What is your definition of a "single" parent?

[CapeMayMommy]

I occasionally call myself a single mom---mostly with a sense of pride, rather than complaint. Generally, I feel fortunate that I have the financial resources, and the family resources (my parents) to make it work.

My children's father just made his annual appearance for the Christmas holiday just this week. It's just enough to set everyone off into chaos. It's better when he's not around.

The times when it's really bad is when one of the children is having a medical issue---major or minor. I just wish I had someone to lean on.

Otherwise, motherhood is great.

 

[Tink888]

I don't mean to start a debate here, I am just curious what others think.

I work with a woman who has a "poor me" attitude all the time. I shouldn't even call her a woman. she is 33 years old and acts 15. She hangs out with the teenagers that work with us, and they act more mature than she does.

One thing that just bothers me more than anything, is she is constantly referring to herself as a single mother. Yes, she is divorced from her husband, but he is a very BIG part of those kids lives.. He watches them while she is at work, he pays every dime of his child support, PLUS some, he fixes her car when it breaks down, he is actually living with them right now until he can get an apartment. She is not raising those kids on her own. Yes, she is single, because she is no longer married, but she is NOT a single mother, as in raising her kids alone.

I know some people decribe themselves as a single parent, to let others know there is no spouse. She doesn't decribe herself that way. When she says single mother, she wants the world to think she is all alone in raising her kids, and that just irks the hell out of me.

When you hear someone say they are a "single parent" do you assume they are raising the kids without support?

Nope, I just assume that they have children and are not married.

I know exactly what you mean though about there being some parents who are no longer married who would have the world believe they are raising their kids alone with no help/support from the non-custodial parent when that is not the case.

 

[disfan07]

I agree with a PP that I would say she is a divorced parent but not a single parent....i tihnk this is a grey area though

My thought about single parents are parents that have no support at all or only financially (financial support does not mean anything if they are not involvd). Thsi person sounds like she has as much support as she woul dif she was marreid so i wouldnt think of her as a single parent.

I dont think someone has to be struggling to be a single parents. I know a few from work (I work at a daycare) that are better of than married parents but i do think of it as raising your kids with no support.

If she can count on her ex-H. financially, to stay hoem with the children while she goes out, to watch them when they are sick, to take them to drs. appts, etc, than no i would not say she is a single parent.
If she was not getting support or if her ex was not involved (like a PP said about her ex making his annual christmas visit) than i would say she is a single parent becasue their ex. is doing nothing or essentially doing nothing besides financial help but in this case, i would say she is a divorced parent.

 

[Stacerita]

She is a single parent if she is not married, hence "single". It doesnt matter if she has support, or people helping her out. She is still a parent and is still single.

It sounds that what is irking the OP is that she is trying to get sympathy and trying to make her situation sound worst than what it is.

I am a single mom. My DD came home to a single parent household. I have always been a single parent. Her bio dad has never been involved, and now that she is 14, I doubt he ever will. No loss there. But I am proud to be a single parent. I have put myself through school, work my way up in my career, and will be starting as a director in a new hospital come Monday.

Does it bother me when single parents cry poor me poor me. Yes it does. Anyone can change their situation if they want to. Trust me. I did.

 

[The Orchid]

I consider a single parent as one who does not have a co-parent. I define a co-parent as somebody who is responsible for at least 50% of the child's care, both physically and financially.

I had my daughter alone when I was 20 (via artificial insemination), but I've had tremendous help and support and have never referred to myself as a single parent, even though I am not legally allowed to get married.

As for the co-worker with the "poor me" attitude, I find it best to not judge people. You just don't know until you walk a mile in her shoes. There are circumstances to which you have no way of understanding, so it's best to not stress too much about it. I think a lot of times when we judge people based on their physical success or their inability to cope or whatever, we see only their obvious circumstances. We can't go inside their minds and see what mental or emotional handicaps they may have. We just don't know the reasons people are the way they are. I know people who live in grand homes, make a lot of money, but are still very, very sad. We just don't know the reasons these things happen, do we? Humans aren't all alike, we all experience things differently. Some are more sensitive, but that doesn't make them wrong, just different.

Trust me, it's easier to just ignore it. I can see getting upset at the people in this world who inflict pain on others and those who intentionally do wrong, but I personally have no desire to waste time worrying about people that I have minor disagreements with except for the purpose of a good healthy debate. But that's just me.

 

[NY Disney fan]

I occasionally call myself a single mom---mostly with a sense of pride, rather than complaint. Generally, I feel fortunate that I have the financial resources, and the family resources (my parents) to make it work.

My children's father just made his annual appearance for the Christmas holiday just this week. It's just enough to set everyone off into chaos. It's better when he's not around.

The times when it's really bad is when one of the children is having a medical issue---major or minor. I just wish I had someone to lean on.

Otherwise, motherhood is great.

Ditto to everything you wrote.

 

[ols386]

I always think a single parent is someone who has children, and is either divorced, or does not have a significant other. It doesn't necessarily mean they are not getting financial support, nor does it automatically mean there is not a father-figure in the life of the children, but that they probably have custody of the children, and are doing most of the child-rearing by themselves (even though the children may have a relationship with the father, and see him for visitations, etc.).

 

[shrubber]

I prefer the term ' Unwed Mother ' in most cases.

 

[sbell111]

She's single. She's a parent. She's a single parent.

 

[shrubber]

She's single. She's a parent. She's a single parent.

More correctly she is a divorcee

 

[shrubber]

I had my daughter alone when I was 20 (via artificial insemination), but I've had tremendous help and support and have never referred to myself as a single parent, even though I am not legally allowed to get married.

How are you not legally allowed to get married??? Over 20 years old I see..

 

[PrincessKsMom]

How are you not legally allowed to get married??? Over 20 years old I see..

I would assume the poster is a lesbian. Unfortunately, they are not legally allowed to be married in most states.

 

[shrubber]

I would assume the poster is a lesbian. Unfortunately, they are not legally allowed to be married in most states.

Oh, then she simply mistyped. She is indeed legally allowed to marry.

 

[PrincessKsMom]

Oh, then she simply mistyped. She is indeed legally allowed to marry.

Care to elaborate?

 

[shrubber]

Care to elaborate?

well, not to derail the thread here, but she obviously mistyped, woman in all states regardless of their sexual orientation can be married legally. ( well, apart from things like age restriction, bloodlines, mental capacity ect )

I think she must have meant she chose not to.

 

[DisMN]

I think my definition of single parent is different than the others. I've known a lot of people who are married but their other half does absolutely NOTHING in the way of parenting or helping with the children. I consider the participating parent to be a single parent in these cases.
Of course I also believe in the more traditional single parent concept....one person parenting their child without the input of a second parent. If divorced I figure those are *divorced* parents. Not single. LOL

 

[FireDancer]

Oh, then she simply mistyped. She is indeed legally allowed to marry.

She may be allowed to marry but not the person of her choice if she chooses to marry someone of the same sex in a state where it is illegal.

 

[shrubber]

She may be allowed to marry but not the person of her choice if she chooses to marry someone of the same sex in a state where it is illegal.

That's all I said...she chose not to marry, it's not illegal.

 

[PrincessKsMom]

That's all I said...she chose not to marry, it's not illegal.

You really are posting just to get a rise out of people aren't you? If, indeed, that poster is a lesbian, she cannot, in most states, get married legally TO THE PERSON OF HER CHOICE.

 

[FireDancer]

That's all I said...she chose not to marry, it's not illegal.

No, that isn't true. If a gay man or lesbian wants to marry another gay man or another lesbian in a state where it is not allowed they are not choosing to not marry. They could grab their partner's hand and march to the courthouse wearing wedding garb with a ring and everything to signify their choice to marry only to be told they may not. That isn't choosing not to marry, that is being precluded from it based on sexual preference.