What do you think is an appropriate CASH wedding gift a/k/a HOW MUCH TO GIVE??

[Sethsmom]

I think I if I ever get married again I will make sure I am in the area you are speaking of. Personally, I have never heard of giving according to what the meal cost. Maybe I am in the wrong circles. Here in Alabama, if you give a tea/shower gift you don't give a wedding gift also. It must be the difference in localities. When I get married, we didn't get a wedding gift from anyone that had given us a tea/shower gift.

That said, if it is customary in your circles to also give a wedding gift, I would give within my budget. My opinion is that if you want to have a fancy reception, it is up to you. Guest shouldn't be required to "pay" for their meals and I don't think the couple should expect it. I had a reception dinner because I wanted to and didn't expect anything in return except for my family and friends to come and enjoy themselves. I planned the dinner within my means without any thoughts of being "reimbursed".

I am sure that everyone that is invited to that dinner can not afford to give $100 much less $250. That would be a week's food budget for some. I would only give what I am comfortable with. I would not give beyond my means if it meant getting behind on some other bill. By all means if you give all your family members a large amount, I would do the same here. I wouldn't give more to one family member than I did to another just because they had a fancy dinner. What do you give to a couple that does not have the means to host a fancy meal? If you use the same basis, do you give them $10 for the wedding cake you eat?

I am sorry for being so ignorant, but I have never heard of giving according to the meal. Like I said, it must be regional or either I am not up on Miss Manners as I should be.

 

[luv2nascar]

not in NY but I have a wedding to go to next month - cousin. We aren't that close anymore. Me and DH going I though $125 would be generous. I am not giving $300 to keep up with others. We only see each other maybe once or twice a year.

 

[kmjmom]

If it is a family member, I usually make an afghan from a pattern passed down from my Grandmother. It serves as an heirloom and then we give a cash gift with it. It's always a good feeling for me to be able to give the younger members of our family a piece of their family's special past. My cousins are all older than me, so their children are getting married now. They didn't have the benefit of knowing their Great-Grandmother, so it makes a connection for them. I kind of feel like it is what my Grandma would have wanted to do and she is the one that taught me to knit and handed all of her patterns down to me before she died.

 

[krcit]

Another Long Islander here and I would give at least $300, more if I could afford it. I never feel obligated to 'cover my plate". When all my friends were getting married about 15 years ago, they all got the same gift wether the wedding was a backyard bbq(only had one of those), a "wedding hall" or a mansion. I won;t put myself in debt to give a gift-if I am resentful of giving the gift then it kind of makes it meaningless, yk?

 

[jessica52877]

Sure glad I don't get invited to weddings. At most I would give $50. I cannot imagine shelling out that kind of money for a gift. We don't even buy family members gifts for occassions. I think the whole gift giving is overrated and too much of let's keep up with the Joneses.

 

[Mickey&Donald]

This whole thing is shocking to me too -- I can't imagine giving such extravagant gifts to ANYONE, even family. When we got married (in Maryland), I was over the moon to get about $800 in cash gifts *total* (I think... it's been 4½ years and my memory is fuzzy). We were thrilled to receive almost everything we registered for... that too was totally unexpected! But what really stands out in my mind is the time and expense people spent to even be at my wedding. Many plane tickets and hotel rooms were bought so they could be there, and that was more special to me than a big check in a card, I'll tell you. Honestly, I think we would have felt uncomfortable receiving giant checks from anyone, but then again, we aren't from New York (I am from California, DH is from Maryland). I did live in NYC 10 years ago... kinda makes me glad I didn't know anyone getting married when I was there. Dodged a bullet on that one!

A question for the NY crowd -- do people still register for gifts there? Is it expected to buy off of someone's Tiffany registry AND write a large check as a gift? I'm going to have to cut off all contact with my friends in NYC if that's the case.. I won't be able to afford to go to any of their weddings!

 

[kimisabella]

This whole thing is shocking to me too -- I can't imagine giving such extravagant gifts to ANYONE, even family. When we got married (in Maryland), I was over the moon to get about $800 in cash gifts *total* (I think... it's been 4½ years and my memory is fuzzy). We were thrilled to receive almost everything we registered for... that too was totally unexpected! But what really stands out in my mind is the time and expense people spent to even be at my wedding. Many plane tickets and hotel rooms were bought so they could be there, and that was more special to me than a big check in a card, I'll tell you. Honestly, I think we would have felt uncomfortable receiving giant checks from anyone, but then again, we aren't from New York (I am from California, DH is from Maryland). I did live in NYC 10 years ago... kinda makes me glad I didn't know anyone getting married when I was there. Dodged a bullet on that one!

A question for the NY crowd -- do people still register for gifts there? Is it expected to buy off of someone's Tiffany registry AND write a large check as a gift? I'm going to have to cut off all contact with my friends in NYC if that's the case.. I won't be able to afford to go to any of their weddings!

People do still register for gifts - but those gifts are bought for either the engagement party or bridal shower. The actual wedding gifts are 99.9% cash gifts. If you are in the bridal party then your REALLY in trouble, between your dress, shower gift expenses, bachelorette parties, wedding gift - it gets crazy. Now the trend here is to go away on vacation for bachelorette parties!!

 

[sandy6879]

CT here -

Having just gotten married 2 weeks ago, most people gave $100/per person. Someone I know pretty well said that she calculates how much it would cost her to go out and have a dinner like that, with dancing, and the alcohol cost, and gives the gift according to that. And yes, we received just about all cash with a few gift cards for our wedding.

A family member I would be inclined to give more.

 

[Kimkimba]

I think I can't afford to attend weddings anymore. Either that, or starve the family for a month .

 

[disneynutt1225]

I'm from your area, OP. I usually give $250+ to close family, and I've been in their weddings to boot! For our wedding last August, we got anywhere between $250 to $1000 from close relatives (my grandparents gave us more, but I'm their only grandaughter). My aunt and uncle gave us $1000 (my father's sister) and my uncle (mother's brother) gave us $500.

That said, it really depends on what you're comfortable with, but personally I wouldn't give less than $250.

 

[disneynutt1225]

A question for the NY crowd -- do people still register for gifts there? Is it expected to buy off of someone's Tiffany registry AND write a large check as a gift? I'm going to have to cut off all contact with my friends in NYC if that's the case.. I won't be able to afford to go to any of their weddings!

Yes, people still register for gifts. I've never seen a gift registry for Tiffany, though. Not to say it doesn't happen, but my family members and friends aren't that brazen! Usually, the gifts that they register for are given at the bridal shower and a cash gift is given for the wedding.

 

[kerrynic78]

I would give $300.

We were married 3 years ago in CT and got all cash gifts at the wedding. I have never been to a wedding where I have given anything but a check. That seems to be the norm in CT, at least in my circle of friends/relatives.

 

[figment52]

**I just remember always hearing that you should try and "cover" your meal, which at this location is about $125-50 a plate. Do you agree?

The problem I have with this line of thinking is I did not get to pick the place for the reception or the food. I do not feel it is my responsibility to cover their costs. I am a guest after all.

My gifts are based on my relationship with the bride and groom, not where the wedding/reception is being held.

 

[MOMTOMOOTOO]

We start at 250 and work our way up depending on the relationship.

 

[summerrluvv]

Since you live on Long Island, you will probably be "talked about" if you don't give enough to cover the cost of your (and your guest's) plate.

 

[vickyBaby]

Since you live on Long Island, you will probably be "talked about" if you don't give enough to cover the cost of your (and your guest's) plate.

And each set of parents usually want a list to know what family members gave so when they go to Aunt Mary's daughters wedding, they at least match what Aunt Mary gave (otherwise they would feel SOOOOOO embarrassed).

People from other areas don't have to understand it or agree with it -- it's just the way it is.

 

[leight]

Former LI'er here - I got married the first time when covering the plate was $50-$75. and it was assumed you started at $100 a couple as gifts. For this circumstance I would probably give at least $300 -depending on how close the neice is and expect to give the same for any other family member's children who get married. (our families actually keep record for future reference)

Got married the 2nd time here in FL- and we didn't expect anything from anyone since we all travelled for it . Local friends came and gave us lovely gifts- not cash- so I am at a loss what to do if I ever get invited to one here! We always planned on shower gifts $75-100 and $200-$300 per couple for the wedding depending on the relationship with the family- I'm anticipating a friend getting married in another year or two so I will have to research this! One thing I always had a problem with is the engagement party- wonderful- celebrate planning to spend your life but why do a wedding like party which also requires sufficent cash gifts? I refused to have one myself since it seemed like just asking for the down payment for the wedding!

 

[disneynutt1225]

And each set of parents usually want a list to know what family members gave so when they go to Aunt Mary's daughters wedding, they at least match what Aunt Mary gave (otherwise they would feel SOOOOOO embarrassed).

People from other areas don't have to understand it or agree with it -- it's just the way it is.

I just have to chuckle at this. It's unfortunately so true!

 

[vickyBaby]

The problem I have with this line of thinking is I did not get to pick the place for the reception or the food. I do not feel it is my responsibility to cover their costs. I am a guest after all.

I understand this line of thinking. I was invited to a wedding that I knew the per plate cost was close to $275 pp. I wasn't close with the bride and groom so I elected not to go. If I did, I still would have given them my standard $300. (from 2 people).

 

[Jennifer823]

I need your addresses for our wedding invites!! Thanks...LOL

With that said, IMO, covering your meal? Why? The couple has CHOSEN to spend that much money (which I find ridiculous) on each person, why on earth should you be "expected" to pay for it with your gift? I would just give whatever you feel is an appropriate gift. At my first wedding, I was over the moon when I opened one that had a check for $150!!! I thought that was overly generous, but was very appreciative of course. I can't imagine opening up a card to find a $350 check from an aunt or uncle or anyone for that matter. Maybe I'm just inviting cheap people?

I agree with you. I was thrilled with the $100-$150 checks in the envelopes at our wedding. We got a lot of regular "gifts" too, not money. Albeit, this was 15 years ago but it was in New Jersey.