Trend of women upgrading engagement diamond because it's "too small". Thoughts?

[design_mom]

But the "red alert" is not just on the bride-2-be. Maybe the groom-2-be really is a jerk that spends more on himself. In that case maybe they shouldn't get married because they are not suited to each other. I just wouldn't jump to the conclusion that the b2b is the one at fault here.

I agree -- but I don't think the original "Red alert!" poster specifically assigned fault to the B2B. It's more of a "red alert" about the whole relationship.

Since the OP said that the b2b was recently engaged, we can assume that this is not an "our financial situation has changed since then" upgrade. It's an "our priorities are not in alignment" issue which probably extends *way* beyond the type of ring that she wears. Red alert, indeed!

 

[BELLE1109]

I would consider adding an anniversary band or an enhancer but I would never replace my original stone

 

[Mrs. Charming]

My husband calls women like that "high maintenance"!

He would be offended, yes, but then again - he'd never have married someone like that. He periodically comments on how grateful he is that he married someone down-to-earth and practical, who isn't fussy.

I remember how I got my engagement ring... We were walking through the mall, when my husband said, "You know what? You should have an engagement ring. There's a jeweler... let's go see what they've got!"

Now I could have picked anything in the store, I guess. But the first thing that caught my eye was a synthetic ruby shaped like a heart. It was just a birthstone ring, but it was perfect. The fact that it was cheap was just a bonus.


I love my ring, and I would never, ever "trade up". Every time I look at it, I think of my husband.

I think the woman in the etiquette column should think twice before getting married. She's not even married to her guy yet, and she already thinks he's chintzy and selfish. This doesn't bode well for future marital harmony. As for the fiance - he can do what he likes. If he does marry her, he's got fair warning of the kinds of conflicts they're likely to have in the future - and that he should ALWAYS keep the receipt whenever he gives her anything.

Same here on the bolded parts! My (and his) thoughts exactly.

 

[rie'smom]

My husband upgraded my ring to a 5 ct a few years ago. He bought it for our anniversary. It stays in my jewelry box. I wear my original ring all the time. I pull out the other ring a few times a year-balls, dinner parties, etc. Here's a picture if anyone is interested:

 

[twinklebug]

Is a ring really a symbol of the amount of love a man has for a woman? If so why isn't the woman buying one for the man to show her love for him?

I really don't "get" the whole ring thing. It's just an object to me, but then I don't like rings as they're always turning around on my fingers. Now if the tradition were to give/wear a nice necklace I might feel otherwise

 

[rie'smom]

Is a ring really a symbol of the amount of love a man has for a woman? If so why isn't the woman buying one for the man to show her love for him?

I really don't "get" the whole ring thing. It's just an object to me, but then I don't like rings as they're always turning around on my fingers. Now if the tradition were to give/wear a nice necklace I might feel otherwise

It's tradition. Tell your boyfriend, fiance, husband that you don't want a ring and that you want a necklace, mission accomplished.

 

[Belle0101]

I hated my ring. I didn't see it before I got it and I hated it on sight. I kept my thoughts to myself but after 10 years of marriage, I quit wearing it. After 23 years of marriage, I went and had my own designed and paid for it myself. Our financial situation is very different than it was 25 years ago and I see nothing wrong with wearing jewelry that I want to wear.

I would have never asked him to buy me something more than what he felt he could afford. However, now that I can afford it, I'm wearing it. I'm not sentimental.

I didn't like my ring either but I never said a word about it. Actually I still don't. We'll be married 14 years in January and just this past June I quit wearing my rings. DH has never said anything about it. Having said that, I haven't been wearing any jewelry - none of my other rings, watch, bracelet, earrings - and he's not a very observant person so he may not even realize it.

I never even liked the wedding band. I was limited in that I had to pick one that would look good with the engagement ring. DH however had pick over whatever he wanted. He got exactly what he wanted.

Like I said though, I've never said anything negative about it to him or anyone, except for this thread. He was proud of what he picked out which was what his budget and tastes reflected at the time. Just not my tastes.

 

[DebD4T]

A number of times over the years DH has asked me if I would like my engagement ring reset. Each time I tell him no.

He picked the ring out for me. I had no input what-so-ever. And honestly, even if I didn't care for the ring, I would have told him I loved it. It was something he chose for me and I really wouldn't have wanted to hurt his feelings by saying I don't like it.

Others may not agree with me, but honestly, it is not something I really care about.

 

[Tink888]

Didn't read through the entire thread.......

DH chose my ring all by himself and I love it. Wouldn't dream of asking for a new one.

I think if one of my son's came home after buying an engagement ring for someone and told me she told him to get her a bigger one, I'd tell him to shop around for a better girlfriend.

 

[RitaE]

The thing that gets me is that she's "just recently engaged." heck, she's not even married yet and she already hates her ring. Why on earth did they buy it?

I've been through 4 or 5 wedding bands over 20 plus years, I've lost count. My taste in jewelry keeps changing and we're much richer now. We can afford better bling.

I really don't have much of a sentimental value to any of my rings, although I've kept them all. Maybe the one I'm wearing because I think it's pretty cool. It was custom made for me from a jewelry store in Ireland. I hardly ever wear my engagement ring. I don't really like diamonds.

 

[goofyernmost]

Oh, I'd take it back alright, but not to make it larger. It would be to make it disappear. I cannot believe that anyone would be so possession driven that it would be important to have a larger ring. The only exception would be if the giver were stinking rich and was too cheap to buy a good one. Anything else would be crass and classless.

I believe that the attachment for an engagement ring would be the occasion and profession of Love. The emotional attachment or value, if you will, is the important one.

My wife divorced me but I noticed that she didn't return the engagement ring nor has she gotten rid of it (daughters told me). So it must have some value other than the market value.

 

[DawnCt1]

DH bought me a larger engagement ring which I love. I love my original one as well so I bought a pair of quarter carat diamond earrings and had the jeweler place them at 10 o'clock and 2 o'clock. I then put the finished product on a chain. I wear it all of the time. I love it!

 

[heatherwillmom]

DH bought me a larger engagement ring which I love. I love my original one as well so I bought a pair of quarter carat diamond earrings and had the jeweler place them at 10 o'clock and 2 o'clock. I then put the finished product on a chain. I wear it all of the time. I love it!

 

[jrmasm]

I've thought about this some more and would like to change my answer slightly.

I have been married for 16 years. My husband and I are in a very different place now than we were then. If at any point in the future I decide I would like to replace my engagement ring with a new one, I will do just that. After all these years, I know my husband would have no problem with that kind of request.

So anyone that does have a problem with it can kiss my rump because it's none of your danged business.

And I'll be taking my 6 year old with me to the liquor store tonight.

 

[twinklebug]

So anyone that does have a problem with it can kiss my rump because it's none of your danged business.

And I'll be taking my 6 year old with me to the liquor store tonight.

I think you're 100% right. Engagement/marriage rings are all very personal and no one has a right in telling you what to do with them... errr... providing they're not inherited items that you're in a sibling feud over and planing on pawning

BTW - our local liquor store has silly bands on the counter Think I'll go visit that thread...

 

[2binak]

DH told me when we got engaged, that he planned to buy me a bigger diamond one day. For one of our anniversaries, he brought me to a local jewelry store and told me to pick out a bigger diamond. Instead, I opted for a new mounting and had my original engagement diamond placed in the new mounting. The original diamond is small, but I just couldn't give it up. My taste in jewelry has changed in the years since we got engaged so my current ring looks nothing like my original ring, but that little diamond is still there. It just has a few sparkly friends now...

 

[ElizK]

DH designed my ring and then had it made. It's one of a kind. He was 19, and I was 17 scared1 at the time. (He gave it to me on his 20th bday, a month before my 18th.) It's a 1/3 karat marquis, but good quality.

A few years ago it caught on something and got mangled. The only think he didn't like about the ring was how narrow the gold was, so when we took it to have it fixed we had the band widened. I toyed with the idea of getting a different setting (not a different stone), but realized that I am emotionally attached to the one I had.

For our 20th anniversary he designed an anniversary band for me! The diamond is 1/2 karat, I think. That's the only kind of upgrade I'm interested in: what he chooses for me.

 

[jodifla]

I picked out the ring I wanted. It was modest at a half-carat, with two small diamonds in the band. At 10 years, he added a diamond anniversary band from Tiffany's. Those two will do me just fine!

 

[mommy2allgirls]

In no way do I want an upgrade. My dh spent hours picking out and designing my ring. He knew what cut I wanted but i left the rest to him. He picked a diamond that was the best he could have gotten a bigger diamond but it wasn't as good as the one he got. This ring is important to me because he took time to pick out the best diamond and designed the band. We have been married almost 8 years and everytime i look at my ring I still smile and get giddy! I will get an anniversary brand on our ten year but I will wear it on my other hand

 

[Mrs. Darcy]

I think her husband should get her a bigger diamond if he can afford it. True an engagement is about the relationship and the promise to love each other in marriage, but why not have a big diamond to go with the wonderful feelings you have for each other? Some men are just cheap and use the excuse that if you're not happy with a small diamond then you're not really in love with the guy or you're showoffy. That's not necessarily true.