What is your definition of a "single" parent?

[sunnyday123]

She IS a single parent, period. You don't like her, and probably anything she does grates on your last nerve.

I am a single parent. My ex is involved when it makes him look good, or fits into his schedule, but will also need "prompting" to remind him of what he should be doing. Do I get child support? Yep, and I think anyone who doesn't reside with the child(ren) should pay support. He sees her 2 weekends a month ( most of the time ) and one night during the week. He doesn't take off when school is closed, she's sick,or I'm sick. Even if he did, guess what? Being the person that child resides with is hard work-you do the bulk of the homework and deal with the day to day drama,schedules,the 10pm I need cookies for tomorrow announcements and the like.
If you haven't walked in ANY single parents shoes, you really don't have the right to make judgements on how easy it is for anyone, you don't know what goes on at home.

 

[bicker]

OK, all these response are making me realize that I don't understand the term single parent. To me the word single means one.

However, the word "one" does not mean "only". Going with the assumption that "single" means "one", in this context, even with a married couple, both parents are "single" parents. As such, the interpretation of the word "single" in that manner doesn't make much sense, or at least doesn't illuminate much.

So in this context, the word "single" makes more sense as "unmarried".

As I alluded to earlier, the word "sole" means "only".

 

[LuvCuteBoys]

and I think anyone who doesn't reside with the child(ren) should pay support. He sees her 2 weekends a month ( most of the time ) and one night during the week. He doesn't take off when school is closed, she's sick,or I'm sick.

While I don't disagree, in a lot of situations the parent who doesn't reside with the child isn't in that situation by choice.

 

[sunnyday123]

While I don't disagree, in a lot of situations the parent who doesn't reside with the child isn't in that situation by choice.

Choice or not, it doesn't matter. What matters is the child, period. You help support your child, whether or not you wanted to be divorced. Some people want to stay married for reasons other than they think they can make it work, doesn't make it right. Geography doesn't make you less of a parent.

 

[NatashaDisneyCM]

I just consider that a divorced parent. I was a "single parent" which to me means I, and only I supported and took care of my daughter. Never was there any communication with her dad. I got no child support, and I had to pay for my divorce. to me that is a single parent!!

 

[Mickey'snewestfan]

I'm a single parent, or rather I thought I was until I read this thread. I was not married or dating anyone when I adopted my DS. I have not dated or lived with someone since. I am the only parent named on his birth certificate and adoption decree.

But, I'm not struggling. I have a great job an make a decent income -- we have a nice house, a nice car, no debt.

Also, I've got plenty of support. Right now, DS is at his friend's house, he's always getting invited places. This week when I have to work I'll drop DS off at my mom's and she'll watch him for free. My son has a generous college fund that I've never put a penny in, other family members contribute as gifts at the holidays.

Should I get kicked out of the single mom's club?

Having support does not make you not a single parent. Not being married or partnered is what makes you a single parent.

 

[DVCLiz]

OK, all these response are making me realize that I don't understand the term single parent. To me the word single means one. To say you are a single parent would indicate that you are one parent. One= all by itself. If my Dh and I ever got divorced, and he was still very much in our kids lives and supported us financially, I don't think I would be a single mother. I would not call myself a single mom. I would just call myself a mom. Why say single if I am not in it alone?

No, you don't have to be struggling to be a single parent. If you are raising kids without support from the other parent, you are single, doing it alone. If you want to introduce yourself as a single parent to someone you met, that lets them know you are available to date, ect., that is fine. I just have a problem with someone who has full support raising her kids, as in, she's not doing it alone, using the term single mom, for sympathy, or whatever it is she is looking for when she cries about how she is a single mom.

Quite frankly, I don't think any of us who are single parents care very much whether you agree or disagree. Society has allowed us to call ourselves single parents whether we have a deadbeat ex who hasn't seen the kids since conception or a generous ex spouse who gives us and our kids everything except the comfort of a set of married parents. All of us who are no longer married and raising kids are single mothers or single fathers, whether you like it or not.

And for the record, I don't struggle, either - single mothers don't all have to be poor women who ride the bus home from their second shift minimum wage job. Sorry if that doesn't fit your mold, either.

 

[Tuffcookie]

I am a divorced, single mom. Whenever i hear "single mom", I hear "unmarried".

I really don't know why it would bother you what she says or does.

TC

 

[DVCLiz]

Not being married doesn't necessarily make someone single.

Um, yes it does.

 

[LuvCuteBoys]

Choice or not, it doesn't matter. What matters is the child, period. You help support your child, whether or not you wanted to be divorced. Some people want to stay married for reasons other than they think they can make it work, doesn't make it right. Geography doesn't make you less of a parent.

I meant that sometimes the other parent wanted custody just as badly as the parent who has it.

Um, yes it does.

My engaged-and-living-with-her-fiance friend most definitely does not consider herself to be single.

 

[Irish9697]

She IS a single parent, period. You don't like her, and probably anything she does grates on your last nerve.

I am a single parent. My ex is involved when it makes him look good, or fits into his schedule, but will also need "prompting" to remind him of what he should be doing. Do I get child support? Yep, and I think anyone who doesn't reside with the child(ren) should pay support. He sees her 2 weekends a month ( most of the time ) and one night during the week. He doesn't take off when school is closed, she's sick,or I'm sick. Even if he did, guess what? Being the person that child resides with is hard work-you do the bulk of the homework and deal with the day to day drama,schedules,the 10pm I need cookies for tomorrow announcements and the like.
If you haven't walked in ANY single parents shoes, you really don't have the right to make judgements on how easy it is for anyone, you don't know what goes on at home.

Ditto...everything. I am a single mother bearing the majority of parental responsibility. Their dad shows up when it fits into his schedule and when it makes him look good in general. By the divorce agreement, the kids are with me 87+% of the time. Does that qualify me as a single mom? When they're sick, they don't go to his house if it's his weekend or they come home early if they are with him. I do all homework and projects. I send in all the $ requested for class parties, field trips, special events, etc. at school. Santa comes to our house. I plan and host birthday parties. I do their laundry and make sure they have suitable clothing that fits for school, church, play, etc. I take off when they're sick. I volunteer in their classrooms. I go to all school events. They do have a father and he does pay child support and is somewhat in involved in their lives. But, I am a single parent. I do not struggle nor do I really complain about what I do because I WANT to do it all for them. I love being a part of it all!

Every single parent has a different situation just as every married parent does. Passing judgment without knowing the whole story puts anyone in questionable territory. I have married friends who do all the same things I do. Technically, they are not single, but they are pretty much the sole adult participating in true parenting activities...

 

[MichelleVW]

It sounds like the real problem is you just don't like this person and let her get under your skin. If that's the case, tune her out the best you can.

That's what it sounds like to me....

She's a single parent and her ex husband is also a single parent.......... but their kids have 2 parents.

Agreed....

 

[4greatboys]

I consider someone who is divorced with kids to be a single parent. If I am alone in the day to day caring for my kids that sounds pretty much single parenting.

 

[Robinrs]

It sounds like the real problem is you just don't like this person and let her get under your skin. If that's the case, tune her out the best you can.

I am a single mother. My son's Dad is schizophrenic and uninvolved in his life. I, on the other hand, am not a struggling pitiful person. I am the director of my department and have made it on my own.

I don't consider the term "single parent" paramount to being something pitiful or sad. Maybe you do and think this person is using it to get attention or pity. It's not a negative in my life.

You ever wonder what people consider a "kept woman" or a "sahm"? Should what the world considers them what they ARE or what they believe they are? Hmmm?

 

[crashbb]

Um, yes it does.

No, it doesn't.

I know quite a few people in long term relationships who choose never to get married. They definitely do not consider themselves single.

 

[Lisa loves Pooh]

My problem with it is, she is not raising her kids alone. She has 1000% support from her ex when it comes to spending time with the kids and financially supporting them. She wants everyone to feel bad for her that she is a "single" mom, when we all know she is not. Yes she is single, but she is not alone in raising her kids. There are parents out there that really struggle, because their ex is not in the picture, or the ex is constantly breaking the kids hearts by not showing up for visitation, or not paying the child support. She has none of these struggles, but when she says she is a single mother, that is what she wants people to imagine.

You are under the assumption that she has this support and I hate to break it to you, but she doesn't.

She has the support of a supportive EX-husband who is very involved in her kids lives, but she does not have the security of the marriage and at anytime his generosity could vanish to that of a normal joint/sole custody situation.

Struggle doesn't have bupkus to do with her single status nor does the fact that her husband is more supportive than the average ex make her absent of any struggle.


While she may be playing the sympathy card to no avail, it will not change the fact that she is a single mom and that her situation is not a reliable situation given the fact that she is divorced. The entire dynamic changes when a couple whom had children together are no longer a couple.

At present, you said in the OP that he is living with her out of convenience for his own situation--not out of love for her or his children. When his situation changes for the better, they will once again be living apart.

 

[DVCLiz]

Yes, that's the impression I get when someone refers to themselves that way. Not being married doesn't necessarily make someone single. My experience has been that when someone refers to themselves as a single parent, it's because they are doing the lion's share of raising the child (if not all of it).

Of course, that's not always the case and every situation is different. But personally, "single parent" has the connotation of "doing it alone".

I meant that sometimes the other parent wanted custody just as badly as the parent who has it.



My engaged-and-living-with-her-fiance friend most definitely does not consider herself to be single.

No, it doesn't.

I know quite a few people in long term relationships who choose never to get married. They definitely do not consider themselves single.

There's a clear difference between someone in a committed relationship and someone who is divorced and raising children on her own without a spouse.

You can be single AND in a long term committed relationship, but it still doesn't change your status as "single", as in not married.

 

[Feralpeg]

By today's standards, a woman raising children alone is considered a single mother whether or not she is getting child support or active support from the children's father.

In my case, I am a single mother and the sole parent for my daughter. I have never received any financial or physical support from anyone for my daughter.

 

[Feralpeg]

My engaged-and-living-with-her-fiance friend most definitely does not consider herself to be single.

What does she put down on a form for her marital status? I'll bet she puts "single".

 

[C.Ann]

A parent who has primary custody of the child/children involved - and nothing more.. I don't think about whether she gets financial support; emotional support; if the other parent is involved in the child's life; etc..