Were you advised/Have you advised against getting married?

[rajak73]

Had the minister at per-marriage counseling didn't know if we should because we were 2 different religions, got married anyway, that was 43 years ago.

 

[soccerdad72]

We all advised my BIL against his marriage last year. So far, they're still married (for now).

 

[DumboDash2006]

Yes. We got married at 20. We were young, clueless and broke. My parents were divorced and remarried as was dh's. Both when we were infants. My dad and stepmom didn't say a word. And neither did his mom and stepdad (dad wasn't in the picture). However my mom and stepdad were freaking out. My stepdad even called my future MIL asking her what she thought of it and asking her if she could talk us out of it. He went on and on about how would we support ourselves and we'd probably have kids and be divorced in a few years and I'd be broke and on welfare etc.

That was 26 years ago. Still happily married, one awesome 18 year old daughter and not broke (though, yes, we had some tough years but many people do).

 

[sjrec]

My husband had only been divorced a very short time-we met in February and were engaged by November. So when we met with my minister for pre marriage counseling, he had real concerns. I remember being so shocked that he thought we should wait. We went ahead (we were 27 and 28-not teenagers) and just celebrated our 38th anniversary. A better husband, father and grandfather I can’t imagine. My parents adored him and I had a wonderful relationship with his-so if there were any doubts on their part I never knew about them.

 

[BLAZEY]

Only jokingly. We told DH's granddad we were engaged and he said to DH "What did you go and do that for? Haha, Congratulation I'm so happy for you!"

 

[bethy]

Yep to me unsolicited. I never asked anyone. Nothing hurts more than to have family telling you to not get married, it’s never going to work, and then still not accepting DH decades later.

I haven’t advised others and I haven’t been asked. If asked, it’s not my place or life experience to say. I would wish happiness. I wouldn’t offer any unsolicited advice.

This is a tough one. I've only said something once and it was to my sister. Of course she didn't listen, didn't speak to me for 2 months and married the narcissist anyway.

TBH I was glad I said something and felt I did what I could. The jerk cheated on her repeatedly and up and left her one night with 8 month old TWINS. Has never paid a dime of child support and is a total deadbeat now. And drug addict. If I hadn't at least tried to say something I would have felt even worse after all this.

Once they did marry I will say our family did our best to accept him - we gave the best effort we could - we tried very hard to take the high road, look at the positives etc. We knew the it was better for my sister if he felt accepted and loved by us.

 

[neverlandsky]

This is a tough one. I've only said something once and it was to my sister. Of course she didn't listen, didn't speak to me for 2 months and married the narcissist anyway.

TBH I was glad I said something and felt I did what I could. The jerk cheated on her repeatedly and up and left her one night with 8 month old TWINS. Has never paid a dime of child support and is a total deadbeat now. And drug addict. If I hadn't at least tried to say something I would have felt even worse after all this.

Once they did marry I will say our family did our best to accept him - we gave the best effort we could - we tried very hard to take the high road, look at the positives etc. We knew the it was better for my sister if he felt accepted and loved by us.

Sorry to hear about your sister. ((((HUGS))))

It wasn't DH's character. It was the fact DH wasn't rich and according to them I was too young to know. DH saw through their fakeness and their character. We always took the high road as well. Even being married for almost 18 years, together for 19 years, and have known each other for half our lives now, it still hasn't changed. It's I got married too young and had kids too young. Even though I had our kids 3 years into our marriage and ended up with a hyster at 29 years old. We're not rich, yet we're comfortable with no debt. We keep our relationship between us. After years of still having family unsupportive, they are no longer apart of our lives.

 

[lovesmurfs]

I didn't ask, but my parents were concerned. DH's father told him to think long and hard about it. But DH is 12 years older than I am, and I was only 22 at the time.

28 years later, I'm thinking it worked out. My parents still don't think he's good enough -- they started warming up about 9 years ago when he was deployed to Afghanistan and realized he's a "patriot." Sigh.

 

[lilia78]

Yes, I was told that a lot. It hurt to hear from family, they thought they knew better but didn’t.

I was a teen mom and was told again and again that men never step up and if they do it won’t work in the end. Not all relationships are the same so just because I was young didn’t mean it was wrong for me. I got married a week after my 18th birthday and we will celebrate our 22nd anniversary this summer.

We’ve never split up or taken a break (all the things I was told would happen FOR SURE since I was so young). He’s been my one and only since I met him shortly after my 15th birthday and I’ve been his. He is the father to all of my children and neither of us has ever been with anyone else.

 

[Ladyandthepuppies]

Love has never been a problem with me and DH, but his family's antics made us call off our engagement for a few days. My aunt told me maybe we shouldn't get married because DH would always have his crazy family and I would be tied to them forever. We've been married 7 years and I can't say his family doesn't cause problems. But he's the one for me and letting his family come between us would have been the biggest mistake of my life.

I have never told anyone not to get married, but I had a friend who got out of a long relationship, met a new guy and got engaged after a few weeks. They planned their wedding for 5 months later and I was asked to be a bridesmaid. I had serious reservations about being in the wedding because I really didn't think they should be getting married yet. But they've been together for 7 years and still seem very happy, so I'm glad I kept my mouth shut.

 

[Chirple]

My best friend got engaged when she graduated from college. I was friends with her fiance before we met her (all lived in the same dorm). He was a year ahead of me, and she was a year behind me. They broke off their engagement at one point, and I told her I was happy they did. While I loved them both (still do), they were too immature. They reconciled and married anyway. Ten months later they were separated and eventually divorced. Yes, she was mad at me at the time. It took her a while to realize they really were too immature. They are still friendly.

Another friend’s dad offered her $10,000 not to marry her first husband. They had a big traditional wedding, had their first child in two years, and two years later while pregnant with their second child she threw him out. He was a raging alcoholic who lied constantly, and he got physical with her.

 

[PlainJane]

It felt like everyone and their best friend wanted to comment on how long we were dating before we got engaged and were set to get married. I started to think it funny that people I was not even close to were making “concerned” comments.

My inner monologue was “you are totally the first person who has pointed out how long we have been dating. I never even considered that maybe it was too soon. Let me call him right now and tell him we need to wait three years like you did.”

 

[Adelle Dazeem]

Ugh - my brother! While I don't know if anyone specifically told him, "DO NOT MARRY HER!", he was pretty aware of everyone's feelings. The morning of his wedding, several of his friends seriously considered kidnapping him to stop the wedding because it was such a bad idea. The marriage lasted (I think) two years. The woman was an absolute lunatic. They did not sleep together on their whole honeymoon because "she didn't want to". She was emotionally abusive to my brother who was so unable/unwilling to stand up for himself that he was emotionally damaged for several years after they split up. I literally danced through the house when I overheard my brother tell my parents over the phone that they had split up. Poor (now DH) was my very new boyfriend at the time and the dance almost scared him away...but we are now 15 years married. Former SIL got married and divorced at least one more time and my brother is also re-married so a somewhat normal woman. The biggest kicker - former SIL is a "conflict mediator" for a living. Makes me want to barf...

 

[Kogo Shuko]

It has not happened to me, but I was there when my mother tried to convince my brother to not marry his fiancée. She didn't like her because she didn't have a fulltime job, and my mother constantly blamed her for my brother being a flake. She still does say such negative things about her. I ended up standing up for the fiancée, because my brother was too much of a shmuck to do it himself.

My mother STILL complains every time my brother is late. And I KEEP telling her it's because of HIM, and his snobby ways. Not because of his wife.

But he's the favourite child, so obviously I'm wrong.

 

[sjrec]

My best friend got engaged when she graduated from college. I was friends with her fiance before we met her (all lived in the same dorm). He was a year ahead of me, and she was a year behind me. They broke off their engagement at one point, and I told her I was happy they did. While I loved them both (still do), they were too immature. They reconciled and married anyway. Ten months later they were separated and eventually divorced. Yes, she was mad at me at the time. It took her a while to realize they really were too immature. They are still friendly.

Another friend’s dad offered her $10,000 not to marry her first husband. They had a big traditional wedding, had their first child in two years, and two years later while pregnant with their second child she threw him out. He was a raging alcoholic who lied constantly, and he got physical with her.

This is heartbreaking to me that they do not see the abusive behavior-if this had been my daughter I don’t know what I would’ve done!

 

[NHdisneylover]

NO and no.

I got pregnant on our honeymoon and after we told people several members of DH'S family told us we should really wait to have kids so we could travel.
Um, don't you think it's a little late to take that advice even if we wanted to?

People are weird

 

[cruiser21]

No one said anything to me or my wife, but we had a family member who asked everyone and their mother if they should get married, everyone said no don't get married and they did anyway. I've gone as far as saying "are you sure you wanna do this?" but after saying it once, that was it.

Why would they ask if they should get married. If you have to ask other people if you should do something you probably shouldn’t do it. I love the institution of marriage and I’m pro marriage, but that seems odd.

 

[Shanna-like-Banana]

Not directly to my face, but behind my back.....AT my wedding, by my former Sister in Law

She was nasty talking about us in the bathroom at my wedding about how it wouldn't last, it was all for show, she only gave us X amount of time. We've been married 16 years, every year on our anniversary I wanna say ....Pay Up.

She went on to marry my brother on 5 months later. They had a daughter together, my brother is an amazing father. She went on to cheat on him, broke up her marriage, ended up marrying the guy she cheated with, and is now divorced from him only made it 4 year, by cheating .........

 

[Erzengel]

Why would they ask if they should get married. If you have to ask other people if you should do something you probably shouldn’t do it. I love the institution of marriage and I’m pro marriage, but that seems odd.

I think he was looking for validation for his decision, personally? But, he asked at least 4 different family members. They don't have the happiest of marriages now but maybe at the time he just felt he needed a push?

 

[PigletsPal2]

Before he would perform a ceremony, our pastor insisted on pre-marital counseling. Although he never came right out and said "Don't get married," he did encourage us to think hard about it because we were "so young" (19 and 21) and maybe we should wait until we had known each other a little longer. "How long?" asked DH innocently. "Well, maybe five years," replied the pastor. "We've known each other for 16 years, since she was three and I was five. Is that long enough?" As he recovered from the shock of DH's response, the pastor said "Well, I guess you know each other as well as you're going to without getting married. I think this counseling session is over!"

Anyone who thought it wouldn't last was greatly surprised when we celebrated 52 years of marriage last May.

Queen Colleen