Was this the right thing to do??

[TnKrBeLlA012]

My daughter goes to school with her second cousin. My husband is first cousins with the mom. My husband and the mom are not real close but being Italian we go to alot of weddings,parties ect... So we see each other frequently. My daughter is very good friends with the cousin. So last year our daughter's graduated from high school. I sent out invitations and invited the cousin and family to my daughter's graduation party. They came and gave 150.00 for the three of them. I ask my daughter if the cousin is having a party. She says yes. Time goes on and I ask again if the girl is having a party. My daughter says it is the next weekend. At this point we have not received any invitation. I ask if we are invited? She says the mom forgot to mail it but we are invited. The mom does not call and say anything. My daughter hears this from the girl. The mom never calls and says,"Sorry, Your invitation got lost" We didn't have your address." Nothing. So I tell my daughter I am not going. My husband agrees. She goes alone and gives 50.00. A couple months later the grandmother of the girl thinks it's terrible that we did not come. She says they paid for us. It was at a hall. Do you think I was wrong not to go? Do you think I should have put 150.00 in the girl's envelope. Personally I think the mom was more mad about the money.

 

[Grumpy's Wife]

I think you did the right thing. I personally do not go places I wasn't invited to. If she didn't have your address a simple phone call would do to extend the invitation.

 

[Mercy]

I think I probably would have went, the cousin is good friends with your daughter, and you are related also. Maybe you could have call and just asked, I don't see anything wrong with that. Since they came to your daughter's party, I would think they would have wanted you to come to their's.

Also, I don't see the $150 gift as $50 from each of them, unless it was specified that way. I would just look at it like they gave you $150.

 

[krcit]

I would not go to a party without being invited so I think you did the right thing.

 

[FreshTressa]

I would call and apologize for the misunderstanding and to explain that you did not feel invited and would love to have gone.

And no, you were not wrong not to go, as you never received an invitation, via phone or mail.

 

[EthansMom]

You were not invited. So, there's no reason you should have gone to the party.

 

[jbdreamer]

You were not invited. So, there's no reason you should have gone to the party.

ITA. She should be the one apologizing.

 

[Hannathy]

I wouldn't have gone but I'm not understanding the money. Did they give your Daughter $150. ? If they gave this much I would have given more than $50. probably what they gave because it really isn't the girl's fault. She could have reminded her Mom but it probably came down to her Mom sent the invites.

 

[DisneyJen0504]

I would not go to a party without being invited so I think you did the right thing.

I feel the same.

 

[sajetto]

Same here. Theres no way I'd go to any party unless I've gotten an actual invite

 

[The Mystery Machine]

How odd? I would feel weird going without an invite of any sort. If anything the mom should be calling you and apologizing.

 

[cinmell]

I would not have attended the party either. I don't go to places where I'm not invited.

 

[mickeyboat]

I would not have gone, but I think I would have recriprocated the monetary gift, if it is a typical amount for this sort of event in your family. I have never gotten the "pay as much as your meal cost" gift-giving reasoning. Maybe it's a regional thing.

Denae

 

[tarheelmjfan]

I agree with those who say they wouldn't have gone to the party, but I would have sent the same amount of money your DD received from their family.

 

[ChrisnSteph]

I guess I'll be in the minority! The girls are friends, and adults. If the party was for cousin A, and cousin A told cousin B that they were invited, I would have followed up with cousin A's parents, and gone to the party. If I were cousin A, I would feel bad that cousin B's parents didn't come to my party when I told cousin B that they were all invited. I also would have given a little more than $50, especially if they gave my dd much more than that. I think it's just opened the door to future tension and conflict.

 

[Eeyore'sthebest]

Coming from an Italian family I can see this being a big problem. Feelings get hurt very easily - remember I'm Italian. My husband's family is not and he has a problem dealing with the drama. That being said, I probably would have called and asked. I find its much easier to be up front then to end up being talked about by family members. If she said she didn't have room then you could always blame the mix up on the kids. Even if you weren't invited I still would have given $150. That's what she gave your DD, I feel you should have reciprocated. And you upset the Italian grandmother, OMG!!

 

[lulugirl]

I guess I'll be in the minority! The girls are friends, and adults. If the party was for cousin A, and cousin A told cousin B that they were invited, I would have followed up with cousin A's parents, and gone to the party. If I were cousin A, I would feel bad that cousin B's parents didn't come to my party when I told cousin B that they were all invited. I also would have given a little more than $50, especially if they gave my dd much more than that. I think it's just opened the door to future tension and conflict.

ITA! It's family, I wouldn't have waited for the invitation to arrive, I would have called the Mom and asked about the party.
As for the gift I always give what I can afford.

 

[cinmell]

They came and gave 150.00 for the three of them.

I still say I would not have attended because I wasn't invited. I also would not have called to ask if I was invited. I feel that is the job of the host/hostess to make sure the invitations go out.

But, I'm confused about the gift part. Did they give $150 to one of your daughters or to 3 of your daughters to be split between them? I wasn't sure if it was $150 for your 3 daughters or $150 FROM the 3 other family members to your 1 daughter.

 

[TnKrBeLlA012]

I still say I would not have attended because I wasn't invited. I also would not have called to ask if I was invited. I feel that is the job of the host/hostess to make sure the invitations go out.

But, I'm confused about the gift part. Did they give $150 to one of your daughters or to 3 of your daughters to be split between them? I wasn't sure if it was $150 for your 3 daughters or $150 FROM the 3 other family members to your 1 daughter.

They gave 150.00 to my one daughter. The money part of this I do feel bad about. I guess I felt since my husband and I were not going they would not be paying for us. I gave 50.00 for my one daughter who did go. As for calling the mom I'm really not very close with her. We see them at functions but that is all. I know If this had been done by me I would have called an apologized. I would have resent an ivitation. I'm betting they are more mad about the money than us showing up.

 

[DVC Sadie]

I guess I'll be in the minority! The girls are friends, and adults. If the party was for cousin A, and cousin A told cousin B that they were invited, I would have followed up with cousin A's parents, and gone to the party. If I were cousin A, I would feel bad that cousin B's parents didn't come to my party when I told cousin B that they were all invited. I also would have given a little more than $50, especially if they gave my dd much more than that. I think it's just opened the door to future tension and conflict.

ITA. Families are funny and I just wouldn't want the extra aggrevation.