Birthday Party/Baby Shower at the same time..tacky?

[lynxstch]

Without making this longer than necessary…my stepdaughter (who recently has told numerous stories and lies about me and her father to other people) called today to inform us of the date and time for our grandson’s (4’th) birthday party..she also mentioned at the time that she is also having a baby shower (she’s almost 7 months pregnant and her husband/the father is in jail at the present time)..at the same time and place?..she is apparently giving the shower herself!…now..no invitations are being sent ..only phone calls..so how can anyone rsvp?..I have no intention of going to her baby shower for personal reasons (will send a gift after the birth)..but how do you get out of one and still attend the other?..since the party is a week after his actual birthday..could we get away with just making sure he has his birthday presents ON his birthday and not attend this ‘party/shower’?..please..don’t anyone flame me for asking this..just wondered if anyone else finds this combination extremely tacky..like a plea for gifts?..and that the ‘birthday boy’ is kind of getting cheated with this situation?..and that everyone who attends must now bring TWO gifts instead of one?..thanks in advance for any opinions!

 

[Lewski709]

The only way I see of getting out of it is making a special trip to honor the birthday boy. It's totally tacky to have 2 baby showers, IMO especially when she is throwing it herself. She sounds greedy and I would give the baby a gift, when he/she is born that can be used later in the baby's life and that is nothing the mother can use now. JMHO. A bond is good.

 

[Michelemouse]

Could you possibly take him out for the day on his actual birthday (or maybe the day before or after)? You could give him his presents then and he would also have a day that is all his own.

 

[disykat]

Really tacky - that puts you in a horrible predicament!

 

[Sandy V.]

I think Michelemouse's suggestion is a great one. Try and take your grandson out for his own personal "celebration".

 

[TEENEE]

Sounds like this child is getting cheated out of his day. If this is any indication of how things will be in the future for this child I really feel bad for him. I agree with Michelemouse, see if you can take him out for a special day. Explain to him that you won't be able to make it to his party, that is why you are taking him out at a different time.

 

[ScarlettO]

Is she giving herself the baby shower? Very tacky. I feel sorry for your grandson to "steal the fun" fom his celebration, so to speak.

 

[kilee]

Personally, I don't think 2 gift giving events should ever be combined. My neighboors (whom we don't even really care for) did that this past summer. They held a communion party for their son and daughter. But at the same time (same invitations) had a birthday party for the daughter and their other daughter. The bottom line was-- 1 event-- 4 gifts. I thought it incredibly tacky at the time. I also think you shouldn't throw your own shower.

You may not agree with it, but they are your grandkids. Don't penalize them for her actions.

 

[gymnasticsmom68]

Yes, very tacky! Tacky to throw yourself a babyshower, and even tackier to do it when you know dang well people will be coming over. If I were you, I would just acknowledge the little one's birthday, but I do think you should go for the Grandson's sake.

 

[kasar]

That is very tacky. My first thought was that I wouldn't mind the two things combined because do you really want to have to see this woman TWICE? But after really reading your post, I do see that this is really going to be a disappointment to her son. I think the idea of taking him out on his birthday is a great one.

It sounds like she may be needing stuff for the baby if the dad isn't around. As mad as you are at her, you may want to send a small, practical gift (not money) just to make sure the baby will be okay. Maybe bottles or diapers? Maybe I'm being too soft but it's the baby that will lose out if no one comes to the shower (and from the sounds of it, she'll probably not have a great turnout). Wow, she sounds kinda wacky!

 

[mickeyfan1]

I agree with the previous poster, if you can take him out on his actual BD, or close to it and let him know that you are making sure he gets some special time with his grandfather and you. But to not show up for the party, even though it is pretty crass of the mother to "share the wealth", he will only remember that you were not there. He may not notice that there is a "shower" going on at the same time, but he will notice if his grandparents don't come to the party. Not going will also give her more things to talk about, wrong or right. I think it is a novel idea, and just think, she will be able to save money on the decorations and refreshments. (just kidding)

 

[lynxstch]

to answer the most asked question..YES..she is throwing her OWN baby shower..probably cause she has everyone in the family either so upset with her or mad at her that noone else would do it!..she has moved so many times in the last 4 years..that she either gave away or just left everything she had for the first baby behind..we had given her a crib, changing table, stroller, clothes..etc...nothing is left!!!

to answer the second..YES she IS wacky!..lol!..you wouldn't believe some of the things this 22 year old does!

the suggestion of taking our grandson out for his own 'celebration' would be a good one..but she wouldn't go along with it..we are not allowed to take him unless she is there..no idea why!

I am not trying to 'penalize' either grandchild..and we will see to it that grandson #1 has his gifts for his birthday..and we have already gotten grandson #2 (the yet to be born baby) clothes, diapers, etc..I just didn't want to have to go to a 'baby shower'!

I just feel that people are being "forced' to attend a baby shower when in fact those same people would not go if it weren't for the fact that it's also Skylar's birthday!

thanks for the opinions..am anxious to see what else you DIS'ers have to say!
Lynn

 

[pirateofthecarolinas]

Ask your husband what he wants you to do? In this case I don't think it would hurt to take the high road especially when a 4 year old is involved. Just pat yourself on the back for doing the right thing and keep your head held high.

Lori

 

[Kimberle]

You should go.

A 4 yo is NOT going to understand why you weren't there. To him, this is "his" day. Take a small gift of a couple of baby rattles or something for the "shower". JMHO, but taking him out on another day will be meaningless to him. He still will not understand why you were not at his party.

Go & spend all your attention on your grandson. *He* will appreaciate it.