Wedding Food Issue

[jrmasm]

Thanks, now I need corn chips and salsa.



But being invited to a wedding is not the same as inviting people for a meal. At a meal, the meal is the important part. At a wedding, the wedding is the important part, and the "meal," or any food served at all, is just a bonus.

The ceremony and reception are two different things. Have you been to a lot of receptions (of any kind) that didn't have food?

 

[CurlyGirl]

I like how you put "something better" in quotes. Really? Fast food is 'better' than what was offered at the wedding? Interesting...

Those were the exact words of the guests who ducked out to get food and that's the reason I put them in quotes. The quotes don't show my opinion. Had you read the entire original post, you would've read that I ate and enjoyed the vegan food (with the exception of the faux Italian sausage because it was dry).

 

[FireDancer]

Thanks, now I need corn chips and salsa.

If you have a Trader Joe's around you try the Veggie & Flaxseed Tortilla Chips. They are a very good alternative to standard corn chips.

 

[SaraJayne]

I am not sure I have ever eaten German potato salad actually! But the recipe sounds a bit "tangy" with the vinegar and the mustard seeds. (Bobby Flay's recipe).

I would probably prefer "regular" too!

It is "tangy"...and I don't like vinegar. It can be served either hot or cold.

 

[CurlyGirl]

I assume most people knew the couple were vegans? Suck it up. If you aren't adventureous to try one vegetarian meal, then shame on the adults. When and why did we all become such picky eaters?

You assume wrong. I stated earlier that the bride was eating beef, chicken, and pork at her shower 2 mos. prior to the wedding.

 

[CurlyGirl]

I think that poster put something better in quotes because she didn't think fast food was better. I could be wrong though.

Although the guests used those exact words and that's why I used quotes, you are still 100000% correct, Disneyfav!!! I didn't think that fast food was better (personally) and stated that I ate and enjoyed the food and thought the people who left were crazy! The food was really good (again, except the faux sausage)!

 

[stargazer2892]

I can see it both ways. It is their wedding, deal with it. Like people have said we (meat eaters) are just fine not eating meat or animal products for one meal. It will not kill us. However when DH and I planned our wedding we took into consideration our guests, we had a few Vegetarians and one Pesatarian. So we accommodated their needs accordingly. The Pesatarian is currently planning her wedding and is going to put steak or chicken on the menu because she realizes that not everyone likes fish. It is also very expensive to make just a few vegan foods when the rest of the meal isn't, since caterers normally buy food in larger quantities to keep cost down. It may not have been financially doable to make just two or three meals vegan, and not let the couple enjoy the same food everyone else is. I'm sure it gets VERY old having to be the "odd man out" all the time. I know would.

 

[Conservative Hippie]

If you have a Trader Joe's around you try the Veggie & Flaxseed Tortilla Chips. They are a very good alternative to standard corn chips.

My favorite is Food Should Taste Good lime chips.

 

[A_Princess'_Daddy]

A pescetarian is a vegetarian THAT EATS FISH.

I'm not sure if the head banging on the wall is aimed at my response, so if it's not, or was meant in bemusement at the irony of the PP's carnivorous vegetarianism, excuse my snarky response:

A pescetarian is a carnivore that only eats fish/seafood. Vegetarian pescetarian is an irreconcilable oxymoron.

 

[disneyfav4ever]

I'm not sure if the head banging on the wall is aimed at my response, so if it's not, or was meant in bemusement at the irony of the PP's carnivorous vegetarianism, excuse my snarky response:

A pescetarian is a carnivore that only eats fish/seafood. Vegetarian pescetarian is an irreconcilable oxymoron.

A pescetarian is an omnivore who only eats fish/seafood and no other meat, as well as fruits, veggies, grains, etc, carnivore would mean no veggies and just an 100% meat diet.

 

[A_Princess'_Daddy]

A pescetarian is an omnivore who only eats fish/seafood and no other meat, as well as fruits, veggies, grains, etc, carnivore would mean no veggies and just an 100% meat diet.

Yes, you are correct. I was so amused by the notion of a vegetarian who eats meat that I didn't get my own terms correct (although technically carnivore derives from the taxonomic order Carnivora, which includes flesh eating mammals and does not specifically disclaim those animals eating other food sources).

 

[LuluLovesDisney]

In this particular case it wasn't about animal ethics. I don't think its rude to leave for food, is there some rule saying you have to stay to the end? You can leave for whatever reason and whenever you want.

You can leave whenever you want, but it doesn't mean that some people won't think it is rude if you leave early. I said you can leave early, but if you leave as soon as the food is brought out because you don't like it, I think it is wrong. I believe people should put celebrating with people first. But, no, of course there are no rules when it comes to etiquette- just lots of opinions and emotions.

 

[disneyfav4ever]

Yes, you are correct. I was so amused by the notion of a vegetarian who eats meat that I didn't get my own terms correct (although technically carnivore derives from the taxonomic order Carnivora, which includes flesh eating mammals and does not specifically disclaim those animals eating other food sources).

I don't know, I don't think it's that odd that someone wouldn't have a problem eating fish, I may go back to eating fish myself, because I have a low tolerance for soy, but ethically, I would rather eat fish then dairy.

 

[bumbershoot]

Actually, I think the majority heard vegan and thought "Ewww".

It's amazing how much that word affects the taste buds of some people. Some people will enjoy the heck out of something until the moment they find out it's vegan. I once served a chocolate pie (made with tofu instead of dairy) without labelling it at a potluck, and those who knew it was tofu (b/c we'd talked about it beforehand, or they asked about it) hated the tastes they took, but those who didn't know (b/c they didn't ask or I wasn't around when they served themselves) loved it. Weird.

But that was an accidental serving-without-telling...I don't like tricking people about food. People have the right to know EXACTLY what they are eating, IMO.

According to another cousin, they went vegan right before the wedding for health reasons and not animal ethics.

DH did a macrobiotic diet for health reasons; saved his life. So I can see why they did such a sudden change, if they have something serious going on.

And, actually, the food nearly sounds macrobiotic to me...the potatoes and eggplant wouldn't have been on the list for DH, but that's b/c he had the added need to avoid nightshade-based plants like those. The soy'con (as we call it around here) doesn't go along with it, though but other than that...


Also, the QUICK change, especially since you said it was a formal, sit-down dinner type reception place, makes me think that that's the other reason why it was so focused on spicy/extra flavorful types of foods. It might be the only thing the reception hall knew to make for that sort of dietary need.

It's a wedding - of course there were children there. Not ALL weddings are no-children allowed weddings. Geez - I leave out one friggin detail and you throw a fit?

Well, to be honest, the details have been doled out fairly slowly throughout the thread. It could have all been put up front, but details have been given in individual replies.

I don't know why they didn't have cake. Could be that they just don't like cake.

Possible. I have a friend who had a dessert reception, but they didn't want to pay the extra for a cake. So it was just dessert-type things, without cake, and the cake was just blaringly obviously GONE...I really wanted cake. (especially since a lot of her dessert things weren't vegetarian, involving gelatin in them).

Seeing how the bride ate ground beef, chicken and pulled pork from the taco bar 2 months before the wedding at her bridal shower, I don't know what would've possibly given me the idea that this would be a vegan reception. Nobody knew they had changed their eating style within the two months since the shower. At least not any of the extended family (cousins, aunts/uncles).

And I grew up with the bride. I know her quite well, thankyouverymuch. Had no idea that the wedding would be vegan. She just said "buffet". Vegan didn't come up once. Had she mentioned it was vegan fare, or took up a vegan lifestyle, I'm sure people who didn't care for vegan food would've eaten prior to the wedding and woudn't have snuck out.

Most fancy reception halls require menu to be settled well in advance. If they only changed their eating habits, because of health needs, inside of 2 months, when would there have been time to let everyone know?

If the health reasons are scary enough, like my husband's was, and yet they haven't told relatives what's happening, then they were obviously under a HUGE amount of stress and either didn't think to let people know, or just didn't have the time.


Side-note: DH works with a whole lot of guys either from or still in India, most of whom are Hindu. They've all talked a great deal about diet, and apart from *no cow*, the restrictions on food in India are extremely diverse. At one table, during a business dinner, one guy was strictly vegetarian because of his region's traditions, another guy ate all sorts of meat b/c of his region's traditions, and another was sort of in the middle. All very interesting. That was based on you saying you would expect no meat at a Hindu wedding...you may very well find meat there...but of course, no cow.


******
We're vegetarian, and while we will provide meat for guests now (we have bought meat pizzas, and we got turkey subs for the omnivores at DS's birthday party the other week), it took us years to get to that point. Our wedding was strictly vegetarian, and the only consideration other than ours that we took into account was a friend's incredible hatred for mushrooms. Made sure there were two mushroom-free dishes there.

Everyone raved, and ate a ton. But we had a great place making our food, and they make vegetarian stuff ALL the time. They are quite good at it.

But the couple in this case had to make a change at what's nearly the last minute, when talking about wedding reception sites and kitchens, and it seems they either have some extreme restrictions, OR it's all the kitchen knew how to do.

I'm glad that those who didn't want to eat there were able to get food. (our reception place was "attached" to a restaurant, so if someone had been upset they could have gone up there and gotten something else...same with hard liquor, which we did not provide) And then I'd just wish them the best in their marriage AND health, and move along.

 

[FredinFL]

Reputable places will be more than happy to make a special meal for someone with special concerns. If this was a "health reason" they could easily have made vegan for the Bride and Groom and had a couple of regular dishes for the guests.

 

[CurlyGirl]

DH did a macrobiotic diet for health reasons; saved his life. So I can see why they did such a sudden change, if they have something serious going on.

The health issues were that the couple wanted to lose a few pounds and eat healthier. They thought going vegan would help with that, according to bride's sister who told me this today. Don't think you'd call that a serious health issue.

Also, the QUICK change, especially since you said it was a formal, sit-down dinner type reception place, makes me think that that's the other reason why it was so focused on spicy/extra flavorful types of foods. It might be the only thing the reception hall knew to make for that sort of dietary need.

It was a quick change for them, but not for the caterer. From what I gleaned today, some friend of theirs is in culinary school and her gift was catering the event. The cooking was done a day or two before the wedding and the menu was discussed like a week before the wedding. While the venue was fancy, it's a place that required you to hire your own outside caterer.

Well, to be honest, the details have been doled out fairly slowly throughout the thread. It could have all been put up front, but details have been given in individual replies.

Jeez - I'm taking a pounding on this! Sorry I wasn't so succinct. I know people hate when the OP is edited, so that's why I didn't change anything in the OP. After all, I've seen people say "The rule is to copy the OP in the next post so the author can't go back and edit info.". So, I just added on as questions were asked. I will try to remember every exact detail and try to think of every possible question people might have in advance so they don't have to ask the question or do any further reading. Give me a break -- I wrote it to get it out. I didn't realize that I had to put every single, solitary detail in. I suppose nobody forgets to write stuff around here?

Most fancy reception halls require menu to be settled well in advance. If they only changed their eating habits, because of health needs, inside of 2 months, when would there have been time to let everyone know?

Sorry that I didn't state it sooner, but as I said I've been gleaning a lot post-wedding. While this was a fancy reception hall, it was the kind of place that's a la carte ... where you had to provide your own caterer, table linens, glassware, flatware, dishes, etc. So the caterer was given a change and dealt with it. As I stated, it was a friend who is a cook that did the catering. So, no ... the reception site (and apparently the caterer) didn't need the menu to be settled well in advance.

They could've sent an email, made phone calls, had people spread the word, no?

If the health reasons are scary enough, like my husband's was, and yet they haven't told relatives what's happening, then they were obviously under a HUGE amount of stress and either didn't think to let people know, or just didn't have the time.

Again, no scary health reasons ... just wanting to shed some weight. If I can get an e-vite for the shower, certainly they could've used the same method;ist to jet off an email stating the wedding was vegan? IDK - I think if I were having a different/unusual/non-standard (meaning meat/potato/veg) meal at my wedding, I'd let people know about it. We only knew it would be buffet but didn't know it would be vegan.

Our wedding was strictly vegetarian, and the only consideration other than ours that we took into account was a friend's incredible hatred for mushrooms. Made sure there were two mushroom-free dishes there.

So you'd remove mshrooms from the menu for one non-mushroom friend but wouldn't make compensation for those who liked meat? Interesting (not in a bad way ... just interesting in general sense).

But the couple in this case had to make a change at what's nearly the last minute, when talking about wedding reception sites and kitchens, and it seems they either have some extreme restrictions, OR it's all the kitchen knew how to do.

They discussed menu a week or so before wedding with caterer. It wasn't a last minute change for them.

 

[FredinFL]

In catering time, the week before IS a last minute change. Especially if they are changing from a regular menu to a fully vegan one.

 

[CurlyGirl]

In catering time, the week before IS a last minute change. Especially if they are changing from a regular menu to a fully vegan one.

When I said the menu was discussed the week or two before the wedding, that was the first time they met with the caterer!!

 

[Bob NC]

I haven't read any replies, but, has anyone said this yet:

"I'd never invite people to a wedding if I couldn't afford to serve them meat!!!!"

 

[Wishing on a star]

CurlyGirl, I am glad that you did eat, and enjoy the festivities, without all of the bigger complaining that you have described by some of the guests...

But, really...
None of the additional details, and or back-peddling, or explanation, changes the fact that this was their day, their event, their dime... and they were under no obligation to try to let everyone know what the exact menu would be... get everyones 'complaints' in the days before their joyful event... or even to provide a meal at all.

I don't see how or why they should feel badly enough about their choices to actually 'forewarn' everybody, and start taking the questions and negative flack from narcissitic people with some kind of entitlement mentality.

In fact, I can see them not giving out details beforehand, just for that very reason.
To completely avoid and head off the unnecessary negativity and stress.

Listen, I have planned events for groups that I have been involved with.
One was almost 150 people. Only a couple of people who lived nearby and were there to help with planning were privy to any discussion about the menu(s). In that one case, the hotel that I chose to host our event, which was wonderful in every other way... had this one guy in charge of catering the food, and it was absolutely the worst food that our group has ever been served at our annual events. Even though I KNOW that the year I did the planning went down as the worst food (but the best in most all other ways) NOt ONE SINGLE PERSON is known to me to have complained. And, they even paid for the three catered meals.... It wasn't my wedding, and I did not personally shell out the money to feed everyone.

Anything else is an entitlement mentality, with no question.