their names, but I thank God for allowing our paths to cross.

Awesome again

Coming up in Episode 22 – Hell Hath No Fury Like a Biscuit Burned

 

[AshClan]

Woo Hoo. Haven't been here in a bit, so I just got THREE chapters in a row!!

First of all (NOGB), belated Happy Birthday to MTK!

Secondly, what a sweet, innocent love story. I was probably about the same age as you when I got married (Were you 23?), though we did wait until we had BOTH graduated college. I think your whole "no dating til I'm ready to get married" thing is sweet. I wouldn't have taken that route if you'd paid me, but sweet nonetheless

Now....O.M.G. on the honeymoon trip down. I don't know if I even want to hear the rest. I am scared for you, m'dear. I learned in my sophmore year of college, I think it was, to NEVER travel without a credit card. Never Never Never. (Says the girl who got stuck without a flight in Newark, NJ after visiting a college friend that summer.) And what a wonderful pay-it-forward story! Divine Intervention indeed. How awesome.

You continue to entertain, my friend. Keep up the good work! I'll try to be better about checking in more often. Though I really enjoyed the 3 chapters at once dealie......

 

[GreatBiscuit]

First I have to say you've got to travel around the south a little more...there are bait vending machines here as soon as you get close to the lake (or you can go in the convenience store and get the worms that are handily stashed in their own refrigerator.)

I've seen the in-store bait here in Texas, but the vending machine was a whole new world.

Now, the trip report. This is certainly turning into a big adventure! Isn't it fun to remember what life and vacations were like before the internet? And before credit cards? I remember dh had to apply for his first Visa to book our honeymoon.

Love the little God moments! Although you do seem to be running into some plagues; there aren't any locusts coming are there?

On this trip, the adventure was only beginning. While there were no locusts, I was ready to pray for some to be sent down.

Sounds like quite the adventure! I'm almost afraid to read the next installment.

I'm almost afraid to type it!

That is one great mom you have there Bisquit

Definitely!

Secondly, what a sweet, innocent love story. I was probably about the same age as you when I got married (Were you 23?), though we did wait until we had BOTH graduated college. I think your whole "no dating til I'm ready to get married" thing is sweet. I wouldn't have taken that route if you'd paid me, but sweet nonetheless

We were indeed both 23.

Now....O.M.G. on the honeymoon trip down. I don't know if I even want to hear the rest. I am scared for you, m'dear. I learned in my sophmore year of college, I think it was, to NEVER travel without a credit card. Never Never Never. (Says the girl who got stuck without a flight in Newark, NJ after visiting a college friend that summer.) And what a wonderful pay-it-forward story! Divine Intervention indeed. How awesome.

VISA - we never left home without it after that trip.

You continue to entertain, my friend. Keep up the good work! I'll try to be better about checking in more often. Though I really enjoyed the 3 chapters at once dealie......

Thanks AC! Glad to have you stop by anytime.

 

[PrincessV]

Why fly out of Kansas City when were married in Minneapolis and moving to Oklahoma City? I asked the same questions when my mom ran it by me. Turns out was $200 cheaper PER TICKET and we had to drive through there anyway to get to our new home.

Way to go Mom! Nothiing Fuzzy about that at all... your Mom's got the mad Disney math skillz!

Finally, after years of lying dormant, my WDW commando came online with a vengeance. I happened to have a notepad in my carryon and in the course of about an hour, I had mapped out “The Plan 2.0”.

Somehow, I knew you'd come around.

That’s when it started to hail.

Convenient.

Knowing that we would be tempted to over spend if presented the opportunity, we had only brought a limited amount of cash with us and neither of us (on the pretense of being responsible) had brought a credit card.

Noooo!!!!

I'm almost afraid to read the next installment.

Me too!

 

[Backstage_Gal]

WOW, GB, what a journey! Certainly something you tell at parties for entertainment, LOL (or post on the Internet even). Awesome about the church people picking you up.

Mad props to your MOM!

Sorry you honeymoon started off so badly, but what a fun read yet again!
I'm afraid to find out what happened next

Thanks for your very entertaining stories. I'll be here Thursday!

 

[GreatBiscuit]

Way to go Mom! Nothiing Fuzzy about that at all... your Mom's got the mad Disney math skillz!

Woo Hoo Mammie!

Somehow, I knew you'd come around.

WOW, GB, what a journey! Certainly something you tell at parties for entertainment, LOL (or post on the Internet even). Awesome about the church people picking you up.

It was a pretty cool ending to the day!

Mad props to your MOM!

You know it!

Sorry you honeymoon started off so badly, but what a fun read yet again! I'm afraid to find out what happened next

It gets bizarre let me tell you.

Thanks for your very entertaining stories. I'll be here Thursday!

Thanks for reading! See you then!

 

[brookelizabeth]

Hey! I've read the wholeeeeeeeeeee thing thanks to your handy links! Through your PTR/TRs Adventure (which has been AWESOME to read), I've learned we have quite a bit in common.

You were married in Minnesota
You are a bit of a geek (in a good way)
You are in tech support
And most important...you have a relationship with God!!

You and my DH would be BFF. Audio/movie/visual/computer geeks unite! I took a pic of the Indiana Jones soundboard for him at DHS just because I knew he would want detailed shots. This past Christmas we went to see Transiberan Ochestra and he spent at least 1/2 the show scoping out the sound/visual equipment with his binoculars.

I have oodles to comment on, but first, I have to give you HUGE applause for that Goofy drawing done in MS Paint. Fo rizzle, you got skillz.

And, I take it your company is still in alright standings and you have NOT been laid off!

I'm very much enjoying your adventures, it's been fun to "grow" with you and your many trips to the world.

Have you ever tried to find Pete on Facebook or something like that?

 

[burly]

and
and
and

 

[joleen76]

Oh holy cliffhangers!! I love it!!

Can't wait to hear more! (I guess technically read more, but you know Texans don't talk like that)

 

[Kimberly815]

GreatBiscuit,

I just found your trip report today and I have to say I am very much enjoying it!

I love your Dad and his awesome math skills! I would have loved to see the look on the timeshare guy's face! Priceless!

Thank God for that lovely couple! It doesn't get much more perfect than that!

Aww. I hope the Biscuit's Honeymoon isn't too filled with drama and troubles!

 

[GreatBiscuit]

Hey! I've read the wholeeeeeeeeeee thing thanks to your handy links! Through your PTR/TRs Adventure (which has been AWESOME to read), I've learned we have quite a bit in common.

Welcome! Glad you found your way over!

You were married in Minnesota
You are a bit of a geek (in a good way)
You are in tech support
And most important...you have a relationship with God!!

You and my DH would be BFF. Audio/movie/visual/computer geeks unite! I took a pic of the Indiana Jones soundboard for him at DHS just because I knew he would want detailed shots. This past Christmas we went to see Transiberan Ochestra and he spent at least 1/2 the show scoping out the sound/visual equipment with his binoculars.

Awesome! I always knew I wasn't the only one!

I have oodles to comment on, but first, I have to give you HUGE applause for that Goofy drawing done in MS Paint. Fo rizzle, you got skillz.

Thanks!

And, I take it your company is still in alright standings and you have NOT been laid off!

Looks like we dodged the bullet this time. Whew!

I'm very much enjoying your adventures, it's been fun to "grow" with you and your many trips to the world.

Have you ever tried to find Pete on Facebook or something like that?

Glad you enjoyed it. I've tried My Space, Facebook, People Finder, and our colege alumni page...not luck.

and
and
and

Thanks!

Oh holy cliffhangers!! I love it!!

Can't wait to hear more! (I guess technically read more, but you know Texans don't talk like that)

Glad you are enjoying it. It's all good...we Texans have our own lingo.

GreatBiscuit,

I just found your trip report today and I have to say I am very much enjoying it!!

Welcome! Thanks for reading!

I love your Dad and his awesome math skills! I would have loved to see the look on the timeshare guy's face! Priceless!

It was always a trip when we went to those things.

Thank God for that lovely couple! It doesn't get much more perfect than that!

Aww. I hope the Biscuit's Honeymoon isn't too filled with drama and troubles!

The couple giving us a ride was deinitely cool. As to drama, well, let's just say it gets really interesting.

 

[brookelizabeth]

Welcome! Glad you found your way over!

Awesome! I always knew I wasn't the only one!

Thanks!

Looks like we dodged the bullet this time. Whew!

Glad you enjoyed it. I've tried My Space, Facebook, People Finder, and our colege alumni page...not luck.

That stinks about Pete "disappearing". I had a good friend like that but did eventually find her on Facebook. Have I been good about logging in and chatting with her...uh..nope....

I'm so glad to hear you avoided the layoffs. Did you see the "free dining" offer now? Can you apply that to your trip and save some bucks?

 

[GreatBiscuit]

Did you see the "free dining" offer now? Can you apply that to your trip and save some bucks?

I'll keep my bargain loving eyes open.


Now, I'm off to update.

 

[GreatBiscuit]

Episode 23 - Hell hath no fury like a Biscuit Burned!

First, I’d like to give a quick shout out to my sister Lynnlee who gave birth to her second boy late last night. Welcome to the family Cooper! We may be a little crazy, but you’ll never lack in love or laughter.
__________________________________________

Secondly, a quick note about this episode. It’s a long one. In fact, it turned out twice as long as any other; however, as you will see, the story could not really be broken up without losing something. I had hoped to add a circa-1997 couple’s photo, but due to the baby drama yesterday and a bout with some sort of stomach bug the past two days, I have not had a chance to go scan any. SO.I guess I just MAY have to just do a separate photo post tomorrow to make up for it. Now, on with the show!
__________________________________________

Previously on Biscuit’s Grand Adventure, weather got nasty, rental cars were denied and a ray of sunshine came our way. Before we left for our trip, I got some basic information on our destination resort. It was a brand-new addition to the time share listings, was listed as a three star resort with a large pool, near Disney Property, with a daily shuttle to the parks.

In my mind’s eye, I went back to our summer of 1990 trip. I pictured a setup like the time share Pete and I had toured on the Fantasy Island trolley. Sleek condos, pristine pool, big dining room, whole nine yards.

I remember us pulling up that night (after an oddly short drive from the airport) and getting a look at the place for the first time. Hey GB, see those shards flying out the window? Those are your shattered illusions my friend. The building itself looked surprisingly similar to a low-end motel. In fact on further inspection, one could see a large white blob above the door where the paint was thick enough to stand out from the rest of the building, but not quite thick enough to cover up the original name of the motel which was still showing through. (I THINK it had been a Travelodge)

Hmmm...well...okay...whatever, we’re just sleeping here. A vinyl sign hanging on the inside of the front door confirmed that we were INDEED in the correct spot, and so we bid our newly found friends goodbye and thanked them profusely for their assistance.

I then headed to the front desk, and after getting the clerk to peel himself away from the mini-TV he was watching, I managed to get us checked in. There were two things that really stuck out about the lobby. One was it was decidedly lacking in décor. By lacking I mean there were several squares on the wall where it was obvious from the fading paint that there had once been pictures hanging. Yet, for reasons unknown, the pictures were gone and nothing had replaced them. The second thing I noticed was that it smelled of feet. Or stale cheese. It’s hard to tell the two apart sometimes. (Depending on the foot being referenced of course.)

After getting our key, I asked for our park tickets. When the reservation was made, my Aunt LeeAnn had paid for our park tickets and was told they would be waiting for us at the front desk. The desk clerk advised me that I would have to get them from the desk of the time share office in the morning. I inquired as to when it opened and was advised that it opened at 9:00 AM. Okay, no biggie. We can get our tickets and be in the parks by 10:00.

Upon retiring to our room, we discovered that it bore resemblance to the lobby in two ways. One, it had a faded square on the wall where a picture of some sort used to be, and two the motel name on the phone had been painted over with a substance bearing a striking resemblance to White-Out. There were also some discolorations of unknown origin on the carpet, but other than that, it was quite cozy. At that point, we were so tired, we didn’t care about the décor. We did however care about the hole in the sheets on the first bed we unmade. Thankfully, there was another in the room and it seemed to have all of its linen intact.

The next morning, I headed down to the lobby around 8:55, to procure our park hoppers. I asked the lady at the front desk where the time share office was and expected her to point down the hallway. Instead she gave me a street map. I looked at it a moment, realized it was beyond walking distance, and advised her that we had no mode of transportation.

She told me that the shuttle would leave for the time share office at 10:00 AM. Hmm...well...okay then. I got back to the room and advised Tracy not to bother hurrying. We eventually returned to the lobby and waited on the shuttle. About 10:10, I checked back with the front desk to see if she had an ETA. She did not. We waited some more and at 10:30, I asked her again about the shuttle. She advised that it would be there as soon as possible. Finally, around 11AM, a white 15 passenger van pulled up outside. It had no markings on it, but the driver came in and asked if anyone was going to the time share office.

We immediately jumped up and headed outside. I was all set and ready to go when the driver asked me for $12. Come again? He then advised me that he did not work for the time share company, he was just a contracted shuttle and that it was $6 per person to get there and back. Okay...well then...if it results in park tickets in my hands, I guess I can swing $12. (Although had I know this was not a COMPLIMENTARY shuttle, I’d have called a cab an hour ago.)

After a fifteen-minute drive, we arrived at a pleasant looking office building and were greeted by Tiffany the bubbling podium checker-inner. I remember her name because she repeated it every time someone came in the door. Which was often. We told her we were there for our park tickets and she checked us in, then pointed us towards a lounge area. I scoped the place out and soon realized that this particular office managed several different time share properties.

After 20 min or so, I was called up to the main desk where I advised the man at the computer what I needed. He handed me a folder and told me to have a seat in one of the side offices. Okay...well...I guess. A few minutes later a woman came in and asked us for our ID. I assumed this was to verify that we were the true intended recipients of the tickets. The folder the dude gave me detailed the joys of time share ownership. I had to grin a moment and thought “If only dad were here.”

About ten minutes later, the lady returned with a frown and asked who had booked our tour. Uh...come again? I advised her that there was no tour, we were JUST there to pick up our tickets. She then advised us that we couldn’t get our tickets without taking the tour. I advised her we weren’t interested in the tour, we just need to get the tickets that were already paid for, and were supposed to have been waiting for us the night before. She then told us we couldn’t take the tour because we didn’t meet the minimum age requirement.

Have you ever had a conversation where you felt like you were talking to a jar of fruit? I was having one of those conversations. I advised her again that we did NOT require a tour as our tickets were already paid for. We just needed to pick them up.

She told us to wait for a few moments and that’s when Manager Guy 2.0 came in. His hair was not quite as frozen as Manager Guy 1.0 from 1990, but he did seem to be equipped with the same perma-grin. I again explained the situation to him and he went in the back to “check the files”. A few minutes later, he came back, apologized for the mix-up and advised us that if we would have a seat in the lounge, they’d get our tickets.

HALLELUJAH!

Perusing a wall map of Orlando in the lounge, I discovered our resort which was “Close to Property” was on the other side of airport from The World. (AKA far eastern side of Orlando.) I’m not sure what unit of measure was used when determining that the use of the word CLOSE, was appropriate, but I guess compared to I don’t know, say Atlanta, it qualified. (I also wondered what abyss they pulled the three star rating out of.)

After another 10-15 min wait I was again called back up to the counter. Computer dude had an envelope sitting in front of him. Great, we’re making progress! He then said “Okay, Mr. Biscuit, we’re all set here, will you be paying by Visa or Mastercard?” Being caught off guard I stared the guy and replied “Paying for what?” To which he replied “The park tickets you ordered.”

DOH!

I then explained again that the tickets had already been paid for, we just needed to pick them up. He then scowled at his screen for several minutes and advised that there was no record of the tickets having been paid for.

I asked to see Manager Guy 2.0 and after another several-minute wait, was called back to one of the side offices. I again explained what was going on and he went to “re-pull the file”. He then said that while there WAS a credit card number in the file, it was one digit short so they had been unable to charge it.

He did offer to let me use the phone so, not knowing my Aunt’s LeeAnn’s phone number by heart, I called my mom. I explained the situation and she gave my the correct number. At the time, Aunt LeeAnn was a partner in a home health agency in Arizona. When I called, I reached an office assistant and discovered my aunt was with a client. I gave her the lowdown and she promised to have my aunt call me ASAP.

About twenty minutes later, the computer guy at the desk brought me back up and advised I had a phone call. My aunt was on the line and felt terrible about the problems we were having. She gave me the corrected number and told me if there were any problems to call back within 15 minutes as she had a meeting she had to go to.

You know where this is going don’t you.

I gave the corrected credit card number to front desk dude. He then advised me that since it was a keyed in number and not a swiped card, that he would need to get Manager Guy 2.0 to put it in. Okay, at least we’re making progress again. I returned to the lounge area and waited some more. After about 10 min of not seeing Manager Guy 2.0, I invited myself back to the desk, but had to wait for a couple in front of me to be processed in. I then inquired as to the status of our transaction. Computer guy then looked at me funny and said “We’re waiting on the fax.” Fax? What fax? “To enter the card manually we have to have a copy of it.”

I’m counting now 1-2-3-4-5-6-7

Okay and you didn’t tell me this twenty minutes ago because?????? “Oh, I thought Manager Guy 2.0 explained that to you. Even if you get the numbers over the phone, we are still required to have a faxed copy of both sides of the card.” I got back on the phone and called my aunts office, discovered she had just entered the meeting and that it would last for the next 90 minutes or so.

Okay, it’s after 12:30, we haven’t eaten yet, and I’m way too agitated for my own good. We decided to head to the KFC next door and sooth our sorrows southern style...deep fried poultry and massive quantities of gravy. My wife assured me it was all going to be fine, it was just a little delay. But something was gnawing at the back of my mind. Something the shuttle driver had said that I felt was significant.

We returned back to the lounge area and after making sure my aunt had not yet called back, we settled in to wait. My aunt’s meeting ran a few minutes late, but she DID call back as soon as it was over. She soon had the fax sent through and around 2:45, computer dude told me they had it. We still had to wait on Manager Guy 2.0 to finish with someone else, but he eventually emerged and went in the back to run the numbers.

FINALLY around 3:30 PM, computer guy called me back up to the front and handed me the envelopes with the tickets.

JOY! HALLELUJAH! AMEN!

Now where’s the shuttle? We found out from Computer Guy that the shuttle would be here at 4:00 PM PM. Okay. Let’s figure this out. We can wait for the shuttle, take a cab to the motel, or take a cab to property. I asked how far we were from The World and they advised about 22 miles. That’s going to make for an expensive trip there and back. Okay we’ll wait on the shuttle, (since we’ve already paid for it) head back to motel and then go immediately to the parks. Yet something still bugged me in the back of my brain.

The shuttle van arrived around 4:15. I asked our driver the question that had been bugging me all afternoon. “So is this the same shuttle service that takes guests to Walt Disney World?” He affirmed that it was. I then asked him the golden question "How much does it cost?" He then advised me it was $20 per person, per day, but children were free. Well, thank goodness for that. I then asked what the cost was for a ride to the airport and he replied it was a $35 flat fee.

We got back to our motel around four thirty, and were greeted with a sign in the lobby that the pool would be closed for maintenance for the next two days. Well this day just keeps getting better. I headed up to the room and pulled out the phone book to check on taxi rates to and from The World. After giving our motel address to multiple companies, I found the rates to be even higher than the shuttle. That’s when my heart finally sank. I realized that we had a choice. We could go the parks every day or we could eat, but we could NOT do both.

While I was working my way through the yellow pages, I heard a startled shriek from the bathroom area. Tracy then advised me that there was a bug in there. It turned out to be a roach.

A MASSIVE roach.

This was the pretty much the end of the fun for us. Let me just tell you that there are few things in the world as disheartening as being in Orlando, with unused Park Hoppers, time, and enough money for food plus a couple of souvenirs, and then realizing that it’s just NOT going to happen. We talked it over, and neither of us wanted to be stuck in a white walled room with no pool and nothing to do for the next three days besides chasing roaches.

I called the airline and found out that we could try to get on a plane early by going standby, and if they could take us, we wouldn’t have to pay extra. There was a flight out that night and Tracy and I decided that we’d just head back home. I can’t begin to express how horrible I felt for Tracy at that moment. As upset as I was about missing the parks, I felt worse about letting her down.

I called my mom and told her the whole sad tale and that we were packing up and heading out. She told me she’d call me back in 30 minutes and not to leave for the airport until we talked to her. I wanted to tell her it would take three times that long for shuttle man to show up, but I couldn’t bring myself to make a joke, even a small one.

My mom called back about thirty minutes later and told me they had found us another place to stay and gave me an address. Given the events of the past two days, I was not yet ready to celebrate. I called the phone number on the business card the shuttle driver had given me and gave him the address. He said we would drive us over for $25. Okay fine, worst case scenario, we go to the airport in the morning. He told me he would be there in an hour, so about an hour and twenty minutes later we headed down. This time we only waited in the lobby about five minutes before he got there. (I may not be the sharpest cheddar in the cheese case, but I'm trainable.)

Our driver then started loading up our gear, Tracy got in the van, and I went to check out. My friend, the mini-TV fan from the night before, was back at the front desk again. I got his attention and told him I was ready to check out. He looked quite confused for a minute. Apparently people only check IN when he is working. He then looked us up, and said “You aren’t scheduled to check out until Saturday.” I replied that I knew that, but I was checking out now. He then replied “But you are already booked. You can’t check out early.” I then held out the keys and said “We’re checking out now, here is our room key.” He responded with “I cannot accept the key from you sir, we don’t allow early checkout."

And THAT my friends, is when I lost it.

Now there’s something you need to understand. I RARELY lose my temper. I tend to be even-keel almost to a fault. Before transferring to my current department I was the escalations rep for tier two tech support. Whenever someone came on the line screaming and cursing at another rep, I took over the call and calmed them down. I can handle stressful situations without losing my cool. But on that fateful night, the events of the past two days had already pushed me to the edge; and the absolute absurdity of the conversation I was now having was all it took to give me the final shove.

I slammed the key on the counter, and drawing on every molecule of park beast within me, I literally bellowed “WE ARE LEAVING THIS GOD-FORSAKEN HELLHOLE RIGHT NOW SO TAKE THESE KEYS AND STUFF 'EM IN WHATEVER ORIFICE YOU FEEL APPROPRIATE!” I then turned, exited and shook the dust of the place from my feet. (In a perfect world, I would have farted on my way out the door...but that day the world was far from perfect.) My finest moment? Probably not. But I have to say I felt much better getting into the van.

At this point in time, I still wasn’t quite sure what to expect, but after the past two days, I was content to simply sit and be driven. About a half hour later, we pulled into the Holiday Day Inn Nikki Bird. I introduced us at the front desk as Mr. and Mrs. Biscuit, and the lady checking us in immediately apologized for the horrible honeymoon we had been having. She then explained that my Aunt Jana had called and told her what we’d been through and arranged for us to stay there for the rest of our trip.

She then advised us that the resort did indeed offer a complimentary shuttle to the parks which ran several times daily and gave us the schedule. She then gave us a map, pointed out the pool, hot tub, dining room, gift shop and all that other nifty stuff. She told us on our last day, we would leave our bags at the hotel after checking out to maximize our park time. Finally she told us that if we had any problems at all, to call the desk and ask for her personally.

In that moment it was as if a weight had been lifted from my shoulders. I had been afraid to get my hopes up before, but now I stood there, jaw open, and looked around. The place was absolutely amazing. I know this may sound crazy, but I couldn’t have been happier if I were checking into the Contemporary. The resort was such a STARK opposite of where we had just come from, that it isn’t even possible to express it.

I was so happy, I could have leaned across the counter and kissed her. But I didn’t because, well I was on my honeymoon, and as Tracy had not yet had a good soul-cleansing release of pent up emotion, I had a pretty good idea as to which orifice she would select as the recipient of our new room key. We were then escorted to a waiting golf cart, and a smiling dude in a bright shirt drove us to our room.

How do you say thank you to someone for something like this? Especially when they have already given so much for you to be there to begin with? Aunt Janna, if we haven’t said it recently, let me say it again. Thank you so much! We appreciate it more than you can know. You literally saved our honeymoon.

Mom and LeeAnn, thank you as well for helping us get to live our dream and for bending over backwards when things went off kilter. (And since neither of you are WDW nuts, you should Google those last two words together with the word Epcot.)

We love you all!



Matt & Tracy

Coming up on Episode 24 - Our honeymoon truly begins and we discover an old friend.

 

[Beka]

Oh my gosh, I got mad for you. I would have lost my cool LONG before you did!