Wait... You mean I'm a GROWN UP? Heather's Its-Time-to-Take-Responsibility Journal.

[Heather.Mohler]

I'm Heather, a 28 year old with the mind of a 17 year old if you know what I mean. I kind of stalled out after high school, never really growing up. Well, I managed to ignore my weight to the point that I have reached (full disclosure) 370 pounds, last I checked. I've finally started to wake up to the fact that I have to start caring for my body if I want it to last and am going to try to get the weight off. I have tried many times before but they have always been half...butt attempts, then moan about how diets just don't work for me. Well now I have hypertension and sleep apnea, and a family history of diabetes and heart disease.

To be honest, I am terrified. I don't know if I'll be able to stick with it, and I don't know what it will take for me to actually lose the weight - if I can at all. But I have to try. I want to live past 35. I want to enjoy life. I want to live my dreams. I want to get out of my way. I want to succeed.

So I'll try to journal. It will be excruciatingly boring at times (and full of spelling mistakes) but I will push myself to journal. It will keep the issue front and center in my mind. I am a college student, so I easily get too busy, but this has to take precidence. Any comments, suggestions, and support will be EXTREMELY appreciated!

God willing, this time I will let myself succeed.

 

[Hendoendo]

Hi Heather
There are a lot of people like you who have found themselves in the same situation. Me for one. My weight went to 412 and I really got scared. My doctor flat out told me I needed to go see a Weight loss surgeon. I was very nervous about this but I called one and went to an info-session that they had the following week. The Doctor that held the session was great and answered everybody's question. She explained the different options for surgery and then left the decision up to us if we wanted to go ahead with it. For many years I thought about this surgery but always assumed my insurance wouldn't cover it until I asked. I was thrilled to find out it was 90% covered so I only had to pay whatever was left on my deductible for the year. Many insurances pay for it 100%. I don't know what your situation is. The process for me has taken about 6.5 months and my Surgery is scheduled for April 9th. This surgery isn't an instant cure to your weight problem but it is a tool to help you attain your ideal weight. I have to make a total lifestyle change but I have had six months to get myself in the proper frame of mind. I am very ready but just a little scared about having surgery.
If you have any questions I will answer them for you. But remember this is just an option that I am presenting to you. Surgery isn't for everybody. But a key to any weight loss is portion control and lots of exercise. This will be part of my life forever and that is what I am committing to. So ask me anything and good luck in your weightloss. In this game it is cool to be on the Loser's Bench

 

[Heather.Mohler]

Thanks! Bariatric surgery is something I have thought about for quite some time, but I'm afraid of all of the adverse effects. I am still thiking about it, and am checking into my insurance to see if it is covered. As it is now, I am just concentrating on getting a scale so I can know where I am at now and finding foods that I can enjoy while on the go since I am never home for lunch during the week. Not as easy as it should be! Thanks for the post and the support - I can always use it!

 

[Heather.Mohler]

I finally got my scale out of storage and I can't decide if I'm happy about it or not. On one hand I get to have a definate number so I can mark any progress. On the other hand, I have a definate number. I can't just say, "Oh, well I think it's around this or that." Well, I'm not anywhere near what I thought I was. Last time I weighed myself I was about 375. I weighed myself about 3 minutes ago and nearly cried when I saw 391.8 staring back at me. I never thought I would ever see anything close to 400 lbs. But then again I never thought I'd see 300lbs. What if I don't make it this time? Will I be looking at 500 lbs or would my heart give out first? I can't let it get any higher. Never again.

I went to a cardiologist yesterday by suggestion of my doctor. Since I apparently have sleep apnea he is afraid of the possibility of pulmonary arythmea. After a few minutes talking with him I was given an "event monitor" to wear for the next 21 days. The very fact that I have to go to a cardiologist has to be enough to get me going. It has to. But I'm afraid to really start exercising for fear of overworking my heart.

So my puny answer is to walk the dogs everyday, cut out sodas and fried foods and limit desserts to weight watchers desserts. I don't know what else to do other than look into weight loss surgery. I have to just tell myself to wait until next Friday to weigh myself again and hopefully see a drop. I will be happy when I see myself return to 375. I NEVER thought I'd say that. Happy with 375. But it is a small, hopefully attainable goal. And it will keep me going.

When I left my job to start my major in college instead of just core classes I weighed 350. That was 2 years ago this past December. So I have to think that it will take some time to get that weight off since it took 2 years to put it on. I have to be patient. As long as my heart can be patient along with me. I don't really believe that there is a big risk, but the fact that I weigh this much is enough to make me think "how could I not?".

So here it is. My first real goal. I want to reach 375 lbs. and completely get rid of non-diet soda. The next step after that is 350 lbs. and no soda at all.

Here goes...

 

[Heather.Mohler]

Wow, that last post was depressing. This one will be better. Walked for 20 minutes last night with the dogs (and Mom and brother) and had a measured supper. I feel much better now because I know that I am working to do something about my weight. We are heading out for another walk in just a few minutes. My mom (boards name JanMadre) and I have decided that we want to do the Princess 5k next time so we are going to time our mile to see how close we are to the mandatory 16 minute mile. I'm getting excited about the idea of doing something at Disney that I always thought I wouldn't be able to do. Now that I have had time for that number on the scale to sink in I feel much more optimistic about my chances. Man, that shock was big... Anyway, on to our walk!

 

[taylor3297]

I have been reading your posts and I think you are going in the right direction. Good luck to you!

 

[Heather.Mohler]

Thanks Taylor! Maybe I'll keep it up knowing that someone other than me would see my posts.

Today went great. Mom and I for a walk to day and timed a mile - 19 minutes. We're well on our way to meeting the Princess 5k goal of 16 minute mile. My goal is atleast a 15 minute mile so I feel pretty good about that. I kept to my points for Weight Watchers (actually came in with about 20 points left over) and am not hungry, which is very encouraging (and surprising!). So all-in-all a great day! Tomorrow I am heading out to do a project for a class where I visit a Salvation Army church, then on to usher our Opera performance for my fraternity. I'm excited about those, but a bit nervous about not being home to make lunch for myself. Atleast this time I feel like I can make a good decision about what to get in a restaurant. Here's to another great day!

 

[cclovesdis]

Hi Heather!

You can do this! Are you doing WW meetings or online? I was doing meetings, but now am online only. My local meeting wasn't that great so I couldn't justify the cost. I've lost about 25 pounds and am still losing. Good luck!

CC

 

[MAKHayes-DisneyDiva]

Good luck to you, Heather. You can do it!
BTW, are you a music major? I noticed that the quotes below your name are about music.

 

[Heather.Mohler]

Thanks cclovesdis and MAKHayesDisneyDiva! It means a lot to know people are behind me.

CC, I just joined WW online and have been using the tools religiously – I really dig them! I don’t go to meetings but I feel like right now I don’t need to spend the money for them. Congratulations on the 25lb loss! That is fantastic! I look forward to when I can get that icon added to my signature.

MAK, I am a music major at Mercer University in Macon, Ga. I play the flute and am LOVING it! I haven't decided whether or no to go with a performance degree or just stick with a general music. But I have no doubt that I’m in the right major. No “undecided” for me! I dread graduating in 2 years, but then I have grad school to look forward to.

 

[cclovesdis]

Thanks cclovesdis and MAKHayesDisneyDiva! It means a lot to know people are behind me.

CC, I just joined WW online and have been using the tools religiously – I really dig them! I don’t go to meetings but I feel like right now I don’t need to spend the money for them. Congratulations on the 25lb loss! That is fantastic! I look forward to when I can get that icon added to my signature.

MAK, I am a music major at Mercer University in Macon, Ga. I play the flute and am LOVING it! I haven't decided whether or no to go with a performance degree or just stick with a general music. But I have no doubt that I’m in the right major. No “undecided” for me! I dread graduating in 2 years, but then I have grad school to look forward to.

I love eTools too! The one thing I love about WW is that you can celebrate any loss. I really encourage you to post any loss. It's a great motivator.

Ahh, college. Do you live on campus? Keep on journaling. I have benefited so much from it.

 

[MAKHayes-DisneyDiva]

Thanks cclovesdis and MAKHayesDisneyDiva! It means a lot to know people are behind me.


MAK, I am a music major at Mercer University in Macon, Ga. I play the flute and am LOVING it! I haven't decided whether or no to go with a performance degree or just stick with a general music. But I have no doubt that I’m in the right major. No “undecided” for me! I dread graduating in 2 years, but then I have grad school to look forward to.

I'm a French horn player, and I teach elementary general music/band/chorus in Ohio. I love my job! I have a performance degree as well, but with so many orchestras folding and cutting back, I'm really glad I got certified to teach.
And now to get back on topic, keep journaling! I really think it helps.

 

[Heather.Mohler]

I love eTools too! The one thing I love about WW is that you can celebrate any loss. I really encourage you to post any loss. It's a great motivator.

Ahh, college. Do you live on campus? Keep on journaling. I have benefited so much from it.

Thanks for the kind words! I will definately keep posting. I don't live on campus - I just can't see myself living with abunch of 18 year olds. They seem to think the world is over if their flat iron quits working. If I did live on campus I would have to resort to cafeteria food every day and would suffer from far more than just the freshman 15.

MAKHayesDisneyDiva, I'm told by my flute professor constantly that I need to get my education degree - you can perform with an education degree, but teaching with a performance degree is a bit sketchy. He is principal (I believe) in the orchestra and Atlanta Ballet and teaches at 3 colleges (that I know of) but he can't get full time professor status because he didn't get his degree in education. Music is a BIG motivation for me to lose weight. The less I weigh, the better my breath control will be and the more successful player I will become.

I hope you two - and everyone else - are having a fantastic week so far!



Onto today's journal...

I had an iffy day today. This was my first day of classes since I began to watch what I eat. I guess I didn't do too bad since I stayed within my WW points limit, but the fact that I went through a drive thru made me feel guilty. I had a grilled chicken sandwich with light mayo and a salad from Chik-fil-a, which doesn't sound bad, but I have to worry about something. I had late classes and a Mu Phi Epsilon meeting so I didn't get home till late. I still got in a walk with Mom, but supper was ready when I got home from school so I ate before we went. Man, that was uncomfortable. My stomach hurt and it was harder to catch my breath with a full stomach and I couldn't have forced down water if I had to. Next time we will eat AFTER we walk, even if it means we have stone-cold leftovers. We did about half a mile at a brisk, pushed pace before we crapped out and just strolled home, but atleast it was better than nothing. All in all I am happy with the day, but a bit weary of doing the drive thru thing again any time soon. WW needs to start their own restaurant chain... That would make things SO much easier! But for now I will do my best to pack my lunch and make sure I have something for breakfast that will stick with me before I leave each morning.

You know, I think my watch is a starting to spin around on my wrist a bit easier... and my chin is beginning to shrink... Maybe its all in my head, but it is a good feeling either way! I just can't wait till Friday to weigh myself again - the suspense is killing me!

 

[FeelsLikeHome]

Hi Heather,

Just wanted to let you know that I'm here to encourage you during your journey! Starting is really hard to do, and you've already done a great job just by starting!! Way to go!

At my highest, I was 309. I've been down and up and now trying to get back down again. The last time I checked, I weighed 294 - and it was mostly because of the support from this board!

Can't wait to hear how everything comes out on Friday!

 

[Heather.Mohler]

Hi Heather,

Just wanted to let you know that I'm here to encourage you during your journey! Starting is really hard to do, and you've already done a great job just by starting!! Way to go!

At my highest, I was 309. I've been down and up and now trying to get back down again. The last time I checked, I weighed 294 - and it was mostly because of the support from this board!

Can't wait to hear how everything comes out on Friday!

Thanks! It is good to hear it is possible to get under 300 - I guess it CAN be done! One of the things that worries me is the idea of gaining it back. A lifelong battle sounds a bit taxing. I'm glad to hear you're losing again, and I'm sure the boards are serving as a wonderful tool. They are for me!

 

[cclovesdis]

I'm sure living off-campus will be very helpful in your weight loss journey. I didn't gain anything living on campus, but it was not easy to achieve that at all.

Let us know how weigh-in goes!

 

[Heather.Mohler]

12.4! I lost 12.4 pounds! That is a huge relief. I was afraid that I wouldn't see a difference and I would get discouraged to the point that I would quit. Yay! I had been to the doctor Wednesday and glanced at the scale when I was weighed, but I chalked up the 9 lb loss to a difference in scales. I am 7 lbs. away from my first goal of 371.4. I can't remember what percentage loss that goal was but it is set as my first goal on the WW Etools site. And I have two 5-lb milestone stars! But more importantly, I get a 10 lb icon added to my W.I.S.H. signature! Yay!

Last night I had my first really big test to my resolve - I had a HORRIBLE day (my insurance denied my sleep test to diagnose and treat sleep apnea yet again and the doctor decided we couldn't do payment plans unless I paid $250 upfront and I absolutely bombed my Musicianship exam. The thought of having to take that class again is enough to send me flying to the nearest Zaxby's.), it lasted from 7 am to 8 pm, and had a few extra dollars so I stopped by Chik-fil-a on the way home. I have been getting a chicken salad sandwich and a salad this week and it is well within my points range, but I decided that I wanted a fried chicken sandwich and sugary lemonade. I just knew that was going to make me feel better. But I ended up with a grilled chicken snack wrap from Wendy's without cheese. That showed me that I am actually taking this seriously - more so than I think I ever have before. I am feeling so much better about all of this. Maybe before long I will get to scap this sleep apnea issue all together!

Hopefully next Friday I will reach that goal of 371.6 and I can move on to setting a new goal. When I left my job in 2008 to go to Mercer University as a day student I weighed 350. That was also the weight I was for our first family trip to WDW. That's my next goal. And I think it is entirely attainable - for the first time in my life I actually see that losing weight is possible. I'm so happy!

Mom and I have decided on some rewards. For every 15 pounds we will reward ourselves with buying something - clothing, iTunes cards, DVDs, etc. (I haven't brought this one up yet, but I think for every 25 lbs it needs to be a trip up to the nearest Disney Store about 2 hours away in Atlanta.) When I reach 250 lbs I am going to go to Typhoon Lagoon and Blizzard Beach. And when I reach my goal weight, we're going on a Podcast Cruise! So hopefully, with as long as it will take for me to lose all of this weight, the crew will still be doing the cruises. But it is a GREAT incentive to keep going!

 

[MAKHayes-DisneyDiva]

12.4! I lost 12.4 pounds! That is a huge relief. I was afraid that I wouldn't see a difference and I would get discouraged to the point that I would quit. Yay! I had been to the doctor Wednesday and glanced at the scale when I was weighed, but I chalked up the 9 lb loss to a difference in scales. I am 7 lbs. away from my first goal of 371.4. I can't remember what percentage loss that goal was but it is set as my first goal on the WW Etools site. And I have two 5-lb milestone stars! But more importantly, I get a 10 lb icon added to my W.I.S.H. signature! Yay!

Last night I had my first really big test to my resolve - I had a HORRIBLE day (my insurance denied my sleep test to diagnose and treat sleep apnea yet again and the doctor decided we couldn't do payment plans unless I paid $250 upfront and I absolutely bombed my Musicianship exam. The thought of having to take that class again is enough to send me flying to the nearest Zaxby's.), it lasted from 7 am to 8 pm, and had a few extra dollars so I stopped by Chik-fil-a on the way home. I have been getting a chicken salad sandwich and a salad this week and it is well within my points range, but I decided that I wanted a fried chicken sandwich and sugary lemonade. I just knew that was going to make me feel better. But I ended up with a grilled chicken snack wrap from Wendy's without cheese. That showed me that I am actually taking this seriously - more so than I think I ever have before. I am feeling so much better about all of this. Maybe before long I will get to scap this sleep apnea issue all together!

Hopefully next Friday I will reach that goal of 371.6 and I can move on to setting a new goal. When I left my job in 2008 to go to Mercer University as a day student I weighed 350. That was also the weight I was for our first family trip to WDW. That's my next goal. And I think it is entirely attainable - for the first time in my life I actually see that losing weight is possible. I'm so happy!

Mom and I have decided on some rewards. For every 15 pounds we will reward ourselves with buying something - clothing, iTunes cards, DVDs, etc. (I haven't brought this one up yet, but I think for every 25 lbs it needs to be a trip up to the nearest Disney Store about 2 hours away in Atlanta.) When I reach 250 lbs I am going to go to Typhoon Lagoon and Blizzard Beach. And when I reach my goal weight, we're going on a Podcast Cruise! So hopefully, with as long as it will take for me to lose all of this weight, the crew will still be doing the cruises. But it is a GREAT incentive to keep going!

Yay Heather!! You're doing it!
Beware of chocolate bunnies.

 

[cclovesdis]

Nice job on the loss! Sorry to hear about the class.

 

[Heather.Mohler]

Thanks, CC. Hopefully after this semester I will NEVER have to see that class again. It's the fourth in a series of four, so I don't want to almost finish and have to take a step back...

Yesterday was a good day. Madre and I went on our walk again. We have a local park that has a marked one mile trail leading through it so we use that to get an exact distance instead of just time. The first time we did it last week we made 19 minutes and so many seconds (didn't have a second hand on my watch, so I don't know how much over 19 minutes). Not horrible since we hadn't done that in years. Yesterday was our second time walking the trail and we ended up doing it in 18 minutes and 45 seconds. Not as much of an imporvement as I had hoped for, but what can I expect when I have spent so long gaining weight and not exercising. I'm just happy I can make it to the end of the trail and back the second mile to get back to the car. So walking two miles after being a couch potato feels pretty good.

I want to keep losing at a good rate. I know that it won't be long at all before my losses slow to a crawl, since the more you have to lose the quicker it comes off at the beginning. But I want to delay that for as long as possible. I found a program on Weight Watcher's online store that is a walking set - book on how to keep injury free, a dvd for rainy days and an audio file to put on my ipod with a personal trainer's program. It's a 23 week program designed to build up endurance. It couldn't hurt! Now I'm off to skim through some WW cook books to get inspiration!