Trend of women upgrading engagement diamond because it's "too small". Thoughts?

[mom2rb]

I am voting other. I loved my wedding ring. It made me happy. I never would have upgraded it, but it was stolen in August. I took the insurance money and added to it. I kept the same design but I made the diamonds much bigger. I am calling it the ring DH would have bought me if he had money when I married him.

 

[stsomewhere]

My husband bought me a new ring for 13 yrs. There was a ring on our cruise that I loved. He surprised me and bought it. I still have my original ring. My husband wanted to get me a bigger ring since his status had changed since college.

 

[disykat]

I see nothing wrong with 'upgrading' or changing the ring at some point. However, the OP said the woman was recently engaged. Red alert!

 

[Andy B]

When we got engaged I could not afford much of a ring, a small coral and pearl ring not really an engagement ring, I have since bought my wife a diamond and Opal eternity ring. She has never mentioned wanting jewellery once although I have bought some necklaces, even if I wanted to I could never match the items she inherited, a three diamond ring, I don't know the size but they look big to me, Platinum and diamond broaches and gold bangles with diamond inserts.

We will be married for 25 years next year, we are not materialistic people.

 

[Bren's Mom]

My dh let me have input on my ring since I was going to be the one wearing it every day. We chose one within a very reasonable budget, and I love it. Even if we won lotto, I might buy lots of pretty rings but I'd never upgrade or change my engagement ring/wedding ring set. I'm sentimental about it.

 

[design_mom]

I wouldn’t want to trade my engagement ring (and would be crushed if something happened to it), even though I’m sure we could afford a nicer one now. It’s a symbol.

However, if her fiancé knew the ring was really important to her, could comfortably afford to provide it, yet chose to buy something expensive for himself instead of getting her the ring, I think that says something about the relationship. Then, I would probably be upset too -- not about the actual size of the diamond, but about to the lack of consideration. I’m not sure I’d have enough guts to complain about the gift after I’d accepted it, but…

 

[luvsJack]

I think if the husband decides to upgrade the ring because now he can afford more its ok. but I do think its wrong for a wife to expect it. Its like saying what he gave her wasn't good enough.

 

[robinb]

I voted "other" because I picked out my own engagement ring. That way I got exactly what I wanted the first time.

 

[LuvLDM]

My diamond has sentimental value, so there's no way I'm "upgrading".

I'm happy with what he gave me, and because he got me the best diamond he could afford at that time, it makes it even more special.

This is how I feel.
I don't really get the concept of "upgrading" ones engagement ring, there can only be one....the ring your Dh gave you when he proposed

 

[grafxgirl]

I have small hands so my diamond, that he picked out on his own, was a simple 1/2 carat marquise cut. A few years later, he took me to a jewelry store and told me to pick out a wrap for it, to dress it up. I'm perfectly happy with the one I have. I've never asked for anything more.

 

[Becky2005]

I honestly think they should be choosen together. If I am going to wear something for the rest of my life it should be something I have a choice in.

The size should not matter but the style should.

Denise in MI

I did this because I am really, really picky about jewelry. I ended up with a funky set that is marquee shape but with a row of small diamonds in an arc shape (so it's really not a perfect circle which made the speech about the ring a bit comical to me at my wedding -- yes there is a circle but umm..my ring has a beginning & end on top anyway).

The engagement ring looks a little dorky by itself but when it's with the wedding ring is something I liked.

My DH would have NEVER in a million years picked out this ring. He would have gone with a traditional solitaire which I really don't like. He told me he would have just gone and picked a basic standard ring because to him they are "all the same" -- it's a piece of rock on some metal. (Yes, Mr. romantic he is not but I love him anyway).

 

[kwitcherkicken99]

I never had an engagement ring (nor did I want one...) and all I have is a wedding band. I wouldn't have it any other way.

How much my partner spent on a piece of jewelry does not denote the type of relationship I have.

Sounds like she's selfish and needy.

 

[Magpie]

This morning I read in my local newspaper's etiquette column about a woman who was just recently engaged. She said she believed her engagement ring diamond was too small. She wanted her husband to go buy her a new ring. He didn't want to.

My question to the ladies of the DIS: would you ask your DH to buy you a new ring because you thought it was too small? Is she being resonable? Should the husband comply?

Men (if any even open this thread-- I know we have the daunting word "engagement" in the title ): would you be offended if your DH/DFi wanted a new ring?

For the record, the woman in the column said they could afford a bigger ring and that her DH bought "the nicest stuff for himself" but chose to get her a small diamond.

I'm just curious to hear what everyone thinks!

My husband calls women like that "high maintenance"!

He would be offended, yes, but then again - he'd never have married someone like that. He periodically comments on how grateful he is that he married someone down-to-earth and practical, who isn't fussy.

I remember how I got my engagement ring... We were walking through the mall, when my husband said, "You know what? You should have an engagement ring. There's a jeweler... let's go see what they've got!"

Now I could have picked anything in the store, I guess. But the first thing that caught my eye was a synthetic ruby shaped like a heart. It was just a birthstone ring, but it was perfect. The fact that it was cheap was just a bonus.

I love my ring, and I would never, ever "trade up". Every time I look at it, I think of my husband.

I think the woman in the etiquette column should think twice before getting married. She's not even married to her guy yet, and she already thinks he's chintzy and selfish. This doesn't bode well for future marital harmony. As for the fiance - he can do what he likes. If he does marry her, he's got fair warning of the kinds of conflicts they're likely to have in the future - and that he should ALWAYS keep the receipt whenever he gives her anything.

 

[robinb]

I see nothing wrong with 'upgrading' or changing the ring at some point. However, the OP said the woman was recently engaged. Red alert!

Why should she settle for something she doesn't like that she will wear for the rest of her life? My ring is handmade from rose gold with white gold accents (and wedding band) with an emerald cut diamond. My DH, the artist and I designed it together. I still get complements on it nearly 20 years later. Yellow gold looks terrible with my skin tone and and a more traditional cut diamond isn't me. And honestly, I would have had a fit if my fiance came home with a heart shaped diamond .

 

[heatherwillmom]

My DH had hinted as to my favorite type of diamond. I told him marquise. He surprised me with a 1 carat marquise. I stopped wearing my engagement ring temporarily during pregnancy due to my hands swelling. While I wasn't wearing it, DH took it from my jewelry box & had it re-set into a larger band which functions as wedding band too. He had extra diamonds added to the sides. If I had gone looking for the ring, I would have panicked. I love what he did not only because the ring is beautiful, but because he did it for me. I didn't have to tell up to "upgrade it' which I find insulting

 

[joviroxx]

When we got married, DH got me all he could afford and loved it. On our 10th anniversary we were doing much better. I had lost a lot of weight and it needed resizing. He offered to take it for me and get it cleaned and resized (I knew my new size). On our anniversary he gave me a little box. He had gone and upgraded my ring.

For a second , I missed my little 1/4 carat ring. But this new one means just as much, if not more, to me. It is a sign of everything we've gone through and accomplished. I never asked for it, its just something he did. He did good LOL!.

Truthfully, I try not judge what goes on in a marriage. There are always different sides to a story and many missing details. We all have different things we value.

 

[Pakey]

I hated my ring. I didn't see it before I got it and I hated it on sight. I kept my thoughts to myself but after 10 years of marriage, I quit wearing it. After 23 years of marriage, I went and had my own designed and paid for it myself. Our financial situation is very different than it was 25 years ago and I see nothing wrong with wearing jewelry that I want to wear.

I would have never asked him to buy me something more than what he felt he could afford. However, now that I can afford it, I'm wearing it. I'm not sentimental.

 

[Magpie]

Why should she settle for something she doesn't like that she will wear for the rest of her life? My ring is handmade from rose gold with white gold accents (and wedding band) with an emerald cut diamond. My DH, the artist and I designed it together. I still get complements on it nearly 20 years later. Yellow gold looks terrible with my skin tone and and a more traditional cut diamond isn't me. And honestly, I would have had a fit if my fiance came home with a heart shaped diamond .

I think the "red alert" is because the woman is complaining that he buys nice stuff for himself, and only got her this wee little diamond. That's not "Sweetie, this ring looks terrible on my finger, could we get a different style?" it's "You jerk, you spent less on my ring than you did on your media center!"

Can you just imagine what their marriage will be like?

BTW - I'm totally behind couples picking out the ring together (or at least consulting each other, as in the PP who requested a round diamond).

 

[robinb]

I think the "red alert" is because the woman is complaining that he buys nice stuff for himself, and only got her this wee little diamond. That's not "Sweetie, this ring looks terrible on my finger, could we get a different style?" it's "You jerk, you spent less on my ring than you did on your media center!"

Can you just imagine what their marriage will be like?

BTW - I'm totally behind couples picking out the ring together (or at least consulting each other, as in the PP who requested a round diamond).

But the "red alert" is not just on the bride-2-be. Maybe the groom-2-be really is a jerk that spends more on himself. In that case maybe they shouldn't get married because they are not suited to each other. I just wouldn't jump to the conclusion that the b2b is the one at fault here.

 

[Mrs. Charming]

This morning I read in my local newspaper's etiquette column about a woman who was just recently engaged. She said she believed her engagement ring diamond was too small. She wanted her husband to go buy her a new ring. He didn't want to.

My question to the ladies of the DIS: would you ask your DH to buy you a new ring because you thought it was too small? Is she being resonable? Should the husband comply?

Men (if any even open this thread-- I know we have the daunting word "engagement" in the title ): would you be offended if your DH/DFi wanted a new ring?

For the record, the woman in the column said they could afford a bigger ring and that her DH bought "the nicest stuff for himself" but chose to get her a small diamond.

I'm just curious to hear what everyone thinks!

DH and I went together, and actually we brought my (our?) friend Laurie with us. However, we discussed what we wanted to spend etc beforehand.

I do think it's ungrateful for the bride-to-be (or not be, if the man is smart!) to raise a stink about the ring. It's a token of affection. This whole carat size status symbol thing drives me nuts-- especially when the woman equates ring size with how much the man "loves" her. Oye.

This reminds me of a story. I swear, this lady in the mall the other day was deliberately posing in certain ways to give others' the best view of her doorknob-sized ring. Both my friend and I noticed it, and I don't think she realized she looked silly, not impressive.

That said, I do think I'd be a little upset if the man had all nice things like huge TV's, a luxury car, etc and only bought a half carat ring from say, Walmart. (for example!)

In either case, they need to keep a divorce lawyer on retainer.