WWYD (a couple layers)?

[msjprincess]

Read the OP and the other information...
The OP's parents have implied that there will be 'no teen club'...
There are not other teens at all in the group. Only much younger toddlers and elementary aged kids.

You may not 'get' it... And, whatever, I don't care.
But, the writing is on the wall here.

If the teen is supposed to be with the adults 'enjoying the adult activities'.
(still can't get over even the thought of a 14 year old enjoying 'adult' activities!!! Don't know whether to go or )

The OP's teen is expected (demanded?????) to spend all their time with the adult activities. No teen club... No other teens with the fanily... So, with the exception of leaving this 14 year old alone... if the adults are not together, what... do they pass her off one to the other.... like babysitting??????? I mean, seriously... think about this... This is the ONE thing that I am competely and totally with the OP on.

There is no question in my mind about this.
No question at all.

Yes I'm sure the grandmother is planning on the 14 year-old boozing it up and sleeping around on vacation.

 

[sam_gordon]

ETA: Plus the fact that there might also be some really cute 14 year old boys at the pool also being forced to spend a miserable week on vacation with their family.

That's it! No vacation!

 

[Tink888]

That's it! No vacation!

Ahhhh, and the real issue finally surfaces!

Seriously though, it truly does sound like a great time and gift your parents want to give you and your extended family, both financially and in memories.

Just don't over-think it and enjoy the fact that the only thing you'll really have to worry about is what to order for dinner each night and do you want an ice cold beer to go with it or a fruity tropical cocktail with an umbrella.

 

[Pea-n-Me]

I will be the odd man out and support you in your softball tournament concerns. I am currently (yes, as we speak) dealing with dueling coaches and tournament/divisional games obligations and one way or another someone's not going to be happy and my son will no doubt pay the price for having made one choice or the other. This is the way it is at this level of play. Go with your gut on it, only you know how it is for you, your DD and her team. It's not "just a game" if she's serious about play and wishes to follow the rules of the team, especially if she's got a coveted spot on a travel team. I can say that in the past, people who've not shown up for tournaments either didn't play the following year so didn't care, or have had a sudden medical or other emergency which prevented them from going. No optional vacations during tournaments, and this expectation is made clear when the player agrees to be part of the team. But these teams are all different and I can only speak for ours. Maybe your coach will say he doesn't mind but IME that still doesn't always mean they don't. You will have to "read" into it. (One of ours has been known to say "Do what you have to do". People who mistake this for a "sure, no problem" are very likely to see their son warming the bench when they get back. ) Another thing to consider is that other players and parents may not appreciate your taking a vacation when they have postponed theirs AND you'll be leaving the team without the benefit of the full team during tournament play, which is a pretty important time of the season. Food for thought.

As far as the vacation itself, I myself wouldn't worry my DD would find things to do (as both my DD and my DS, I think, would enjoy hanging out with the adults, as they often do now). Although be prepared, if she doesn't, for potential brooding and texting, for instance - and your family then complaining about it. I would also wonder whether anyone expects there'll be a built in babysitter for the little ones as well. ("Here she is at a beautiful pool on a free vacation, you'd think she'd be happy to play with her cousins in the pool. Instead she was texting her friends. What an ingrate! Back in my day... ") Listen in the coming months very carefully to what people have to say. I would be very surprised if your parents don't have some type of expectation about your DD on this vacation. My father used to say, "The only place you find Free is in the dictionary".

And Dad's comment about the travel agent, again, was like fingers on a blackboard for me. Yup, I think I'd be all set with this vacation already. Chances are good I'd be treating my family pretty well on a daily basis so would have no guilt should there be a sudden death or something like that. It doesn't necessarily mean I have to subject myself or my family to a boot camp during our hard earned, long awaited vacation time, sorry. As others have said, taking everyone's needs and concerns into account on a shared vacation is common courtesy. I planned a trip for 30 people a few years back and would never have had blown off anyone's concerns. I listened to ideas, presented options, and did what worked for the group. Those who wanted or needed to sway from the main plans did so and met up with us later, no problem whatsoever. Open communication is the key - but it sounds like this isn't really an option here. Only you can know if this will be tolerable to you. But I think I know your answer. BTW, I may have missed it but how does your DH feel about all of this?

 

[Wishing on a star]

Although be prepared, if she doesn't, for potential brooding and texting, for instance - and your family then complaining about it. I would also wonder whether anyone expects there'll be a built in babysitter for the little ones as well. ("Here she is at a beautiful pool on a free vacation, you'd think she'd be happy to play with her cousins in the pool. Instead she was texting her friends. What an ingrate! Back in my day... ") Listen in the coming months very carefully to what people have to say. I would be very surprised if your parents don't have some type of expectation about your DD on this vacation. My father used to say, "The only place you find Free is in the dictionary".

And Dad's comment about the travel agent, again, was like fingers on a blackboard for me. .... It doesn't necessarily mean I have to subject myself or my family to a boot camp during our hard earned, long awaited vacation time, sorry. .... Those who wanted or needed to sway from the main plans did so and met up with us later, no problem whatsoever. Open communication is the key - but it sounds like this isn't really an option here. Only you can know if this will be tolerable to you. But I think I know your answer.

Somebody here totally gets it!

 

[Wishing on a star]

Yes I'm sure the grandmother is planning on the 14 year-old boozing it up and sleeping around on vacation.

I never EVER said that... at all....
Just love it when people try to twist things, and actually put words into ones mouth......

But, really just reading/saying that quote from the mother/grandmother out loud shows how completely inappropriate and ridiculous (and yes, controlling) the statement, and expectations, that a 14 year old spend every waking moment 24/7 with the adults really is.

 

[allison443]

Somebody here totally gets it!

I am confused....is babysitting the "adult activity" that you were referring to?

 

[allison443]

I never EVER said that... at all....
Just love it when people try to twist things, and actually put words into ones mouth......

But, really just reading/saying that quote from the mother/grandmother out loud shows how completely inappropriate and ridiculous (and yes, controlling) the statement, and expectations, that a 14 year old spend every waking moment 24/7 with the adults really is.

I actually think it's sad that you apparently don't think a teen can/will spend their vacation time with the adults in their own family. Yes, for the whole vacation with no teen club....horrors!

Maybe that's your family's situation, but I don't think the OP said anything like that, and yours is not a universal experience.

 

[Wishing on a star]

W h a t ??????????

Ummmmmm, the answer is no - except there does happen to be that possiblity, as another poster just mentioned.

Maybe if tried to speak Greek it would be helpful to some of you folks here.

 

[Wishing on a star]

I actually think it's sad that you apparently don't think a teen can/will spend their vacation time with the adults in their own family. Yes, for the whole vacation with no teen club....horrors!

Maybe that's your family's situation, but I don't think the OP said anything like that, and yours is not a universal experience.

NOPE, again, couldn't be more wrong...
I never, ever, said or even began to imply such a thing. At all.
My son is now 13, and we have always spent most if not all of our vacation time together.

If they want family togetherness, fine!!! That is wonderful!!!! Go rent a beach house somewhere for the week, etc...
Make sure the expectations are there up front.

But, to go to an all inclusive resort, and tell a 14 year old that all the fun things all the other kids her age are doing are totally off-limits... because, she has to sit with grandma and grandma, 24/7, for a full week.

Try to twist my words around and flame me all you want.
But, yes, I do see a very clear problem with that.

 

[Scurvy]

I never EVER said that... at all....
Just love it when people try to twist things, and actually put words into ones mouth......

But, really just reading/saying that out loud shows how inappropriate and ridiculous the statement and expectations that a 14 year old spend every waking moment 24/7 with the adults really is.

Well, to be honest your reaction here:

If the teen is supposed to be with the adults 'enjoying the adult activities'.
(still can't get over even the thought of a 14 year old enjoying 'adult' activities!!! Don't know whether to go or )

did make me think you were thinking Adult Activities in this case meant activities strictly intended for adults rather than just the activities that weren't intended for small children. I don't see what's so or about thinking a teen would enjoy the same activities that the adults would, but maybe you have different ideas of adult activities than some posters do.

I do agree it would be unreasonable if the other adults intended to use the teen as a babysitter, but I somehow assumed that they were looking for places that had lots of activities and childcare for the younger kids so that those things could act as babysitters. If that's the case, then there would be no reason to think the teen would be babysitting. Instead she'd be participating in the other activities available to the adults.

 

[Magic Mom]

NOPE, again, couldn't be more wrong...
I never, ever, said or even began to imply such a thing. At all.

If they want family togetherness, fine!!! That is wonderful!!!! Go rent a beach house somewhere for the week, etc...
Make sure the expectations are there up front.

But, to go to an all inclusive resort, but tell a 14 year old that all the fun things all the other teens are doing are totally off-limits... because, she has to sit with grandma and grandma, 24/7, for a full week.
Try to twist my words around and flame me all you want.
But, yes, I do see a very clear problem with that.

Was that from the OP? I didn't see him say anything like that.

 

[dimimi]

My mom & dad have told us they want to take the immediate family (them, my family, & sisters family) on a week-long vacation next summer all expenses paid! Sounds great, right?

Now lets get into the problems... they want to do an "all inclusive" resort. OK, no problem there. However... the cast... my family (myself, DW, DD(14), DS(8), DD(6)). DSis's family (DSis, DBil, DN(3)), and my parents. First, our kids have such an age range, there are limited resorts that have stuff for everyone. My mom told me on the phone yesterday that they were going to focus on the "little ones" and let the teen enjoy the adult activities because they don't know if she'd enjoy teen clubs (or even attend). I told them she would attend... she LOVES making new friends, why not give her the opportunity to find other teens?

*MY* other problem is when they want to take this trip. DD joined a travel softball team this year. We missed two weekends because of our Disney trip (already planned when we tried out for the team and told the coach before we joined) this year. I told my parents when they first brought up the idea to give me a month or so and let me talk to the coach about when would be a good time to miss next year. Now my parents are like "The week of June 18."

Nothing's been booked yet, we don't even have a resort picked out. But while I know my family NEEDS to go on this trip (my parents are getting up in age, they're paying, etc), I'm starting to regret it already. While I don't think we need to cater to my teen, I don't think we should just throw all of her needs out the window.

Last but not least, when I was talking with my dad about the trip, he said that he knew I like researching air fares and can find good deals that work out schedule-wise, I need to let the travel agent just handle everything, just show up, and not try to second guess.

I know this sounds like a good problem to have, but the more I think about it the more concerned I am. This is mainly just a vent and if you feel I'm being inconsiderate or not thankful enough, that's fine.

I haven't read the other responses, but here are my comments:
We LOVE all inclusive resorts. If they choose a nice one, everyone will be happy. We were nervous to try one at first, but once you find one, I'd be surprised if you didn't enjoy it. There really is something for everyone. I do think they need to choose a date good with everyone. Also, we almost always do the planning on our own and usually find a deal better than the travel agent. The few times we used an agent we had to tell them the deals! Enjoy...I wish my parents would take us on a trip!

 

[Wishing on a star]

MagicMom,
I am wondering what part of 'being with the adults' and 'no teen club' did you miss?

 

[Plannin'Shannon]

Somebody here totally gets it!

So anyone who disagrees with your opinion doesn't 'get it'?

 

[allison443]

NOPE, again, couldn't be more wrong...

If they want family togetherness, fine!!! That is wonderful!!!! Go rent a beach house somewhere for the week, etc...
Make sure the expectations are there up front.

But, to go to an all inclusive resort, but tell a 14 year old that all the fun things all the other teens are doing are totally off-limits... because, she has to sit with grandma and grandma, 24/7, for a full week. Try to twist my words around and flame me all you want.
But, yes, I do see a very clear problem with that.

Didn't the OP actually say in the first post that the grandparents were looking at various resorts, and if they had to prioritize the availability of little kids' activities or availability of teen activities, they would focus on little kids' activities, and the teenager could do the adult activities that are available.

I don't think OP ever said that the grandparents said the teenager wouldn't be allowed to participate in any available activities. Did you read that somewhere on this thread? Where?

 

[Magic Mom]

That's it! No vacation!

It's OK Dad, just get her a really conservative bathing suit. Like this.... She'll never speak to you again, but you won't have to worry about those scary 14YO boys.

 

[Wishing on a star]

did make me think you were thinking Adult Activities in this case meant activities strictly intended for adults rather than just the activities that weren't intended for small children.

It doesn't have to be booze or 'R' rated for the grandmother to consider it an adult activity.

The point is, whether it is hours of bingo, sitting in a restaurant for hours then going to bed at 9:00, or any other of many possibilities, to make it seem controlling and inappropriate as an expectation for kids.

Yes, 14 years old IS still a kid.

Not an adult.

For the grandmother to dismiss this teen grandchild and make that statement and have those expectations us just wrong on every level.

 

[Pea-n-Me]

From the OP, for clarification

they want to do an "all inclusive" resort. OK, no problem there. However... the cast... my family (myself, DW, DD(14), DS(8), DD(6)). DSis's family (DSis, DBil, DN(3)), and my parents. First, our kids have such an age range, there are limited resorts that have stuff for everyone. My mom told me on the phone yesterday that they were going to focus on the "little ones" and let the teen enjoy the adult activities because they don't know if she'd enjoy teen clubs (or even attend). I told them she would attend... she LOVES making new friends, why not give her the opportunity to find other teens?

Oops, I didn't realize the OP was Dad. Sorry. But it doesn't change my opinion. Sam, what does your wife think about all this?

 

[Magic Mom]

MagicMom,
I am wondering what part of 'being with the adults' and 'no teen club' did you miss?

I actually missed those exact quotes from any post by the OP. That's why I asked. Could you please link me to the post that says the grandmother won't let her do anything but hang out with adults and there would be no teen club. Maybe the OP gave an update that I am missing.