Trend of women upgrading engagement diamond because it's "too small". Thoughts?

[AKL_Megs]

I'm lucky in that my loving husband took on a side job clearing out burnt out houses in Downtown Detroit with his uncle's company to save money for my engagement ring before we got engaged. We were in college at the time, too, but I got exactly what I wanted!

If I ever want something different, I'd consider it an "anniversary ring".

 

[SpecialK]

I upgraded and never looked back. My husband could not have cared less, so I guess neither one of us is sentimental about our jewelry.

If you're going to wear a ring every day for the rest of your life, you should have something that you like that suits your taste.

 

[tinkermom23]

I don't get it honestly, but that might be because of my overall perspective on jewelery. DH's uncle owns the jewelery shop where we got my rings, and he swears I'm the only woman ever to stand in his store and argue for a smaller diamond.

To me, the value of an engagement ring is sentimental. It is a reminder of that new-love feeling, and often of those lean but happy starting out years. To me, a replacement wouldn't have the same meaning and I wouldn't choose to replace my ring for any reason.

My engagement ring is a simple solitaire and my wedding ring is a plain gold band, which is just what I wanted. If I ever get the itch for something flashier, I'll ask DH to have a wrap-around anniversary band made to add to the set rather than replacing the original.

:

 

[DisneyFan32WI]

I returned mine and upgraded for a larger diamond.

I did this about 2 years into our marriage. I felt kinda bad about it, but I thought he clearly knew what I wanted to begin with.....

 

[superme80]

That's why single men should start putting aside money for their future fiancee's engagement ring. Then when the time comes they can get her a big beautiful ring she deserves.

I tell my son this when I take him into Tiffany's to flirt with all the sales associates. Oh and that mommy likes diamonds too!

 

[ChrisFL]

If a man gets on his knees and shows the ring he wants to give the woman he wants to spend the rest of his life with, and she says "it's too small", he may want to reconsider his plans.

Especially if she's going to say that about other things too!

 

[luv2sew]

Ok get ready your going to love this story...and I swear it's all true.

Received my first ring on Valentine's day it was just handed to me....He picked it out the same way he picked all my gifts out...the cheapest one he could find.

I HATED it and couldn't bring myself to even consider wearing it...it was a chip inside an outside round piece of silver that tried to make it look larger. I worked as an assistant buyer in a retail store and it embarrassed me to even think about wearing it and showing to all the other girls who had rocks on their fingers....no I did not want a rock but I didn't want a chip either, would have preferred nothing really.

So I told him I didn't like it and he agreed to let me pick another.....well when I went to the store to find one about the same price.....ugh ....I did my best and picked out something I at least liked a little. I wore that ring and our blessed day was 2 years away ....and a couple of months before our wedding a friend of his convinced him to spend $500 (this was 30 years ago) on a drum set, which we were going to be living in an apartment.... to join his band...he did

So I went to the jewelry store and purchased a marques 1/3 caret on an estate sale for $500.....

We bought our wedding rings together and he "said" he would wear one....he wore it the day we got married and maybe a few after that.....

We are married 29 years.....I have not worn any rings for probably the last 10 years...hands got larger and never bothered to have them sized up.

he doesn't wear any rings......I don't wear any.....It's just the way it is.
I would not have done anything different, why should I pretend to like something I didn't.

 

[LovableGluttons]

My husband and I were pretty poor when we got engaged and didn't want to borrow money to but rings. So we bought cheap plain bands from Service Merchandise. We had an agreement that every year we didn't buy my ring, the carat size would increase by a quarter carat. At the end of our seventeenth year, I made my annual statement of the new upcoming carat weight and something finally clicked with DH. One of his coworkers asked him if he knew how much money 4.5carats would cost. When DH found out, he dragged me down to Kay Jewelers to buy my rings. To get the right Leo diamonds in the right platinum settings took 8 months!

No, no upgrades in my future. My rings and stones are perfect!

 

[mhsjax]

I personally don't think men should ever shop for a ring without the woman. If you are going to spend that amount of money, and lets face it, even a small one is expensive, you want one that she likes. I am not talking about size, I am talking about the style and cut.

DH and I have very different taste and he knows not to buy anything unless he can return it, or he shows it to me first.

Now, as far as that article, if the DF is truly buying the good stuff for himself, and not her, then I say ditch him and his ring, cause it will only get worse.

 

[TLuvsD]

Dh picked out my engagement ring...wonderful. Put it in a solatire setting to surprize me (he did--was sooo not expecting that proposal---dropped the ring, etc). I loved it the way it was, so that's how it stayed. He expected to have it reset with additional diamonds.
Fast forward 19 years, wedding rings are lost. I'm heartbroken, crying took the house apart. Took the car in and had all the seats removed. No rings. Call the insurance company, they will send a check, DH says buy whatever you want.
You know what, all I wanted was those rings. MY rings. I stall around, but finally agree to go look for rings. Insurance check arrives the day I FOUND MY RINGS. I am one happy camper. We did have the one wedding band reset--it was channel set and very uncomfortable, so the jeweler took the diamonds out (small) and reset them. But the plain thin gold band and the solitaire are my rings.
So, if the issue is the b2b is greedy, well my vote is no. If the issue is the guy just thinks of himself, she needs a new fiance not a new ring.

 

[klacey1]

This morning I read in my local newspaper's etiquette column about a woman who was just recently engaged. She said she believed her engagement ring diamond was too small. She wanted her husband to go buy her a new ring. He didn't want to.

My question to the ladies of the DIS: would you ask your DH to buy you a new ring because you thought it was too small? Is she being resonable? Should the husband comply?

Men (if any even open this thread-- I know we have the daunting word "engagement" in the title ): would you be offended if your DH/DFi wanted a new ring?

For the record, the woman in the column said they could afford a bigger ring and that her DH bought "the nicest stuff for himself" but chose to get her a small diamond.

I'm just curious to hear what everyone thinks!

I swear this exact article was in the "Connect" section of the Providence Journal (where I went to college, I like to keep up with the news there)! This woman said they were in their 40's and the responder said "Well yes, you're ungrateful. Appreciate the symbolic gift."
Again-- I agree with the responder. If I were her husband, I would feel so insulted. I'm sure he spends money on her in many other ways.

 

[C.Ann]

I think if the husband decides to upgrade the ring because now he can afford more its ok. but I do think its wrong for a wife to expect it. Its like saying what he gave her wasn't good enough.

I agree..

And when I married for the second time, I requested no ring at all.. I'm not a big fan of diamonds anyhow..

 

[bigbabyblues]

I traded my original engagement ring for a bigger for our 9th anniversary. My husband had no problem with it at all. I wanted a round one, and that's what I got. It has since been reset into white gold, and for our 10th anniversary, I got a diamond anniversary band (no, I didn't ask for that or pick it out, DH did).

I guess that makes me greedy and selfish.

 

[monorailsilver]

I voted no.

Before I got engaged I told my now dh what I wanted. I didn't say a size as I didn't care. My great, great Aunt had the 3 stone ring (this was before they became popular in 2000) & I loved it. The stones were tiny & I still loved it. So I wanted a ring just like it/similar.

After I got my ring, my dh told me he could of had a bigger diamond but it would of been lesser quality. Well that was a no brainer to me, better quality stone is more important then a bigger stone, right?

A few months into our engagement, my stone started to twirl. I was so upset that I had to give up my setting for a new one. It was still 3 stones but it wasn't the same. I am finally over it now as it has been 10 years but still I hated giving up the setting could you imagine the diamond too?

Oh & back to the size thing. When my dh & I went to precana classes, there was this girl in front of us who kept flashing her ring so we could see it. It was way too obvious. It was the size of a nickel or a bit bigger but in a square shape & it had 2 sapphire triangles on the sides of it. There was no sparkle to that ring. I kept looking at my itty bitty 3/4 karat center stone & smiled since mine was prettier because it was not gaudy (sp) & it shines & sparkles.

 

[Rora]

OP here!

It was interesting reading everyone's responses!

DH and I were engaged while we were in college and money was very very tight (it still is !). DH and I went to look for rings one day just out of curiosity. I fell in love with a 1/3 carat radiant cut diamond. It was in his price range and the jeweler set up a payment plan for him. Not even a month later, he proposed with the ring I loved!

Sometimes I feel jealous of my friends/cousins who have 1 carat or bigger diamonds but I'm happy.

 

[Mrs. Darcy]

I tell my son this when I take him into Tiffany's to flirt with all the sales associates. Oh and that mommy likes diamonds too!

Good training for your son and starting him young! Who knows, he may fall in love some day with a Tiffany clerk and get a huge discount on a huge rock, and have enough money left over to buy you some "mother appreciation" bling!

My husband knew I'd love a big diamond although I never actually came out and said it to him, but he told me he wanted to get me the best he could. So he saved for a long time and was happy to put that big beautiful ring on my finger. Then I was doubly excited "I'm engaged!!!!!!" and "My ring is awesome!""

I know I'll sound shallow but if he gave me a small stone I'd have been disappointed.

 

[Mrs. Darcy]

Especially if she's going to say that about other things too!

Well my husband has big hands, so that was a deal-maker! In fact, I ordered his ring with the wrong size and didn't find out until I almost ripped his skin off trying to get the darn thing on him during our ceremony! lol

 

[Luv Bunnies]

I got a whole new wedding set after our 10th anniversary. I didn't just ask for it, we actually planned to do it that way when we got engaged. We bought our original rings when we were just out of college and didn't have a ton of money. My diamond was 1/10th of a carat and the wedding bands had little diamond chips on them. We both liked them but agreed that we would buy new rings after we struck it rich (or at least when we had more money).

We took a cruise to the Carribean around our 8th anniversary and bought a 1/2 carat diamond that was mounted on my original ring. After a couple more years, we decided we wanted new bands. DH's band was a little thin and he wanted a thicker one. We had my 1/2 carat diamond mounted on a thin band and put two diamond bands on either side (one as a wedding band and the other as a 10th anniversary band). DH chose a two-toned gold band that he loves. We put our old rings in our china cabinet next to our cake topper.

For our 25 anniversary (in 2 1/2 more years), DH said we could think about getting a 1 carat diamond for my ring. We haven't totally decided but we're thinking about it!

 

[RangerPooh]

Sometimes I have to wonder how old people are who respond by saying "I would have turned him down if it was smaller than---", or "it needs to be atleast---". I'm not saying that anyone in this thread has said that, but living in a college town you hear it a lot. My ring is a 1/2 carrot solitare and I love it. I do have friends who I think are shallow by stating their ring has to be X size, and have known people to turn down the first ring selected for them, and no we don't come from affluent families.

This summer there was a sign hanging outside of the local jeweler saying "Is your daughters ring bigger than yours?" Suggesting to the dads who had come to pick up their kids, it's time to think about upgrading. Now if my husband was to upgrade my ring it would be nice, but not expected. We got married 7 years ago while in college and I love my ring. It's a decent size and of excellent quality, which is better than I can say of some friends large stones.

 

[descovy]

We were 24 & 21 when we got married and just starting out. My engagement ring was (and still is) .20 carrats (yes, one fifth a carrat)

In time, he's given me other jewlery, nice little luxuries, but that is still MY wedding ring. It is what it is. And I will never trade up.

My aunt & uncle were married in 1979. I think from the story, diamonds that year were CRAZY inflated in price. My aunt's ring is just a speck of a diamond, with silver or whitle gold nestled around it to make it "look" like a stone. Yes, all these years later, that is still her wedding ring.

I guess I don't get the upgrade thing. It is JUST a piece of jewlery. It says nothing about how much he loves you. Wear it, and if the opportunity presents itself, drip yourself in diamonds and baubles if so fortunate.