Your child's school rules: the stupid, weird, or just plain annoying

[palavra]

While I respect your point of view, we're just going to have to agree to disagree(again ).

The fact that it's already been stated here that many schools have no problem allowing parents to drop things off makes it clear that other schools have found ways to work reasonably with the issue.

And I will NEVER agree that we should simply lay down and defend the existance of blanket policies because....well, what else can we do. To me (no offense), it's a cop out. And a bit of a scary one at that.

Then I guess you will have to help provide the money the schools need when they are sued by unreasonable parents.

 

[pacrosby]

Idealism is wonderful; realism, at times, not so much.

Actually I think your reasoning is closer to idealism than mine. The thinking that if we put enough rules into place we'll apparently be living in some sort of utopia. Far from it.


Somehow the use of common sense worked just fine for generations. And fortunately, in some places, it still does.



Frankly I'm tired (not directed at you, just in general) of the 'people will sue if we don't make blanket polices' excuse. Stop letting the indians run the asylum and grow a backbone I say.

 

[pacrosby]

I would say understanding why the rules


I think people are just more likely to object to rules now. I don't mean this to offend and I'm not directing this to the OP---I include myself in this. I think it it societally more acceptable to voice objections---which is not necessarily a bad thing!

:

I have to disagree wholeheartedly. Honestly, no offense intended, but I think you need to do alittle research on previous generations (you might start with the 60's and 70's LOL). I'm on the cusp of 50. This is truly a different world we are living in with regards to rules and policies and IMO it's the result of our society's belief, as a whole, that we must 'control' everything and everyone. Unfortunately it's not possible and knowing that, some are simply not willing to jump on the bandwagon.

 

[pacrosby]

Then I guess you will have to help provide the money the schools need when they are sued by unreasonable parents.

Allowing all this nonsense suing is part of the problem. No offense but, I believe that this attitude just enables it.


ETA: and the lawsuit argument really doesn't fly in the case of many silly rules. I mean really, a school puts the aforementioned 'no lunch drop offs' rule in place and it's because of the fear someone will sue??????????? Not likely. That rule is in place in an effort to eliminate the practice of parents dropping off lunch (or anything in some cases) simply because it's annoying to them to have to deal with parents coming in to drop things off and they don't want to deal with it. Can I sympathize? Sure but there a lot of other ways to deal with it besides creating an unreasonable rule. They need to stop taking the mindless way out and and start using their heads.



Everybody has a breaking point. So far you haven't reached yours yet. Someday you might.

 

[DebIreland]

apparrantly, according to the Dis, it's ok not to feed kids all day.

Yeah, those of us who won't/can't go to our teenagers' schools to drop off lunches believe that children shouldn't be fed.

 

[chicagodisneyfan]

I can't begin to imagine the chaos of allowing parents unlimited access to their kids during the day. You do realise you'd have parents of snowflakes coming in for a chat, for a hug, to bring a little treat, to check their kid's work etc. Those parents exist. Teachers have it hard enough without those constant interruptions. It's important for the welfare of all the kids that schools minimize interruptions.

I love this response!

 

[torinsmom]

Yeah, those of us who won't/can't go to our teenagers' schools to drop off lunches believe that children shouldn't be fed.

I just think that kids should have something. Even some saltines and water would be better than nothing. We all forget things sometimes, and kids' brains are still growing. Some kids do not eat breakfast, and mine is one of those. I have tried to make him, but it makes him nauseous. He drinks OJ and that is it. So for him, it would be going from 8pm the night before until 4:15 when he gets home. He would be useless in class from lunch on.

I know before I said it is illegal to deny food, but my son says the law doesn't apply to high school. So he has $5 hidden in his backpack for emergencies. Kind of like I have an extra key hidden in case I lock the keys in the car. He has had to use the extra money, just like I have had to use that extra key.

My son goes to a large high school, 2000 students, I believe. They are allowed to carry their backpacks(any color) around, carry water bottles, wear hoodies, etc. There is a dress policy, but it is mainly no showing private parts. I've never had to bring anything in for him, but I am pretty sure I could.

 

[Tara922c]

Well when I was in middle school we were not allowed to carry our backpacks from class to class, but we did have lockers. I am pretty sure we could carry purses, but if we couldn't, I would have put my feminine products in my pencil bag. We could not carry water bottles from class to class. The only time we could have a water bottle was lunch. The 4.5 mile walk from home is crazy. I lived about 3 miles from school and rode the bus. The bus ride took 45 minutes because we were the last stop to get off and back then busses did not have A/C. I live in southeast Texas it is hot, very hot. This year on the first week of school it was about 105 everyday! (I do believe busses have a/c these days) We were not allowed to eat or drink anything on the bus either. I survived middle school, and so did my fellow 300 classmates that were in my grade. I believe that the schools have become much more lax since my day. I graduated in 2001. We were never allowed to have water bottles all day, we survived. We could only use the restroom during breaks, we survived. We only had a 25 minute lunch, and we all survived.

disclaimer.... I don't have a problem with kids having water bottles, using the restroom, or having a longer lunch. My point is they are not going to die because of these things.

 

[mamacatnv]

Yeah, those of us who won't/can't go to our teenagers' schools to drop off lunches believe that children shouldn't be fed.

I just think that kids should have something. Even some saltines and water would be better than nothing. We all forget things sometimes, and kids' brains are still growing. Some kids do not eat breakfast, and mine is one of those. I have tried to make him, but it makes him nauseous. He drinks OJ and that is it. So for him, it would be going from 8pm the night before until 4:15 when he gets home. He would be useless in class from lunch on.

I know before I said it is illegal to deny food, but my son says the law doesn't apply to high school. So he has $5 hidden in his backpack for emergencies. Kind of like I have an extra key hidden in case I lock the keys in the car. He has had to use the extra money, just like I have had to use that extra key.

You have a back up plan - that's what we do and that's what I would certainly do if my teenager attended a school that did not allow me to drop off a forgotten lunch. Instead of insisting that I'm special and therefore the rules don't apply to me I would figure out a way to work with the rules and have a back up plan in place. ie extra money in the backpack or a stash of snacks in the backpack/locker.

 

[pacrosby]

Instead of insisting that I'm special and therefore the rules don't apply to me I would figure out a way to work with the rules and have a back up plan in place.

Sadly, just another example of missing the point.



I'm not directling this to you (since I don't know enough about you) but I do fear for the children of parents who teach them to blindly accept and follow any and all rules without question regardless of how inane those rules might be. If you want to live that way as an adult that's your choice. But you should really be encouraging your kids to use their independent thinking skills.

 

[marcyinPA]

Yeah, those of us who won't/can't go to our teenagers' schools to drop off lunches believe that children shouldn't be fed.

Well, with the "suck it up buttercup" mentality that some of you have on this thread regarding forgotten lunches, what exactly DO you believe? Your child certainly wouldn't be fed according to some of you...so????

 

[mamacatnv]

Sadly, just another example of missing the point.



I'm not directling this to you (since I don't know enough about you) but I do fear for the children of parents who teach them to blindly accept and follow any and all rules without question regardless of how inane those rules might be. If you want to live that way as an adult that's your choice. But you should really be encouraging your kids to use their independent thinking skills.

I agree that we should teach our children to question but there is a way to go about it properly and in a school setting it can be a very fine line. I also think that as a parent there is a way to go about it and IMO confronting the secretary at the school because I think a rule is stupid and therefore should not apply to me is not the way to do it.

I hate all the stupid rules/regulations that are slowly but surely taking away our rights as parents. Because of this in regards to schools, I attend school board meetings etc. and voice my opinion. I do the research and talk to other parents. Our school listens to parents when it is presented properly but rest assured if I showed up in the office of the school and pitched a fit over something that is not in the secretaries control the school would boot my butt to the curb, as they should.

Interesting story - when my DS headed to college we went through a transition where he really had to work on those independent thinking skills. As I told him over and over, you are no longer in high school, if you don't like something speak up, if you see something that you don't agree with speak up, if someone tells you something that you either don't understand or think is wrong SPEAK UP. It took him a little while to transition from being the student in high school and doing what he was told to being the consumer of higher education. Fortunatly, through most of his life we did teach him to think on his own and this transition went fairly smooth.

Well, with the "suck it up buttercup" mentality that some of you have on this thread regarding forgotten lunches, what exactly DO you believe? Your child certainly wouldn't be fed according to some of you...so????

Again, in reference to a middle schooler 12/13 and I have one in my house, I won't drop off a forgotten lunch. My child will not starve in the 6.5 hours she is in school.

On the days she has longer days, I remind her to pack extra snacks. I also keep her locker supplied with snacks and I keep a few extra bucks in her backpack just in case. DD's school doesn't offer a hot lunch persay, its a catered type affair and must be prebought on a monthly basis. There are no "extras" for same day purchase.

If my DD runs out of snacks, money and forgets her lunch all on the same day then my answer most likely is going to be, suck it up buttercup. I've given her several tools to help keep her organized and fed, if all the safety nets self destruct because she dropped the ball on all of them then perhaps a day of no lunch will help her remember to keep her snack supply and emergency cash replenished. She is 13 years old, I should not have to hold her hand every minute of every day, if I do then IMO I have not done my job as her parent.

One of my favorite sayings and I think it applies well here:

Lack of planning on your part, does not constitute an emergency on my part.

 

[pacrosby]

Ialso think that as a parent there is a way to go about it and IMO confronting the secretary at the school because I think a rule is stupid and therefore should not apply to me is not the way to do it.

Well, I'm certainly not going to disagree with you there but I wasn't aware anyone actually suggested doing that here? Did they?

And I personally don't believe (my opinion I know) that people should have to put forth time and energy to fight rules that defy logic. And doin so is likely to be an exercise in futility. As I said most people are followers. And many others aren't interested in fighting for something that doesn't inconvenience them personally, no matter how stupid the rule is. Schools know that. Common sense doesn't stand a chance.

Your story about your DS, although I'm sure he turned out just fine, somewhat illustrates what I'm referring to. I believe kids should get used to speaking up from a very young age. Not only do they learn to be an independent thinker, but they learn that all important lesson.....it's not just what you say, it's how you say it

Lack of planning on your part, does not constitute an emergency on my part.

I actually do like that (and will probably steal it) But am not sure it applies here. I'm not generally a fan of entitlement but EVERYONE is entitled to an occasional mistake. It doesn't always require 'punishment'.

 

[luvmy3]

Well, with the "suck it up buttercup" mentality that some of you have on this thread regarding forgotten lunches, what exactly DO you believe? Your child certainly wouldn't be fed according to some of you...so????

I think its a great lesson in responsibilty. I don't know what your day is like but there are more opportunities to eat in an entire day, so not having one meal at the exact time you are supposed to in one day isn't going to hurt any 12 year old. So while your previous post was a nice attempt to say we parents want our kids to "starve" because we don't want them to be fed, its not really accurate. My kids get home at 3:00 if they didn't eat their lunch at 12, they can have it at 3 when they get home. Phew, starvation diverted

 

[pacrosby]

I think its a great lesson in responsibilty. I don't know what your day is like but there are more opportunities to eat in an entire day, so not having one meal at the exact time you are supposed to in one day isn't going to hurt any 12 year old. So while your previous post was a nice attempt to say we parents want our kids to "starve" because we don't want them to be fed, its not really accurate. My kids get home at 3:00 if they didn't eat their lunch at 12, they can have it at 3 when they get home. Phew, starvation diverted

I keep saying I'm outta here and then something just pulls me back in...

If your child does fine without eating from breakfast until midday then obviously it's not an issue for you but SOME kids would have difficulty with that. Heck my husband couldn't go that long without getting a terrible headache. Nevermind the fact that some kids can't stomach much of a breakfast at the early hour that they awake....so for those kids it's almost like not eating since the evening before. Do you REALLY think that makes sense?

Also your point proves why it's often impossible to change these rules through the 'proper' channels. Most people aren't inconvenienced and don't care enough about those who are to jump on board and help fight the fight. It really is a 'me, me, me' world....no matter how you look at it.

 

[EnchantedTales]

I haven't read the entire thread only a few posts but allowing me to say this:

Banning bookbags:

I clearly and vividly remember being a teenager. It is physically impossible to carry 5 notebooks, or a huge binder, plus books, pens, pencils and any other crap in your arms all day. Something is bound to get lost, it's not about them not being responsible it's just physically impossible. You can't do it as an adult, never mind as a teenager, not to mention that in the run from classroom to classroom 10 things fall from you. I see disorganized adults all the time and then they insist that their children keep it together. Why the hell are you expecting something that you yourself can't do? We parents expect from our children a perfection and functionality that we ourselves don't have? You want your children to learn about compassion and understanding others? Start by giving it to them first.

Dropping lunch/money:

I don't know about others but I allow myself to be human. Yes I have forgotten my lunch at home more than once, so have my kids. Out of let's say 100 days of school maybe once they have forgotten. It's not a daily occurrence, so I don't see why I shouldn't take the money when they do. However, I can't get out of work to get the money so instead since her school has the lunch money system we open an account and make sure it always has money by having an automatic payment system. The day she forgets her lunch she can easily pay it from there. I refuse to let anyone I know go hungry. As a teenager who went to bed hungry because her family didn't have enough money for food, I can't describe how horrible the feeling is. I just can't stand the thought, not even if it's for a few hours...

Water Bottles:

Alcohol in water bottles? Have the schools documented how many cases of alcohol in water bottles have they had? I'm not talking national statistics I'm talking a real incident in that school. If it has been one person out of 300 students why are we penalizing 299 people for the mistake of one? I'm seriously asking there. Working with schools have made me realize that many times rules have been put in place not by any incident but mostly by fear and mass hysteria of people. My kids had water bottles all of their elementary life and not once we were asked to switch it out to clear bottles. So I don't see what the problem is.

My own annoying rules. Attendance:

I understand the importance of school and I'm not saying that schools shouldn't enforce attendance. I think they should. However, can't we reach a middle ground here? Two years ago we had a death in the family and I pulled the kids out of school so we could attend the funeral. It was out of the country so they missed several days. My oldest was penalized for that and wasn't able to attend the last dance. One of her friends went on a vacation and was also penalized. Look, not all of us can take vacation at the times the school is out. I absolutely can't, would LOVE too, and believe me we have tried. So did the parents of her friends. The week they missed there was no exams or nothing strange and she was able to catch up in no time. Why don't we allow folks a little room to work with? My oldest daughter's high school has now a limit on Medical excuses. The maneuvers I've had to do to schedule doctors appointments is ridiculous. If it wasn't because she loves the school so much I would honestly pulled her from it, and homeschool her.

Attitude:

Please teachers don't take this the wrong way. I have a sister, 3 aunts and several friends who are teachers. I love teachers and I think it's an awesome profession. However, just as in any other profession, sometimes some folks attitude plain out stink. After volunteering extensively in schools for years, this year I'm taking a break. Yikes some teachers attitude is as if students are out to get them. They treat students horribly and then expect respect in return. You can't demand respect, it's earned folks. You can't treat anyone (no matter the age) with contempt and expect respect in return. It's the how the world works.

No touching rule:

In the real world there is no touching rule. I found this rule so ridiculous. If we want kids to learn about personal space and respecting others we need to start up by teaching them proper guidelines to how we touch others. Not make our lives easier by banning touching and be done with the problem, just because it makes us (the adults) our existence easier. I have yet to find one teacher who gives me a good reason for it.

 

[aprilgail2]

I think its a great lesson in responsibilty. I don't know what your day is like but there are more opportunities to eat in an entire day, so not having one meal at the exact time you are supposed to in one day isn't going to hurt any 12 year old. So while your previous post was a nice attempt to say we parents want our kids to "starve" because we don't want them to be fed, its not really accurate. My kids get home at 3:00 if they didn't eat their lunch at 12, they can have it at 3 when they get home. Phew, starvation diverted

If your kids are only gone 6-7 hours it is not all that bad but for the kids who are in school for 12 hours without coming home that is a LONG time to go without eating, especially if they are kids that don't/can't really eat breakfast. When my daughter gets up at 530 for school the last thing she wants to do is eat-I force her to eat a little something to carry her until lunch time but if she missed lunch she doesn't come home from school most days until 630pm-that is a long day to go without food! If she forgot her lunch you can be sure that I would get lunch to her somehow, a friend drop it off to her for me or leave work for break time and shoot it up to her. I would not let her not have a lunch just because she forgot it. Now if she made a habit out of it and forgot it a time or two every week I would have to deal with that differently but last year she forgot her lunch ONCE---I should punish her with no lunch for just forgetting ONE time---I make my lunch for work and leave it on the counter when I go to work way more than that!

 

[Poohforyou]

I think its a great lesson in responsibilty. I don't know what your day is like but there are more opportunities to eat in an entire day, so not having one meal at the exact time you are supposed to in one day isn't going to hurt any 12 year old. So while your previous post was a nice attempt to say we parents want our kids to "starve" because we don't want them to be fed, its not really accurate. My kids get home at 3:00 if they didn't eat their lunch at 12, they can have it at 3 when they get home. Phew, starvation diverted

The person who is going to suffer if my child doesn't have lunch is me when she gets home all whiney and nasty. She's a kid that needs to eat often and has been that way since she was a baby. Honestly if I went almost 9 hours without food I wouldn't starve but I also wouldn't be a person you'd want to be around.

I believe in teaching responsibility and in natural consequences but don't believe in doing it by withholding food.

 

[luvmy3]

I keep saying I'm outta here and then something just pulls me back in...

If your child does fine without eating from breakfast until midday then obviously it's not an issue for you but SOME kids would have difficulty with that. Heck my husband couldn't go that long without getting a terrible headache. Nevermind the fact that some kids can't stomach much of a breakfast at the early hour that they awake....so for those kids it's almost like not eating since the evening before. Do you REALLY think that makes sense?

Also your point proves why it's often impossible to change these rules through the 'proper' channels. Most people aren't inconvenienced and don't care enough about those who are to jump on board and help fight the fight. It really is a 'me, me, me' world....no matter how you look at it.

A me, me, me world? No you've got that all wrong. I am a firm believer in being resonsible, whether it is a 12 year old or their 35 year old parent. If a rule as in the "no drop of lunches" is in place then your 12 year old better make sure they remember it, and their parent better make sure they remind them. If they still forget well them they need to face the consequences of their actions. We aren't talking about toddlers here, we are talking about middle school students who can, with the exception of a medical condition, go without food for a few hours. Is it inconvenient, yes. Will its really suck, yes. But make no mistake they can get through their day an in the process learn a valuable lesson. So its not really me, me, me, its about you, you, you and that whole personal responsibilty thing

If your kids are only gone 6-7 hours it is not all that bad but for the kids who are in school for 12 hours without coming home that is a LONG time to go without eating, especially if they are kids that don't/can't really eat breakfast. When my daughter gets up at 530 for school the last thing she wants to do is eat-I force her to eat a little something to carry her until lunch time but if she missed lunch she doesn't come home from school most days until 630pm-that is a long day to go without food! If she forgot her lunch you can be sure that I would get lunch to her somehow, a friend drop it off to her for me or leave work for break time and shoot it up to her. I would not let her not have a lunch just because she forgot it. Now if she made a habit out of it and forgot it a time or two every week I would have to deal with that differently but last year she forgot her lunch ONCE---I should punish her with no lunch for just forgetting ONE time---I make my lunch for work and leave it on the counter when I go to work way more than that!

The difference is I don't see it as punishment, especially if there is a rule in place that specifically states a parent cannot drop off your lunch. Personally, I think its time parents stop thinking of natural consequences of their kid's actions as "punishment". If she did something wrong, sure its "punishment" but in this case its just a consequence. One that hopefully a student and their parent learn from. When did that actually become a bad thing?

 

[kaytieeldr]

Allowing all this nonsense suing is part of the problem. No offense but, I believe that this attitude just enables it.


ETA: and the lawsuit argument really doesn't fly in the case of many silly rules. I mean really, a school puts the aforementioned 'no lunch drop offs' rule in place and it's because of the fear someone will sue??????????? Not likely. That rule is in place in an effort to eliminate the practice of parents dropping off lunch (or anything in some cases) simply because it's annoying to them to have to deal with parents coming in to drop things off and they don't want to deal with it. Can I sympathize? Sure but there a lot of other ways to deal with it besides creating an unreasonable rule. They need to stop taking the mindless way out and and start using their heads.



Everybody has a breaking point. So far you haven't reached yours yet. Someday you might.

Or - the rules exist because, especially with the dire financial situation in most school districts, it's not within any budget to assign someone to administer the drop-offs.