WWYD (a couple layers)?

[allison443]

I know my kids must be boring as heck but they'd be happy at an all-inclusive resort even if it had no "teen" activities. They are happy with beach/water/hotels/restaurants, etc. That would be enough for them but everyone is different.

Well my family must be "boring" right along with you! I have two kids in their 20s and one is still a teen. They have never been to a teen club or anything like that on vacation. Also we don't bring friends on vacation, even now when we only have our youngest with us. We hang out together, especially if our extended family is with us. That's the whole point.

But everyone's different and I guess some teens wouldn't like that?

 

[TinkTock]

OP, again... THIS is what concerns me. (discussed in my post above)


So, let the teen enjoy adult activities...
Like I said before, if this is anywhere near a verbatim quote....

It is clear that your teen is the odd-man-out here.... with no other cousins anywhere near their age on the vacation. And, that is tough... We just attended a function with my son, who is just now a teen, and he was in the same situation.

Your mother's comment here really does trouble me. On several levels... One, it is not appropriate, at all... Two, it is 'controlling'... They know your teen will not be wanting to spend every waking moment with the adults (and little kids) and will want to go and find other ways to enjoy themselves... And they are pretty much saying that 'this just won't happen'.

This is the one and only thing in your entire situation that I begin to see as a valid concern. And, if I couldn't find a way to communicate with them and to iron that one thing out before I would agree and let them confirm the ressies for your family, then I would be hesitant about the trip.

I don't get why you'd think that enjoying the adult activities meant all the adults had to be together at all times, and now they were insisting that the teen be with them. I think of adult activities as things little kids may be unable to do, like riding jetskis or taking a walk along the beach unsupervised. The adults in my family don't do vacation activities in lockstep, and being considered an adult would provide more freedom, not less.

 

[sam_gordon]

Have any AI's been mentioned as prospects yet?

Actually a LOT of them have been. Beaches Turks & Caicos has been ruled out because of price. They were all but set on Beaches Boscobel (sp?) but read up on it on Trip Adviser and ruled it out. They've apparently ruled out Club Med properties b/c of the "Club Med fee". Every 3-4 days we get an email from my mom with "Check out...". I emailed her the other day asking for a list of what's been looked at/eliminated/possibles, but haven't heard anything back yet.

If the parents are planning this a year in advance, then I think it is very disrespectful to say that "well perhaps something more important (like a softball game) will come up, and after all, our 15 year-old is way more important than anyone else."

I don't believe our teen (btw, she's 13 now will be 14 at the time of the trip) is more important than anyone else. But I also don't believe she's the least important either. I guess it's too much to ask that the ONE member of the family who DOES have an idea (or can at least get an idea) of what their schedule will be like a year in advance should be factored into the decision.

My dad died of a brain tumor at 52 years old. I know he would have done anything to be able to take us all on a family trip, but it was just not to be. And I know that any of his children and grandchildren now or before his illness would drop anything to have a week with him and my mother, paid for or not.

I'm sorry about your dad. But I'm guessing many professional families have certain times of the year that aren't good for taking vacations.

I'm sorry I feel ALL family members schedules should be considered before planning this. I like the idea a PP said about getting a calendar and marking "absolutely no", "maybe", and "yes" dates.

 

[JessicaR]

Actually a LOT of them have been. Beaches Turks & Caicos has been ruled out because of price. They were all but set on Beaches Boscobel (sp?) but read up on it on Trip Adviser and ruled it out. They've apparently ruled out Club Med properties b/c of the "Club Med fee". Every 3-4 days we get an email from my mom with "Check out...". I emailed her the other day asking for a list of what's been looked at/eliminated/possibles, but haven't heard anything back yet.

.

If your parents wouldnt be offended, have them look into the Iberostar chain. A BUNCH of wonderfully run and maintained AI's. Located in many different areas. They run some terrific sales also.

 

[Tink888]

I get venting. Vent away. That said, I do think that you are reading too much into and worrying about things that aren't necessary.

I don't think your parents are being controlling. I think they want to spend some time with their entire family and because that's what they want, they are generously paying for everything. That's a good thing.

Anytime you have any sort of plans with multiple families, you are going to have different wants and different opinions. You can't make everyone happy and so you compromise. Because your parents are paying, the final decisions are their to make. That's the way it works. If you were paying for everything, you'd have more of a say-so.

As far as the comments about your teen. I think you're taking them to personally. All of the other children on the trip are under ten so that's where their focus is in finding a resort with activities. Under ten is the age group majority. They aren't intentionally leaving out your DD, they're being logical.

And to be honest, any inclusive resort that has activities for younger kids is also going to offer activities for teens as well as special activities for adults. You are worrying for nothing. Activities aside, as long as there is a pool, a room, food and other people to interact with, a teen (anyone for that matter) is perfectly capable of having a great vacation.

As far as softball goes, they've given you a date to work with a year in advance. You already see the coach. Go talk to him. Now. You could speak with him right now and either get the okay or find out you need another week. You aren't. The one holding back here is you, not your parents. Why? Because of what he might think? He might be impressed by what a planner you are and appreciate you're thinking so far in advance. Who cares what he thinks about you approaching him now.

Finally with the flights.....your parents have essentially said "don't worry about the flights, we've got someone making arrangements, we're paying for tickets, all you have to do is relax and show up". And you're (and other posters) are finding all these things that you should be worried about when you don't have to be. That's your control issue.

There is a free trip in your future with the potential to make some great family memories. You can 1) relax, go with the flow and have a fantastic time or 2) read into things, worry and look for things to go wrong that haven't even happened yet.

The trip is what you and your attitude make it. It's a year away and you're making it out to be a headache. Why not think positive instead and make it a great trip.

 

[sam_gordon]

Thanks for more info/clarification!!!

You're welcome!

Would it be safe to say that the season/tournaments would be over by July???? If so, it does seem as if it would be easy for most people to plan for this type of trip a few weeks later in the Summer???????

Our last tournament for this year is slated for the weekend before school starts (mid-August). We may play in another couple tournaments after that if the girls still want to play. Mom & dad are worried about hurricane season and want to go in June.

If your parents wouldnt be offended, have them look into the Iberostar chain. A BUNCH of wonderfully run and maintained AI's. Located in many different areas. They run some terrific sales also.

Iberostar was actually the last "look at" email I got. I questioned my mom about the "no teen club" and that's when I got the response from the OP. Although based on this thread, I'm not as concerned about that any more.

 

[Plannin'Shannon]

I get venting. Vent away. That said, I do think that you are reading too much into and worrying about things that aren't necessary.

I don't think your parents are being controlling. I think they want to spend some time with their entire family and because that's what they want, they are generously paying for everything. That's a good thing.

Anytime you have any sort of plans with multiple families, you are going to have different wants and different opinions. You can't make everyone happy and so you compromise. Because your parents are paying, the final decisions are their to make. That's the way it works. If you were paying for everything, you'd have more of a say-so.

As far as the comments about your teen. I think you're taking them to personally. All of the other children on the trip are under ten so that's where their focus is in finding a resort with activities. Under ten is the age group majority. They aren't intentionally leaving out your DD, they're being logical.

And to be honest, any inclusive resort that has activities for younger kids is also going to offer activities for teens as well as special activities for adults. You are worrying for nothing. Activities aside, as long as there is a pool, a room, food and other people to interact with, a teen (anyone for that matter) is perfectly capable of having a great vacation.

As far as softball goes, they've given you a date to work with a year in advance. You already see the coach. Go talk to him. Now. You could speak with him right now and either get the okay or find out you need another week. You aren't. The one holding back here is you, not your parents. Why? Because of what he might think? He might be impressed by what a planner you are and appreciate you're thinking so far in advance. Who cares what he thinks about you approaching him now.

Finally with the flights.....your parents have essentially said "don't worry about the flights, we've got someone making arrangements, we're paying for tickets, all you have to do is relax and show up". And you're (and other posters) are finding all these things that you should be worried about when you don't have to be. That's your control issue.

There is a free trip in your future with the potential to make some great family memories. You can 1) relax, go with the flow and have a fantastic time or 2) read into things, worry and look for things to go wrong that haven't even happened yet.

The trip is what you and your attitude make it. It's a year away and you're making it out to be a headache. Why not think positive instead and make it a great trip.

Well said.

 

[Wishing on a star]

I don't get why you'd think that enjoying the adult activities meant all the adults had to be together at all times....

Read the OP and the other information...
The OP's parents have implied that there will be 'no teen club'...
There are not other teens at all in the group. Only much younger toddlers and elementary aged kids.

You may not 'get' it... And, whatever, I don't care.
But, the writing is on the wall here.

If the teen is supposed to be with the adults 'enjoying the adult activities'.
(still can't get over even the thought of a 14 year old enjoying 'adult' activities!!! Don't know whether to go or )

The OP's teen is expected (demanded?????) to spend all their time with the adult activities. No teen club... No other teens with the fanily... So, with the exception of leaving this 14 year old alone... if the adults are not together, what... do they pass her off one to the other.... like babysitting??????? I mean, seriously... think about this... This is the ONE thing that I am competely and totally with the OP on.

There is no question in my mind about this.
No question at all.

 

[tlbwriter]

If the teen is supposed to be with the adults 'enjoying the adult activities'.
(still can't get over even the thought of a 14 year old enjoying 'adult' activities!!! Don't know whether to go or )

I'm assuming the "adult activities" mean "things the little kids aren't doing" - hanging out at the beach, riding a jet ski, shopping, etc. Not adult adult activities.

 

[Wishing on a star]

Our last tournament for this year is slated for the weekend before school starts (mid-August).

In that case, that is something that could easily affect the whole summer... With no detailed schedule currently available... You can't expect others to have to work around that much of a restriction. You can't expect that to give you any level of control over this type of a group/family event.

Like others with teens heavily involved in sports...

You and your teen are just going to make your own decision and figure out which is going to be the priority.

I am totally with you on the situation re: the comments that have been made about your oldest, who will be 14!!!!!

But, it is obvious here that this is not about baseball, teen club, air flights, or anything else.... It is about communication and control issues.

 

[allison443]

Read the OP and the other information...
The OP's parents have implied that there will be 'no teen club'...
There are not other teens at all in the group. Only much younger toddlers and elementary aged kids.

You may not 'get' it... And, whatever, I don't care.
But, the writing is on the wall here.

If the teen is supposed to be with the adults 'enjoying the adult activities'.
(still can't get over even the thought of a 14 year old enjoying 'adult' activities!!! Don't know whether to go or )

The OP's teen is expected (demanded?????) to spend all their time with the adult activities. No teen club... No other teens with the fanily... So, with the exception of leaving this 14 year old alone... if the adults are not together, what... do they pass her off one to the other.... like babysitting??????? I mean, seriously... think about this... This is the ONE thing that I am competely and totally with the OP on.

There is no question in my mind about this.
No question at all.

What do you think "adult activities" means?

 

[allison443]

I'm assuming the "adult activities" mean "things the little kids aren't doing" - hanging out at the beach, riding a jet ski, shopping, etc. Not adult adult activities.

That's what I thought it meant also....

 

[Wishing on a star]

I'm assuming the "adult activities" mean "things the little kids aren't doing" - hanging out at the beach, riding a jet ski, shopping, etc. Not adult adult activities.

Oh, that is what I am assuming... Just can't get over even saying/typing the phrase!!!
But, then, that would severely limit any truly adult activities/time, wouldn't it. And, only for the OP... The other parents can happily leave their little ones in the kids club????

Seriously people...
I am seeing the big picture here.
And, something just ain't right.

 

[okeydokey]

I'm assuming the "adult activities" mean "things the little kids aren't doing" - hanging out at the beach, riding a jet ski, shopping, etc. Not adult adult activities.

My teen would LOVE this!

 

[Mkrop]

I'm assuming the "adult activities" mean "things the little kids aren't doing" - hanging out at the beach, riding a jet ski, shopping, etc. Not adult adult activities.

Yes but many Adult activities that teens can do they may not be allowed to do. Look at the Segways at Epcot, dont you have to be 16? Just bc there are jet skis there doesnt mean she will be allowed to ride them, etc. Once again I would want there to be things for my kid to do, if the age for those activities does include her, then I would be less concern.

And some people dont like to lay on a beach all day or by a pool. If that isnt her, either that is not fair.

 

[golfgal]

Sam-you are WAY overthinking the softball deal. She will be 14, not playing a a professional team-families go on vacations over the summer and since the season lasts all summer, they expect kids to miss. Let your parents plan the trip and when sign ups happen or if they have a booster meeting or whatever, let the coach know you are taking a family trip on whatever dates.

 

[Carly_Roach]

I do see control issues on both sides...
But, honestly, it really does sound like your parents are The Masters...
And, if some communication and just a bit of cooperation can't be possible here....

When you're the one paying for everything then you can be The Master. If whomever is on for the free ride doesn't like part of the ride, then the free rider can decline to go.

I get venting. Vent away. That said, I do think that you are reading too much into and worrying about things that aren't necessary.

I don't think your parents are being controlling. I think they want to spend some time with their entire family and because that's what they want, they are generously paying for everything. That's a good thing.

There is a free trip in your future with the potential to make some great family memories. You can 1) relax, go with the flow and have a fantastic time or 2) read into things, worry and look for things to go wrong that haven't even happened yet.

The trip is what you and your attitude make it. It's a year away and you're making it out to be a headache. Why not think positive instead and make it a great trip.

Absolutely!

 

[Scurvy]

I'm assuming the "adult activities" mean "things the little kids aren't doing" - hanging out at the beach, riding a jet ski, shopping, etc. Not adult adult activities.

That's what I'm assuming as well. I can sort of understand the OP's concern about the sports schedule, as we have to take my son's band schedule into account when planning vacations. But I'm confused about why the lack of "teen activites" is such a big deal. When most of the young people on the trip are 10 or under, it makes sense to try to find a place that offers activities for them rather than focusing on the teen. Honestly, even as a parent of a teen it would never occur to me to consider whether there was a teen club when choosing a destination. That's not something that has ever been a factor in our vacation plans at all. Maybe we are just more fun than some parents but my son enjoys the same things we do. He is included in our activities on vacation, and even helps to plan many of them. He does make friends with other teens on some of our trips, but he certainly doesn't need a club in order to do that. If we were going to be going to adults-only locations like dance clubs, comedy clubs or bars maybe I would see the need for a teen club, but we don't do those things on family vacations.

 

[Tink888]

Read the OP and the other information...
The OP's parents have implied that there will be 'no teen club'...
There are not other teens at all in the group. Only much younger toddlers and elementary aged kids.

You may not 'get' it... And, whatever, I don't care.
But, the writing is on the wall here.

If the teen is supposed to be with the adults 'enjoying the adult activities'.
(still can't get over even the thought of a 14 year old enjoying 'adult' activities!!! Don't know whether to go or )

The OP's teen is expected (demanded?????) to spend all their time with the adult activities. No teen club... No other teens with the fanily... So, with the exception of leaving this 14 year old alone... if the adults are not together, what... do they pass her off one to the other.... like babysitting??????? I mean, seriously... think about this... This is the ONE thing that I am competely and totally with the OP on.

There is no question in my mind about this.
No question at all.

Yes but many Adult activities that teens can do they may not be allowed to do. Look at the Segways at Epcot, dont you have to be 16? Just bc there are jet skis there doesnt mean she will be allowed to ride them, etc. Once again I would want there to be things for my kid to do, if the age for those activities does include her, then I would be less concern.

And some people dont like to lay on a beach all day or by a pool. If that isnt her, either that is not fair.

Most family all-inclusives, and I'm assuming this is a beach resort, although I think the OP said the destination hasn't been decided yet will have things for every age group to do.

But let's say for say of argument that there is no "teen" group. I'd be willing to bet that the ENTIRE family will be spending the majority of time together, be it in the rooms, at the beach and pool areas, dining together or on excursions.

Adult activities that the 14 year old might be included in.........afternoon at the resort's spa (and they all have them) with the women for mani-pedi's. Kayaking with Dad, shopping with Grandma, snorkeling, dinner show with all of the grown-ups.......get the picture?

Maybe she will spend some time playing the in the pool or building sandcastles with her younger sibs and cousins who just might happen to think she's the coolest thing since buttered bread being that she's a teenager. Who knows, she might even enjoy spending a little time with the younger ones.

And I wouldn't be at all surprised if Grandma & Grandpa took ALL of the kids for an evening so that the parents can have a true "adults only" night out.

Or maybe, being a 14 year old girl, her idea of a perfect afternoon might be having the room all to herself for a few hours with the t.v. and a good book or her Ipod while the rest of the family is poolside.

Sounds awful doesn't it?

ETA: Plus the fact that there might also be some really cute 14 year old boys at the pool also being forced to spend a miserable week on vacation with their family.

 

[Plannin'Shannon]

Read the OP and the other information...
The OP's parents have implied that there will be 'no teen club'...
There are not other teens at all in the group. Only much younger toddlers and elementary aged kids.

You may not 'get' it... And, whatever, I don't care.
But, the writing is on the wall here.

If the teen is supposed to be with the adults 'enjoying the adult activities'.
(still can't get over even the thought of a 14 year old enjoying 'adult' activities!!! Don't know whether to go or )

The OP's teen is expected (demanded?????) to spend all their time with the adult activities. No teen club... No other teens with the fanily... So, with the exception of leaving this 14 year old alone... if the adults are not together, what... do they pass her off one to the other.... like babysitting??????? I mean, seriously... think about this... This is the ONE thing that I am competely and totally with the OP on.

There is no question in my mind about this.
No question at all.

Unless you know this family personally, the only information you have is what has been posted on a Dis thread. I cannot for the life of me understand how you can declare such definitive statements like the ones I bolded with just the information provided by the OP. I guess I'm just not seeing the writing on the wall.

Most family all-inclusives, and I'm assuming this is a beach resort, although I think the OP said the destination hasn't been decided yet will have things for every age group to do.

But let's say for say of argument that there is no "teen" group. I'd be willing to bet that the ENTIRE family will be spending the majority of time together, be it in the rooms, at the beach and pool areas, dining together or on excursions.

Adult activities that the 14 year old might be included in.........afternoon at the resort's spa (and they all have them) with the women for mani-pedi's. Kayaking with Dad, shopping with Grandma, snorkeling, dinner show with all of the grown-ups.......get the picture?

Maybe she will spend some time playing the in the pool or building sandcastles with her younger sibs and cousins who just might happen to think she's the coolest thing since buttered bread being that she's a teenager. Who knows, she might even enjoy spending a little time with the younger ones.

And I wouldn't be at all surprised if Grandma & Grandpa took ALL of the kids for an evening so that the parents can have a true "adults only" night out.

Or maybe, being a 14 year old girl, her idea of a perfect afternoon might be having the room all to herself for a few hours with the t.v. and a good book or her Ipod while the rest of the family is poolside.

Sounds awful doesn't it?

This is the interpretation I'm leaning towards as well.