At what age did you let your son go to the mens room alone?

[tanyaegangibson]

My kids are 14, 12, and 4. I think in the last 14 years, when with the family, I've managed to go to the bathroom by myself only two or three of those years (after middle turned 5 or 6 and before youngest was born). How old do >>I<< have to be to go to the bathroom by myself?

Well, by that time, they'll have to help you.

 

[tanyaegangibson]

There's something I don't get about one aspect of this discussion: there are doors on the stalls, so why would any girls be uncomfortable/worry about privacy?

I did notice that a few people mentioned things about boys peeking through cracks (!?!), but I'd think that those kids could and would be easily mortified by someone (anyone) saying something to them. In my experience, boys who aren't actually using a stall stand over by the sinks in the women's room and just wait.

 

[SweetAlex]

I am quite concerned with my children's safety. That is why I taught them from an early age, and often remind them, how to identify and deal with potentially dangerous situations.

I suppose I could also just never let them out of my sight...but that is logistically somewhat more difficult.

I totally agree with you. You HAVE to teach your kids safety which is extremely different from hovering over them while they use the washroom until they are nearly full grown. A little off topic but my daughter used to suffer from anxiety. At 7/8 years old, she would be having near full blown panic attacks. I did my research and went to hear a speaker named Dr. Michael Unger and my socks were blown off! An overload of kids all over North America are suffering from anxiety because of parents who are convinced that letting their children do anything on their own will inevitably put them into the grasps of the "millions of bad people" prowling around searching for such "abandoned" children (when in fact, the world has never been safer). This is unfortunately creating a generation of children terrified to do or go anywhere (anxiety) followed by the same generation of teenagers who will try anything (drugs, various other risky behaviors) to make up for their anxiety-ridden over-protected childhood. I recommend everyone who is always afraid for their children's safety and has a hard time letting them be independent read "Too Safe for their own Good". We started letting my older daughter do more, gave her more responsibility and let her do things on her own and at 11 years old now, her anxiety is 99% gone. She isn't scared to try new things anymore and loves life rather than fears it.

Carry on...

 

[SweetAlex]

My kids are 14, 12, and 4. I think in the last 14 years, when with the family, I've managed to go to the bathroom by myself only two or three of those years (after middle turned 5 or 6 and before youngest was born). How old do >>I<< have to be to go to the bathroom by myself?

 

[Kittyskyfish]

There's something I don't get about one aspect of this discussion: there are doors on the stalls, so why would any girls be uncomfortable/worry about privacy?

I did notice that a few people mentioned things about boys peeking through cracks (!?!), but I'd think that those kids could and would be easily mortified by someone (anyone) saying something to them. In my experience, boys who aren't actually using a stall stand over by the sinks in the women's room and just wait.

You'd be surprised how many people "mind their own business" when it comes to other people's kids.

I do have one good story about boys peeking into stalls. This wasn't at Disneyland but at a women's restroom in my local mall's food court. I was in one stall and a woman went into the next one, leaving her 7-9 year old son to stand and wait by her stall's door. The boy turned and started peeking into my stall and I gave him a nasty glare, but he didn't turn away! I told him to stop peeking and his mom heard and threatened him to keep his eyes to himself. He stopped for a few seconds but turned back again! So as discreetly as possible I continued my business, though I was fuming mad. And yes, other women were coming and going but no one said Boo to him.

I left before his mom finished her business. I wanted to wait around and give her a piece of my mind, but I was too angry to filter out what shouldn't be said.

Now, some would say that I should have left the stall and do my business elsewhere because a boy was watching, but I was there first, already a mess, and why should I leave? It's a women's restroom! At the time I was so furious, but later on I also felt a little smug that she had the clean-up duty of discussing women's reproductive organs and why they bleed. He saw me remove and insert a tampon.

So my opinion is that if you don't want them to go into the men's room alone and you don't want them in your own stall where you can control them, then go to the unisex restrooms and wait outside the door.

 

[mom2rtk]

There's something I don't get about one aspect of this discussion: there are doors on the stalls, so why would any girls be uncomfortable/worry about privacy?

I did notice that a few people mentioned things about boys peeking through cracks (!?!), but I'd think that those kids could and would be easily mortified by someone (anyone) saying something to them. In my experience, boys who aren't actually using a stall stand over by the sinks in the women's room and just wait.

It's not like at McDonalds, where the door completely closes like a traditional door but with opening just at the top and bottom. Some of those stalls have substantial gaps around them. And while I would probably just stick my tongue out at any boy who dared to look, I don't think it's reasonable to expect young teen girls to be as cavalier about it.

 

[kaci]

You'd be surprised how many people "mind their own business" when it comes to other people's kids.

I do have one good story about boys peeking into stalls. This wasn't at Disneyland but at a women's restroom in my local mall's food court. I was in one stall and a woman went into the next one, leaving her 7-9 year old son to stand and wait by her stall's door. The boy turned and started peeking into my stall and I gave him a nasty glare, but he didn't turn away! I told him to stop peeking and his mom heard and threatened him to keep his eyes to himself. He stopped for a few seconds but turned back again! So as discreetly as possible I continued my business, though I was fuming mad. And yes, other women were coming and going but no one said Boo to him.

I left before his mom finished her business. I wanted to wait around and give her a piece of my mind, but I was too angry to filter out what shouldn't be said.

Now, some would say that I should have left the stall and do my business elsewhere because a boy was watching, but I was there first, already a mess, and why should I leave? It's a women's restroom! At the time I was so furious, but later on I also felt a little smug that she had the clean-up duty of discussing women's reproductive organs and why they bleed. He saw me remove and insert a tampon.

So my opinion is that if you don't want them to go into the men's room alone and you don't want them in your own stall where you can control them, then go to the unisex restrooms and wait outside the door.

Would you have been less bothered if it were a female child peeking in?

 

[SMD]

I left before his mom finished her business. I wanted to wait around and give her a piece of my mind, but I was too angry to filter out what shouldn't be said.

Now, some would say that I should have left the stall and do my business elsewhere because a boy was watching, but I was there first, already a mess, and why should I leave? It's a women's restroom! At the time I was so furious, but later on I also felt a little smug that she had the clean-up duty of discussing women's reproductive organs and why they bleed. He saw me remove and insert a tampon.

I would have knocked on that woman's stall door and suggested all of the anatomical parts she show her son to satisfy his curiosity. And I would have complained to the mall's management.

Once I was in a long line in the parks where a large family was ignoring their kids. I got kicked and hit multiple times by the kids who were fighting. I asked them to stop, I asked the parents to stand between me and them and the father was very rude. I finally started saying some things that were not exactly appropriate. When the father finally asked me to stop I said sorry, but your son has touched me 9 times in a place that makes me thing about sex. Then when we got to the front of the line I asked the CM to put us in a different boat because that family assaulted me. They were so mortified they let it go. I'm usually if the opinion that shaming people doesn't change entitled behavior, but this family really hit a nerve. The youngest kid was 8-9, and there was also a tween and 2 teens. Old enough not to hit and kick each other and bystanders.

 

[crystal1313]

I actually felt safer letting my kids go to the bathroom alone at DL rather than our hometown Fastfood restaurants! My son had just turned 6 before our last trip, so I let him pick each time he needed to go! One of us waited right outside the door area (with a bunch of other parents)...the one time I thought my son was taking to long and called his name...a Dad came out and was like Hudson's Mom he is trying to poop, and says he needs a few minutes! If you have taught your kid safety rules, DL is the perfect time to start spreading their wings. But each kid is different.

I love that this dad told you that! LOL. Awesome

My kids are 14, 12, and 4. I think in the last 14 years, when with the family, I've managed to go to the bathroom by myself only two or three of those years (after middle turned 5 or 6 and before youngest was born). How old do >>I<< have to be to go to the bathroom by myself?

I would like to know too!! I'm NEVER alone at the parks. DS4 is always with me. I need to have DH just take both my boys.

My oldest is 6.5 and usually when at the parks, he will go with his dad in the mens room. I guess I need to think about what I will do if we are ever alone together and he needs to go. He's an obsessive hand washer, so I'm not worried about that. But he does still pull his shorts/pants all the way down to go. We've been working on him to not do that anymore in public.......especially now that he has to use the big kids bathrooms at school.

 

[tanyaegangibson]

You'd be surprised how many people "mind their own business" when it comes to other people's kids.

Yeah, you're probably right about that. I'm a former high school teacher, so by the time I had my own kids it was second nature for me to turn to other people's kids and say, "What do you think you're doing!?!" Apparently, according to my kids' teachers, this now makes me an asset as a chaperone for DD9's and DS6's school field trips. ("What do think you're doing? If I took a picture of you doing that, would your mother be proud to see it? No? Really, so what *would* she be? Yeah, embarrassed. Exactly. So stop trying to climb things at the museum and act like a civilized human being.")

By the way, I'm very sorry that that kid did that to you--appalling. But now I do get what people are talking about. (Honestly, I really didn't know that kids would be up to such behavior with their mothers being right there in the bathroom. We tell our kids that they need to behave themselves in public in a way that "represents yourself and your family the way you want people to think of you and us.")

 

[TheLanes]

I was glad my girls were willing to go to the ladies room by themselves at an early age. It was very, very weird walking them past occupied men's urinals on the way to the regular stalls. Under 5 years old it wasn't a problem, they're in their own world. After that, it's just too old to be in the men's room.

I'm sure some Europeans reading this thread are scratching their heads wondering what our issues are! I suppose we could lighten up.

 

[PigletSeeker]

There is a family bathroom in Bug's Land as well. Nothing wrong with 6.5 yr old boy using women's restroom at DL. My 5 yo DS goes with me, and will continue to for the next couple of years at least. I don't let my 10 yo girl go alone to the restroom at DL either.

 

[NoIdea]

It's not like at McDonalds, where the door completely closes like a traditional door but with opening just at the top and bottom. Some of those stalls have substantial gaps around them. And while I would probably just stick my tongue out at any boy who dared to look, I don't think it's reasonable to expect young teen girls to be as cavalier about it.

If that's the case, then perhaps you should take it up with DL then? If the gaps are that obvious.

 

[Kittyskyfish]

Would you have been less bothered if it were a female child peeking in?

I'd have been annoyed, but not very angered. Probably would have said "Just you wait!" and stuck out my tongue.

 

[Malcon10t]

I did notice that a few people mentioned things about boys peeking through cracks (!?!), but I'd think that those kids could and would be easily mortified by someone (anyone) saying something to them. In my experience, boys who aren't actually using a stall stand over by the sinks in the women's room and just wait.

My experience is very different. Most time, moms have them stand outside their stalls. *I* have had the boys peeking through or under the doors. *I* have said something. If they are the type to be intentionally looking through the cracks, they are the type not to be mortified.

 

[Wrangler]

My son is 5, he is just starting to be allowed to go in the men's alone at certain locations in a small town. Not a hope will he be going solo in DL

 

[WanderlustNZ]

I totally agree with you. You HAVE to teach your kids safety which is extremely different from hovering over them while they use the washroom until they are nearly full grown. A little off topic but my daughter used to suffer from anxiety. At 7/8 years old, she would be having near full blown panic attacks. I did my research and went to hear a speaker named Dr. Michael Unger and my socks were blown off! An overload of kids all over North America are suffering from anxiety because of parents who are convinced that letting their children do anything on their own will inevitably put them into the grasps of the "millions of bad people" prowling around searching for such "abandoned" children (when in fact, the world has never been safer). This is unfortunately creating a generation of children terrified to do or go anywhere (anxiety) followed by the same generation of teenagers who will try anything (drugs, various other risky behaviors) to make up for their anxiety-ridden over-protected childhood. I recommend everyone who is always afraid for their children's safety and has a hard time letting them be independent read "Too Safe for their own Good". We started letting my older daughter do more, gave her more responsibility and let her do things on her own and at 11 years old now, her anxiety is 99% gone. She isn't scared to try new things anymore and loves life rather than fears it. Carry on...

Well said.

Childhood anxiety is a real issue and many well meaning protective parents are instilling this disorder in their children without even realising it. As I mentioned earlier, my 6 year old worries about small things, and I hold myself partially responsible.

As parents we are so worried about our children falling out of a tree, getting run over crossing the road, or getting abused in a public bathroom, that we keep them on a short leash. We believe we are doing the right thing because we are keeping them from harm, but there is another 'harm' that is much less quantifiable. It's the harm of our children growing up with no sense of independence and far too many things to be anxious about.
It's certainly not easy being a parent and in the end we do the best we can. But at the end of the day, it's impossible to protect our child from every danger out there, and we may, in fact, be doing them an injustice if we try to.

 

[Dot2Vegas]

I totally agree with you. You HAVE to teach your kids safety which is extremely different from hovering over them while they use the washroom until they are nearly full grown. A little off topic but my daughter used to suffer from anxiety. At 7/8 years old, she would be having near full blown panic attacks. I did my research and went to hear a speaker named Dr. Michael Unger and my socks were blown off! An overload of kids all over North America are suffering from anxiety because of parents who are convinced that letting their children do anything on their own will inevitably put them into the grasps of the "millions of bad people" prowling around searching for such "abandoned" children (when in fact, the world has never been safer). This is unfortunately creating a generation of children terrified to do or go anywhere (anxiety) followed by the same generation of teenagers who will try anything (drugs, various other risky behaviors) to make up for their anxiety-ridden over-protected childhood. I recommend everyone who is always afraid for their children's safety and has a hard time letting them be independent read "Too Safe for their own Good". We started letting my older daughter do more, gave her more responsibility and let her do things on her own and at 11 years old now, her anxiety is 99% gone. She isn't scared to try new things anymore and loves life rather than fears it.

Carry on...

That is all very true and very well put. Im sure that anxiety in lots of kids is coming from their parents. Lots of parents telling their children that bad guys are lurking everywhere waiting to hurt them.
But where do you draw the line for independence? The original question was going into a restroom alone. I think that teaching the kids the buddy system is essential to safety. We teach our girls to always have a buddy- safety in numbers- be it an adult or a peer with them. I think the whole bringing the child into the opposite genders restroom just stems from the buddy system. I think around age 10 and under is not necessarily hovering, its enforcing that buddy system theory. Bringing your teenage son into the ladies room is hovering!
Our kids are independent and not anxoius but also know that its never smart to be out and about alone. Going to the restroom in public? Bring your buddy. Walking down the street to the car after school? To the neighbors? Bring a buddy!

 

[aliceindisneyland]

I will have to go back to read the other replies. These are my thoughts:
1. If I am a pervert/child abductor the first place I'd put myself would be a church. The second would be Disneyland. The two places people's defenses are down. I remind my kids of this all the time because to them, DL is their second home and they feel very comfortable wandering away from me there.

2. On the other hand, few places are better monitored than DL. Again, I tell my kids that DL police can see and hear everything they do. I honestly assume that's true, though typically cameras do not carry in to restrooms. (I wouldn't put it past Disney though!)

3. DS10 is 5'2" and nearly 110lb. This creates two problems: He thinks he is "big enough" to thwart an attacker in the men's room and he looks 12-13 so he worries that if he's in the ladies' room someone will think he's not just a little kid.

4. That tragic case in Las Vegas ruined me forever. I do my best to accommodate DS's wish to not go into the ladies' room, like stopping at Starbucks on the road because those are usually a locking one-person restroom, or finding a family restroom if possible, or waiting for the restroom to clear out - but sometimes, that poor kid just has to suck it up and go into the ladies' room with me. I know that all moms understand. ETA: Well, not all moms.

 

[aliceindisneyland]

Picture yourself as a 13 year old girl. Does their modesty and discomfort with having a tween age boys outside their stall not count in this equation?

If you have anxiety about your older boy using the men's room, give him a whistle and chat with him from outside the door throughout his visit to the men's room. But let the girls have some privacy dealing with their own issues please.

I do believe you're the only one beating this dead horse. No, a 13-yr-old's discomfort - nor her mother's - does not bother me on this non-issue. Honestly, unless she's changing her clothes next to the sinks I am hard pressed to figure out where modesty comes into play here.

And FWIW, my son has never peeped at anything but his shoes as he walks through the ladies' restroom; in fact, he refuses to wash his hands if there are ladies present and just uses buckets of sanitizer after he races out the door.