At what age did you let your son go to the mens room alone?

I will have to go back to read the other replies. These are my thoughts:
1. If I am a pervert/child abductor the first place I'd put myself would be a church. The second would be Disneyland. The two places people's defenses are down. I remind my kids of this all the time because to them, DL is their second home and they feel very comfortable wandering away from me there.

2. On the other hand, few places are better monitored than DL. Again, I tell my kids that DL police can see and hear everything they do. I honestly assume that's true, though typically cameras do not carry in to restrooms. (I wouldn't put it past Disney though!)

3. DS10 is 5'2" and nearly 110lb. This creates two problems: He thinks he is "big enough" to thwart an attacker in the men's room and he looks 12-13 so he worries that if he's in the ladies' room someone will think he's not just a little kid.

4. That tragic case in Las Vegas ruined me forever. I do my best to accommodate DS's wish to not go into the ladies' room, like stopping at Starbucks on the road because those are usually a locking one-person restroom, or finding a family restroom if possible, or waiting for the restroom to clear out - but sometimes, that poor kid just has to suck it up and go into the ladies' room with me. I know that all moms understand. ETA: Well, not all moms. :lmao:

I do believe you're the only one beating this dead horse. No, a 13-yr-old's discomfort - nor her mother's - does not bother me on this non-issue. Honestly, unless she's changing her clothes next to the sinks I am hard pressed to figure out where modesty comes into play here.

And FWIW, my son has never peeped at anything but his shoes as he walks through the ladies' restroom; in fact, he refuses to wash his hands if there are ladies present and just uses buckets of sanitizer after he races out the door.

You bring your 5'2" 110 lb. son into the ladies room and you think I'm the one projecting my issues onto my child?
 
There is NO reason to bring a boy over 4 in the ladies room at DL... NONE! There are family bathrooms and each park has a baby care center, if you explain to them, they will let you use it even if the boy is too tall!

I think it's ridiculous to see big boys in the ladies room.....
 
I will have to go back to read the other replies. These are my thoughts:
1. If I am a pervert/child abductor the first place I'd put myself would be a church. The second would be Disneyland. The two places people's defenses are down. I remind my kids of this all the time because to them, DL is their second home and they feel very comfortable wandering away from me there.

I just...don't understand this? What do you possibly think could happen in the two or three minutes he'd be in the bathroom? He's 10, old enough to scream if someone approached him. One of the other men in the bathroom would be there in a second to help, not to mention you as well assuming you'd be right outside the door. The bathrooms at Disney are never empty, so a molester would not have the privacy he'd need. Disneyland takes pictures of every.single.guest. on their way into the parks now. So any child could identify their attempted molester because Disney would have the picture on file. If I were a child molester, Disneyland would be the absolute LAST place I'd choose because I would be certain to be caught. And it bears repeating, children are almost NEVER molested by strangers. It's uncles, neighbors, fathers, pastors, brothers, aunts, coaches and friends who molest children. I get that the world can be a scary place, believe me, but I think we owe it to our kids to be concerned about real fears and not vague potentialities. And the response to this often is, you can never be too careful. Well, I'd argue you can. You can be careful to the point you cripple your child's burgeoning sense of independence. Do you make your child stay home every single time it rains because s/he might get hit by lightning? No, because that would be ridiculous, right? Well they are more likely to be struck by lightning than molested by a stranger. Please, for the sake of your kids teach them the world is basically a safe place (because it is, much more so than when were kids even) and let them grow into functioning, autonomous adults.
 
3. DS10 is 5'2" and nearly 110lb. This creates two problems: He thinks he is "big enough" to thwart an attacker in the men's room and he looks 12-13 so he worries that if he's in the ladies' room someone will think he's not just a little kid.
:

No molester is going to go after a kid that size in a very public washroom... or even a very private washroom. He needs to learn how to be independently safe, not that his mother needs to be with him everywhere he goes for him to be safe. How will he ever make it through life?

He'll be okay! I promise. My girls know how to be safe and what to do if the 0.00001% chance something does happen. I have to trust them and what I've taught them and let them grow into functional adults with this knowledge. I can't live in fear, and instill that fear in them, of something that will likely never happen but what I do know for a fact will happen is that they will grow up and be independent... if I teach them how.
 

I do believe you're the only one beating this dead horse. No, a 13-yr-old's discomfort - nor her mother's - does not bother me on this non-issue. Honestly, unless she's changing her clothes next to the sinks I am hard pressed to figure out where modesty comes into play here.

There have been 2 instances where I've seen girls/women changing clothes in the restroom. One was the restroom near Splash Mountain as they tried to dry and change out of their wet clothes and the other was a night of a Halloween party while they changed into costumes. Both times, a tween boy appeared and it was VERY awkward. I felt so bad for those girls. :(
 
if parents teach their kids that there is a danger around every corner, those kids will be so messed up with anxiety over EVERYTHING. We must learn to give them independence in situations where it's not likely to be an issue, and build upon those situations. A crowded bathroom at DL is a great place to start. The likelihood of there being an issue is SOOOOO small.

And for the record, I would be peeved if there was some tween boy in the bathroom around my 8yo daughter, HER comfort comes first - after all, it's a ladies' room! He's certainly old enough to go to the bathroom by himself, or go find a family bathroom if you can't trust. My gym has a sign up that boys 5 and older must use the mens room or the family changing rooms available at the pool.
 
My husband and I are taking our son to DL in 2 weeks. My son is 6.5 years old. My husband is not that much of a Disney fan and will go back to room fairly often. I've just started letting my son go into mens bathrooms alone, but only when it's a single stall and I stand right outside the door. I'm too nervous to do this at Disneyland, though, and I'm worried about what I'll do when my husband is not with us. I just have this awful image in my head of pedophiles laying in wait for young boys to come into the restrooms all alone!

When did others start letting their sons go into the mens bathrooms alone? I also know my son is growing up and I don't want to make other women uncomfortable with him in the womens bathroom (though I know other moms will be very understanding).

I think he's old enough to go in alone. Just wait outside the door and tell your kid to scream if anyone approaches him. There are enough people going in and out of the bathroom that I think he'll be fine.
 
/
I do believe you're the only one beating this dead horse. No, a 13-yr-old's discomfort - nor her mother's - does not bother me on this non-issue. Honestly, unless she's changing her clothes next to the sinks I am hard pressed to figure out where modesty comes into play here.

And FWIW, my son has never peeped at anything but his shoes as he walks through the ladies' restroom; in fact, he refuses to wash his hands if there are ladies present and just uses buckets of sanitizer after he races out the door.

If you want to your son to accompany you while you are using the restroom, then find a family restroom. You can also accompany him into the men's restroom. There are other options that are available to you, you are choosing to ignore them for your own comfort above everyone else's including your son's.
 
I do believe you're the only one beating this dead horse. No, a 13-yr-old's discomfort - nor her mother's - does not bother me on this non-issue. Honestly, unless she's changing her clothes next to the sinks I am hard pressed to figure out where modesty comes into play here.

And FWIW, my son has never peeped at anything but his shoes as he walks through the ladies' restroom; in fact, he refuses to wash his hands if there are ladies present and just uses buckets of sanitizer after he races out the door.

Your son is taller and heavier than my daughter, who navigates public restrooms on her own. 10 year old boys have been convicted of rape. While I have no belief that could happen in a busy restroom, I'm fairly sure that you're concerned about other forms of sexual assault. So is every other parent.

The reason that few of us wade in conversations like this is in your own statement "No, a 13-yr-old's discomfort - nor her mother's - does not bother me"

I can't make you care about my daughter's well-being. I don't want my daughter to live in fear or anxiety. So I teach her strength, self confidence and self possession. When she's 12 or 13 and a boy who doesn't belong in the women's restroom leers at her, she can tell him he doesn't belong and should leave. And if he doesn't - she'll hurt him. I've learned from you, so I won't care.
 
I was at Sea World and there was a huge line for the bathroom after a show. I finally got to the front , a stall opened and I walked towards it, and a 6ish year old boy ran in front of the whole line and zipped into the stall and started yelling for his mom that he was in this one. I was dumbfounded and told him there was a line (in my first grade teacher voice) and he just stared at me. His mom came in 30 seconds later and I explained to her he had cut the whole line. He said "No, I didn't" and she said "He says he didn't." I said (actually calmly) there is this huge line, he ran around it. She said "He said he didn't." I was just thinking, glad this kid isn't in my class. BUT- bu the time this was over, I got the stink eye for getting back in the front of the line.

I hate it when I see kids over 6ish in the bathroom when Dad is outside. This happened at Monday Night Football this past Monday. There was a boy- at least a tall 8, looked 10, in the women's restroom. I came out at the same time as him and the Dad was standing there with nachos. Really? My son started going on his own in certain places around 3.5 (although if I thought he was old enough for a football game, this is not a place he would go alone). He just turned 4 and he knows if Dad isn't there, he goes with me usually, but sometimes can go by himself. If Dad is there, he knows he is a boy and boys go in the boys bathroom. We will be in DL in Feb, so almost 4.5. If he can't go with Dad for some reason, he can go by himself- as long as there is just one exit. Two exits, I will take him with me.

My opinion is under 5/6, no biggie. 6-7- eh, not for me, but I wouldn't think it was weird. Over 8ish, I tell myself there is a hidden disability like autism and not to judge.
 
My husband and I are taking our son to DL in 2 weeks. My son is 6.5 years old. My husband is not that much of a Disney fan and will go back to room fairly often. I've just started letting my son go into mens bathrooms alone, but only when it's a single stall and I stand right outside the door. I'm too nervous to do this at Disneyland, though, and I'm worried about what I'll do when my husband is not with us. I just have this awful image in my head of pedophiles laying in wait for young boys to come into the restrooms all alone!

When did others start letting their sons go into the mens bathrooms alone? I also know my son is growing up and I don't want to make other women uncomfortable with him in the womens bathroom (though I know other moms will be very understanding).

My experience is very different. Most time, moms have them stand outside their stalls. *I* have had the boys peeking through or under the doors. *I* have said something. If they are the type to be intentionally looking through the cracks, they are the type not to be mortified.

I have had little boys (and girls) looking through the cracks at me at Disneyland on many occasions. Honestly, I find it annoying no matter who it is. I typically say loudly, "CAN I HELP YOU??"

Honestly, in those cases, the parents really need to teach their kids what is and is not appropriate.

And based on that behavior, it's pretty clear why these parents aren't allowing their kids to use a restroom alone. They apparently can't handle it. (Which is really insane if the kid is almost a teenager.)

With a 6.5 year old, you'd have to really base things on your own child. Some will be ready, and some will not. But by 11, if they aren't ready to be on their own in a bathroom, there's definitely a problem.
 
My husband and I are taking our son to DL in 2 weeks. My son is 6.5 years old. My husband is not that much of a Disney fan and will go back to room fairly often. I've just started letting my son go into mens bathrooms alone, but only when it's a single stall and I stand right outside the door. I'm too nervous to do this at Disneyland, though, and I'm worried about what I'll do when my husband is not with us. I just have this awful image in my head of pedophiles laying in wait for young boys to come into the restrooms all alone!

When did others start letting their sons go into the mens bathrooms alone? I also know my son is growing up and I don't want to make other women uncomfortable with him in the womens bathroom (though I know other moms will be very understanding).

Okay, so totally off topic but you mentioned it and now I'm curious - What exactly does your husband do when he goes back to the room frequently? I cannot imagine going on a trip to Disneyland and having my husband just not participate in the family activities.
 
A boy who is just about my size and is 10 or over can go into the men's restrooms. Please oh please let him go into "his" bathroom. Put him into martial arts. Do other things to help yourself feel better about it, but seriously, I'm barely bigger than him and I go all over the place all by myself. He, being a male, is probably stronger than I am assuming his testosterone has kicked in.


Everyone says we're safer than we ever have been. Not sure how that can be tracked. "Back then" people IGNORED things like molestation. In the 80s a friend of mine had been molested by a family member and he was never even spoken to about it. He was ivited to all family functions. My husband had a similar experience by a slightly older cousin. He never even told anyone as he knew he wouldn't be believed. (of course, those are just showing that the statistic of molestation lean far heavier on the family friend/relative side)

When that guy and his wife were caught, who had held the teen-then-woman for years and she had had children by him...there was discussion on a "I grew up in this town" page on FB. Our area was part of his big area of trolling before he abducted her, before he had, apparently, DONE anything. One of the women on the FB page freaked out when she saw the news coverage, because his distinctive old van was a van that had rolled slowly past her and a friend while they were out walking (it was the 70s, young girls walking alone was safe, right?) and offered them a ride. Thankfully they had been taught that that wasn't OK (even in the 70s some of our parents were instilling such street smarts in us) and said no, and kept away from the van, and the van driver moved on. She is 100% convinced that that was an early attempt by a then much younger creep.

So even though we think that our childhoods were safe, they really weren't. We just didn't have the internet to talk about things. And when things happened, *we didn't talk about them*. My mom, a couple years before she died, started having some very repressed memories coming up of Very Bad Things from her own supposedly idyllic, upper middle class, childhood. Again, though, that goes to a relative, not a stranger in a bathroom.


I'm obviously of many minds on this. :)



During the time that I was getting used to the idea of DS being in a bathroom alone, when we were at Target, etc, and I had him come in, he would stand outside my stall, facing my stall with his toes pointed towards me. That meant he was right up against the door. He was very glad when that all ended and I was comfy with us taking turns; each waiting outside in the public bathroom hallway for each other.
 
I do believe you're the only one beating this dead horse. No, a 13-yr-old's discomfort - nor her mother's - does not bother me on this non-issue. Honestly, unless she's changing her clothes next to the sinks I am hard pressed to figure out where modesty comes into play here.

An adolescent girl may feel uncomfortable just knowing that your 10 year old is standing there. It's the same way most adult women would think it strange if they walked into a bathroom and saw a fully grown man loitering around. We would wonder why they are there.

I agree with a previous poster that the wording of your post is unsettling. As mothers we do have a right to protect our kids. But surely we need to question those decisions when both our child, and many of the people around them, are being made to feel uncomfortable?
 
A boy who is just about my size and is 10 or over can go into the men's restrooms. Please oh please let him go into "his" bathroom. Put him into martial arts. Do other things to help yourself feel better about it, but seriously, I'm barely bigger than him and I go all over the place all by myself. He, being a male, is probably stronger than I am assuming his testosterone has kicked in.


Everyone says we're safer than we ever have been. Not sure how that can be tracked. "Back then" people IGNORED things like molestation. In the 80s a friend of mine had been molested by a family member and he was never even spoken to about it. He was ivited to all family functions. My husband had a similar experience by a slightly older cousin. He never even told anyone as he knew he wouldn't be believed. (of course, those are just showing that the statistic of molestation lean far heavier on the family friend/relative side)

When that guy and his wife were caught, who had held the teen-then-woman for years and she had had children by him...there was discussion on a "I grew up in this town" page on FB. Our area was part of his big area of trolling before he abducted her, before he had, apparently, DONE anything. One of the women on the FB page freaked out when she saw the news coverage, because his distinctive old van was a van that had rolled slowly past her and a friend while they were out walking (it was the 70s, young girls walking alone was safe, right?) and offered them a ride. Thankfully they had been taught that that wasn't OK (even in the 70s some of our parents were instilling such street smarts in us) and said no, and kept away from the van, and the van driver moved on. She is 100% convinced that that was an early attempt by a then much younger creep.

So even though we think that our childhoods were safe, they really weren't. We just didn't have the internet to talk about things. And when things happened, *we didn't talk about them*. My mom, a couple years before she died, started having some very repressed memories coming up of Very Bad Things from her own supposedly idyllic, upper middle class, childhood. Again, though, that goes to a relative, not a stranger in a bathroom.


I'm obviously of many minds on this. :)



During the time that I was getting used to the idea of DS being in a bathroom alone, when we were at Target, etc, and I had him come in, he would stand outside my stall, facing my stall with his toes pointed towards me. That meant he was right up against the door. He was very glad when that all ended and I was comfy with us taking turns; each waiting outside in the public bathroom hallway for each other.

Totally off topic, but before abducting Jaycee Dugard (if that's who you are talking about), Phillip Garrido had had actually done a LOT. He kidnapped and molested a couple people in the 70's.
 
My opinion is under 5/6, no biggie. 6-7- eh, not for me, but I wouldn't think it was weird. Over 8ish, I tell myself there is a hidden disability like autism and not to judge.

Sounds about right to me, well said.
 
DS #1 is almost 6 and I am just starting to let him use the bathroom alone. He knows that if it is just him and mommy we will try to find a family restroom, but sometimes he has to just suck it up and go in the ladies. We had dinner at a restaurant the other day and we both went to our respective bathroom to wash our hands. He was taking longer than I thought need be, so I had to reign in my inner helicopter mom and wait. He had to use the bathroom and I didn't know. Glad I didn't say anything. He is very shy and just starting to be more assertive and more independent. I don't want to mess up any progress he has made. As for the original topic I am hoping to be at Disneyland Christmas of 2015 and DS #1 will be 7. I think we might let him go to the bathroom alone, but I am not sure. If DH can't go with him we will find a family bathroom.
 
My nephew was 5 1/2 in May when we went to DL last and we let him go in alone but told him to SING LOUD the whole time so we could hear him! I got that from my Grandma years ago when she would have to let my cousin go in the bathroom. She would tell him to sing a song as loud as he could the entire time.

This probably won't work with a 10-yr old, but at that point they are aware enough to SHOUT if they are in peril.

We also would watch for a Dad with a child going in at the same time and make sure he came out right after they did.

But the SINGING was a great idea. Jack would be belting out "It's a Small World" the whole time he peed :duck:
 
But the SINGING was a great idea. Jack would be belting out "It's a Small World" the whole time he peed :duck:

Hah! My brother in law apparently had to sing the Star Wars theme every time he went to the bathroom when he was small :-)
 
DS started going when he was 5 or 6 depending on location. He was in no way going into the ladies room and I wasn't going to force it. Besides I felt that he needed to learn to do for himself.

There are seriously women bringing kids bigger than many women into the women's restroom? Why do people suppose there are separate restrooms for males and females?
 

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