Trend of women upgrading engagement diamond because it's "too small". Thoughts?

[r1lissa]

My DH and I got engaged and married at age 19. My diamond was probably 1/5 of a carat- the prongs around it were bigger than the actual diamond!
The week of Valentines Day (during the year of our 10th anniversary), DH had me drop my rings off at the jewelers for cleaning.
A few days later, he gave me a box as we were chatting in the kitchen. It was my original wedding band with a shiny new 2 carat diamond. He knew the band was what mattered to me, not the diamond. But in addition to that, DH also had the jeweler put my original diamond into a purity promise ring that he gave to our daughter.
Best husband ever.

 

[disykat]

I agree -- but I don't think the original "Red alert!" poster specifically assigned fault to the B2B. It's more of a "red alert" about the whole relationship.

Since the OP said that the b2b was recently engaged, we can assume that this is not an "our financial situation has changed since then" upgrade. It's an "our priorities are not in alignment" issue which probably extends *way* beyond the type of ring that she wears. Red alert, indeed!

Thank you - exactly!

We were 24 & 21 when we got married and just starting out. My engagement ring was (and still is) .20 carrats (yes, one fifth a carrat)

Thank you for this too! Everytime I read these threads I'm always amazed. Mine is 1/5 carat too. (And we were older and had the money to buy more.) I don't wear it often because it sticks out and bugs me. I prefer to wear just my wedding band. I'm not a bling fan.

We chose our rings together. If we hadn't my problem would have been wanting to return it and get something smaller and less expensive!

 

[PrincessBelle09]

My DH and I got engaged and married at age 19. My diamond was probably 1/5 of a carat- the prongs around it were bigger than the actual diamond!
The week of Valentines Day (during the year of our 10th anniversary), DH had me drop my rings off at the jewelers for cleaning.
A few days later, he gave me a box as we were chatting in the kitchen. It was my original wedding band with a shiny new 2 carat diamond. He knew the band was what mattered to me, not the diamond. But in addition to that, DH also had the jeweler put my original diamond into a purity promise ring that he gave to our daughter.
Best husband ever.

This made me smile.

My husband and I were also married young, at 19 while in college. He bought me a beautiful 1/2 carat three stone ring set in white gold. At some point when we're older, he'll get me a bigger ring. This was discussed before we were "officially" engaged because he knew I had always wanted a classic Tiffany ring, but that was definitely out of the question and will be for some time. =) I don't think I'm being ungrateful. I love my ring, but we were and are young and could not afford anything like what was desired by either of us, so I think it's appropriate for DH to buy me something bigger when we have the means.

 

[Disney Doll]

1 carat marquis picked out by DH and I'd never want to upgrade it. I love it. I have no need to impress others with the size of my diamond.

The people in the original story...OK, so she thinks her ring is to small and he's selfish because he buys himself really nice stuff and cheaps out on her and he buys himself really nice stuff and cheaps out on the woman he loves.

They sound like a match made in Heaven....

 

[klacey1]

I know I'll sound shallow but if he gave me a small stone I'd have been disappointed.

Yes, that sounds very shallow. Would you want to marry your husband less if he decided saving for a house, or simply putting his money into savings, or a college fund for your future kids, was more important than a huge rock?

 

[PrincessBelle09]

Yes, that sounds very shallow. Would you want to marry your husband less if he decided saving for a house, or simply putting his money into savings, or a college fund for your future kids, was more important than a huge rock?

He obviously knew that the ring size was important to her and demonstrated his love for her and understanding of her desires by giving her the sort of ring she wanted. I think disappointment would have resulted from him not really understanding his bride to be.

Ring size is a personal preference and not a basis of judgment for a person's character.

 

[Becky2005]

Yes, that sounds very shallow. Would you want to marry your husband less if he decided saving for a house, or simply putting his money into savings, or a college fund for your future kids, was more important than a huge rock?

I don't know that could be said about everything. Along this line of thinking, if the bride to be wanted a big wedding she is selfish because the money could be better spent "later on in the future" -- same thing for any vacations or anything else. I had a medium sized wedding and yes, we would have been just as married if we went to the courthouse to sign the paperwork & saved lots of money doing it that way but I wanted the wedding. My DH wouldn't have cared, as far as he was concerned the wedding should have been this "Do you? Do you? Let's Eat" -- he would have been MORE than happy with that.

I could see if someone had always wanted a nice size diamond ring for her engagment ring being disappointed to get a small chip instead. It would especially be true if he did have a clue what type of ring she would like and then decided to just go for what he wanted instead of what she would like. I think that would be more of a problem, it would mean he wasn't paying any attention to what she was saying.

I know for my daughter if a guy shows up with a gold ring she is going to be disappointed. She doesn't like gold. She would rather have silver. It doesn't mean she would love the guy any less but she would still be disappointed. If she happens to get a guy as clueless as her dad about jewelry, it's quite possible she would end up with that because "that's the type of ring you are supposed to get".

However, I was one to buck tradition and didn't even have a traditional proposal so what do I know. I figured if I'm wearing it, I should get to pick it out (for that matter, I actually bought mine since I was working in the jewelry department & got a great deal on it.. DH paid me back later but since we combined incomes, I don't think it really mattered).

 

[Mrs. Darcy]

Yes, that sounds very shallow. Would you want to marry your husband less if he decided saving for a house, or simply putting his money into savings, or a college fund for your future kids, was more important than a huge rock?

My husband and I are a good match because when he knew in his heart he was going to propose, he knew I liked a big diamond and he prepared for that. In fact he told me even if I neve said what I preferred he still would have gotten me a big ring. He was happy to do this for me because he wanted me to have an awesome piece of jewelry to propose to me with.

He wasn't thinking of saving for a house of future kids college funds...that's what we're doing now. If he thought I "should be happy" with a smaller ring because he wanted to put the money in a savings account, well, we wouldn't be a match for each other. A few more thousand dollars for a bigger diamond wasn't going to ruin our future savings together. And I don't think I'm shallow but I sensed some people here may feel that way about me but I'm really not a shallow person. My husband rides motorcycles and if he wanted a Ducati and it was a gift from me I wouldn't get him a Suzuki because it cost less. I'd get him the Ducati with all the bells and whistles if I could afford it by saving up for it. Its the same idea with the ring.

 

[PixieDustandEeyore]

I was given the option to choose my ring and was told to get whatever I wanted .. i actually chose a nice dainty ring... i hate big rings. But if I did and all he could afford was small id take it and not look back.. it looses the meaning when you ask for a new one in my opinion

 

[Mrs. Darcy]

He obviously knew that the ring size was important to her and demonstrated his love for her and understanding of her desires by giving her the sort of ring she wanted. I think disappointment would have resulted from him not really understanding his bride to be.

Ring size is a personal preference and not a basis of judgment for a person's character.

Yes you're right. If he definitely couldn't afford the ring even after saving a while, I'd still marry him in a heartbeat.

 

[loxie]

She's gonna be wearing it forever so it should be something she likes. Its one thing if he cant afford it but if he can & just decided not to, then yes I think her request is reasonable.

 

[luvsJack]

there is a difference in a guy buying "just any old ring" and the bride prefering something else and a guy that bothers to make sure of the size, look at her other jewelery to see if she prefers silver or gold and if its mostly small stuff or if she seems to like bigger more showy pieces and THEN buys a ring that his btb thinks is too small.

If the guy did his homework and really put a lot of thought and effort into picking out the ring he wanted his love to have, it would be shallow to then say the diamond isn't big enough.

And for many of you, YOU didn't ask for an upgrade your hubbie did that all on his own. That is different too. He wanted to purchase something for you and he went through the effort to get you something that would make you happy. That, too, is different than someone more or less demanding that her dh/fiance buy a bigger ring.

My engagement ring is gold with diamond chips! I would never replace it. Dh picked it out himself and was so happy to give it to me. When I look at it, I think of how happy he looked that day and flip flops it made my stomach do. I like big diamonds, emeralds, rubies and sapphires as much as the next girl, but I have 9 other fingers I can wear those on.

I think its just all in the way the original ring is given and the way the upgrade is done.

 

[Colleen27]

Yes, that sounds very shallow. Would you want to marry your husband less if he decided saving for a house, or simply putting his money into savings, or a college fund for your future kids, was more important than a huge rock?

I think that could be a serious red flag, not of a character flaw on the part of either person but of the sort of priorities/spending habits mismatch that is bound to cause problems in a marriage.

My husband and I were both on the same page; neither of us saw a big flashy ring or a bell-and-whistles wedding as being worth the price tag when we had other priorities (we actually bought our first house together while engaged). The poster you're quoting and her husband were on the same page; those things are once-in-a-lifetime and worth saving and splurging on. I think it is that common mindset that matters, far more so than the actual decision.