Vent about DH's meal spending...LONG

[SandrA9810]

on the bank side. see if you can block your account from overdrafting. When we first opened our account, it was like that. It was calculate any pending purchases away from the available balance, so if there was not enough in the available balance it would not go through. The one downside to this, is you always have to go inside to pay for gas. Even paying debit, it still only pings your account for 1$ until that night when the transactions are processed, and then the remainder is taken from your account, and sometimes it can be a couple of days. But when you pay inside, they're charging you for the amount you say, then if there's any left over, it will get sent back to your card. Better to be overcharged than undercharged when you have to wait like 3 days for it to process fully.

Well after a merge and a few changes to the account, they linked it to our savings to allow for over drafting. And we got hit big time with numerous fees for NSF. I finally had a word with a supervisor, and i put it in writing to the bank that i did not want my saving to be connected to the overdraft and if there was not enough in the available balance, it would be declined.
We also set up two checking accounts for this as well. One is a bill payment account, the other is the debit account. Bill pays are set to go out the day before payday, and then they withdrawl the money the morning after. Any extra can be transfered into checking account 1 for daily needs. And Disney also allows for a check to be split up into multiple accounts. So I have it set up at 15% goes into an entirelly seperate saving account. Of course if I'm standing in line and my card declines, I can call the bank and transfer more money from 2 into 1, but if there is non available, then I just have to put a few items back.

We've also gone to having 1 debit card. It was awful having two because say there's 20$ in the account and we're both working or something. And we decide we have a few extra dollars and spend some to buy lunch. We that 2 or 3 bucks we each thought we were only spending turned out to be 6 bucks in one day. With only one card, there's no surprises.

 

[Dancemom03]

I don't know if you have a paypal account but you might try getting a paypal debit card and having him use that b/c it's free. It has a MC logo and you can add funds from your bank account via transfer, then check the balance/purchases online and it'll show you where he's been and what he's spent up to the minute without paying a fee at all as long as he chooses the credit option (you know when it asks you debit or credit even though it's not a credit card?) when using the card at the register. As long as you don't back the PP card up with your bank card, he'll be limited to only what's there and you can add more funds in seconds from home if neccessary.

You said he plays an online game, Just curious, is it World of Warcraft? DD19 is big into WOW and a lot of the people in her guild are much older. I'm always surprised how many grown, responsible adults play what I initially assumed was a teen/college game until I learned more about it.
Anyway, PP is a great way to pay online gaming fees too and can be arranged to debit fees automatically each month if you want so there are no unpleasant banking surprises.

 

[ksumn1]

Op here. Looong talk last night about this whole issue and some other stuff too, like our marraige and how we can improve it overall. DH had some "suggestions" for me too, and how I can make things better. I can be overly critical and nitpicky and a bit of a BI...at times and I agreed to tone it down, take it easy and be nicer to him.

I start school next week and I get out of class at 11:50. Every Friday, we're going to take a family trip to the grocery store, and produce/fruit market and buy groceries for the house and for DH. There's a minifirdge in the hotel and he's going to use if for his veggies ans stuff and take a cooler for the other stuff like drinks, lunch meat etc. Saturday evening will be our "cook" night. We're going to grill chicken etc for the week for him to have ready. He can just take the chicken out of the cooler, and use it for a salad, wrap, burrito, whatever.

Part of why he's going out (he says) is that it's a hassle cooking on the Little George Foreman grill, cleaning it up and that last time he forgot and leave it in the room, housekeeping left him a note about it being unapproved for hotel use. I'm sure it is, but he still needs to learn to make better choices. You can eat Taco Bell but get a chicken Fresca instead of a 7 layer burrito, nachos, and 3 steak soft taco (This is a usual order for him) We're going to the library today and checking out some nutrition books and cookbooks and we're going to make a plan...not just for him but for our whole family. Healthier meals for us all and we need to start being active on the weekends. I walk and use the treadmill but with summer, the kids don't have any of their usual activites. (Older DD plays softball and basketball and my 6 yr old does softball, cheerleading and basketball) So we're going to tackle this as a family AND he's going to make changes himself.

Next week, I'm going to open up an account at a different bank that I can get free student checking at, and in a couple of weeks we're going to switch banks. We went back last night and looked at the bank sttement again, and at the time of 3 of the overdrafts, DH's check was already posted to our account. 2 of the overdrafts were accurate, no argument there, but we had a check posted and were still charged for 3 debits and overdraft fees. So today we're taking a trip to the bank and getting that straightened out. (This is not the 1st time we've had issues with the bank for having $$ in the account, and being charged NSF fees that never should have happened) Also, no more debit cards for DH. We're both going to fill up on gas on Sunday, so I can write it down and take that out of the account before he leaves. We're both going to put the CC's up (we don't really use them anyway) and the new bank has a branch where he works. So he's going to take a couple of check and put them in his wallet in case of emergency so he can get cash if needed.

He thinks with taking groceries and having a full tank that $50 will be enough per week. We're sticking with $75 to be in the safe side.

He seems to be taking this seriously. He called him Mom this morning and talked to her and when he got off the phone, he'd been crying. He said that his Mom told him that she'd buried his Dad before he was 30 (car accident) and didn't want to have to bury her son. She also told him it was time to S*** or get off the pot, it was time to buckle down and get busy. She sent me a text saying Thank You and that she was going to be keeping an eye on him....said she was gonna call him every day at breakfast, luch and dinner to see what he was eating. Then she said I should take his PS3 away!!

Anyway, I think (hope) we're on the right track. I know he's not perfect, neither am I and that we're gonna have to work hard to keep on track. Hopefully, between the grocery shopping, meal planning, changes in spending and budgeting habits and everthing, we'll be OK.to all.

Oh, and DH has a dr's appointment in 2 weeks to see a dr for a full workup!1 His Mom's getting married next week so we had to wait an extra week. I made that appointement at 8:01 this morning

 

[stego]

a "budget" issue. Overspending is just one of the symptoms of what is going on with your husband. I'm glad you feel like you can share with us how you feel. It has to be overwhelming and discouraging. I was very interested in what the previous poster had to say about Disney and the dining plan...I couldn't agree more.

As far as change with your husband...well, that will have to come from within. I can see how he would be challenged with how much that has to change vs. what he can change today. For all of us who have been successful, realize it has been baby steps. It still is. When you came back and shared with how you discussed with him EVERYTHING I can only surmised he felt like he was backed into a corner. No one likes to be confronted with all that you shared and realize he is only human.

There are those of us who have changed...and even more so than what you have described. Realize you are not alone. But there is much work ahead and it will be tough...and then some. There will be days when it really is just too much. Start building a foundation and draw on that when you stumble. You personally have shared about losing 40 lbs. It's quite another to keep it off the rest of your life.

I would encourage your husband to start weight watchers TODAY and get started on accountability. He also needs a mentor and develop relationships to those men who have experience and making himself accountable. He will have to surround himself with folks who are winners in that regard. TODAY it has to be all about what he can bring to the table.

I know for me personally, I can never, EVER set the bar high enough. I read on velonews the other day about a racer on the Giro tour for ONE day racing for over 7 hours and burning over 7000 calories. And me with my measly 3 hour training ride and burning 2300 calories. As an athlete, what I fuel with is HUGE. The eating patterns you describe for your husband have gone the wayside for me YEARS ago.

Years ago I visited the WISH board and blogged for a year about my weight loss journey. I've since come back because now it is no longer about losing weight...it's about the brick walls. For me, it's not for keeping folks out. It's about how bad I want this. It is indeed the rare individual who is truly driven.

 

[wall*e2008]

OP I have a few thoughts from reading your updates.

1) You say your home is paid off and that your DH works full-time and you work part-time and attend college. Why is your budget so tight without a mortgage?
2) Chicken – I would not cook it on Saturday and eat it after Monday. Could it be frozen?
3) Taking him to get the car gassed up with you seems a little too controlling.
4) As a person who works out of town, weekends are precious and having to gas up on Sunday will get really old. I prefer to gas on my way back into town.

 

[xmlguy]

On that Taco Bell meal, here's a substitute order:

1-Fresco Burrito Supreme Steak
2-Mexican Rice
2-Spicy Chicken Soft Taco

That is about the same serving size, at about half the calories. The real problem items at TB are the items with guacamole, cheese sauces, and sour cream. It's probably better to choose relatively easy substitutions that he can stick to in the long term, or at least have them as ready options, compared to more drastic cuts all at once. He could also try the fresco border bowls or salad bowl items without shell or dressing, but with hot sauces or salsa instead, since those have large serving sizes with low calories/serving, and cutting down to one of the Soft Tacos. If he likes it really spicy, extra jalapenos kick it up a notch without adding many calories - same goes for the hot sauces. Keeping it flavorful is very good for long term acceptance.

 

[dawn1620]

Open up a checking account for him to use when he travels like that. You can just transfer the money over from your primary account. DH and I have separate accounts due to the fact we could not keep up with each other's transactions.

He pays certain bills and so do I - it works out better for us this way.

 

[CarolA]

I am sorry, but I am going to defend the posters DH.

I travel most weeks M-F.

$80???? NO! and it takes $20 for gas.

And you folks want her to "shut him down"?????

Have ANY of you lived this lifestyle???

Her DH is NOT getting enough money to live on if he's traveling every week. I think she needs to push him to talk to the employer or start looking for a new job! (Heck, I would call the DOL and make sure it's even LEGAL!)

Then you need to start keeping ALL those receipts and track of ALL those miles. I assume you have been deducting these business expenses? (I am not 100% sure of the meals, but if they aren't reimbursing milage it's a business expense!)

But to expect DH to survive of $60 a week when traveling is probably NOT realistic and needs to be addressed. To expect the hotel to continue to allow him to violate the fire codes by cooking is the room is not realistic (and as a fellow hotel guest it's rude to expect the rest of us to put up with smelling your cooking LOL!)

Think about it.... if you eat lunch out every day of the week how much does that cost?

Yes he can make healthier choices and I do keep fruits and vegtables in my fridge at most hotels, but...... this berating him for spending to much shows a lack of understanding of the lifestyle ESPECIALLY since he's not traveling alone.

 

[Karenj2]

I've had similar issues re: cash my DH gets out for his work - we're still working on it, but since we already have a budget in place, it's a lot easier for me to say "Honey, you went X over the budget this month...)

May I suggest www.youneedabudget.com? I really like their budgeting program - and one of the best things about the program is the "methodology" behind it - the developer encourages you to have a monthly meeting with your spouse, and figure out what your budget ought to be together.

Plus, the program is designed to get you to have a "buffer" of one month's salary, so that you live on LAST month's salary (and never get close to a Zero balance...)

Anyway, good luck - it sounds like you and your DH are getting into the right place - financially and marriage wise.

 

[ksumn1]

I am sorry, but I am going to defend the posters DH.

I travel most weeks M-F.

$80???? NO! and it takes $20 for gas.

And you folks want her to "shut him down"?????

Have ANY of you lived this lifestyle???

Her DH is NOT getting enough money to live on if he's traveling every week. I think she needs to push him to talk to the employer or start looking for a new job! (Heck, I would call the DOL and make sure it's even LEGAL!)


Problem is many people in his company and field (he's in power line work) have been laid off already. 10 years ago when he started, he worked 25 minutes form home. 3 years ago, moved to a job 1 hour form home and finally he was laid off BUT he knew the supervior fo the crew he's on now and was able to be transferred to Alabama instead of laid off. He wanted to stay with the same company because in this are right now there is NOTHING that pays close to what he makes. He would have to work a full time and part time job to make up the difference.

Also, the money is an issue only because he insists that $80 is enough. He eats at home on Sunday evening and drives 3 hours to the hotel. He has leftovers for (at least) one night on Monday, so he only has to have dinner on Tues and Wednesday night, he's home on Thursday. It's really not so much the money as the constant No, I don't need more money so I pay bills to post on Wednesday not knowing that he's spent more. And he'll tell me some of the debits (never all) and it messes up the bank account. add to the fact that he's not eating well, or making good healthy food choices and I just decided it was time we had an open, honest talk. Notice he still said $75 a week was enough (after gas expenses) and I said make it more to be realistic. It costs more to eat well, I know that.


Then you need to start keeping ALL those receipts and track of ALL those miles. I assume you have been deducting these business expenses? (I am not 100% sure of the meals, but if they aren't reimbursing milage it's a business expense!)

No, he's never wanted to "fool" with going long form, but next year because it's the 1st full year he will live in GA/worked in Alabama and no childcare costs we will be claiming all travel and work expenses.

But to expect DH to survive of $60 a week when traveling is probably NOT realistic and needs to be addressed. To expect the hotel to continue to allow him to violate the fire codes by cooking is the room is not realistic (and as a fellow hotel guest it's rude to expect the rest of us to put up with smelling your cooking LOL!)

The last hotel was literally in the middle of nowhere. The only people who ever stayed there besides my DH and some other construction workers were overflow from Taladega on race weekend. They always made them switch hotels race week. ANd usually when he DID cook, I sent enough to feed at least the other few guys that DH works with. They didn't complain too much since they were getting fed!! And not to offend anyone, but the whole hotel smelled like indian food. The chicken or hot dog smell never made more of an impact than the other smells did. But now that he's moved to a bigger hotel in a larger city, the littel grill is out of commission. So now he doesn't have much of a choice but to eat out, hence the confrontation about his health and eating habits

Think about it.... if you eat lunch out every day of the week how much does that cost?

Yes he can make healthier choices and I do keep fruits and vegtables in my fridge at most hotels, but...... this berating him for spending to much shows a lack of understanding of the lifestyle ESPECIALLY since he's not traveling alone.

Keep in mind, I don't "berate" him every day. I know he'd rather be at home than on the road working. This incident with the overdrawn account just kinda pushed me over the edge and I lost it. My main concern is the wellbeing of my DH, my DD's and our family, and having money concerns week after week and being worried DH will have a heart attack by the age of 30 is NOT good for our family. I love my DH, I want him around for many years to come, and I want to be able to have a stable financial future free from stress because we're constantly battling over money or lack of it. We're on the same page now, I think, and it's going to get better. And I'm glad you're sticking up for DH, but he doesn't really need it. He let me know my faults real quick last night And he's absolutely 100% right about them. Thanks again for all the advice and input.

MTW, the bank refunded all but 2 of the NSF fees and we will be switching banks (or beginning the process) next week

 

[CarolA]

Keep in mind, I don't "berate" him every day. I know he'd rather be at home than on the road working. This incident with the overdrawn account just kinda pushed me over the edge and I lost it. My main concern is the wellbeing of my DH, my DD's and our family, and having money concerns week after week and being worried DH will have a heart attack by the age of 30 is NOT good for our family. I love my DH, I want him around for many years to come, and I want to be able to have a stable financial future free from stress because we're constantly battling over money or lack of it. We're on the same page now, I think, and it's going to get better. And I'm glad you're sticking up for DH, but he doesn't really need it. He let me know my faults real quick last night And he's absolutely 100% right about them. Thanks again for all the advice and input.

MTW, the bank refunded all but 2 of the NSF fees and we will be switching banks (or beginning the process) next week

Actually you weren't the one I thought was "berating" It was all those posters telling you that 'He's bad" and that you should "put him on a budget"

 

[Dancemom03]

MTW, the bank refunded all but 2 of the NSF fees and we will be switching banks (or beginning the process) next week

Most banks have no-fee student accounts - I'd like to make the suggestion that when you change banks you open your new account at a bank that processes checks/debits in the order of lowest to highest. That is you need the smaller amounts paid first before they take out the larger amounts. If they pay largest first then, if you don't have enough for that first big debit, everything else may be charged an overdraft fee too - even that $1.75 soda at the drive-thru! A friend's DS just did that and ended up with a couple hundred dollars in overdraft fees for little stuff (under $10 each) that he would have had enough in his account to pay if his car insurance hadn't debited the same night and the bank paid highest first.

That's likely a smaller bank or credit union - or it is around here. Maybe some other posters might know of a national bank that pays low to high. If so, please post - I'd like to know too.

About the chicken - DH has a heart condition and lost over 150 pounds seven years ago. He's putting some back on now but that's another issue. Anyway, he eats almost all chicken or turkey, has for so many years the DDs and I have grown to dislike poultry. We have chicken or turkey in most everything these days, even in spaghetti instead of meatballs.

Anyway, I buy prepackaged fully cooked chicken breast strips for him to put in salads, wraps, sandwiches, ect. and to cook quick meals like pasta dishes with.
The brand we use most is Perdue Short Cuts but I've used others by Butterball, Louis Rich, and other companies too if they're on sale. They're reasonably priced IMO and keep for quite a while in the fridge with no worries about freshness. You see them in the meat case in the grocery stores somewhere between the hot dogs and pot-pies/prepackaged refridgerated dinners. Perhaps that might be an option for him to take along as it would likely keep longer than if you cooked and cut chicken at home so might result in less waste and definitely less work.

 

[bumbershoot]

OP I really empathize with you and your hubby.

"Of course, he has food issues anyway (eats waaaay too much which is a BIG part of the problem and won't do anything about it) so I really don't know what to do, how to approach it, or how to fix it."

That's my hubby, absolutely. He's getting better though. About 2 years ago (or is it 3?) I had to sit him down and talk about his weight. He would sit down and fall asleep within 30 seconds. He was getting very big. It was so hard for me to say, and so so SO hard for him to hear. He did rejoin WW after the talk, though, and he has continued to *slowly* lose weight.

My guy's weight stuff is very emotional; his "relationship" with food is very stereotypically female, and it's been going on since his mom put him on a diet when he was THREE. She would serve him food, he had to eat it all, then she would get on his case about how much he ate.

you mentioned that your hubby falls asleep fast...that got better a bit when hubby started losing weight, but about a year or 1.5 years later we realized it happened when he had high fructose corn syrup. He could eat a piece of homemade cake and be fine, but give him half a serving of soda and he was out like a light (discovered that one in the car!). Make some of his past make sense, like the time he crashed into a highway wall after falling to sleep, after a long gaming session drinking soda after soda....

After starting WW again he had a few doctor's visits, and since he's a big guy they always wanted to check his blood sugar...he was always fine until last Sept when he was diagnosed with diabetes with a dramatically high number (almost 500). For him that was the final bit, and he has changed his way of eating dramatically, and is MUCH healthier. There's one last problem he's having, but once that gets worked on I'm sure he'll drop far more weight (it's a hormone that's out of whack and we're waiting to see if it's what the endo thinks it is or if it's something scary).


I don't mean to go on about US, but I mean to show support for a hubby who eats completely out of control. That 7 layer burrito is either 10 or 14 WW Points. That's a large part of a day's Points for most people. They are wonderful, but they should be THE meal, not *part* of a meal. Serving size will be a big part of your hubby's road to better health.

For the immediate money things, I also recommend giftcards, especially if he goes to the same places. If this Jacks place has giftcards, get one. If the gas station does, get one.

Definitely look into the tax stuff and his per diem! That doesn't sound right at all.

 

[eliza61]

After a little research, I think that $80 per diem rate for four days is completely out of whack for your area. First of all, the per diem is for food and incidentals, not mileage or gas. If he's doing business mileage, that should be a separate reimbursed business expense and not taken out of the per diem. The standard Georgia per diem rate for government employees is $136.50 for four days, assuming the 75% of the daily rate for the first and last days. For Atlanta, Savannah, and other areas, it's higher at $171.50.

http://www.gsa.gov/Portal/gsa/ep/co...=GSA_BASIC&contentId=17943&queryState=Georgia

So basically, your DH is trying to survive on 1/2 to 2/3rds below the government per diem, which isn't exactly a generous allotment.

The whole point of a per diem is to reimburse an employee for reasonable expenses without the burden of having to keep all the receipts (for the employer and employee), not to rip off the employee by imposing an reimbursement that is unreasonable and below the normal cost of meals at typical restaurants in the area (excluding fine dining, of course). I think your DH is being ripped off and it's completely unfair of the company to expect him to spend well below the norm for meals. He should be reimbursed at $0.55/mile too, which is probably quite a bit more than the $20/week he spends on fuel. If he gets 20mpg, at $2.50/gal, the mileage rate would total $88. So I calculate that he should be getting $224.50-$260.50, not $80. I think your DH is being ripped off on expenses. This shouldn't even be part of your household budget. These are business expenses. If he wasn't traveling for business, then he could eat much cheaper at home. It's unfair to expect his expenses when traveling to be as cheap as when home.

Even though private companies are not required to use IRS/GSA/State per diem rates, there's something wrong with a rate so far below reasonable expenses of eating at value restaurants. He shouldn't be forced to prepare his meals merely to survive while he's away from home. If he wants to save money by spending less than allotted for a reasonable per diem that's one thing, but getting only $15/day to spend on 3 meals is absurd (after fuel).

That's the first thing I thought when I read it. $80 bucks for 4 full days is a ridiculously low.

 

[ksumn1]

Most banks have no-fee student accounts - I'd like to make the suggestion that when you change banks you open your new account at a bank that processes checks/debits in the order of lowest to highest. That is you need the smaller amounts paid first before they take out the larger amounts. If they pay largest first then, if you don't have enough for that first big debit, everything else may be charged an overdraft fee too - even that $1.75 soda at the drive-thru! A friend's DS just did that and ended up with a couple hundred dollars in overdraft fees for little stuff (under $10 each) that he would have had enough in his account to pay if his car insurance hadn't debited the same night and the bank paid highest first.

That's something I will definately look into. Our current bank seems to run debits etc from high to low....I've talked to a couple of other people who have accounts there and it's not just us this has happened to.

Also found out this afternoon comeing home from the park that DH's boos *fixed* his Federal and state witholding rates from single and 1 to Married and 2 about a month ago and it still ahs not taken effect on his paycheck. Also, his boss told him there was no need ot change the state because "It doesn't matter anyway" Umm, yeah it doesn since they're taking state income tax out of his check every week. I know our witholding is still a little high but HD is sooo scared we'll owe taxes that he won't do Married and 2, which is accurate for our tax situation. It took me literally a month to convince him to adjust it...that we needed the extra $$ eachweek more than a BIG return NEXT year. Anyway, he's supposed to talk to his boss tomorrow about it.

As for the food, he took some fruits and veggies with him and googled the closest Subway to the hotel he's staying at now. About a mile away, not too bad but it's righ next door to a McDOnald's. So maybe his willpower will hold up. Overall, been a good weekend. Took DD to the park Friday and played some basketball and then took both DD's today and played bball, threw the softball around and walked for a little while. It was fun, and hot so we packed some water, a watermelon and some fruit. Really healthy day!!!

We'll see how it goes this week

 

[Ashley Kees]

The prepaid via or cc might not be a bad idea. He always stops at Walmart to get his groceries so maybe it would be a good idea to put some extra $$ on a Wal Mart card. I feel kinda petty complaining about this when overall it's all OK it's more of an annoyance. Well, and he's overeating when he's out of town and since I'm trying to eat better (me and DD's) it frustrates me when he eats sooo much and then gets mad when I say something. (After he rmarks how full he is, he ate too much etc) I want him to be healthy and he needs to lose some weight. So do I, but I'm on a weight loss and exercise plan and I've lost over 30 pounds. It's to the point where it's becoming a bigger issue with me because he acts like it's no big deal when it is.

How do you tell someone they need to lose weight after they've loved you uncritically and unconditionally through thick, thicker and thin? And that the money is a major issue but the snacks and meals are the bigger issue? I mean if I saw that every receipt was for a 6" turkey sandwich with a bottle of water from Subway, I wouldn't gripe as much. But when I see it's for an energy drink full of sugar, a bag of Funions, and a white chocolate Reeses cup (his fave snack) or a large coke 2 BEC biscuits, hashrounds AND a cinnamon roll from Jack's. it just burns me up. He has high blood pressure, which he won't take his medicine for in fact hasn't been to the doctor for in over a year, snores horribly, falls asleep at the drop of a hat and WON'T do anything about it. You know, I didn't realize how upset I was until I started typing this. I really need to talk to DH Thursday night about this whole issue. The money AND food thing because I'm obviously having problems dealing with this.

You don't. I'm sorry, and I understand that you mean the best for him, but in the words of my own DH, he's a grown-a** man and he can do what he wants. The money is one thing, that is affecting the whole family right now, but the fact of the matter is that his fat is HIS, not yours, and you need to lay off of him. If nothing else, making him feel guilty is one of the QUICKEST ways to make sure he overeats while he's away from you. If he really has a problem, he IS aware of it, he just doesn't want (or have) to talk to you about it.

Pick you battles and focus on the money, not his overeating. You cannot make a grown person do something they don't want to do. Just be kind and loving, and feed him healthy, tasty things when he's home.

 

[Piecey]

DH has his own bank account for this reason.

I watch it and tell him when he gets close to dangerously low... sometimes I'll put some extra money from our joint account in it for him.

I'm not on the account, but I have his password to online so I can freely see and transfer money around.

It's worked for us so far.

 

[buzz5985]

or you can look at Jon and Kate + 8 - they make $75,000 per episode (41 episodes last year, 40 eps this year!) and she reportedly gives Jon a budget of $5 per day!!!

see, life is complicated!!

Imagine the trouble he would have caused at $10/day.

Sometimes - for budget and weight loss - it helps to write down in a notebook where they spent the money or calories. Have your DH write down everything he spends - it he is anything like my DH - they really don't realize. My DH was amazed he had a $50/week Dunkin' Donuts habit. I didn't even make it about DH, my DS was complaining about a game he wanted and I told him it was his responsibility to save from his allowance. He was amazed how much he spent at the corner store.

I have weight issues. And I work nights. When I get home - everyone is in bed. It's lonely. You get the idea. When I was younger, I travelled 3 weeks out of the month. It was awful. Being alone every night, I'm not defending your DH - but it could have been a lot worse. Like the guys I travelled with - they ended up in a bar every night.

Janis

 

[floridafam]

You stated in your OP that he buys energy drinks. Unless he is working out or training for something he really doesn't need them and if his cardiac health is in question then he really doesn't need them. I don't know if you are talking about Gatorade or something stronger like Red Bull but energy bars and energy drinks shouldn't substitue for actual food.

 

[JPN4265]

DH works out of town and for the last few weeks he's been running our bank account very close to a 0 balance. He gets a per diem check every week for $80. He puts $20 in gas in the car and has $60 to spend on food form Monday morning to Thursday evening. He has a minifridge in the hotel room, a George Foreman grill,an numerous coolers he could take to keep additional food in (fee ice machine at hotel) He takes a meal with him for at least one night, usually 2. I fix extra batches on Sunday of chili, jambalaya, soup etc and he takes some with him. He stops at Wal Mart and buys sandwich meat, bread, canned drinks etc. Yet he still eats Jack's for breakfast 3 times a week, goes by the gas station at least 6 times for candy bars, energy drinks, etc, and eats out at least one night a week using the debit card.

I work part time, go to school full time and between the house and everything else, I don't have time to check the bank statement every single night. He won't check it when he's home on Friday all day while I'm at work, Saurday if I don't work we have stuff to do and it never fails that Saturday afternoon as I log onto the bank system, he pulls out a wad of reciepts for the week.

Well, I asked him 2 days ago did he need $$ or was he OK because I had to pay some bills. Nope, he's fine. So I tell him IF you do, get some out of the ATM, because there's gonna be $30 in the bank Mon and Tues until check posts on Wednesday. No problem, he says. So tonight I check the bank statement and we're -$200 !!! He went by the Texaco 4 times in 2 days, had dinner at a Mexican restaurant, Jack's AND paid the subscription fee (pay per use) on some game he plays online. We have NSF fees of $140 for 3 transactions. That $2.60 cost us $39!!! (Normally, we have a higher balance but with my hours at work cut at work due to school schedule, it's getting tighter and tighter every week)

I'm so mad I don't know what to do. It's not really the $$, it's that he won't take the $$ out BEFORE he goes out of town and stop when he runs out. He keeps using the debit card even when I tell him DON'T. Had I known he need extra cash, I would have paid less on the bills, since I was overpaying a bit anyway.

He's a great guy and works hard. He says all the time I just want to be able to go out to eat or grab a drink when I want it. Fine, but he doesn't seem to get that those little trips to the gas station and dinner twice a week add up. Especially when he brings the leftovers home, uneaten, and have to be thrown out since he didn't put them in a cooler and left them sitting out in his truck all day. I just wanted to vent. Thanks for letting me. I love my DH, hard worker, great father, good guy, usually very level headed except when it comes to his spending habits about food. Of course, he has food issues anyway (eats waaaay too much which is a BIG part of the problem and won't do anything about it) so I really don't know what to do, how to approach it, or how to fix it. Especially since I've tried to handle it by suggesting he take cash every week to keep it under control. Any ideas??

I took my wife out for dinner and a show over the weekend, and spent $24,000.00. It was really worth it.

Just got my almost final bill on this dinner and show, now its up to $250,00.00. Not a problem I can afford it. I'll just use my tax refund.