Are you and your spouse on the same page money-wise?

[SnowWhite607]

I am not sure if I should be posting this here cause I have friends who frequent this board but here goes.....

I have a question......are you and your spouse on the same page when it comes to money? Reason I ask, I am a saver. a HUGE saver, a cheapo. My husband is a spender. As in "spend your last dime" kind of spender. We go round and round and round cause I handle the checkbook and I know what bills we have to pay, yet he just want to spend it on eating out, golf or going to the casino (which costs a MIMIMUM $100). I have tried to sit down and show him what we have coming due (vacation, braces, new tires for his truck, etc) but its not sinking in. We have a savings account and his answer for everything is "well take it out of savings". IMO savings is for emergencies, not for when you want to go to the casino and need some extra cash. Any advice for me?

I feel he is very immature in his way of thinking, almost child-like. He wants what he wants NOW and isn't able to see the bigger picture. When we got together I was a bit freer with money but as we are getting older (closer to retirement and a child growing up and therefore, needing more things) and I am only working part time right now (none for the summer), I have leaned more toward the thrifty side.

We have a savings account that I look at as savings, only for emergencies. His answer to everything is "well get it out of savings". Um, its not gonna last forever! Its not for if he feels like going to a concert and needs some extra cash.

Do you see eye to eye with your mate on financial issues? If not, how do you handle it?

 

[SnowWhite607]

I am just really tired of fighting about it all the time.......

 

[barbeml]

You have my sympathy, as opposite money styles were a big contributor to my parents' divorce.

I am thankful each day that DH and I have the same money style. We both believe in finding the balance between living well and saving well. Maybe you could set up a separate "mad money" account (or even a change jar) dedicated to all the "fun stuff" your DH wants.

 

[ilovepete]

We both agree for the most part. We both agree we pay off debt (his car) first, then save more (we have some) and then we have some other things we would like to do and purchase. But those are both our priorities. We throw in a few fun things here and there like he just got some sunglasses that are more than I would have spent on some or I just got a camera, etc. We both agree on everything though before it is done.

 

[ilovemk76]

I am not sure if I should be posting this here cause I have friends who frequent this board but here goes.....

I have a question......are you and your spouse on the same page when it comes to money? Reason I ask, I am a saver. a HUGE saver, a cheapo. My husband is a spender. As in "spend your last dime" kind of spender. We go round and round and round cause I handle the checkbook and I know what bills we have to pay, yet he just want to spend it on eating out, golf or going to the casino (which costs a MIMIMUM $100). I have tried to sit down and show him what we have coming due (vacation, braces, new tires for his truck, etc) but its not sinking in. We have a savings account and his answer for everything is "well take it out of savings". IMO savings is for emergencies, not for when you want to go to the casino and need some extra cash. Any advice for me?

I feel he is very immature in his way of thinking, almost child-like. He wants what he wants NOW and isn't able to see the bigger picture. When we got together I was a bit freer with money but as we are getting older (closer to retirement and a child growing up and therefore, needing more things) and I am only working part time right now (none for the summer), I have leaned more toward the thrifty side.

We have a savings account that I look at as savings, only for emergencies. His answer to everything is "well get it out of savings". Um, its not gonna last forever! Its not for if he feels like going to a concert and needs some extra cash.

Do you see eye to eye with your mate on financial issues? If not, how do you handle it?

We are on the same page and plan for our future but we got to this point by talking and compromise. Neither one of us holds all the "money power". We both also have money in our wallet that does not need to be accounted for.

Your DH may see money as a child but it seems you treat him as a child. You seem to be just as obsessed as your DH. He wants to spend everything and you want to spend nothing. You both need to find a happy median where he has money he can spend that he does not need to account to you for and you don't obsess over every penny.

 

[girli565]

My husband handed over control of all the finances to me because he knows that I stress about our finances so much that I am budgeted down to the penny. And he's lazy so sitting and paying bills is "work" to him lol. he'd rather I do it and I'm not complaining, i like doing it. Balancing my checkbook is kind of relaxing when we have agood month

Maybe try and use the cash method with your husband. My husband gets his cash for the week and knows that when that's gone he's done spending. He uses it for lunch (we usually pack lunches though, so eating out is treat), his trips to Best buy (ugh), and anything else he wants that's not a bill, gas, or groceries.

Entertainment is a set monthly amount in our house. We have $150-200/month set aside for dinners out, hanging with friends, seeing a movie, or anything like that. If we want to see a concert and the tickets are $150 then that's taken from that money and we know that month our entertainment is the concert.

My husband responds well to seeing things in black and white. I make budgets in excel and charts in Word that I print out and hand to him to show him what our finances look like. When he sees that we overspent that month he knows eactly why because it's in the budget.

 

[SnowWhite607]

We are on the same page and plan for our future but we got to this point by talking and compromise. Neither one of us holds all the "money power". We both also have money in our wallet that does not need to be accounted for.

Your DH may see money as a child but it seems you treat him as a child. You seem to be just as obsessed as your DH. He wants to spend everything and you want to spend nothing. You both need to find a happy median where he has money he can spend that he does not need to account to you for and you don't obsess over every penny.

Its not that I want to spend nothing, I just believe in handling my financial obligations first. Then have fun with what is left after you save some. We are both teachers who work for the state. When we retire, we wont get social security. So I know we need to put some back now.

My daughter needs $5000 worth of braces. The first down payment is due at the end of June. I believe I should set that money aside before we go hop off for a weekend at the beach or a night of casino hopping. I think thats called responsible not controlling.

 

[SaraJayne]

When we were first married, nope. We've come to a happy medium by discussing and compromising.

Now, we happily meet in the middle.

He's taught me it's ok to save money and I've taught him it's ok to spend some money and have a bit of fun.

Honestly, it has just been in the last few years since his father passed away that he's loosened up a bit about spending money for fun.

 

[Diegosmom]

Can you give him an allowance. That is what my mom did for my dad. Dad had to buy his own gas (although for a good portion of time he had a company truck) bring home a gallon of milk m-F and he was suppose to save for car repairs on both cars and any outside stuff. If they went on vacation or out to eat it came out of the budget. Dad never really did save for moms car repairs she always ended up having to pay for that but she gave him $100 a week and he could pretty much do what he pleased with it. She did get annoyed that he would always blow it and she was the saver but at least he wasnt blowing his entire check.

 

[StitchandPooh'sMom]

DH and I are pretty much on the same page, expect that he is cheaper than I am, and I'm still pretty cheap!

What works for us, OP, is to have two savings accounts. One is for true emergencies and we don't touch it. The other is for things like vacation, new appliances, guys' weekends, etc. We do take money out of that account, but we also have part of DH's paycheck direct deposited into that account. It's mainly for big hits to the budget, but not catastrophic things like a job loss or major medical expense. When we learned it was time for DD's braces, we needed to pay an $1100 downpayment within a week. I can usually make up a couple of hundred dollars in our monthly budget, but that came out of the savings account.

If your DH is amenable to setting up a budget with you, you can budget for entertainment expenses. It sounds like that is the area that you primarily disagree on.

Good luck! DH turned over the monthly bills to me, but he still takes the lead on long term investments - it works for us. We also don't ask each other if we spend $100 or less on fun stuff (that's not a fixed amount, but it seems to be about that), but DH wouldn't go buy a $500 TV without asking me if we had the money.

 

[Luv Bunnies]

We agree 100%. We both tend to be thrifty and neither of us has expensive tastes. We don't have a set budget, but we spend what we have to and save the rest. We do enjoy entertainment and meals out, but we definitely watch our pennies. We survived his 20 months of unemployment with no financial problems because of our saving and spending habits. I'm thankful that we are so compatible when it comes to money.

 

[beansmom]

no, we're not on the same page but we're in the same chapter.

I'm the spender here...I spend constantly. But I buy all the clothes, everything that's needed for the house, all the food. It seems like my cc should be melting from the friction of swiping it through.

DH doesn't mind what I spend as long as the bills are paid but right now due to various issues, we're in a huge cash crunch. We're working to get it all paid off by year's end. I'm sure we will come close at least.

 

[lisaross]

Pretty much same at my household. I love being in control planning for things way in advance etc.

We also each get a set amount of spening for the month then we have a weekend allowance which is for our family - we allocate about 100 per week -

My husband handed over control of all the finances to me because he knows that I stress about our finances so much that I am budgeted down to the penny. And he's lazy so sitting and paying bills is "work" to him lol. he'd rather I do it and I'm not complaining, i like doing it. Balancing my checkbook is kind of relaxing when we have agood month

Maybe try and use the cash method with your husband. My husband gets his cash for the week and knows that when that's gone he's done spending. He uses it for lunch (we usually pack lunches though, so eating out is treat), his trips to Best buy (ugh), and anything else he wants that's not a bill, gas, or groceries.

Entertainment is a set monthly amount in our house. We have $150-200/month set aside for dinners out, hanging with friends, seeing a movie, or anything like that. If we want to see a concert and the tickets are $150 then that's taken from that money and we know that month our entertainment is the concert.

My husband responds well to seeing things in black and white. I make budgets in excel and charts in Word that I print out and hand to him to show him what our finances look like. When he sees that we overspent that month he knows eactly why because it's in the budget.

 

[Marionnette]

I am not sure if I should be posting this here cause I have friends who frequent this board but here goes.....

I have a question......are you and your spouse on the same page when it comes to money? Reason I ask, I am a saver. a HUGE saver, a cheapo. My husband is a spender. As in "spend your last dime" kind of spender. We go round and round and round cause I handle the checkbook and I know what bills we have to pay, yet he just want to spend it on eating out, golf or going to the casino (which costs a MIMIMUM $100). I have tried to sit down and show him what we have coming due (vacation, braces, new tires for his truck, etc) but its not sinking in. We have a savings account and his answer for everything is "well take it out of savings". IMO savings is for emergencies, not for when you want to go to the casino and need some extra cash. Any advice for me?

I feel he is very immature in his way of thinking, almost child-like. He wants what he wants NOW and isn't able to see the bigger picture. When we got together I was a bit freer with money but as we are getting older (closer to retirement and a child growing up and therefore, needing more things) and I am only working part time right now (none for the summer), I have leaned more toward the thrifty side.

We have a savings account that I look at as savings, only for emergencies. His answer to everything is "well get it out of savings". Um, its not gonna last forever! Its not for if he feels like going to a concert and needs some extra cash.

Do you see eye to eye with your mate on financial issues? If not, how do you handle it?

I am just really tired of fighting about it all the time.......

Its not that I want to spend nothing, I just believe in handling my financial obligations first. Then have fun with what is left after you save some. We are both teachers who work for the state. When we retire, we wont get social security. So I know we need to put some back now.

My daughter needs $5000 worth of braces. The first down payment is due at the end of June. I believe I should set that money aside before we go hop off for a weekend at the beach or a night of casino hopping. I think thats called responsible not controlling.

No, we're not always on the same page. But more often than not, we agree on how to spend our money.

There are times that my husband drives me crazy with what I consider to be wasteful spending - picking up groceries without checking prices, buying online without looking for a coupon code, things like that. But he is a strong believer in no debt so even if he is making spendy purchases they are paid for.

OTOH, it's like pulling teeth to get him to part with money when it comes to the house. New furniture, painting, appliances, etc...he cheaps out on me whenever I mention them. I think that it's his parents' influence because they don't spend anything on their house either. There are few things that we fight over but we had a dilly of one when the refrigerator broke and he thought that $300 would suffice for a new one. Right... The man will buy Italian-made shoes that cost that much but won't part with a buck to keep the milk cold!

Compromise is really the key. Savings is not just for emergencies. It's for those long-term goals that you want to achieve...vacations, new refrigerators , and tires for the car. You're right that you don't want to spend it on everyday impulse purchases. But perhaps you need to add a "fun money" line to your budget so that your husband doesn't feel deprived.

 

[DawnM]

For the most important things, yes.

We agree on how much we *can* spend, we just don't always agree on what that should be spent on! He doesn't like me buying the kids a bunch of computer or Wii games for example, even though the money is there.

We also took a class at our church called Crown Financial. I would STRONGLY recommend a class like Crown or Dave Ramsey's Financial Peace. The at home version may not cut it, for us, there was something about that accountability and the discussions with others who were facing viewing finances differently that really helped.

Dawn

 

[eliza61]

We are on the same page and plan for our future but we got to this point by talking and compromise. Neither one of us holds all the "money power". We both also have money in our wallet that does not need to be accounted for.

Your DH may see money as a child but it seems you treat him as a child. You seem to be just as obsessed as your DH. He wants to spend everything and you want to spend nothing. You both need to find a happy median where he has money he can spend that he does not need to account to you for and you don't obsess over every penny.

Op, remember you married him for probably some very good reasons.

My husband and I have very different money styles because we are 2 independant individuals. You say he is almost "Childlike" but I'm willing to bet if you ask him he might not agree with that description.
If ask, how do you think he would describe your money style.

what you have to do is find a happy medium. Maybe set a budget allowing him some play cash even if it means taking a little longer to pay off a debt.

Maybe set a long term goal. some thing like "by 2013 I'd like to have X amount in our savings"

You call it responsibilty and in some aspects you're right but who wants to go to work day after day, week after week and not have any enjoyment? That's not living, that's scraping by on a meager existance.

For example, you have a downpayment due in June, after that is done do you turn right around and say "now we can't do any thing fun because XYX is due in July and then again in August....." See how that can go. After the braces can you budget in 100 bucks for a beach trip?


One thing I love about my relationship is that we talk constantly. I'm a luxury pocketbook addict. I love Louie Vuttons, coach bags and Prada. all of them are absolutely frivolous purchases. Now with 2 kids in college I can't go out and drop 1800 bucks on a LV but what I can do is save up for it. So in a year even though I'll still have college tuition I'll have a treat.

 

[SnowWhite607]

For the most important things, yes.

We agree on how much we *can* spend, we just don't always agree on what that should be spent on! He doesn't like me buying the kids a bunch of computer or Wii games for example, even though the money is there.

We also took a class at our church called Crown Financial. I would STRONGLY recommend a class like Crown or Dave Ramsey's Financial Peace. The at home version may not cut it, for us, there was something about that accountability and the discussions with others who were facing viewing finances differently that really helped.

Dawn

I guess thats the root of it - priorities. If we FOUND $100 on the street, he would want to take it and spend it at the casino or on a round of golf and drinks with his buddies while DD and I sat home and watched TV. I would want to take 50 and save it, 25 for DD's braces and 25 for a nice steak on the BBQ. Its different priorities. I just dont want to be working when I am 75 cause I cant afford to retire and look back and say "boy you had some fun times at the casino."

 

[SnowWhite607]

Quoting Eliza16, red is mine: Op, remember you married him for probably some very good reasons.

My husband and I have very different money styles because we are 2 independant individuals. You say he is almost "Childlike" but I'm willing to bet if you ask him he might not agree with that description.
If ask, how do you think he would describe your money style.

Cheap probably. But I can tell you one thing the reason we have as much as we do is because I am a saver. He and his first wife had to declare bankruptcy because they spent and spent and spent and then were surprised when the bills came due and they couldnt pay them

what you have to do is find a happy medium. Maybe set a budget allowing him some play cash even if it means taking a little longer to pay off a debt.

Maybe set a long term goal. some thing like "by 2013 I'd like to have X amount in our savings"

You call it responsibilty and in some aspects you're right but who wants to go to work day after day, week after week and not have any enjoyment? That's not living, that's scraping by on a meager existance.

But I had rather do that now than when I am 70 years old and cant live on my meager retirement cause I didnt save anything extra. Or when my kid cant go to college cause - oh sorry! We didnt save for that! We were enjoying ourselves!

For example, you have a downpayment due in June, after that is done do you turn right around and say "now we can't do any thing fun because XYX is due in July and then again in August....." See how that can go. After the braces can you budget in 100 bucks for a beach trip?

Braces will be going on for 2 1/2 years with monthly payments of about $150, after the inital downpayment of $1300.

One thing I love about my relationship is that we talk constantly. I'm a luxury pocketbook addict. I love Louie Vuttons, coach bags and Prada. all of them are absolutely frivolous purchases. Now with 2 kids in college I can't go out and drop 1800 bucks on a LV but what I can do is save up for it. So in a year even though I'll still have college tuition I'll have a treat.

Thats the thing, if he were a handbag addict or whatever, he would not save for one. He would go buy it on a credit card and be damned the consequences when the bill is due.

My father just went on a trip. It was about $4000. He worked overtime and extra jobs and saved for about a year and a half so he wouldnt have to take household money to do it. Thats how I wish DH would be. Thats how I am. Its how I was raised. He wasnt raised rich so I dont know where he got that he is entitled to have what he wants immediately when he wants it and not have to save for it.

 

[eliza61]

I guess thats the root of it - priorities. If we FOUND $100 on the street, he would want to take it and spend it at the casino or on a round of golf and drinks with his buddies while DD and I sat home and watched TV. I would want to take 50 and save it, 25 for DD's braces and 25 for a nice steak on the BBQ. Its different priorities. I just dont want to be working when I am 75 cause I cant afford to retire and look back and say "boy you had some fun times at the casino."

How about another type of split.

20 bucks for him to play with
20 bucks for a family dinner
25 bucks for dds braces
35 bucks savings?

now everybody has a need fulfilled. It's a balancing act. You're right you don't want to be 75 and working but you also don't want to be 75 and now to old to do any thing and saying "I wish I had fun when I was young and healthy".
I see both sides of the coin. I have had 4 coworkers who were dead for various reasons within 2 years of retiring, I spoke with every last one of their widows and they all regret not doing more together when they were younger.

PS. I do want to say, you can't do this all by yourself so I agree with DawnM, maybe a financial class together may help.

 

[DawnM]

Well, Crown is against gambling completely!

However, IMHO, gambling is just wasting $$ just as so many things are, including things I have done in the past, so I am certainly not judging on that end.

HOWEVER, Dave Ramsey is very big on everyone having "blow money" for th month. So, if DH gets $100, you get $100.....to spend however you wish, no questions asked, but not to go over the set amount.

My husband is a golfer and I don't ever tell him not golf. He does find ways to do it as close to free as it possible though!

Dawn

I guess thats the root of it - priorities. If we FOUND $100 on the street, he would want to take it and spend it at the casino or on a round of golf and drinks with his buddies while DD and I sat home and watched TV. I would want to take 50 and save it, 25 for DD's braces and 25 for a nice steak on the BBQ. Its different priorities. I just dont want to be working when I am 75 cause I cant afford to retire and look back and say "boy you had some fun times at the casino."