Tweens and bathing suits

[scrapquitler]

And you could still have a child that wants the yellow outfit anyway or even more so because mom doesn't like it as much. It all comes down to picking battles.

My DD could want that yellow outfit however much she wanted, but in my house, I am the one that is paying for her clothes, so I have veto power. As she has always been told from a young age, that's one of the perks of being the parent.

 

[Pigeon]

You can phrase it any way you want, but what a 13 year old girl hears is, "that makes you look fat."

 

[SaraJayne]

Trust me, "no" is not an underused word in this household but I also don't just use it because I can. My point is that as long as both outfits are appropriate (i.e. everything is covered and the style is age appropriate) I let me DD have the final choice. It just isn't a battle I want to fight. Fortunately she's pretty conservative and is also tiny so I don't really have problems that some other parents have.

If DD wants the yellow outfit, then she can pay for it.

The advantage of being the Mom/bank is *I* have veto power and final say.

If she has a problem with that, then the outfit stays in the store and her hiney heads for home.

 

[mhsjax]

If DD wants the yellow outfit, then she can pay for it.

The advantage of being the Mom/bank is *I* have veto power and final say.

If she has a problem with that, then the outfit stays in the store and her hiney heads for home.

Now my DD is able to pay for her own. I won't refuse most stuff, some yes, but if I just don't like it, and she has the money, yep, she gets it. NOw, if it totally inappropriate then no she won't. We also don't freak out over most stuff that kids wear, so that when we do say "no" she knows that we mean it.

PS, Just a question, but why is showing your stomach such a big deal. This must be a new thing. I grew up with very strict parents and so did my friends, yet we all wore 2 piece bathing suits. There is nothing more annoying that trying to pull down a one piece and go to the bathroom. NOt to mention, even my own mother told me that I looked better in a 2 pice than a one piece. NOt directed at you, just asking in general, I have seen it posted a few time from different people that the don't show their tummy's. Just never understood that one.

 

[Poohforyou]

My DD could want that yellow outfit however much she wanted, but in my house, I am the one that is paying for her clothes, so I have veto power. As she has always been told from a young age, that's one of the perks of being the parent.

So it's basically your way or the highway, got it. Why even bother having her try anything on or voice her opinion? Just buy her what you want her to wear and be done with it.

 

[C.Ann]

Too many unbalanced people out there.
.

I just had to comment on that statement because it really made me laugh out loud - and is oh so true!

As for the bathing suit discussion in general (I didn't get any further than that post of yours that I quoted), my DD went through the tortures of heck trying to find a decent bathing suit for my soon-to-be 13 yr. old DGD this year.. DGD tends to be on the modest side (thankfully) and even she is upset that the designers are trying to use as little material as possible.. In one store she commented that she would be covered up more if she just wore her bra and panties on the beach..

 

[Pigeon]

So it's basically your way or the highway, got it. Why even bother having her try anything on or voice her opinion? Just buy her what you want her to wear and be done with it.

Yup. Kids of that age are starting to develop a little independence and autonomy. That's as it should be. If my kid picked out something indecent, I'd veto it. But just because I didn't think it was particularly flattering? No, I'll let her make her own fashion mistakes because in the grand scheme of things, it just doesn't matter.

 

[myheartlivesatwdw]

and then you use that grossly underused parent word: "no".

 

[Kat77]

Now my DD is able to pay for her own. I won't refuse most stuff, some yes, but if I just don't like it, and she has the money, yep, she gets it. NOw, if it totally inappropriate then no she won't. We also don't freak out over most stuff that kids wear, so that when we do say "no" she knows that we mean it.

PS, Just a question, but why is showing your stomach such a big deal. This must be a new thing. I grew up with very strict parents and so did my friends, yet we all wore 2 piece bathing suits. There is nothing more annoying that trying to pull down a one piece and go to the bathroom. NOt to mention, even my own mother told me that I looked better in a 2 pice than a one piece. NOt directed at you, just asking in general, I have seen it posted a few time from different people that the don't show their tummy's. Just never understood that one.

I don't get it either. What is the deal with covering the tummy?
I won't buy my DD's sexy string bikinis but normal cuts are acceptable.

 

[PlainJane]

Thanks to PlainJane and CCgirl: I can look at both Justice, Ross and Kohl's for the 1 piece bathing suit, and better yet, they are all in the same shopping area.

I'm glad you came in not knowing where you were going to go, and now you have options

 

[FredinFL]

And you could still have a child that wants the yellow outfit anyway or even more so because mom doesn't like it as much. It all comes down to picking battles.

It does. My 12 year old walking around with her bathing suit up her butt crack, or showing her butt crack, or cut too low is a battle I'd fight and win.

 

[scrapquitler]

So it's basically your way or the highway, got it. Why even bother having her try anything on or voice her opinion? Just buy her what you want her to wear and be done with it.

Yes, it is. I'm the parent. I'm paying. I get the final choice.

She comes shopping because she has to try things on. She does choose, and she asks me what looks good and what doesn't and I tell her honestly. She always gets clothes that she loves (well, except when I force her to buy a dress because that's the only thing appropriate for the occasion). And even after I voice my opinion, she has a higher authority to answer to: DAD. Because there's no way he's going to let his girl go out looking in appropriate.

Do you really buy clothing/shoes/etc for your children that you object to?

 

[fireflymedic]

you said you were at a water park, maybe you were sitting at a fast slide. I am a man and on one slide it would about take your shirt off and your pants went to no man land, talk about a wedgie

 

[golfgal]

Yup. Kids of that age are starting to develop a little independence and autonomy. That's as it should be. If my kid picked out something indecent, I'd veto it. But just because I didn't think it was particularly flattering? No, I'll let her make her own fashion mistakes because in the grand scheme of things, it just doesn't matter.

That is pretty much how it works here. I have final veto power but for the most part DD listens to what I have to say about how things fit or look on her. I HAVE learned that if I really think something would look good on her, not to tell her that to start because it will automatically become "yuck". . I pick out a few ugly things around it and she will often zero in on the REAL thing I like .

For homecoming this past fall we were dress shopping. She found a dress she liked and I wasn't totally thrilled with it. I had her put it on hold and we kept looking. We went into another store and they had a dress that was the color she wanted but she wasn't thrilled with the overall dress on the hanger. I knew it would look nice on her so I made her try it on. OMG, the dress looked like it was designed for her--AMAZING--so amazing that her twin brother didn't think she should be allowed out of the house with it on. . I got big mom points for that one .

 

[Pigeon]

Do you really buy clothing/shoes/etc for your children that you object to?

I don't buy things that I think are indecent or offensive, but certainly I'll let dd buy things that I don't especially find attractive. I'm not the one wearing them, she is. She's going to be an adult in a few short years. I think it's OK to let her have a little control over her wardrobe.

 

[Poohforyou]

Yes, it is. I'm the parent. I'm paying. I get the final choice.

She comes shopping because she has to try things on. She does choose, and she asks me what looks good and what doesn't and I tell her honestly. She always gets clothes that she loves (well, except when I force her to buy a dress because that's the only thing appropriate for the occasion). And even after I voice my opinion, she has a higher authority to answer to: DAD. Because there's no way he's going to let his girl go out looking in appropriate.

Do you really buy clothing/shoes/etc for your children that you object to?

I think we're misunderstanding one another. Of course I don't buy clothes for my child that I find inappropriate in that too much skin is showing, it's too tight, the saying/logo/design sends the wrong message, etc. However, I have bought things my daughter loved where the color, design or style wasn't my favorite (but still appropriate). That's what I'm talking about when I say I pick my battles.

From previous posts you made it sound like you wouldn't allow your daughter to have something that she loved if it wasn't your first choice.

 

[golfgal]

I don't buy things that I think are indecent or offensive, but certainly I'll let dd buy things that I don't especially find attractive. I'm not the one wearing them, she is. She's going to be an adult in a few short years. I think it's OK to let her have a little control over her wardrobe.

I think we're misunderstanding one another. Of course I don't buy clothes for my child that I find inappropriate in that too much skin is showing, it's too tight, the saying/logo/design sends the wrong message, etc. However, I have bought things my daughter loved where the color, design or style wasn't my favorite (but still appropriate). That's what I'm talking about when I say I pick my battles.

From previous posts you made it sound like you wouldn't allow your daughter to have something that she loved if it wasn't your first choice.

Same here. Why wouldn't you let your kids have some say in what they buy? I couldn't imagine not allowing them to pick out their own clothing as long as it was appropriate. No, my kids are not going to go around with offensive sayings on their shirts or wearing clothing that expose body parts that shouldn't be exposed but if they are wearing a color that isn't the best on them or whatever, who cares?? It's funny, DS16 is MUCH more fashion conscious then DD16.

 

[Mom of 3 Princesses]

Same here. Why wouldn't you let your kids have some say in what they buy? I couldn't imagine not allowing them to pick out their own clothing as long as it was appropriate. No, my kids are not going to go around with offensive sayings on their shirts or wearing clothing that expose body parts that shouldn't be exposed but if they are wearing a color that isn't the best on them or whatever, who cares?? It's funny, DS16 is MUCH more fashion conscious then DD16.

This is a very interesting Thread.

I am torn on it:
DD15 is a very attractive girl. Once, she came out of her room in the morning dressed for school. I almost had a fit and told her to go change. I had to stop and realize that she had on Jeans (no holes, not too tight, fit properly) and a long sleeve shirt (no holes, not too tight, no cleavage) and a pair of Uggs. I had to stop myself... She was wearing NOTHING inappropriate. She just looked... like a woman. I hated it. But there was nothing wrong with it and she looked very beautiful. I realized I was seeing her with mommy eyes.

The next day, DD12 walked in with a pair of Nike Running Shorts and a White T-shirt and some indoor soccer shoes. She looked fabulous, and confident, and very grown up. Once again... mommy eyes.

I see toddlers and 3 year olds with Bikinis on, in my house that is a NO. (DD3) She can get a cute little one piece, and that is just fine. She does not wear anything that is animal print or tight (no no no). Mommy eyes.

This year, DD15 has a bikini from Hollister. She looks amazing in it. But I thought that I was going to fall over when I saw her with it on. She looks..... grown ... very grown. I watched the way she walked and held herself, pulled on the straps, had her jump, everything. IT fit, no slippage or tugging... But MY GOD! Mommy Eyes.

My DD12 is on this horrendous horrible skater look. She wanted these HIDEOUS HIDEOUS HIDEOUS high top shiny bulky shoes!! I HATED them HATED HATED HATED them. It took every bit of myself to realize that it is what she liked to wear, and she was the one that had to wear them, so I bought them and scowled the whole time, especially when she wore that HIDEOUS cap with them. HATE IT! But, she loves them... period... Sigh... Mommy Eyes.

Yesterday, we were headed to the mall. DD15 and DD12 walked in with those little short shorts that the girls wear and one of them (DD15) had on a top that had not straps and DD12 had on a halter top (they usually wear them to the pool) and I said NO. Go change, we are not going with you wearing that. It is inappropriate. Guess what.. they changed.

WHY? Because, not only do I have Mommy Eyes... but because MOMMY SAYS.

 

[SaraJayne]

Now my DD is able to pay for her own. I won't refuse most stuff, some yes, but if I just don't like it, and she has the money, yep, she gets it. NOw, if it totally inappropriate then no she won't. We also don't freak out over most stuff that kids wear, so that when we do say "no" she knows that we mean it.

PS, Just a question, but why is showing your stomach such a big deal. This must be a new thing. I grew up with very strict parents and so did my friends, yet we all wore 2 piece bathing suits. There is nothing more annoying that trying to pull down a one piece and go to the bathroom. NOt to mention, even my own mother told me that I looked better in a 2 pice than a one piece. NOt directed at you, just asking in general, I have seen it posted a few time from different people that the don't show their tummy's. Just never understood that one.

My DD has a two piece swimsuit, just not a bikini.

 

[golfgal]

This is a very interesting Thread.

I am torn on it:
DD15 is a very attractive girl. Once, she came out of her room in the morning dressed for school. I almost had a fit and told her to go change. I had to stop and realize that she had on Jeans (no holes, not too tight, fit properly) and a long sleeve shirt (no holes, not too tight, no cleavage) and a pair of Uggs. I had to stop myself... She was wearing NOTHING inappropriate. She just looked... like a woman. I hated it. But there was nothing wrong with it and she looked very beautiful. I realized I was seeing her with mommy eyes.

The next day, DD12 walked in with a pair of Nike Running Shorts and a White T-shirt and some indoor soccer shoes. She looked fabulous, and confident, and very grown up. Once again... mommy eyes.

I see toddlers and 3 year olds with Bikinis on, in my house that is a NO. (DD3) She can get a cute little one piece, and that is just fine. She does not wear anything that is animal print or tight (no no no). Mommy eyes.

This year, DD15 has a bikini from Hollister. She looks amazing in it. But I thought that I was going to fall over when I saw her with it on. She looks..... grown ... very grown. I watched the way she walked and held herself, pulled on the straps, had her jump, everything. IT fit, no slippage or tugging... But MY GOD! Mommy Eyes.

My DD12 is on this horrendous horrible skater look. She wanted these HIDEOUS HIDEOUS HIDEOUS high top shiny bulky shoes!! I HATED them HATED HATED HATED them. It took every bit of myself to realize that it is what she liked to wear, and she was the one that had to wear them, so I bought them and scowled the whole time, especially when she wore that HIDEOUS cap with them. HATE IT! But, she loves them... period... Sigh... Mommy Eyes.

Yesterday, we were headed to the mall. DD15 and DD12 walked in with those little short shorts that the girls wear and one of them (DD15) had on a top that had not straps and DD12 had on a halter top (they usually wear them to the pool) and I said NO. Go change, we are not going with you wearing that. It is inappropriate. Guess what.. they changed.

WHY? Because, not only do I have Mommy Eyes... but because MOMMY SAYS.

Exactly-our kids know how to dress appropriately. They know that jeans and t-shirts to church will not fly with us, they know that if we are going out somewhere nice, they dress the part.

When DD was about 2 she got a cute two piece bathing suit for her birthday or something from someone. It was navy blue with white polka dots with more of a running bra style top and bottoms with a ruffle all the way around. It wasn't a "bikini". DH just about had a cow that I took her to the pool in that. I told him I would rather my 2 year old be in a "bikini" then my 16 year old. He didn't get it then, but he does NOW .