What do you think is an appropriate CASH wedding gift a/k/a HOW MUCH TO GIVE??

[MUFFYCAT]

Min $350, Max $500

 

[a1tinkfans]

Well THANKS everyone for all your posts (and your laughs too)

Some of the q's asked were:

Yes, there was an engagement party (gift was $100.00 and a small packaged gift)
The wedding shower was a handmade scrapbook (of her and her fiance as they grew up) that likely cost me about 75-100 and a personalized cutting board with the new family name.
Yes, there was a registry at Fortunoff, bed bath and beyond, macys and so many more.....
I realized that around the country it is different, but the "plate covering theory" is just something I always heard as a kid...
I was really looking to be "in the ball park here", and fortunately I can afford to give what most of you have suggested for this area, so I guess its $500.00. Now to tell the hubby, .
SO , far the DH suit was $375 and the kids suit was a steal, $50 and I splurged on the dress because, well, I was sick of looking and hoped to get something off with a sale (Macys) but despite going back for the latest "one day sale", WHAT A JOKE!), I got nothing off because its a designer, I had NO IDEA and at this point, I don't even care anymore, hubby said he loves it on me and I'm keeping it! Got my shoes on sale though, $39., YIPPEE!
So, basically, I could have likely went on a short vacation for what we have spent so far, but hey,
Its family!!!!
Thanks again everyone and enjoy what is left of the weekend!

 

[Franne]

We just went to a cousin's wedding in the South Street Seaport, we gave $400 and there were 5 (2 children 1 teen)of us. I see them 2x a year if that much, so I didn't feel that I had to give more. BTW, we also gave an engagement and bridal shower gift at about $100-$125 each. Not to mention the cost of the dresses, suits, travel- they live in LI.
I think that $300-500 is appropriate.

 

[BellePrincessBelle]

CT here. When I got married more than a decade ago we got checks anywhere from $50 (younger less well off relatives) up to over $5,000 from well to do business associates. I never expected that but It did cover the cost of the wedding as well as our honeymoon and other expenses. We got one actual gift and it was god awful.

 

[JodiR]

I am in the Midwest (Iowa) and it is common to give around $25. I was married in 1995 and the most I received was $25 (except from parents and in-laws). I don't believe much has changed since then. I just can't imagine giving $200 or more

 

[Conway733]

Wow! Well, here in PA I can honestly say I have never heard of the whole "covering your plate" line of thinking. I usually just give what I can afford regardless of who it is. If I gave over $100 I would probably be eating ramen noodles for a month.

 

[Va-bear]

This has been so fun to read - thanks op! NY is so different than what I am used to.

Being raised in the "Capital of the South" we were taught that giving money was extremely tacky! (Though, man, if people gave me 200 and 500 dollars a pop I could become a New Yorker VERY fast!! )

These days, I'd say the recent weddings I've been to people spend anywhere from 50-100 per gift and we DO give a gift for both the shower and the wedding. (Wow, I guess you guys dont have "gift tables" then...that is a very important part of a southern wedding! )

Heck, I'm still getting used to there even being alcohol at weddings ! Growing up here you wouldnt have EVER seen that....now, it's quite common, though, I've never EVER seen a "cash bar" at a wedding.

 

[EMom]

If I lived in your area, I'd be turning down a lot of wedding invitations. I'd save that money and DH and I would go away for a weekend.

Well, okay....a niece IS different.....

But seriously, in the South I have never heard of this "cover your plate" business. The bride and groom decide whether they want a modest or lavish celebration and it is not up to the guests to essentially reimburse them for the cost of that choice. What if I do not like their food selection? Am I allowed to give less money? Seems like a fair question. Really, that line of reasoning makes me wonder all sorts of things.

It is far more common here to give a place setting of the china selection or a china serving piece, flatware or some sterling, some of their crystal selection, etc. Once all that is spoken for, people buy their everyday dishes, and other things that are on their registry. It is also acceptable to give money, but it is not tied to how much they are spending on the reception. And if you give a shower gift, you are not expected to give a wedding gift as well, although many people will give a second, more modest gift for that. Or they will flip-flop it and give a modest shower gift and reserve the moe expensive gift for the wedding.

But if it is the norm in your neck of the woods to cover your plate, then do what is acceptable, especially since it is family.

 

[ducklite]

I would give $250 as a minimum and maybe even as high has $350.

Same here.

Anne

 

[sk!mom]

If I lived in your area, I'd be turning down a lot of wedding invitations. I'd save that money and DH and I would go away for a weekend.

Well, okay....a niece IS different.....

But seriously, in the South I have never heard of this "cover your plate" business. The bride and groom decide whether they want a modest or lavish celebration and it is not up to the guests to essentially reimburse them for the cost of that choice.

I agree. I think that it is incredibly tacky to expect guests to pay for the party. I don't expect that when I throw parties.

I would give whatever I felt comfortable/could afford. I am very close to two of my nieces and would probably spend around $200 for wedding gifts if they were to get married any time soon

I'm also in a part of the country where cash gifts are not the norm so my gift would most likely be something nice off of the registry.

Bottom line for me though would be my budget but if you are concerned with what others will think or say then you should do whatever is the norm for your family or area. I'm not the kind of person who would strain my budget for the sake of "saving face."

 

[disneynutt1225]

I agree. I think that it is incredibly tacky to expect guests to pay for the party. I don't expect that when I throw parties.

It's not a matter of paying for the party - that's already been paid for by the day of the event anyway. And if it hasn't, there are bigger problems to worrry about than who gave what. It's a guideline - not an expectation.

It's fine for you that you don't agree with it, but don't say that a custom is tacky because it's not something you do. I wouldn't imagine calling a gift table in the South tacky, or various other regional customs tacky simply because I don't agree with them.

Bottom line for all is, do what you feel comfortable doing. My family followed one "guideline" because they're all from NY. DH's family followed another because they are Southerners (in heart if not location, LOL). We were frankly just happy that we got to spend one of the most important days of our lives with those who loved us.

 

[bmoncher]

We believe in give what you can afford....
Thay being said and the fact that we live in the NJ/NY metro area and had a wedding 8 years ago in a very nice "hall"... my average gift was 200 (and that was 8 years ago)
We generally give between 250 and 500 for a wedding and 200 for a Bat/Bar Mitzvah...

 

[WeRblam]

For a niece -- Minimum -- $250. Maximum -- $500.

I agree. Probably on the higher side since it is in a fancy setting...

 

[wheelcap]

I have come to understand *CLEARLY* that some people on these boards (as in all of America) have far more money than others. I work with people on all income levels. Some are millionaires, and others are living on under $10,000 a year. For a millionaire to give $100 would almost be an insult; but for a poor person to come up with $100 to give as a gift, they'd have to eat less or not go to the laundromat for a while.

So - what do you give as a gift? Whatever you feel is appropriate for YOU. If your niece loves you, she'll completely understand and appreciate whatever you give.

 

[gina2000]

It's fine for you that you don't agree with it, but don't say that a custom is tacky because it's not something you do. I wouldn't imagine calling a gift table in the South tacky, or various other regional customs tacky simply because I don't agree with them.

Thank you for saying this. I was all ready to type out a similar answer when I spotted your reply. There are many, many things I don't agree with when I read threads such as these on the DIS but I would never, ever imply that a regional custom is tacky because I don't do it. And believe me, a lot of things I've read I've been shocked at.

Maybe we northerners aren't quite so tacky and rude after all.

 

[TMB1203]

How would you know what a plate costs? I have a wedding for a friend at the end of the month and have no idea what she is paying per plate. I also don't know if there is an open bar or a cash bar. I would think it would be tacky to ask though?!

I am thinking $100.00 for their wedding gift.
I spent $40 on her bridal shower gift.

 

[CEDmom]

I'd probably give $250. I personally think the cover the plate thing is crazy. First off how am I supposed to know how much that would be . Secondly, a couple choosing to have an expensive reception is not my problem or responsibility. Lastly, the couple s/b inviting people because they want them to share their special day not in the hopes that it won't cost them anything in the end - that's just tacky .

BTW, I've lived in the northeast my entire life and never heard of the "'cover your plate rule" until I was out of college and started working. In my circle of childhood/college friends this wasn't done or even suggested.

 

[EMom]

That is one of the questions that I began pondering when this "cover your plate" issue arose. (Clearly, it IS a regional issue.) How on earth do you know how much each "plate" costs? I have no idea at all when we are invited to a wedding. It's obvious that some receptions are more expensive than others, but I could not begin to put a dollar figure on them. And it is certainly not something that anyone would discuss. So I would remain clueless until it came my time to host a wedding.

In all seriousness, do people just go around talking about how much the reception cost? Not at the actual wedding, I mean. I'm sure that's unacceptable anywhere. But if you all seem to know how much each "plate" (I'm still thinking a piece of china when I hear that) costs, then it must be a pretty open topic of conversation. Is that the case? Otherwise, I just can't fathom how you so accurately gauge the price, and thus, the gift.

Even if one makes six figures, giving $250-$500 several times a year would seriously put a dent in a budget, because you must add in travel costs, clothes for the wedding, etc. So that $250-$500 is really more like $500-$1000 or more. Considering business associates will invite you to their children's weddings, etc., in addition to your family and friends, it begins to add up. It sounds like many of you budget several thousand a year for wedding gifts. I am breathing a sigh of relief that a place setting of china gets me off the hook.

I guess a lot of it gets down to expectations and this seems to be what is expected where you live. But I do feel for those making less than substantial incomes, because there is just no way they can afford this.

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0]How would you know what a plate costs? I have a wedding for a friend at the end of the month and have no idea what she is paying per plate. I also don't know if there is an open bar or a cash bar. I would think it would be tacky to ask though?!

I am thinking $100.00 for their wedding gift.
I spent $40 on her bridal shower gift.[/QUOTE]

 

[PrincessTeresa]

I'm a lovely long islander too LOL

So I will tell you we only give less than $200 if we're not attending
We start at $250 and it goes up to $500 [which is generally reserved for children of clients - sigh - well grateful that's all it's reserved for LOL!]

I also don't like the 'odd numbers' though dh has no problem with it - *I* [just my .02] am not comfortable writing a check for $350 [$250 is ok for some reason - yes, it's totally subjective and a little crazy I admit freely LOL] so I will then counter with '$300 or $400 but not $350" I think because it feels more like a financial calculation than a 'gift' that way kwim? Just me though. So I'd likely give $300 or $400 if it were someone I was particularly close to [and then if so I would be likely to then hop to $500 - that 'number' thing again - and now you know why I CRINGE when I get those big envelopes in the mail! It's been a pricey spring]

I have the wrong friends!!! LOL The most we got when DH and I got married in 2002 was $100!!! I'll have to remember who to invite to my next wedding!!!

 

[Trentmom]

Here is my two cents as far as covering the cost of the plate?

Hey...I didn't plan the wedding... I am not one who chose to have a 150 dollar a head wedding. It is not my responsibility to feel like I have to give that back to them. It was their choice to spend that much, not mind.

Okay, I am off my soapbox now...This is how we do it in South Jersey.


Okay...for Close Family wedding...$100.00 limit

Friends or distant cousins.......$50-75.00


Best Friend....$100.00 Limit


I had an awesome wedding for 37.95 a person....No it was not a crappy wedding at a Dive.

It included a hall, buffet, dj, limo, cake and flowers and alcohol.

I know how to find good deals and even if I had that kind of money, I could never justify spending that kind of money for my wedding.......

Sorry, that is just my opinion..