WWYD (a couple layers)?

[luvsJack]

Don't worry, you aren't alone! I'll join you in a shrug.

She lost me a few pages back.

Ok, good its not just me!

 

[bellarella]

DW basically is at the "just show up" point. But that's because she doesn't want to rock the boat. However, I haven't told her about the "focus on the little ones" comment yet.

Sorry, but I don't think this was an unreasonable comment.

In reality, it is the little ones that need to be focused on to make the vacation most inclusive for everyone. Every all-inclusive resort will have activities for adults (and teens, even if there isn't a "club"). However, not every place will be appropriate for families with small children. If there is a children's program, then there will also be restaurant facilities that will cater to a group that has small children (so you can eat meals as a larger family at times). There will also be pools for little kids (which is good for the adults/teens too, since there will probably be ones that are little kid free). By "focusing on the little ones" your parents are making sure that the place meets everyone's minimum needs.

Also, you don't know whether your parents will get different travel discounts if all of the travel arrangements are made together. If you want to *pay* for your airfare and all of the ground transportation fees, then, yeah, by all means jump into the planning to get the most convenient times. But I don't think it is unreasonable for your parents to say "just show up." Trying to coordinate travel and transfer/ground transportation fees would be a lot harder if everyone is getting idiosyncratic about the arrangements.

As for the time, my guess is that your parents got feedback from other places too and decided rather than getting stuck in a situation where they are going to have to affirmatively plan on conflicting with someone, they just did a take it or leave it day that isn't knowingly excluding anyone at the time it was chosen.

If it helps, think of this as a gift you are giving your parents -- the family time is obviously something they treasure, otherwise they wouldn't be going to the time or expense of planning this.

 

[Wishing on a star]

My mom told me on the phone yesterday that they were going to focus on the "little ones" and let the teen enjoy the adult activities because they don't know if she'd enjoy teen clubs (or even attend). I told them she would attend... she LOVES making new friends, why not give her the opportunity to find other teens?

This is from the original post....

I have read this several times over, and from this post, IMHO, yes, the grandmother was making the presumption that, teen club available or not, that the OP's daughter would not attend. Grandma presumes that the 14 year old will be with the adults 'enjoying adult activities', and the OP is actively asking "why not let her find and spend some time with other teen 'new friends'.

From this post... the problem is clear...
It was not "will my teen be happy at an all-inclusive."

Any family oriented, not all-adult, resort will clearly have options for teens.

The issues here are all about expectations and control.
Whether the teen would be able to enjoy activities with other kids their age.....
Whether they would accommodate an unknown sports schedule...
The air arrangements...
Etc... Etc...

 

[kirstenb1]

For the first time ever, there will be 25 of us in 2 beach rentals, courtesy of my parents. My 5 brothers and sisters, and all their children. We're thrilled, but are definitely keeping our expectations low key.

My mom cracked me up today. She mentioned to her bridge group the upcoming trip. They advised her that she and Dad might suddenly remember they have to go home about Tuesday to check and make sure they turned the oven off!!!

I'm sure we'll all drive each other crazy, but I'm really grateful we get to do this while Mom and Dad have their health and independence.

OP, we have a 13 yr old dd. She's always been great at meeting new friends on vacation. We've never even done a structured activity until one day at WDW, we all did a tshirt making thing. She'll be happy being the oldest cousin, playing the Wii, swimming, etc. If you think your dd will be overlooked, take her to the movies, shopping, etc while you're on vacation.

 

[luvmythree]

I don't know what your parent's budget is for this trip but I can say we had a blast at FDR Pebbles in Jamaica! When we went kids under 11 stayed free, and they have a teen club AND a kids club along with vacation nannies! Our teens had a blast in the teen club.

*From their website*

For the teens they had computer classes, Internet surfing, games room with Game Cube, Nintendo WII and Xbox games, basketball tournament, pool olympics & other sports.
Glass-bottom boat ride, Snorkeling trips, Kayak races, Bike tours, supervised teen trips, Disco, Volleyball, Art and Craft, Staff and guest talent show, reggae dance classes, and Crab races.

The kids club had computers, Nintendo Wii's, Game Cube and Xbox 360's, fishing, TV and Video Room, soccer with Instructions, Tie-and-Dye Lessons, Outdoor and indoor Arts and Crafts areas with lessons, Snorkeling lessons, Beach Picnics, Cooking and napkin-folding classes, playground, and afternoon and night beach games


Swimming -The main pool features a shallow end for toddlers and small children with a waterplay feature for toddlers.


Hands down the best resort for kids in Jamaica, they also enjoy separate "slide" pool that's a big hit. Vacation Nannies will keep a close watch on your little ones so you can also relax while the kids safely have fun in one of the pools or at our kid-friendly beach.



BIG BLUE- One of the biggest hits with kids is our 100-foot water slide, affectionately known as "Big Blue". For children who can swim, zooming down the twists and turns of the slide and making a big splash in Big Blue's own pool is a rush they'll want over and over.



SPORTS- When they're tired of swimming, splashing and sliding, a variety of activities awaits them. They can enjoy soccer or snorkeling lessons, glass-bottom boat rides, kayaks, tennis, basketball, or bicycle rides.



It may not be the cheapest vacation but it was certainly one of the best and the vacation nanny is assigned to you when you check-in and watches your kids until 5 every night. It was heaven. We didn't pay for it so I don't know how much the cost was but it might be worth looking into!

 

[luvsJack]

This is from the original post....

I have read this several times over, and from this post, IMHO, yes, the grandmother was making the presumption that, teen club available or not, that the OP's daughter would not attend. Grandma presumes that the 14 year old will be with the adults 'enjoying adult activities', and the OP is actively asking "why not let her find and spend some time with other teen 'new friends'.

From this post... the problem is clear...
It was not "will my teen be happy at an all-inclusive."

Any family oriented, not all-adult, resort will clearly have options for teens.

The issues here are all about expectations and control.
Whether the teen would be able to enjoy activities with other kids their age.....
Whether they would accommodate an unknown sports schedule...
The air arrangements...
Etc... Etc...

WOAS, I don't know how you are reading that post but I read it as Grandma doesn't care if the resort has teen clubs because she didn't think the girl would attend them and would just be hanging out with the adults anyway. And the OP said that she would attend those clubs and enjoy them, so why not make sure she has something to do (after all teens are kind of like "momma", if they ain't happy, ain't nobody happy! Ok, he didn't say that part, but I find it to be true).

The OP did not know that all inclusives would have a teen club (I wouldn't have known that either). So he was thinking that Grandma was looking for a place that was overloaded with little kid stuff and that may not have anything at all for his teen daughter and she would feel left out as she would have to be with the adults all the time.

I do not see it as him trying to fight for control of anything. Since grandma SAID she was concentrating on the little ones and then just completely ignored his request to let him talk to the coach; my understanding is that he feels his teen daughter is being left out of the considerations on this trip. Actually, that may not be true at all, grandma may think she is doing the perfect planning for his dd; so he probably just needs to talk to her.

When I was putting a large sum of money each year into a sport and my kids accomplished something like making a team they tried out for and then it was treated like "no big deal", I would be a bit miffed too. But, many times I have had to remind myself that not everyone realizes how important it can be to the one playing.

He explained why planning the flight was an issue. And it makes sense, to me. I don't fly so I wouldn't really know for sure.

Some things aren't about control, its about what is the better choice for all concerned.

 

[Wishing on a star]

Okay, so you have your 'take' and I have mine....
( I continue to respectfully disagree )

But, LuvsJack,
I was going to send this to you via private message, but I decided to put it right here on the board..... I am not sure what your issue is with me. But, I am going to simply ask you to quit taking my every post (not just on this thread, but all/any others as well) and immediately following it by picking it apart and posting your negative personal disagreement towards me personally. It really is unnecessary and not really appropriate.

Maybe you have seen my posts and my views on a couple of particular issues and you have personal issues with me.... Whatever.... I don't know why you feel you have to go after somebody, personally, on a chat board? Really.

I am simply going to refuse to reply any longer and engage.
As mentioned... on this thread and on any others.

 

[Magic Mom]

Okay, so you have your 'take' and I have mine....
( I continue to respectfully disagree )

But, LuvsJack,
I was going to send this to you via private message, but I decided to put it right here on the board..... I am not sure what your issue is with me. But, I am going to simply ask you to quit taking my every post (not just on this thread, but all/any others as well) and immediately following it by picking it apart and posting your negative personal disagreement towards me personally. It really is unnecessary and not really appropriate.

Maybe you have seen my posts and my views on a couple of particular issues and you have personal issues with me.... Whatever.... I don't know why you feel you have to go after somebody, personally, on a chat board? Really.

I am simply going to refuse to reply any longer and engage.
As mentioned... on this thread and on any others.

I think LuvJack's posts to you were pretty calm, I didn't see her go after you personally at all (at least not in this thread.) She disagreed with you, but you disagreed with her as well. As far as dis debates go it seemed tame.

 

[luvsJack]

Okay, so you have your 'take' and I have mine....
( I continue to respectfully disagree )

But, LuvsJack,
I was going to send this to you via private message, but I decided to put it right here on the board..... I am not sure what your issue is with me. But, I am going to simply ask you to quit taking my every post (not just on this thread, but all/any others as well) and immediately following it by picking it apart and posting your negative personal disagreement towards me personally. It really is unnecessary and not really appropriate.

Maybe you have seen my posts and my views on a couple of particular issues and you have personal issues with me.... Whatever.... I don't know why you feel you have to go after somebody, personally, on a chat board? Really.

I am simply going to refuse to reply any longer and engage.
As mentioned... on this thread and on any others.

hmmmm. Ok? I was simply trying to understand why you were of that opinion. My opinon of what is/was happening is different than yours, I don't see that as negative. And I haven't said anything about YOU at all, I don't know you.

Someone else must have mentioned your in-laws, I saw where you responded but that wasn't me. I don't know that I have ever said anything about your issues with your in-laws.

As far as "going after someone"--nope. I simply asked why you thought the issue was different than the OP stated it. You have done that before and I never understand why so this time I asked. I still don't understand but that's ok.

This is hardly a thread that I can see getting into a disagreement about. i only posted the long post about what was said because I was trying to understand your point.

We post on many of the same threads and seem to have opposing opinions sometimes and agree sometimes. I didn't realize that every time I disagree with you that I was attacking you. I will certainly refrain from commenting again.

And when I said "good i am glad its not just me", I really thought that maybe I had missed something somewhere and was very confused.

I think LuvJack's posts to you were pretty calm, I didn't see her go after you personally at all (at least not in this thread.) She disagreed with you, but you disagreed with her as well. As far as dis debates go it seemed tame.

Ain't that the truth! (bolded)

 

[Agri]

Jeebus.

It's not a free vacation - the OP is being expected to relinquish control AND his oldest daughter is expected to just shirk responsibilities all because its an awesome free trip! And omg - you should go now because like people get sick and die and you might miss out!

Now, my mother has had brain surgery and we have been on WDW trips together. I also have two dead grandparents, so I'm not saying this without some point of reference.

There is ALWAYS a cost in a "free" vacation. Not only in relinquishing control, but there are ALWAYS unvoiced expectations. Unless everyone is very happy go-lucky and able to find entertainment with a bottlecap, someone is going to be miserable and someone is going to feel letdown that things aren't going as they hoped. At minimum.

Oh, and there will ALWAYS be the possibility that things won't work out due to cancer, stroke, or getting hit by a bus. You can't live your life going "I should just do this because XXX won't be around some day" because you will LOSE YOUR SANITY. Yes, moments with people you care about are to be cherished, but not if you're compromising your sense of self at the same time. I would never go "You should just suck it up and spend time with your mother because mine has a brain tumor and it could happen to yours and you would be sad you didn't." There will always be something you had wished you had done with someone you loved that you are no longer able to do. It's a simple fact of life. If someone is making unreasonable demands on you and it will impact your happiness - the memories won't be very good, will they?

What I would do?

Other than requesting to schedule my own airfare, not a darn thing until I have the dates and resort in hand. The minute I knew the resort, I would be picking out activities for my kids and letting the family know what my family was hoping to do while on the vacation. If there isn't something at the resort for your teen, see if something else is offered locally - like independent surfing lessons. Go in with the idea that you can make the best of any situation and you will survive and perhaps even have a good time.

Once you actually know what is going on - besides the vague idea there is now - THEN you can worry and do damage control. Right now, most of your worries cannot be confirmed and that is wasted energy that could lead to unnecessary conflict.