What do you think is an appropriate CASH wedding gift a/k/a HOW MUCH TO GIVE??

[frndshpcptn]

I'm still amazed that in some areas of the country you can get away with giving only one gift.

 

[EMom]

If you get it passed on to you then why do you need to ask for more?

Expecting large gifts (money or china etc.) is greedy.

A pp said she had her grandmother's china, her mother's china and her own china. She has one daughter and she said she can have all of these and her own pattern if she wants. Eventually after enough generations one would have enough different patterns to host a party each week with different china.

No, no, no... What I said was that DD will get my china, DH's mother's china and DH's grandmother's china. (DH's mother's crystal and sterling too, but that's another stash altogether) That's all from DH's side of the family. Note that there is not a single item from MY side of the family. My family is enormous and too chock full of girls for me to have gotten anything passed down. (Okay, I have some antique furniture, but I'm talking china.) The ONLY reason DD is getting all this bounty someday is because she is the only grandchild and indeed, the only great-grandchild. So everything from the great-grandparents (and possibly tangential descendants) and grandparents on DH's side will funnel down to her simply because she is the only living descendant.

That RARELY happens. Family trees usually get larger, not smaller. Usually, each great-grandchild gets a few token pieces each of great-grandmother's china and is thrilled to have it. As for DH's mother, her 24 place settings consist of 12 of her own and 12 from her mother that are of the same service. So DD's situtation really is unique. Hey, maybe I'll just encourage her to register for Christmas china....

I doubt she will have just one child. If she has 3, one can have my china, one can have DH's mother's, and the third can have DH's great-grandmother's and no one gets shorted.

 

[IDoDis]

Me either! How horribly inconvenient for the bride and groom. You would have to haul all those gifts somewhere on your wedding night - I can just see it - beautiful bride arms full of gifts making 12 trips to the limo. Or imposing on your guests to help. Just doesn't seem like a nice thing for a hostess to do.

Every wedding I've been to (southwest) has a gift table piled with gifts. There is also usually some kind of box (usually a shoe box wrapped in wedding paper) with a slit in the middle for people to drop in cards ($$). The bride and groom's family typically load up all the gifts and take them to the new bride & groom's home or to a desginated place where the gift opening will be. When the couple returns from their honeymoon, there is a scheduled "gift opening" where a small number of family and some friends attend. The hostess provides drinks and snacks. Sometimes, couples prefer to open their gifts in private when they return. Either way, that's how it goes here.

Oh, BTW, we still bring a gift from the registry to the bridal shower.

 

[OKWAnneMarie]

Hey I was a wedding planner for a few years and still do it from time to time. The proper way is send cash but sent it to the home of the bride. And maybe send a plant not flowers but a plant and put on the note that say something like for your new home. I hope that helps.

I don't mean this as an insult to you, BUT, I don't believe there is a "proper" type of gift for weddings. As we can see from this thread, it completely depends on your culture/heritage and where you live.

I don't know why it is so hard for some people to accept that people do things in different ways.

 

[OKWAnneMarie]

That's so interesting! I have never seen a gift table in NYC - area. I only see the box for envelopes (usually decorated in white satin and pearls) and it's on the couple's sweetheart table or dais.

That's true! At NYC weddings, out of about 200 people there are usually one or two people who give gifts. They are usually friends who are originally from another state and everyone totally understands that is their custom.

I had about 230 guests at my wedding and received 2 gifts from relatives from Pennsylvania.

 

[OKWAnneMarie]

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Are you including Manhattan in that area? DD and her DH attended a very, very "swanky" wedding down there (the cousin of DD's DH) and there was in fact a gift table - with gifts on it.. There was one gift that my DD said the bride later absolutely raved over.. It had something to do with a "grandmother" and some fairly heirloom or something.. Whatever it was, it meant far more to her than a gift of cash would have (although there's nothing wrong with that either).. I think a lot depends on the expectations of the "receiver"..

AHHH! You've touched on another area. In my opinion, Manhattan is in a completely different category. The very wealthy have "swanky" affairs and those people DO receive gifts insteady of cash. Their weddings are usually smaller than the weddings in the outer boros. Brooklyn, Staten Island, Queens and the Bronx are different. We're UNIQUE!

 

[OKWAnneMarie]

OKWAnneMarie - thanks for the memories! I still have my "boosta-bag" too. DN got married last summer and my s-i-l and I tried to talk her into using one of our boosta-bags. Buy she opted for a mail box instead.

I still have my "bridal doll" that my mother bought for my shower. Do people still do that?

 

[madge]

Hey I was a wedding planner for a few years and still do it from time to time. The proper way is send cash but sent it to the home of the bride. And maybe send a plant not flowers but a plant and put on the note that say something like for your new home. I hope that helps.

I hope they happy couple doesn't take a long honeymoon, or that plant would die from no water, LOL!

I've never heard of this custom ~ what part of the country is this considered "proper"?

 

[snomofinn]

Hope none of you actually start dying or were gonna see a "how much do I bring to the funeral" thread based on earlier discussions in this one!!

Don't EVEN get me started on that one!!! My 2 DSILs are the ones to ask in that event!! I should start another post!! it would take me about an hour to write my experiences!!

 

[jrogalny]

For immediate family (brothers & sisters), we give $300. I'd say you are save with $250 for the 3 of you. Whatever the gift, it's very generous.

 

[disneynutt1225]

Now I have a question. Speaking of bridesmaids... is there a regional/cultural amount of bridesmaids in the bridal party? My wedding was small, I had 2 bridesmaids. But, I've been in bridal parties where there were as many as 10 bridesmaids (there might have been 9?) plus the flowergirl. I was also in a wedding with 7 attendants, which seems like a lot, too. But, most of the weddings I've been to or been in seem to have at least 5 or 6 bridesmaids.

I'm sure this has been addressed, but in case it hasn't - I don't think there's a regional custom for attendants. I had my brother and DH's brother; everyone else who was in my bridal party either I was in their parents' wedding as a child or I was in their wedding as an adult. It was so special for me and DH to be able to do that. I've been in 5 weddings not including my own, and DH was in one of those (our best friends got married) so all told, we had 10 attendants.

 

[snomofinn]

Speaking of bridesmaids....I had 1, that was my maid of honor and my husband had his brother as a best man, that's it...that was 23 years ago. When my best friend got married about 15 years ago, (she comes from a big Italian family), she had 3 TIERS for her head table!!!! It was more of a zoo then a wedding. She had 24 people standing up total!...

 

[MrsPete]

I'm still amazed that in some areas of the country you can get away with giving only one gift.

Whereas, we're amazed that people would give two gifts to celebate one marriage!

 

[MrsPete]

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LOL.. I have never seen a bride and groom "hauling" their gifts anywhere.. Normally the bride's parents take the gifts home until the happy couple returns from home from their honeymoon and they have the time to savor opening each gift.. Once they have done that, they can sit down and write thank you notes for all of the gifts received (including the envelopes ).. It's really a "fun" thing for the couple to look forward to..

Exactly!

 

[Ciao Mickey]

That's true! At NYC weddings, out of about 200 people there are usually one or two people who give gifts. They are usually friends who are originally from another state and everyone totally understands that is their custom.

I had about 230 guests at my wedding and received 2 gifts from relatives from Pennsylvania.

I always thought you're supposed to send the gift to the home instead of bringing it to the wedding reception.

 

[Ciao Mickey]

I don't mean this as an insult to you, BUT, I don't believe there is a "proper" type of gift for weddings. As we can see from this thread, it completely depends on your culture/heritage and where you live.

I don't know why it is so hard for some people to accept that people do things in different ways.

I also wish people would stop calling other people's traditions and customs crass and tacky.

To each it's own.

 

[Ciao Mickey]

Interesting. Southerners tend to look at all the wedding festivities -- showers, bridal luncheon, the wedding itself -- all as a way to help the new couple start their life together, but I've never heard the term "boost".

Boost means just what it means. To give a push up (financially) in life.

Italians would call it "La Boost" which is really a combo of Italian and English words. It was a collection of money for someone in need to give them a boost in life (or death). I've heard this term used only at funerals, but I see on this board that people use it for weddings too.

Do you give gifts at the bridal luncheon? Bridal luncheons are not common here, or at least in my family. Do you have rehersal dinners down South? That's when the bride and groom hand out gifts to their wedding party.

How about bachelor parties? We have those and now it's common for the girls to have their own versions too.

 

[OKWAnneMarie]

Whereas, we're amazed that people would give two gifts to celebate one marriage!

But how can you show up at a either a shower or a wedding reception without a gift? They are two separate parties, usually months apart. So the bride and groom don't get any wedding gifts from the people who were also at the shower?

And, what if you are also invited to an engagement party? Do you just give a gift at the engagement party and then go to the shower and wedding empty-handed? I've never heard of such a thing.

 

[OKWAnneMarie]

I also wish people would stop calling other people's traditions and customs crass and tacky.

To each it's own.

EXACTLY!!!