Are you a stay-at-home wife?

[erin1715]

This is a topic that I've thought about on and off for years. I always had imagined I would be a stay-at-home mom, and that was my heart's desire.

But as we know, life sometimes has other plans, and so far we haven't been able to have children. Regardless, I think I would just love to be a housewife. I like the traditional roles of husband/wife and I think I would be perfectly happy taking care of the home and volunteering at our church, while my husband works. And my husband would support me in that venture.

But I just can't bring myself to do it. I have a stable job with good benefits that I've been at over 10 years now. It would seem foolish to leave that on the table, and I likely won't ever do it unless we have children. With our two incomes combined, we are able to travel and pretty much buy what we want, but I'm in no way passionate about my office job and wouldn't miss it. I also feel like I would be incredibly judged by people. The first question someone asks when you meet them, "so what do you do?" I already get some pretty awful replies when I tell people I'm a secretary (although we do way more than that title implies), so I cannot imagine what they would say if I told them I don't work, and we don't have children. I know I shouldn't care what people think, but I think I'd even get some derogatory remarks from family.

Just something I've thought about a bit and wondering how many others have thought about it or are actually living it. And do you feel like people are supportive?

 

[dish rag]

There is nothing wrong with being a secretary or any gainful employment so don't be concerned what people think. My wife does not work but when asked, and it's surprising how often she is asked, she tells them she is employed by the place that she really volunteers at. Itsvery surprising how nosey people can be.

 

[HarperLeigh]

I've been a stay at home mother/wife for almost our entire marriage (21 years). I'll be honest, other than my husband and my mom, no, most people aren't supportive.

 

[quandrea]

I reduced to point six (sixty percent) hours at my teaching job prior to having kids. I helped my husband with his business and took care of the home. Point six lasted only five months though. I got pregnant before starting the school year in that new position and went on maternity leave eight weeks before dd arrived. No regrets. Dd is 13 and I haven't returned to work. I homeschool our theee kids, help dh with his work and look after our home.

I too like the traditional roles. Dh and I are a great team. It works for us and I love being home. Once the kids are grown, I might tutor part time, but I can't see returning to the classroom.

If you want to quit and your dh supports it, who cares what others think.

 

[Turn the Page]

I mostly stay home. I never thought I would be able to do it let alone wanted to do it but I find it really works best for all of us.

DH works 60-70 hours plus a week.....every week. Which means he really isn't available to help much at home. During the summer I work full time for about 12 weeks but the rest of the year I am home taking care of the kids and the house and everything. This allows me to work in the field I went to school for and still have a family and all that. I told my boss the last week of the season that I love my job and I love being able to come there and work every summer but that is the most hectic time of year for us and it is also nice to be able to slow down in the fall. The kids go back to school, I'm home to catch up on things that fell by the wayside while I was working, and DH can relax a bit more too.

It works for us.

 

[mom2rb]

My husband would love for me to quit work. I work nights and weekends and he works traditional hours. Right now My income is keeping the kids from getting student loans. Once that is done, I will probably work for 6 months to get a Good emergency fund and then stay home.

 

[quandrea]

I mostly stay home. I never thought I would be able to do it let alone wanted to do it but I find it really works best for all of us.

DH works 60-70 hours plus a week.....every week. Which means he really isn't available to help much at home. During the summer I work full time for about 12 weeks but the rest of the year I am home taking care of the kids and the house and everything. This allows me to work in the field I went to school for and still have a family and all that. I told my boss the last week of the season that I love my job and I love being able to come there and work every summer but that is the most hectic time of year for us and it is also nice to be able to slow down in the fall. The kids go back to school, I'm home to catch up on things that fell by the wayside while I was working, and DH can relax a bit more too.

It works for us.

My husband works 70-100 h per week as well. He couldn't do that if he didn't have back up at home. My being home has freed him up to take his business as far as possible. We don't have a life where he'd be available to do daycare pick ups or runs to the extra curricular activities. If I wasn't home it would limit the success of his work.

 

[Klayfish]

Do what you feel is best for you and your career. If you want to work...and there is NO shame in being a "secretary"...then do it. Even with kids. Yes, you have to make sacrifices when kids enter the picture, but if your job and career are important to you, then don't give it up.

DW works and always has, even when our kids were babies. She worked hard at her career and didn't want to give it up, nor did I want her to. Neither of us are really believers in the "stay at home mom" model...or stay at home dad for that matter.

 

[quandrea]

Do what you feel is best for you and your career. If you want to work...and there is NO shame in being a "secretary"...then do it. Even with kids. Yes, you have to make sacrifices when kids enter the picture, but if your job and career are important to you, then don't give it up.

DW works and always has, even when our kids were babies. She worked hard at her career and didn't want to give it up, nor did I want her to. Neither of us are really believers in the "stay at home mom" model...or stay at home dad for that matter.

She would prefer not to work though.

 

[Marchand63]

This is a topic that I've thought about on and off for years. I always had imagined I would be a stay-at-home mom, and that was my heart's desire.

But as we know, life sometimes has other plans, and so far we haven't been able to have children. Regardless, I think I would just love to be a housewife. I like the traditional roles of husband/wife and I think I would be perfectly happy taking care of the home and volunteering at our church, while my husband works. And my husband would support me in that venture.

But I just can't bring myself to do it. I have a stable job with good benefits that I've been at over 10 years now. It would seem foolish to leave that on the table, and I likely won't ever do it unless we have children. With our two incomes combined, we are able to travel and pretty much buy what we want, but I'm in no way passionate about my office job and wouldn't miss it. I also feel like I would be incredibly judged by people. The first question someone asks when you meet them, "so what do you do?" I already get some pretty awful replies when I tell people I'm a secretary (although we do way more than that title implies), so I cannot imagine what they would say if I told them I don't work, and we don't have children. I know I shouldn't care what people think, but I think I'd even get some derogatory remarks from family.

Just something I've thought about a bit and wondering how many others have thought about it or are actually living it. And do you feel like people are supportive?

OK I bolded that because I can't imagine someone giving you awful replies for being a secretary. My DF was a lawyer and if lost his secretary he couldn't find his behind with a flashlight. Heck secretaries run most offices. Tell 'em to take a flyin' leap!

As far as SAHM, I just couldn't do that, but that is me. I love my job. When raising our kids xDH had a day job & I worked mids. It worked for us.
Now my DDIL is a SAHM, she loves it. I honestly don't know how she can. She never stops moving - 3 kids, house & my DS. I would be nuts.

If you and your DH are on the same page, who is anyone to tell you not to stay home and take care of the Ponderosa

 

[kidshop]

Do what you feel is best for you and your career. If you want to work...and there is NO shame in being a "secretary"...then do it. Even with kids. Yes, you have to make sacrifices when kids enter the picture, but if your job and career are important to you, then don't give it up.

DW works and always has, even when our kids were babies. She worked hard at her career and didn't want to give it up, nor did I want her to. Neither of us are really believers in the "stay at home mom" model...or stay at home dad for that matter.

yes, but some people are believers in the stay at home role, and there is no shame in that either. It is ok if you want to be a stay at home wife, if that works for your family. Just like it is ok to work out of the home if THAT works for your family. Neither side should look down on the other since everyone is different.

My dh was military, and I stopped working right before 1st ds was born. He just left for college! I needed and wanted to be home. I still do. i love my life and feel so thankful I got to do what loved! It was perfect for me and for us.

Follow your heart!

 

[jdb in AZ]

There is nothing wrong with being a secretary or any gainful employment so don't be concerned what people think. My wife does not work but when asked, and it's surprising how often she is asked, she tells them she is employed by the place that she really volunteers at. Itsvery surprising how nosey people can be.

Every woman is a working woman.

 

[Sydney2977]

Do what works best for you and your situation. People are going to judge you regardless, and those people don't matter. A lot of my kids' classmates have stay at home moms and they can be quite judgmental of me when I can't volunteer as much or for the same things (they don't know where I donate money though), or that my husband doesn't have some job that "allows" me to stay home, or incorrectly assuming I don't want to be around my kids. Nice people aren't going to judge you and you don't owe anyone an explanation. Be who you are and make it work for you and your husband. If you do keep working you will have the peace of mind to know that you can probably build up good savings in the event of an emergency or if you want to quit down the road. If you're not working and chose to take care of your home and husband more, and even volunteer like you said, that will still be an important contribution. Heck, if you sit on your couch all day eating bon bons and watching soap operas (hahaha, old stereotype) that's really no one else's business!

 

[gotomu212]

I agree that you should do what works for your family and yourself. That said you asked if people would be supportive- I've found that people are generally supportive of stay at home MOMS, but even as kids age and enter school that support does wane. I have found that people today (and in the younger age groups 20s-40s) are not very supportive of stay at home WIVES (without children). It's not exactly fair, but I think you would get a lot of questions like what do you actually do all day (rude) and hey since you have nothing to do all day would you find signing for a package/letting the repairman into my house/running this errand (from people other than you husband-also totally rude).

You also might find you don't like the reality of being home. Is it possible to take a 3-6 month leave from your job to try it out?

 

[erin1715]

In regard to the derogatory remarks, one example of a kind of slighted remark was this:

We were eating at Cape May Cafe this summer and a man probably in his 50s just happened to strike up a conversation with me and asked what I do and I told him I was a secretary. His response - "ooohh....well, they are needed too, although with everything becoming automated lately, those jobs are dying out." I'm probably paraphrasing that last part but it was along those lines of being replaced by technology. The man obviously has no clue because I agree that secretaries run the offices! Of course you never think of a good come back until you sit down and think about it later!

Anyway, yeah regarding the above, I'm not passionate about my work at all. If it was something I cared about and felt I was making a difference then perhaps I would want to stay. I can't see myself leaving my job anyway but it's nice to daydream. Maybe some day....

 

[lorimay]

I worked all through my kids childhood, in a preschool and once they started elementary, I worked around their school times. I just made food money really.
I went into banking full time when my son was in high school. In 2011 the bank I was working at closed its doors in Florida and I became a "stay at home wife, stay at home mom and most importantly stay at home grandma". Now that my daughter has gone back to work full time, I have taken over the picking up the grandkids from school and helping in the summer with them. Now my daughter in law is expecting and she has a great career, so I will be a real nanny again next summer. I can't wait! But I am working harder than I ever did, but they are keeping me young! I love being home!

 

[erin1715]

I also do very part-time transcription from home and I would most likely do that more if I left my full-time gig, but transcription is not always a guaranteed paycheck.

 

[smiths02]

I've seen too many divorces to be comfortable being a stay at home mom/wife.

I would do part-time or something flexible to keep skills up and keep contributing to retirement/savings/fun things. Or use it as an opportunity to do something that I really love? or go back to school?

 

[AlohaNow]

erin1715 - You do you, hon.

 

[Turn the Page]

My husband works 70-100 h per week as well. He couldn't do that if he didn't have back up at home. My being home has freed him up to take his business as far as possible. We don't have a life where he'd be available to do daycare pick ups or runs to the extra curricular activities. If I wasn't home it would limit the success of his work.

Exactly. There can be two working parents in a family of course. Heck, most families are like that. But I do believe if one parent is working 70, 80, 90 hours a week every week the other parent is not working 40. Not without hiring help anyway and that help would be beyond daycare.

DH works really hard and we are fortunate that he makes a salary that is sufficient to support our family which allows me to stay home most of the year. Every now and then he will make a comment about a job posting he saw that I might enjoy, he found one in my field this past spring. After I explain to him that if I go to work he is going to have to hire a nanny to do all the things around the house and for DD7's therapies and everything that I do now because just after school care is not going to cut it he generally agrees and drops it.

I mean really, I would have to get a job paying $25 an hour or so to make it worth hiring someone to do all this and that really isn't going to happen in this area.