Trend of women upgrading engagement diamond because it's "too small". Thoughts?

[Plannin'Shannon]

I've thought about this some more and would like to change my answer slightly.

I have been married for 16 years. My husband and I are in a very different place now than we were then. If at any point in the future I decide I would like to replace my engagement ring with a new one, I will do just that. After all these years, I know my husband would have no problem with that kind of request.

So anyone that does have a problem with it can kiss my rump because it's none of your danged business.

And I'll be taking my 6 year old with me to the liquor store tonight.

 

[quentina]

We were poor, struggling and fresh out of college when we got engaged. My ring is the biggest by hubby could afford. I love it, would never trade it or upgrade. Many years later, I did get an attachment for the set that has diamonds in it (for an anniversary or something). Makes the ring nicer however; it was not necessary.

So...I vote ungrateful!!

 

[tinkermom23]

To me, when I look at my wedding ring I think..."here's the ring my husband picked out for me" and I think of our wedding day and all that it means.

If we "upsized" I would look at my new ring and think..."wow, I'm sure glad we can afford a big diamond now. Bigger must mean better."

I'm certainly not trying to offend, as many of my friends had upgraded their wedding sets. It's just not for me.
Although I have mentioned to DH that I wouldn't mind an anniversary ring next year when we celebrate our 20th. It would be in addition to my wedding set, not meant to replace anything.

And although I voted for "slightly ungrateful"... slightly would not have been the word I would have used.

 

[weswife]

HI,
I have done this. I have been married 22 years! We were 18 and 23 when we married! Money was tight.

I always admired diamonds! Of course I am born in April so its my birthstone!!

Anyway, my engagement ring was .25 with a small diamond on each side. I loved it and was ever so proud of it! Still love t! When we were married 18 yrs. I purchased a .50 ct. Keep in mind I kept the original! Never part with that! At 20 yrs.I upgraded the .50 to a 1ct.! Love it too! Now I am trading my 1 ct. for a 1.5!

After all of these years I still have my engagement ring and my promise ring! I will only upgrade the one I purchased!

 

[Owlpost23]

Saw that same column in the Chicago Tribune.They were married,and she didn't like the fact that her ring was small (considering their ages and incomes),AND that at work when the girls would gather they would ooh and ahhh over each other's rings,and hers was never commented upon.She also stated that he bought himself all sorts of expensive goodies.She sounds awfully petty.FWIW,when I got engaged,I told my husband that I didn't want an engagement ring.Have a wedding band that cost us $250.00.Used to bother me,but now I'd rather go out to dinner than buy jewelry.

 

[bumbershoot]

We recently bought hubby a new ring. Right now his fingers are swollen b/c of a drug he's taking, and we didn't want to deal with making his original ring bigger. So he found a titanium ring that he really liked, and it was cheap-o-rama, and we bought it.

I also cannot get my ring on, and while I have never EVER had an issue with the size of the stone, I too got a replacement. My ring's metal is a big hunk of platinum, and I'm not going to resize it, and it's the sort of ring that stands on its own, without a wedding band. But I decided to get a big ol' green amethyst for the "engagement" ring, and then a little "anniversary" type band for the wedding band (I think it's 1/8 total carat, it's itty!).

So we both got replacement bands.

If we ever come into serious money, hubby will chomp at the big to get me the ruby (sigh, though I know true rubies come from bad bad places, so I might have to say no to that) ring from Cartier that I drooled over for years.

Obviously neither one of us has ANY sort of problem with changes in engagement or wedding rings!

But we got cheap stuff that we could afford easily. If a couple cannot afford it, they shouldn't do it.

My grandmother, born in 1913, got an original e-ring that had a sapphire in the middle with pave diamonds around it in a circle. Then once her husband's career started taking off and they had more money, he had 6 small diamonds added around the edge. He WANTED to do that for her, because they could do it at that point; as anyone with a SAH spouse knows, the SAH spouse can really help the working spouse along in their career, even if by simply supporting them while they work the long hours...so just like my husband, my grandfather WANTED to do this for his wife. And just like us, he could, so he did.

Of course, with us, it wasn't an upgrade, it was just a change until both of us can get our weight under control and fit into our original rings.

 

[FlightlessDuck]

If a man gets on his knees and shows the ring he wants to give the woman he wants to spend the rest of his life with, and she says "it's too small", he may want to reconsider his plans.

 

[Handbag Lady]

I believe in upgrades over time as the budget allows for special events or births.

I voted other.

By asking now, the soon-to-be husband should run, and run fast.

 

[Frye7127]

When I turned 40 and we were married 11 years, he told me my ring was looking a little tired and said I could go pick out something else or get a pendant, since i had been wanting one. He gave me a budget and i went looking. Found a 3-oval stone ring I loved and was able to have my pear diamond set in a pendant right at my budget. He was impressed and said I knew you would figure a way to get both. Love them both to pieces. I have to agree though, they are just things and it would not have mattered otherwise as my marriage is way more important than any old piece of jewelry.

 

[roliepolieoliefan]

Money was tight when DH and I were engaged. We were both in our early 20's and fresh out of college. We both picked out my ring, but all we could afford was a 1/2 carat round diamond. The setting is beautiful though its surrounded by diamonds.

A few years ago, DH surprised me and bought me a 1 1/2 carat marquis. I love it. Its in the same setting, just a different diamond. I get compliments on it all the time.

I admit it, I love big diamonds and am somewhat materialistic.

 

[superme80]

I loved loved LOVED my engagement ring. Sadly tanzinite does not make a good stone and it fell out and no longer fits into the setting. So I told DH I want the tanzeninte in a necklace and to put a real sapphire into my engagement ring. I would like it by my 10th anniversary if at all possible. We just celebrated 3 years, so we have a ways to go. He desinged the ring and I loved it! He also designed my wedding band which I adore. Neither of them are really expensive, but the fact that so much thought went into it is so amazing. If there is a problem about the fiance being cheap from the start then marriage is not going to fix the problem.

 

[amyren]

Other - DH and I were in college and on a budget when we got engaged. My ring was a solitaire. For our third anniversary he added side stones (sapphires and diamonds) to it! I love it.

 

[Handbag Lady]

I believe in upgrades over time as the budget allows for special events or births.

I voted other.

By asking now, the soon-to-be husband should run, and run fast.

Yes, I am quoting myself!


I must add that my original wedding ring and engagement ring were taken from me so that could be the reason why my current ring is upgrade-able to me. I don't know how I would feel if they were the same rings.

 

[Mrs. Darcy]

If a man gets on his knees and shows the ring he wants to give the woman he wants to spend the rest of his life with, and she says "it's too small", he may want to reconsider his plans.

lol well it would be tacky and unromantic for her to tell him while he's down on one knee, but if he can afford it he should have gotten her a nice big diamond ring to show that she deserves the best he can afford. If the woman knows he can't afford it (and she'd know by then if they were close enough to get engaged) then she should just appreciate it. But if I were a man I'd give my sweetheart the biggest ring I could.

 

[cm8]

I had to answer "Other" because the devil's in the details.

Does DH wear a Rolex, a ruby ring the size of Texas, 3" thick gold chains while she has a 1/4 karat, H grade engagement ring? - If yes, she should get a new ring

Have they been married for 20 years and that 1/4 karat was the very best he could afford at the time but they've since discovered an untapped oil reserve in their back yard? - If yes, she should shut up and let that ring remind her of their young love and how far they've come since then.

Does DH wear a Rolex, a ruby ring....... and they really can't afford them but he gets them for himself anyway? - If yes, to heck with the ring. Spring for good marriage AND financial counselors!

, She is being un grateful,he purchased what he could afford at the moment. How she reacts to it may set the tone for what he buys her or does not buy her in the future. You have to appreciate what you have before getting bigger things

 

[DeluxePrincess]

I never gave DH any hints or suggestions to what kind of ring I wanted. He chose the ring for me after putting in a lot of thought about it (or so the jeweler told me when I needed it resized) It makes me happy to still look at this ring and imagine him searching for the one he thought perfect for me. I wouldn't upgrade for anything! Having said that, I can understand if the ring is more of a fashion thing for some people and they want specific sizes and shapes. If you can afford and desire an upgrade, go for it!

 

[Polyluvr]

I am going to have to agree to disagree here~ I voted yes, she should be able to upgrade.

I haven't upgraded mine; but it is 2.87 cts and I'm pleased. But I did tell my DH before we got engaged that less then 1.5 I would be willing to wait for a proposal, till he could afford more.

If that makes me shallow; sorry~ he was fine w my explanation; and said he was glad I told him instead of a ring I wasn't happy with.

He's a great guy~ I love him dearly~ and I'm thrilled w my ring

 

[Mrs. Darcy]

, She is being un grateful,he purchased what he could afford at the moment. How she reacts to it may set the tone for what he buys her or does not buy her in the future. You have to appreciate what you have before getting bigger things

That's why single men should start putting aside money for their future fiancee's engagement ring. Then when the time comes they can get her a big beautiful ring she deserves.

 

[Polyluvr]

That's why single men should start putting aside money for their future fiancee's engagement ring. Then when the time comes they can get her a big beautiful ring she deserves.

ITA!

 

[Colleen27]

I don't get it honestly, but that might be because of my overall perspective on jewelery. DH's uncle owns the jewelery shop where we got my rings, and he swears I'm the only woman ever to stand in his store and argue for a smaller diamond.

To me, the value of an engagement ring is sentimental. It is a reminder of that new-love feeling, and often of those lean but happy starting out years. To me, a replacement wouldn't have the same meaning and I wouldn't choose to replace my ring for any reason.

My engagement ring is a simple solitaire and my wedding ring is a plain gold band, which is just what I wanted. If I ever get the itch for something flashier, I'll ask DH to have a wrap-around anniversary band made to add to the set rather than replacing the original.