Well then YOU make dinner...

[Wishing on a star]

And, again....
I have, definitely, BTDT with a child who had bona-fide eating disorder issues as a toddler.

And, I have also BTDT with inlaws who are controlling in that way.

I remember sitting at the dinner table... Me in a full set of braces, and DS (remember the eating issues) snaggle tooth with half of his baby-teeth out.... and FIL had to make a big issue that corn should be eaten right off the cob. (not cut off the cob..) And he was very specific about doing this RIGHT at the dinner table while we are trying to eat and feed our bodies, and right while I had my knife in hand, cutting some corn off the cob for my son.

The details of every bite of food and how one prefers to consume it should NEVER be a battleground.

 

[mjkacmom]

One family member did not care for the gravy...
One family member wanted extra potatos.
And THAT is what the OP "went off" about????

Yes, in this case, if one re-reads the original post, it is, very clearly, all about control.
Control of every single little bite that was plated and consumed, and how exactly it was consumed.

I agree. With 7 of us, of course some of us are going to dislike things others like. I have a hard time keeping track of who likes ketchup vs. mustard, who likes gravy and who doesn't, who likes what vegetables (usually safe with broccoli and salad). Who wants cheese on their salad? Who wants gravy on their potatoes? Butter or sour cream? Vinegar (I know, weird family, most like vinegar on potato items).

As for this dinner, I have never had a hamburger patty with gravy - could be good? I like potatoes, and almost all vegetables. The vegetables served at this meal, however, were in the category of veggies I don't like (add creamed corn and brussel sprouts, and that's all that I don't eat).

 

[GaSleepingBeautyFan]

OP, I feel your pain.

I have told my family (and before I had kids - just my husband who would complain), I'm not a short order cook. Eat what is on your plate or go make a peanut butter sandwich. I started telling the kids that since they were 4.
I don't do things like put on gravy or sauce on spaghetti or dressing on salads because sometimes they want something and sometimes they don't.

But the type of vegs or type of meat, that I don't want to hear complaints about.

What I've always found extra annoying is every week I ask them what they would like for dinners all week and lunches on the weekend. They always go "I don't know". and then they have the nerve to complain about what is made.

I have gone on strike and taught the kids how to cook so they had to do it for a few days. It was sooooo nice. They didn't complain as much for awhile after that.

 

[Nancyg56]

Sorry, but I have to clarify here, and to whole heartedly disagree.


One family member did not care for the gravy...
One family member wanted extra potatos.
And THAT is what the OP "went off" about????

Yes, in this case, if one re-reads the original post, it is, very clearly, all about control.
Control of every single little bite that was plated and consumed, and how exactly it was consumed.

I read the OP and while I would have hoped that I did not overreact at a mealtime when I thought I made a dinner all would like I did not see a control issue. I saw a mom who clearly had a vision of everyone liking her meal and POOF! I really did not reach to that place where control of food was the problem and chose to believe the Op when she explained why she freaked out.

I was married to a man whose family was strange about food. To the point that I refused to eat there. If you thought the OP was controlling because she went off about the gravy and potatoes then you would have thought that my FIL was over the top controlling. I loved DMIL and DFIL but Holy compulsive Batman! When it came to dinner they made this gal look like a food pusher! I realize that we all see things differently so I disagree that she wanted to control every bite of food. I think she wanted to all sit down and hear that her meal was good and they all liked it. Instead she heard a chorus of complaints before they even started.

The details of every bite of food and how one prefers to consume it should NEVER be a battleground.

I agree with this. It seemed to me that once the OP heard some suggestion to make mealtimes more of a pleasant time she immediately decided to try some. I don't think she wanted a battleground so she was not defensive, she simply tried to explain what she was thinking and why she reacted the way that she did. I would like to think that if I shared one episode of Life in NancyG Land and pretty much demonstrated that on this occasion I was "That Parent" admitted that I was upset and why and then tried to explain what I was thinking that I would be taken at face value. I think that is what happened t the OP. SHe was That Mom that night and was still frustrated when she vented to us.

 

[apnep]

And, again....
I have, definitely, BTDT with a child who had bona-fide eating disorder issues as a toddler.

And, I have also BTDT ...

Sorry, what is BTDT?? Bolemia?

I stated that I did accomodate him by serving him another plate as requested. I didn't lose it until after he got up to put gravy on his plate again. Had he tasted it, he would have agreed that he liked it. All I'm saying is, try it before you complain.

It was a weak moment for me to lose it, and one which I did apologize for today BTW. We already talked it out and got over it.

Lots of other people get frustrated especially when they are doing all the cooking, as we have read from the other posters. The only thing I ask is that they taste it first. I made the effort for them, they can make the effort for me and that's all...sorry about your food issues, it must have been difficult for you.

I want to add that my kids are great eaters. They eat almost everything I cook. One doesn't care for sweet potatoes, another carrots, another squash, so I don't serve them those things. I will make them for me and offer, but they don't have to eat them. They eat cod, halibut, shrimp, salmon, tuna steak, beef, pork, chicken, turkey, and love all sorts of veggies their dad won't touch! I know what everyone will and won't eat, but I'm not a short order cook. Weak moment. I am going to let go of serving and let everyone serve themselves. This seems like a good idea. I was merely venting because at the moment I felt unappreciated and wanted Calgon to take me away. Just minor failed moment in the adventure of parenting. That's all.

 

[Goofyluver]

Sorry, what is BTDT?? Bolemia?

I stated that I did accomodate him by serving him another plate as requested. I didn't lose it until after he got up to put gravy on his plate again. Had he tasted it, he would have agreed that he liked it. All I'm saying is, try it before you complain.

It was a weak moment for me to lose it, and one which I did apologize for today BTW. We already talked it out and got over it.

Lots of other people get frustrated especially when they are doing all the cooking, as we have read from the other posters. The only thing I ask is that they taste it first. I made the effort for them, they can make the effort for me and that's all...sorry about your food issues, it must have been difficult for you.

I want to add that my kids are great eaters. They eat almost everything I cook. One doesn't care for sweet potatoes, another carrots, another squash, so I don't serve them those things. I will make them for me and offer, but they don't have to eat them. They eat cod, halibut, shrimp, salmon, tuna steak, beef, pork, chicken, turkey, and love all sorts of veggies their dad won't touch! I know what everyone will and won't eat, but I'm not a short order cook. Weak moment. I am going to let go of serving and let everyone serve themselves. This seems like a good idea. I was merely venting because at the moment I felt unappreciated and wanted Calgon to take me away. Just minor failed moment in the adventure of parenting. That's all.

BTDT= Been there, done that.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

For the record, I couldn't disagree more with the assertion from some in this thread that this is a control issue. Whatever.

It really is about not feeling appreciated. There's a difference between saying, "You know, I just don't care for _______" and throwing a fit about how something is served to you, or being unappreciative in general.

Geez. Turning the OP into some control freak who's obsessed with food and dragging in eating disorders?

All I see is what every parent deals with at times...feeling unappreciated. Period.

 

[Wishing on a star]

Ohhhh, BTDT - Been There Done That.

I was just saying that I have indeed BTDT and experienced this issue from both sides...

My son, who was seriously eating disorder as a tiny toddler.
And, my inlaws, who are exactly as the one above poster just described.

Imagine trying to have supper with my son and his eating issues at their house!!!!!

The last time I ever spoke to my FIL was the day he verbally and practically physically attacked me because I asked DH to help me nuke a potato for our little DS, as he, very simply, would have gone hungry. I did not complain or say ONE word... but, there was simply no way that he was eating what she was serving. Potato salad... her potato salad is like chopped eggs, doused with sweet pickle relish, and a little mashed potatoes thrown in to be able to call it 'potato salad'.

The minute they saw what we were doing, all heck broke loose.
When my little DS asked to be excused from the table (how many 5 or 6 year olds are really nice and respectful and mature enough to do that....) My FIL went at my little son, demanding in his tone of voice "What is wrong..." Like, what is wrong with you....

Anyhow....
I can see the venting. Sometimes a little word or action can be enough.
But, lighten up!!!!!!
If you want them to respect you, you have to respect them enough to give them a little breathing room on their personal eating preferences.

 

[Wishing on a star]

All I see is what every parent deals with at times...feeling unappreciated. Period.

Feeling appreciated should not have anything, at all, ever, to do with eating/food preferences.
That is really the whole underlying point here.

When we are talking "slap somebody upside the head", and "going off", because maybe somebody wanted to hold the gravy, or extra potatoes.

 

[krcit]

BTDT= Been there, done that.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

For the record, I couldn't disagree more with the assertion from some in this thread that this is a control issue. Whatever.

It really is about not feeling appreciated. There's a difference between saying, "You know, I just don't care for _______" and throwing a fit about how something is served to you, or being unappreciative in general.

Geez. Turning the OP into some control freak who's obsessed with food and dragging in eating disorders?

All I see is what every parent deals with at times...feeling unappreciated. Period.

I agree. Not every 'issue' within a family is an 'issue'. Sometimes it's just a vent to get something off your chest and find someone with a sympathetic ear.

 

[WowLookAtThat]

Ah, I'm sorry OP. Believe me, I would have ate the food. It sounds good!

 

[apnep]

Ohhhh, BTDT - Been There Done That.

....

Anyhow....
I can see the venting. Sometimes a little word or action can be enough.
But, lighten up!!!!!!
If you want them to respect you, you have to respect them enough to give them a little breathing room on their personal eating preferences.

Bahahahahhaaa! What an idiot I am! Been There Done That= Bolemia? Hahahahahahaa!

Sorry... yes, lightening up. Thanks.

 

[Goofyluver]

Feeling appreciated should not have anything, at all, ever, to do with eating/food preferences.
That is really the whole underlying point here.

When we are talking "slap somebody upside the head", and "going off", because maybe somebody wanted to hold the gravy, or extra potatoes.

Yes, it absolutey can. Dinner isn't made by magic fairies.

I think some folks are projecting.

Because what's "underlying" here, is that this mother had a moment of frustration where she felt unappreciated. I thought you'd been there, done that?

When you work hard to present a meal and what you're immediately greeted with is complaints and whining, you tend to feel unappreciated.

I think the implications running through the thread and whispers of "eating disorders" are absolutely ridiculous.

 

[apnep]

Yes, it absolutey can. Dinner isn't made by magic fairies.

The only magic fairies making dinner are the Disneyworld Resort fairies. haha! Yes, let's all lighten up. I was just venting and thank you all for letting me do it.

I got some fabulous suggestions and will be using them. Goodnight all!!

Thanks again to my Disboard family!

 

[ReneeA]

Yes, it absolutey can. Dinner isn't made by magic fairies.

I think some folks are projecting.

Because what's "underlying" here, is that this mother had a moment of frustration where she felt unappreciated. I thought you'd been there, done that?

When you work hard to present a meal and what you're immediately greeted with is complaints and whining, you tend to feel unappreciated.

I think the implications running through the thread and whispers of "eating disorders" are absolutely ridiculous.

Absolutely. There are posters here with very well documented family dysfunction that project their issues into all the threads they post on. It gets old, and certainly becomes assumed that they'll be here...diagnosing!

OP, I totally sympathize. We don't have a ton of food issues in our house, but I've gotten to the point that I try not to care when it does happen. As long as everyone tries what's on their plate, I'm happy. If they don't eat enough to fill up, then they are free to grab a bowl of cereal later.

 

[aprilgail2]

I cook for three people and many times cook 3 different meals! I don't eat red meat, fish or pork, grandma loves fish and red meat, my daughter only eats pork and chicken so at times I make gram fish, my daughter pork and me something else. I try to get one or two things each meal that everyone will eat so sometimes its artichokes since we all like those or peas but sometimes there are three different plates of food. I don't see the point of giving someone something that they don't like to eat just because I like to eat it. When I buy meat or fish I just break it down into one serving sizes and freeze the rest so its not like any is going to waste-just have to pull it out and cook the one serving of it.
Last night I made salmon for gram, chicken and artichokes for my daughter and a bean burrito for me.

 

[NHdisneylover]

OP--I am really impressed with your attitude on this thread and your willingness to try some of the suggestions posted And yes, we all have our moments when life just gets to be too much and it seems like it is always a minor thing that is the last straw

 

[ZephyrHawk]

My huge dinnertime issue is when I tell everyone it's time for dinner and to come to the table. Everyone who was bugging me about "When's Dinner?" scatters and I hear crickets as I sit alone at the table. I've tried 5 minute warnings, etc. and nothing seems to fix this.

My husband used to have this issue. Then I realized what the problem was. It's that I was raised that it's not polite to eat before everyone is served and ready, so I was waiting around for him getting hungry. However, it is also rude to not come to the table when dinner is ready. So, I decided the rudeness cancelled out. If DH is not there when I set food down, I eat without him. If that means he eats his dinner cold and alone, then he does. I haven't had any issues with him delaying coming to the table in years.

Feeling appreciated should not have anything, at all, ever, to do with eating/food preferences.
That is really the whole underlying point here.

Well, I agree with you to the point that moms (and dads, as the case may be) should not feel as though appreciation of their food is something that is necessary for them to attain. Their family should appreciate them and their effort regardless of how good or bad their cooking may be. However, should kids be encouraged to eat stuff they don't like? Yes, I think that's an important part of their socialization. My parents struggled for years with my food aversions (which I've completely grown out of now, so don't lose hope parents!), but ultimately it took me going away to camp to learn to start trying new things. Once I finally realized that no one else in the world cared if I didn't like something, and that my ultimate choices were "learn to like it or go hungry", I started learning to like a lot more things fast.

And as for kids expressing food preferences. I'm sorry, I make the food, I decide what goes into it, and I make what I like. If you don't like it, learn to cook your own meals. Oh, and go out and buy the ingredients yourself while you're at it. I'm not spending my life bending over backwards to accomodate you.

 

[happywanderer2]

In the olden days my mom would serve the food family style and everyone took as much as they wanted-but you better have put at least a little of everything on you plate and finish what you did have on your plate. My father insisted that we at least try everything. After dinner he always, and I mean ALWAYS, told my mom that dinner was great and thanked her for it. Eventually we all got in the habit of doing that too--and most of the times we meant it--mom was a great cook!

 

[LSmith]

OP, Excuse me, I'm addressing posts by others on this thread, if you don't mind.

Personally, I think that the whole making kids try all different kinds of foods against their will and making them finish everything that is on their plates is a huge reason why so many people are obese these days.

People should eat until they've had enough food and not until the food is all gone.

Why is it a badge of honour for some parents who brag that their kids will eat "everything"? My kids are somewhat "picky". They don't like most sauces, gravy or condiments of any kind. Why would I force them to eat things like ketchup or relish or mayo or whatever? They hate fat and deep fried, greasy foods. They are offered healthy foods at home and can select and help themselves to what they want to eat based on this if they don't care for the meals I prepare.

Also, why do adults get to decide what they like and don't like but kids aren't allowed to have a voice? We need to respect their decisions, and I'm not talking about letting them eat chicken nuggets and hot dogs, sugared cereal and other crap.

 

[Wishing on a star]

OP, Excuse me, I'm addressing posts by others on this thread, if you don't mind.

Personally, I think that the whole making kids try all different kinds of foods against their will and making them finish everything that is on their plates is a huge reason why so many people are obese these days.

People should eat until they've had enough food and not until the food is all gone.

Why is it a badge of honour for some parents who brag that their kids will eat "everything"? My kids are somewhat "picky". They don't like most sauces, gravy or condiments of any kind. Why would I force them to eat things like ketchup or relish or mayo or whatever? They hate fat and deep fried, greasy foods. They are offered healthy foods at home and can select and help themselves to what they want to eat based on this if they don't care for the meals I prepare.

Also, why do adults get to decide what they like and don't like but kids aren't allowed to have a voice? We need to respect their decisions, and I'm not talking about letting them eat chicken nuggets and hot dogs, sugared cereal and other crap.

AMEN!!!!