WWYD (a couple layers)?

[sam_gordon]

My mom & dad have told us they want to take the immediate family (them, my family, & sisters family) on a week-long vacation next summer all expenses paid! Sounds great, right?

Now lets get into the problems... they want to do an "all inclusive" resort. OK, no problem there. However... the cast... my family (myself, DW, DD(14), DS(8), DD(6)). DSis's family (DSis, DBil, DN(3)), and my parents. First, our kids have such an age range, there are limited resorts that have stuff for everyone. My mom told me on the phone yesterday that they were going to focus on the "little ones" and let the teen enjoy the adult activities because they don't know if she'd enjoy teen clubs (or even attend). I told them she would attend... she LOVES making new friends, why not give her the opportunity to find other teens?

*MY* other problem is when they want to take this trip. DD joined a travel softball team this year. We missed two weekends because of our Disney trip (already planned when we tried out for the team and told the coach before we joined) this year. I told my parents when they first brought up the idea to give me a month or so and let me talk to the coach about when would be a good time to miss next year. Now my parents are like "The week of June 18."

Nothing's been booked yet, we don't even have a resort picked out. But while I know my family NEEDS to go on this trip (my parents are getting up in age, they're paying, etc), I'm starting to regret it already. While I don't think we need to cater to my teen, I don't think we should just throw all of her needs out the window.

Last but not least, when I was talking with my dad about the trip, he said that he knew I like researching air fares and can find good deals that work out schedule-wise, I need to let the travel agent just handle everything, just show up, and not try to second guess.

I know this sounds like a good problem to have, but the more I think about it the more concerned I am. This is mainly just a vent and if you feel I'm being inconsiderate or not thankful enough, that's fine.

 

[Donaldswife]

My mom & dad have told us they want to take the immediate family (them, my family, & sisters family) on a week-long vacation next summer all expenses paid! Sounds great, right?

Now lets get into the problems... they want to do an "all inclusive" resort. OK, no problem there. However... the cast... my family (myself, DW, DD(14), DS(8), DD(6)). DSis's family (DSis, DBil, DN(3)), and my parents. First, our kids have such an age range, there are limited resorts that have stuff for everyone. My mom told me on the phone yesterday that they were going to focus on the "little ones" and let the teen enjoy the adult activities because they don't know if she'd enjoy teen clubs (or even attend). I told them she would attend... she LOVES making new friends, why not give her the opportunity to find other teens?

*MY* other problem is when they want to take this trip. DD joined a travel softball team this year. We missed two weekends because of our Disney trip (already planned when we tried out for the team and told the coach before we joined) this year. I told my parents when they first brought up the idea to give me a month or so and let me talk to the coach about when would be a good time to miss next year. Now my parents are like "The week of June 18."

Nothing's been booked yet, we don't even have a resort picked out. But while I know my family NEEDS to go on this trip (my parents are getting up in age, they're paying, etc), I'm starting to regret it already. While I don't think we need to cater to my teen, I don't think we should just throw all of her needs out the window.

Last but not least, when I was talking with my dad about the trip, he said that he knew I like researching air fares and can find good deals that work out schedule-wise, I need to let the travel agent just handle everything, just show up, and not try to second guess.

I know this sounds like a good problem to have, but the more I think about it the more concerned I am. This is mainly just a vent and if you feel I'm being inconsiderate or not thankful enough, that's fine.

I understand, and I won't say you are inconsiderate. I will say I can understand your parents side as well. More than likely whatever resort they choose someone is probably going to wish they went with another one for various reasons, so your DD may have to suck it up this time. Not saying it is the most fair, but I can understand they can't please everyone.

You said they are saying June 18, hasn't that date already passed, or are they talking about next year?

 

[Praying Colonel]

For me the big hold-up would be the traveling softball obligation. How long is the season? If there's a part of the summer where they're not playing, I'd try to convince Mom and Dad to schedule the vacation so it didn't conflict with the schedule. If they can't or won't, you have to decide whether your DD can miss that amount of time.

 

[mumom95]

I don't think you are being inconsiderate, venting on a message board. Your family wants to take a vacation and you have a couple of issues that they don't seem to be taking into consideration. I can understand why you would want to vent.

But in the end, it's a vacation your parents want to plan and want to pay for. I guess all you have to do is decide: are you going to go. If you want to go, then you are just going to have to accept that they have the right to do it their way since they are paying for it. Accept it, don't be mad about it and just go and have a good time.

But if you are the kind of person that can't accept it (and if you are, there is nothing wrong with that) then just don't go. They have the right to say how it is all going to go and you have the right to say that won't work for your family and you won't be going. But again, if that is your decision, accept it, don't be mad if they still go and stay home and enjoy your time with your family.

Family is tricky and there are so many shades of gray it will make you color blind. But if there is one thing I have learned is that I just have to make my decision and then accept everything that comes with it and stop being angry or resenting people over it.

Go or don't go. Either way you aren't wrong and either way things won't be perfect.

 

[Pakey]

We take our 3 adult children, their spouses and their children on a nice vacation every other year.

If at any time, they are not happy with what we are willing to pay for or arrange, they are free to decline the vacation. Our oldest son and daughter in law have opted out of a few of them; no hard feelings. Of course, my husband and I would be most unhappy if any of them complained or wanted to change anything since we are picking up the entire tab so they either go with our plans or stay home.

 

[indimom]

My mom & dad have told us they want to take the immediate family (them, my family, & sisters family) on a week-long vacation next summer all expenses paid! Sounds great, right?

Now lets get into the problems... they want to do an "all inclusive" resort. OK, no problem there. However... the cast... my family (myself, DW, DD(14), DS(8), DD(6)). DSis's family (DSis, DBil, DN(3)), and my parents. First, our kids have such an age range, there are limited resorts that have stuff for everyone. My mom told me on the phone yesterday that they were going to focus on the "little ones" and let the teen enjoy the adult activities because they don't know if she'd enjoy teen clubs (or even attend). I told them she would attend... she LOVES making new friends, why not give her the opportunity to find other teens?

*MY* other problem is when they want to take this trip. DD joined a travel softball team this year. We missed two weekends because of our Disney trip (already planned when we tried out for the team and told the coach before we joined) this year. I told my parents when they first brought up the idea to give me a month or so and let me talk to the coach about when would be a good time to miss next year. Now my parents are like "The week of June 18."

Nothing's been booked yet, we don't even have a resort picked out. But while I know my family NEEDS to go on this trip (my parents are getting up in age, they're paying, etc), I'm starting to regret it already. While I don't think we need to cater to my teen, I don't think we should just throw all of her needs out the window.

Last but not least, when I was talking with my dad about the trip, he said that he knew I like researching air fares and can find good deals that work out schedule-wise, I need to let the travel agent just handle everything, just show up, and not try to second guess.

I know this sounds like a good problem to have, but the more I think about it the more concerned I am. This is mainly just a vent and if you feel I'm being inconsiderate or not thankful enough, that's fine.

I do understand where you are coming from, but I don't see any way to avoid the potential problems.
What does your teen say about focusing on the "little ones?" If she's not bothered, I think I'd let that go. More than likely any resort will have people in all age brackets and if she's as outgoing as she sounds, she'll make friends on her own.
As far as the planning and research, Consider it an adventure. Or that oh so annoying phrase I hear alot "Step outside your box."
And I don't think you are inconsiderate or not thankful enough. It's not like you have demanded they do everything to suit your family, you are just concerned about the logistics. I would be the same way. It's one reason I don't take many joint vacations, too easy to get annoyed and I don't want to be upset when I'm paying for a pricey vacation. But, if they want to treat and want everyone to come, I'd go, and just try to enjoy my family.

 

[RitaE]

Problem 1. Nearly every All Inclusive resort I can think of is beach, water park, etc. Believe me, nobody needs to organize teens at these places. They find the fun. Your teen will be fine.

Problem 2. Conflict with travel ball. I can't help you there other than to point out that you are right. Your parents will not be around forever. When the time comes .... which memory will be more dear to you? A family vacation with your parents or yet another softball tournament? And I'm not being harsh here, my kids have done the sports thing and I realize how difficult it is to manage the schedule.

Problem 3. Airfares etc. Your Dad is right. Just relax and let him handle it. No you don't need to second guess. That's just your inner control freak rearing it's head.

 

[golfgal]

To me, softball is a non-issue. You already know when the trip is, other kids on the team take trips, at sign up tell them you are taking a trip the Week of June 18th. If the coach has a fit, you don't want your child playing for that coach in the first place (this from a coach with over 25 years of coaching experience, mostly at the varsity level). Missing a week of travel softball that early in the season is NOT going to be a problem.

As for your teen and what she can do, bring a friend, even if you have to pay for that friend-the rest of your trip is free. I realize that it is a family trip but I can't imagine anyone would have an issue, especially given the age ranges of the kids going. I would NOT invite the friend until April or May of next year as with 14 year old girls, friends are subject to change.

I would suggest a cruise for the trip-basically all inclusive and things for EVERYONE to do.

 

[cassandrap83]

Unfortunately, since they're paying you're going to have to relinquish most of your control.

Just sit back, relax, & enjoy the free vacation!

 

[Disney845]

So your problems are...

1. You are annoyed that this resort will not have a teen center to keep DD14 entertained?

2. You are annoyed that they gave you a full year notice to let your daughter's coach know what dates you will be away?

3. And you are annoyed that they won't let you book the airfare?

I think your list of complaints sounds somewhat petty (can't DD14 entertain herself, isn't a year enough notice for the coach, and can't you just sit back and let the TA book the vacation), but if they are enough to have you seriously considering what you should do, perhaps you would be best to just let your parents know you appreciate the offer, but decline, and let your parents just take your sister's family and have fun by themselves.

This sounds like a pretty expensive trip for your parents to be offering to pay for. If it were me I would say thank you very much and not complain.

 

[eeyoremum]

OP, I think you need to go on the trip (softball or not) the reason is as stated. Your parents are aging you never know what will happen.

Case in point, my family planned a trip with Dad and step mum. They ended up not being able to go because of illness so we planned to rebook this year. Step mum took a stroke and will never leave a long term care facility.

No more vacations with grandparents for my children. Our childrens lives were enriched by traveling with their grandparents something they will now miss.

Please just go with the flow. Shoulda, coulda, woulda is hard to live with. See step mum shoulda gone, we could have alerted the doctor where we were staying. We coulda made it work if we had know we woulda made it work.

 

[tlbwriter]

No, you're not being inconsiderate. Maybe unrealistic, depending on how stubborn your parents are.

Now, are the teen clubs (or lack thereof) really going to be an issue? I've never been to an all-inclusive... is a place that has activities for the little kids likely to not offer anything for teens? If so, maybe you can convince them to take a Disney cruise.

I'd be more concerned about the scheduling. When they say "the week of June 18," I'd tell them "I don't know if we can go that week or not. I have to talk to the coach. If you need to go that week, just plan without us."

 

[JessicaR]

My parents do this too. I can't tell you how thrilled and gracious we are when they do!

All inclusive resorts do NOT just cater to the little ones usually (at all actually that I can think of) There will be something for everyone. Before getting upset over this first find out WHAT resort it is. You didn't say but since its a YEAR away do you think you can work those dates out?

If it doesn't seem to jive for you, just say NO. Simple really. I'm left with don't look a gift horse in the face. Stop creating issues/problems that may not even be there in the first place.

You Dad basically knows your MO - he told you it is what it is don't research anything better just GO and be HAPPY! After all, you arent footing the bill.

 

[Pea-n-Me]

I am not big on conditional vacations. With the conditions you've posted, I might very well say thanks but no thanks. This would really bug me.

he said that he knew I like researching air fares and can find good deals that work out schedule-wise, I need to let the travel agent just handle everything, just show up, and not try to second guess.

To me, this is a predictor of how the whole vacation's going to be, and frankly, I could live without it. (I suspect it bugs you, too, since you posted it.) Paying for a vacation, IMO, is not a license to be insensitive to everyone else trying to enjoy said vacation.

But I do agree with others - if you can accept the conditions, then go and enjoy. If you can't, then politely decline. Middle of the road is where I forsee problems.

 

[disykat]

My parents wanted to take us all to Europe for their 50th wedding anniversary, but cancelled quickly because my siblings and I mentioned concerns. I think it was for the best that it was called off. I understand that they would have been in control, but it really couldn't happen without being at least able to verbalize some scheduling concerns etc.

Traveling with young teens was a big concern for me since the rest of the family are all adults and not particularly understanding if my kids aren't doing a good job of "sucking it up." They could do it no problem at 16 and 18, but at 11 and 13 it could have been horrible.

I still laugh at how my younger son acted on a trip to NYC and WDC right after his 13th birthday. He thought we were killing him with our embarrassing tourist behavior! We ignored him, but it might have really upset my parents - who have forgotten what it was like at times with us at that age! Three years later he talks about how great that trip was and dh and I just roll our eyes at each other remembering how irritating he was. He was such an easy-going kid, and we said at the time if we'd taken him just a few weeks earlier it would have been an entirely different trip!

 

[luvmy3jewels]

What would I do? I would tell my parents "THANK YOU!!" and make sure everyone's schedule was cleared for the week that the parents wanted to travel. It would be a tremendous treat to be able to go on vacation that someone else was paying for!!

Of course, my parents would never in a million years plan a family vacation for us so it's a moot point for me. I guess that's why I would be more appreciative if I were ever given the opportunity.

 

[sam_gordon]

Thanks for the input everyone. One thing I want to clarify was I am more concerned with my mom's statement about "we're going to worry more about the little ones than the teen." It's not so much they're looking at resorts without teen clubs, but they seem to be just "writing off" my teen.

As moody as my (and others according to another thread on Dis) teen can be... I don't know. As far as scheduling, all I am/was asking for was another month or so when I can talk to the coach. For all I know he won't want DD on the team next year. We've been to two tournaments this year (and missed two). FWIW, she's played every inning of every game (of course, there's only 10 on the roster). If I can find out certain weeks of the year they schedule off, why shouldn't I suggest those weeks for our trip?

I really don't mean to sound defensive but just wanted you to know where I'm coming from.

 

[disneychic2]

Would it be possible to have the trip be a cruise? That way there will be plenty for everyone to do. I also like what a pp suggested about inviting a friend of your DD at your expense. If the venue is already selected, I would just go with it and enjoy the "bonus" vacation. It won't cost you anything but time and will net you some wonderful memories. Good luck!

 

[LuvOrlando]

I don't blame you for worrying about the dates, and it sounds to me like that's the biggest concern since anywhere that caters to kids will probably have something for teens too. I do understand their concerns, younger kids are impossible if they aren't occupied and a teen, well they'll be ok on a beach snorkeling or sightseeing etc, I don't think they meant your oldest is an afterthought, it's probably they just remember and as a Mom of a 12 & 13 year old kids, I'm sort of inclined to agree. My 2 are light years easier than elementary & pre-school age kids so if were were going to travel with my niece I would totally defer to my SIL & BIL.

With the dates, these days sports teams can be very demanding and I'm sure your daughter doesn't want to get dropped over something like this, maybe your parents don't realize the significance over it and how much things have changed. You said you would talk to the coach and then they picked a date, it could be you were taking too long or they thought you forgot. Why not call them and tell them you'd love to join the family for this trip but need to check on the dates with the coach first on 'Friday or next Wednesday or whatever' so the whole family isn't hanging on your daughter's coaches say so. At least that's how I would handle things.

Good luck

 

[luvsJack]

I don't think I would like the remark your mom made either. I would probably just bring it up to my mom that "hey, lets look at all the choices and find one that fits everyone!" Are you not getting a say in where to go at all? And maybe your parents don't realize that at 14 she isn't going to want to do everything the adults do.

I also understand about the softball team. You could very well end up with a ball player that doesn't want to go on the trip. I would bring this up to mom too and just say "we need to sit down with a calendar and find a week that fits everyone's schedule" Is it possible that your parents don't understand the commitment your dd has made to this team?

Maybe you just need to talk to mom and dad and give them this from your dd's point of view.