Well then YOU make dinner...

[disykat]

I think the people who think it's all about the OP plating the food are wrong. Sure, when they're old enough, let them plate their own food and that's ONE battle to avoid. However, my family has been doing this for years and there was still unpleasantness at the table IF I ALLOWED IT.

Whether it's at the stove, in serving dishes, on a plate, I'm sure every cook has heard "Oh, yuck - this again!" from their family at some point. The key is not to allow it. They wouldn't do it if they were a guest somewhere, so they shouldn't do it to you.

I think mtmn had a good suggestion about letting them have input into the meals. We've had good luck with that too. However, in our family and probably most families, we have different tastes. We had to do a lot of training with our kids that you don't always get your favorite, sometimes you just eat what you have.

It's much easier as a cook to hear the kids coming up with ways to make pleasant suggestions for other meals rather than telling you they hate what you made that night.

As they get older and experience people not enjoying their menu selections or things they've cooked themselves, they'll start to naturally get it. But until then, you need to teach appropriate behavior.

I stick by my earlier suggestion of any complaining at the table means your plate gets put in the fridge in case you have a change of heart later and you get sent from the table.

 

[kinntj]

I agree, make it easy on yourself and let them plate their own food at the stove. Everyone wins!

I think I'll try this for my kids. I have similar problems with my kids and this sounds like good advice.

 

[apnep]

...list that week's meals every sunday night, so they could see exactly what we were having each night for the week. ...

"suggestions for future meals" and that is where the kids can list the foods they would love to see show up on the menu sometime.

...for the op, I agree about what others have said about allowing the kids to plate their own food. at least try it as an experiment and see if that helps. can't hurt, right?

Every week before I shop, I ask everyone to give me dinner suggestions and this helps a lot. I used to list out the menu plan for the week and everyone liked that, but I got side tracked and stopped. I was thinking just the other day of putting one up again so they could see what we were having.

Lots of suggestion to let them serve themselves. I'm going to do this. I am plating because I want to make sure they get a bit of everything and the right portions, but as long as everyone is aware they need to balance the plate, I think y'all are right, this is part of learning to eat healthy. It would allow me to sit at the table with everyone, enter the conversation sooner, and start relaxing.

DH and I talked about it last night because I was still irked and he suggested we all cook more together, and while this sounds great in theory, during the week when we are in a time crunch, it's not ideal because I don't want to spend 15 minutes explaining how to do something when I could be done. I do ask for help with easy tasks soemtimes. But, we are going to make an effort with cooking more together on the weekends, and that way they can learn and apply that knowledge when they are more efficient. I even suggested that they all take turns and try to cook very easy meals.

Oh, and DH was right, he brought up that not EVERYONE was complaining, it was really just DS8 and we just need to "train" him more. The other two weren't complaining, but DS8 is driving me nuts these days with his constant requests. DS14 is just always hungry, and DD10 -- well, she didn't even say anything, she was just eating. Haha!

Thank you all for the responses. I appreciate the sympathy and the great ideas!

We will do dinner tonight as the Cleavers did, everyone help themselves!

 

[kinntj]

I stick by my earlier suggestion of any complaining at the table means your plate gets put in the fridge in case you have a change of heart later and you get sent from the table.

I think I may try this too and my post above. My almost 8 year old loves to complain about food, even if it's stuff she normally would eat. I'm over it already.

 

[apnep]

Excuse me, but my Maine Coon cat Sophia:

is my best dinner guest. She's a shameless mooch, and begs at the table every time I eat. She'll eat most anything I give her. Here she is with her own plate of the bread pudding I made a few Thanksgivings ago:

which I had to hide from her in the cabinet. She spent three hours meeping and just about throwing herself at the cabinet door to get at it.

Love it! So funny. My cat is major beggar too.

 

[apnep]

In my house, nobody starts eating until we all sit down and say grace. But, if anyone wants seconds they have to get it themselves. Once it cooked and put on a plate; I am done.

This is how I've be doing it too.

 

[Talking Hands]

I saw the best sign yesterday and it expressed the policy in our house exactly.

"Today's Menu
Take it or leave it."

If they don't like what I am serving now they are grown they are free to go and buy a meal at a fast food place or restaurant. I cater to no one.

 

[disneyred]

I feel for you 200% , been there .....

 

[apnep]

Wow, some people have some serious food-control issues.

I might. DH's family are all obese. And I mean OBESE. And I mean ALL of them. I am trying hard to teach my kids balance, portion, and healthy.

It wasn't the fact that he didn't WANT the gravy, but he didn't even taste it and then he got up 10 seconds later and put gravy it!

I could also be pre-menopausal. I probably did overreact.

 

[LSmith]

Every week before I shop, I ask everyone to give me dinner suggestions and this helps a lot. I used to list out the menu plan for the week and everyone liked that, but I got side tracked and stopped. I was thinking just the other day of putting one up again so they could see what we were having.

Lots of suggestion to let them serve themselves. I'm going to do this. I am plating because I want to make sure they get a bit of everything and the right portions, but as long as everyone is aware they need to balance the plate, I think y'all are right, this is part of learning to eat healthy. It would allow me to sit at the table with everyone, enter the conversation sooner, and start relaxing.

DH and I talked about it last night because I was still irked and he suggested we all cook more together, and while this sounds great in theory, during the week when we are in a time crunch, it's not ideal because I don't want to spend 15 minutes explaining how to do something when I could be done. I do ask for help with easy tasks soemtimes. But, we are going to make an effort with cooking more together on the weekends, and that way they can learn and apply that knowledge when they are more efficient. I even suggested that they all take turns and try to cook very easy meals.

Oh, and DH was right, he brought up that not EVERYONE was complaining, it was really just DS8 and we just need to "train" him more. The other two weren't complaining, but DS8 is driving me nuts these days with his constant requests. DS14 is just always hungry, and DD10 -- well, she didn't even say anything, she was just eating. Haha!

Thank you all for the responses. I appreciate the sympathy and the great ideas!

We will do dinner tonight as the Cleavers did, everyone help themselves!

This is not to be rude but a hamburger patty with pan gravy and mashed potatoes is not exactly healthy food. Throwing in peas/carrots and a cucumber salad does not make it well balanced. It's like ordering a salad with your Big Mac.

Kids don't always like extras like sauces and gravies and we should learn from them.

 

[apnep]

I must be the mean mom If my first 5 kids complained about the food on their plates they got an extra portion of that food. If they did not finish dinner no dessert and I have been known to wrap it up and save it for their next meal. They were allowed one food to dislike and I would not serve that to them but those foods did not appear every meal. Now I only have #6 at home and she has the same rules. Last night we had spinach (I only gave her a tablespoon) she almost complained but caught herself and at it first so it was off her plate.

Wow, you are hardcore! Haha! Lately if my oldest sees something on his plate he isn't fond of, he has been "Fear-Factoring" it. It kind of cracks me up but at least he eats it.

 

[apnep]

It isn't necessarily about control...until they learn to appreciate that I made an effort to do so.

It was definitely more about this last night than anything else. I put effort into the meals I make right down to presentation. I want them to try new things, if they try it and don't like it, OK, I understand it takes a while to like something or you may never like it. But at least try it. I know not everyone is going to enjoy everything everytime.

I do think it is a little about control too though. So, I realize that I could alleviate some of this by letting everyone help themselves. I needed people to point that out for me. They can't learn if they aren't given a chance to right?

 

[apnep]

This is not to be rude but a hamburger patty with pan gravy and mashed potatoes is not exactly healthy food. Throwing in peas/carrots and a cucumber salad does not make it well balanced. It's like ordering a salad with your Big Mac.

Kids don't always like extras like sauces and gravies and we should learn from them.

Hahaha! Touche. I knew someone would call me on that burger. It wasn't smothered just drizzled with gravy. Yes, I know, but we still gotta live a little. Would it help if I told you it was lean meat and none of the items were processed except the flour I put in the gravy? Last week I made chicken with "spaghetti" (really thinly jullianed zucchini) with snowpeas and carrots in a peanut sauce that everyone loved. I even tricked DH into eating it and he liked it! Of course when I laughed and told him it was squash he would have no more of it.

We eat ALL sorts of things in this house. MOSTLY healthy and I have been focusing on clean foods. Sometimes we slip a little, everything is a balance.

 

[apnep]

I am going to try the self-serve-menu-posting-everyone-help-cook-it suggestions.

I'll catch up and let you know how things go in a week! Thanks again!!

 

[Nancyg56]

DH and I talked about it last night because I was still irked and he suggested we all cook more together, and while this sounds great in theory, during the week when we are in a time crunch, it's not ideal because I don't want to spend 15 minutes explaining how to do something when I could be done. I do ask for help with easy tasks soemtimes. But, we are going to make an effort with cooking more together on the weekends, and that way they can learn and apply that knowledge when they are more efficient. I even suggested that they all take turns and try to cook very easy meals.

Oh, and DH was right, he brought up that not EVERYONE was complaining, it was really just DS8 and we just need to "train" him more. The other two weren't complaining, but DS8 is driving me nuts these days with his constant requests. DS14 is just always hungry, and DD10 -- well, she didn't even say anything, she was just eating. Haha!

Oh it was clear that you were just frustrated that you made dinner and before the first bite was consumed there were COMPLAINTS!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! All it takes is one whiner to put a frazzled Mom over the edge and your boy knew exactly how to do it. BTDT!

It really is easier to make the meal alone but you could get help in other ways. DH always liked to have his "greens" with dinner so i always served a salad. Back then lettuce would not keep well over a day or so but today the greens are awesome! Pick out an assortment of dark leafy greens, some sweet onions, celery and carrots, peppers etc. Show the kids how to prepare them or get them ready ahead of time. Prepare an assortment of veggies to add and store in those lock and lock things. Each night one kid can customize the salad. Another can set the table or choose the subject to start the conversation. Maybe one can help make a dessert over the weekend to serve after dinner. It doesn't need to be sweet, just something extra after the meal is done that one chooses.

I would caution about forcing kids to eat or they have an extra portion for complaining. Yeah.............i did that and honestly it did nto work and I believe it may have backfired. We all struggle with weight isssues in my family so I thought I was oing the right thing but live and learn

good luck!

I might. DH's family are all obese. And I mean OBESE. And I mean ALL of them. I am trying hard to teach my kids balance, portion, and healthy.

It wasn't the fact that he didn't WANT the gravy, but he didn't even taste it and then he got up 10 seconds later and put gravy it!

I could also be pre-menopausal. I probably did overreact.

 

[doxdogy]

Years ago I had two picky eaters living with us, my FIL and a good friend. No food allergies, just picky. FIL would only eat Kraft Deluxe Mac and Cheese. I would fix the cheap stuff and add some sliced cheese and tell him it was Kraft Deluxe. He ate it and said it was so good. Our friend only ate cheese on pizza and that is it. Anytime I made sloppy joes, I put his on a different plate and told them they had no cheese. Ate them with no problem.

 

[TB'sWidow]

Sorry for your ungrateful family Op but your dinner sounds YUMMY!

 

[RunDanceSkate]

DH and I talked about it last night because I was still irked and he suggested we all cook more together, and while this sounds great in theory, during the week when we are in a time crunch, it's not ideal because I don't want to spend 15 minutes explaining how to do something when I could be done. I do ask for help with easy tasks soemtimes. But, we are going to make an effort with cooking more together on the weekends, and that way they can learn and apply that knowledge when they are more efficient. I even suggested that they all take turns and try to cook very easy meals.

We share the cooking at our house and have since the kids were at least 7 or 8. Not sure what age exactly since it just evolved.

How it works at our house. We have over 35 meals on 4X6 cards. These are in one of 2 holders on the fridge. Each contains a meal that at least 2 out of the 4 of us like. Some meals are similar (i.e. spaghetti with spinach pasta sauce and garden salad vs penne with 4 cheese sauce and caesar salad) Some are very simple (hot dogs, french fries, carrot and celery sticks or english muffin pizzas and raw veggies) Every week by Wednesday each person in the house must select 2 meals that they are prepared to make (DH travels every other week so we have 6 meals one week and eight the next)

Each card contains the ingredients and I go shopping on Thurs or Fri (new week starts Sat). Once a meal has been prepared we put the "used" card in the 2nd holder. Once we get down to less then 6 cards, the pile starts over. Who cooks, which night is decided the night before and it depends on who has what activity, DD usually cooks Mon and Tues because those days neither DS nor I get home until 6pm. By deciding the night before stuff can be moved to the fridge to defrost.

DS is the most likely to introduce a new food, when he finds a recipe that interest him, he puts it on a card and makes it next chance he gets. If it is liked the card stays in the pile, not great he may try again the next month, awful and the card is ripped up.

I just counted and what started as 28 cards a few years ago has grown to 57 solid recipes. Actually not all of them are recipes, 1 says Subway, 1 says take-out pizza, another has take-out chicken.

 

[Mickey Fliers]

I hear ya, OP!

When my step-brother was 8, he constantly complained that "he didn't like _____" at every meal...before ever trying it. It was the same thing every night.

Brother: What's for dinner?
Mom: Spaghetti, hamburgers, Chicken Cordon Bleu...(insert any food)
Brother: I don't like that.
Mom: *fuming*

Finally, my mom told him that if he said he didn't like something she planned, bought and prepared for him before he even tried it, he was going to wear it. And let me tell you...nothing funnier that an 8 year old crying boy with his head covered in ziti.

 

[Wishing on a star]

It isn't necessarily about control. I don't care if DS, DD, my father, or fiance like or even eat what I make. But the day they become UNGRATEFUL for the time and effort I put into making them healthy meals is the day I stop cooking for them until they learn to appreciate that I made an effort to do so.

Sorry, but I have to clarify here, and to whole heartedly disagree.

Look again at the original post...
Look at what was said...
NOT things like, "Not this nasty food again..." or "I want pizza/chicken nuggets....."
NOT "I don't like that and I am not even going to try it..."

There is no room for question here.

One family member did not care for the gravy...
One family member wanted extra potatos.
And THAT is what the OP "went off" about????

Yes, in this case, if one re-reads the original post, it is, very clearly, all about control.
Control of every single little bite that was plated and consumed, and how exactly it was consumed.