The Official New Mom Thread Part 2

[lil mermaid]

Icebrat,

to you. Two year olds can be difficult - whether or not they have issues! Add to that everything that poor little Tess has been through - including being abandoned by her mother, well there are bound to be issues adjusting.

I hope that you will take Kim's advice in the spirit that it has been intended. I truly believe that her only agenda is to help you guys. I hope that you will check out some of the resources she provided.

I totally agree that Tess needs some professional help and that some parenting classes could help you and your DP greatly.

Good luck to all of you.

 

[kdibattista]

I will respect "your" thread and leave. I won't be back once my daughter comes home and I'm a new mom as I was hoping to do. I honestly was not trying to start trouble or be rude.

I truly hope you look into the resources I have mentioned and I hope you all get the help you need. I hope you have a wonderful life together. There is nothing more beautiful then the adoption of a child... although I'm a bit biased.

 

[zalansky]

My point was that you never have posted on this thread before and then all of a sudden show up giving all this advice to Icebrat - which tells me you searched for her posts and found here here. Then, IMO, you insult another member (diskim) of this thread by being flat out rude - when she was just trying to help. Sorry but that doesn't sit well with me. Feel free to go back and read the past 10,000 posts on this thread. You won't see any rudeness or nastiness from one person - which is why I love it so much. So, I am sorry if I took offense to your coming here and being mean.

 

[kdibattista]

My point was that you never have posted on this thread before and then all of a sudden show up giving all this advice to Icebrat - which tells me you searched for her posts and found here here. Then, IMO, you insult another member (diskim) of this thread by being flat out rude - when she was just trying to help. Sorry but that doesn't sit well with me. Feel free to go back and read the past 10,000 posts on this thread. You won't see any rudeness or nastiness from one person - which is why I love it so much. So, I am sorry if I took offense to your coming here and being mean.

I've been in the process of adopting for awhile now. I used to find comfort coming here and experiencing what you "new moms" are experiencing, knowing that shortly I will be experiencing those same things. I look for advice... I read about the problems, the excitement, the joy, the heartache... I read and dream that soon that will be me.... I would kill for that. I'm sorry that I offended when I posted for the first time on this obviously exclusive thread something that I could actually contribute to. I won't make that mistake again.

 

[DisKim]

zalansky - Thank you and well said. I thought she was being rude to icebrat by making an assumption that she would get frustrated and give up and I was just trying to make icebrat feel better.

For goodness sake, I was a psych major and believe wholeheartedly in therapy. I was not saying that Tess won't need help but I don't think people need to come on this thread and give icebrat a heart attack by telling her all the problems she could have.

Seriously, I have better things to do with my time than argue with some know-it-all on the internet who likes to attack people who are just trying to help someone.

ETA - kdibattista - We're far from an exclusive thread. You are the one who attacked me.

 

[justhat]

Okay, I haven't read anything since last night except this page, but based on that I do have something to say. One of my cousins was raised in an environment very similar to Tess'. My uncle divorced his wife when their son was an infant and basically had nothing to do with him after that. What was worse was that his mother was an alcoholic and physically and mentally abusive (as were her many "boyfriends"). She once left him home alone for an entire weekend when he was 11 months old, in his crib with some bottles and crackers. My mother and grandmother tried to help out as much as possible but she was very restrictive with their visitation and cut it all off after he was about 1yo. Eventually she relinquished custody to my grandparents but this was not until he was almost 6 years old. They did not give him any counseling as it was simply not something my grandparents would have thought of at all. He adjusted fine living with them, finished high school, went to trade school to become a diesel mechanic, is married and has an 8yo daughter.

Did it take him time to get over the 6 years of heck he went through? Yes, it did. He had a long period of adjustment, learning to trust and love, form healthy relationships, etc., but he got through it without any professional help. He even has a good (albeit not so close) relationship with his father who came back into his life when he moved in with my grandparents.

I'm not in any way saying all outcomes are like this or that this is what will happen with Tess. My point was just to provide an example that some kids can overcome adversity with just love, a consistent home environment, support, and everything else that Malaysia and her DP are providing. That's my opinion, just like others are entitled to hold the opinion that without psychological help the child will not thrive. Tess has only been there a week so, yeah, she's gonna have outbursts, tantrums, etc. Part of it is the huge change she's going through, another part is testing her limits as a normal 2yo will, and another part is based on her life thus far. If this were still happening a year from now then I'd agree that a visit to a psychologist might be in order, but right now my thought is to give it time.

Sure, therapy is great for kids. There's no way I could say otherwise as I was in a doctoral program in child psychology until my daughter was born. So I'm a huge believer in child therapy and think it can help kids a lot. But do I think it's always necessary? Short answer is no. There's no mold or cookie cutter diagnosis to follow. Yes, a lot of adopted kids will benefit from therapy and thrive in ways they otherwise could not have, but for some others they'll be just fine without it too. So to say that this child's (or any child's) life will be ruined because they're not getting professional help seems like a big generalization.

 

[zalansky]

I love when people come here and are rude and then expect a warm welcome and call us a clique, or exclusive. Moms on this thread can tell you that we have been more than welcoming to people who come and play nice.

For the first time in 3.5 years on the DIS, I have utilized the ignore feature!

 

[nucpharm29]

Wow, gone for a day and just look what happens! Hey, at least I can count on ya'll for a little excitement! Just wanted to pop in and say "howdy"--going to meet up with a friend and her two kids (I don't know if ya'll remember, but I drove from wisconsin to Ohio with a mom and her 2 kids last year--that's who we're going to meet) Anyway, now that I've discoverd DFIL's computer room (been a chore in this mansion to find anything )I'll pop in more frequently! Chat later!

 

[Ilike2Lurk]

My point was that you never have posted on this thread before and then all of a sudden show up giving all this advice to Icebrat - which tells me you searched for her posts and found here here.

Maybe she has been lurking here, since she will soon be a new mom?

She gave some good points to Icebrat001. Dis-Kim, although she meant well, gave very poor advice. Tess will NEVER "get past this in a few weeks and eventually forget about her old life." That was a very misleading statement.

I think you should be happy that someone came along and tried to actually help Tess and Icebrat001. I am sure many of the "regular" moms in this thread have wanted to say the same thing, but did not want to hurt Icebrat001's feelings.

 

[justhat]

DisKim - All I have to say about your Santa gifts is that Madison will not be seeing that photo cause she did not do as well! Just kidding cause I know you have 3 of them, but wow, that scares me for what next year will be like. I got off easy this year giving Henry an exersaucer I bought in June and 2 junky toys. Cute photos of your kids, btw!

Joats - I didn't get to it in my last post but that photo of Jace is priceless! My mom still has mine in a frame in her living room so hold onto that. I was born in June too so must be something with 18 month olds and Santa.

Hillbeans - Your new sig photo is adorable! Oh, and I saw your thread about Caradana and just had to tell you that she and I went to kindergarten together. She actually found me on these boards and somehow put it together that she knew me 20 years ago!

Dizagain - When are you moving exactly? If it's really soon, I wouldn't worry so much about Carson's sleeping yet cause I'm sure the move will mess with his schedule a bit anyway. Madison was like that with CIO. She'd just cry and cry and cry and never stop till finally we'd pick her up and she'd instantly close her eyes, only to pop them back open the minute we put her down. Good news is that at 2.5yo she suddenly decided that she could stay in her own bed every night (well, for the most part, she did climb into our bed around 5am today). Of course, that bed is still in our room, but I think she'd be okay in her own room now if I weren't so afraid of her climbing up the stairs in the middle of the night.

I hear Henry waking and I have to put away some laundry before he's really up. A friend is coming to visit tomorrow so I need to clean the mess I live in. She's actually going to WDW next week and I just got her reeled into this site!

 

[justhat]

I love when people come here and are rude and then expect a warm welcome and call us a clique, or exclusive. Moms on this thread can tell you that we have been more than welcoming to people who come and play nice.

For the first time in 3.5 years on the DIS, I have utilized the ignore feature!

Zalansky you just made me notice that I've been on these boards 4 years! I hope my husband doesn't see that cause he makes fun of all the time I spend on here and if he knew it were 4 years...!

 

[floridafam]

Morning mommies,

We all slept in this morning. I was SO tired. Dh got me Dunkin Donuts last night because of the pain in my tooth. So, I'm enjoying one of those for breakfast.

My tooth is still hurting but I'm going to wait it out until next week unless it gets to the point where I can't stand it. You know, where you just want to hit your mouth with a hammer rather than have the pain.

Have a great day, everyone!

 

[zalansky]

FF - you just reminded me I have Pillsbury Cinnabon rolls in the fridge that I meant to make this morning! I am going to fire up the oven right now! Sorry your tooth is hurting.

I still can't believe how fast this year went by, of course the older I get, the faster it goes!

I just ordered Connor's birthday cake for his party Saturday and it cost $40. He wanted a Buzz Lightyear cake....hopefully that doesn't change between now and then. This little fiesta is costing us ALOT of money. I told DH we need to have a small party for him next year with just a few of his little buddies!

 

[justhat]

Happy Birthday Connor! (It's today right? Sorry, I really have no idea what the date is when Madison's not in school, it's like one long blur.)

 

[zalansky]

Yes - his official bday is today! We'll get a little cake but the party (pump it up) is Saturday. I can't believe 4 years has past....I keep thinking about the day he was born and keep trying to tell him about it and he could care less! Guess I will have to walk down memory lane alone today!

 

[DisKim]

HAPPY BIRTHDAY TO CONNOR!!!!!!!!!!!

 

[vald1977]

Hi moms ,
Loretta,
Happy Birthday to Connor ! Birthday parties end up costing a fortune no matter how you do it I think.

Diskim,
Holy mountain of presents Batman ! See why I always say I wish I was one of your kids ? Hope all is going well with the puppy (do we know his name yet?) .

Joats,
I just love the pics of Jace riding his train . He's such a little cutie.

FF,
I hope you can hold out with the tooth. That has to be the worst pain on earth.

Tamie,
Yay for the ipod working! One day I may need to get myself one of those.

Justhat,
Enjoy the days of a couple of presents while you can .

BnB,
I love playing board games too. So far my ds is into it as well. I hope dd picks it up too and we can play lots of games as a family. I got Disney Scene it for Christmas but I haven't even looked at it yet.

Diz,
I hope you were able to calm Carson down .

Robin,
I love just dreaming through you about the spa. I've never had a manicure, massage or anything . I'm very deprived dontcha think ?

Hi to SL, J&D, GLT, and all the moms I am forgetting .

Today I am finally feeling halfway human again. My boss called yesterday and told me to take one more day to feel better which is good because I don't know if I could have made it today. Last night both of my ears were in excruciating pain and they popped and all this liquid came out . Sorry that's gross. Now one side is hard to hear out of again. Other than that though and feeling extremely tired I feel good.

I realized I never did tell you guys what I got for Christmas. I got some new jammies, a massage pad that fits into a chair and massages and heats your back and neck (heavenly!), a dustbuster (I told dh he better not get me this and wrap it for Christmas but he did anyway) , a new jacket with scarf and gloves, and the coolest thing- a 20 question ball! Have any of you played with these before? You think of something and it asks you 20 question and then guesses what your thinking. Yes, it's made for 8 year olds but it's totally neat .

I honestly don't remember if I took any pictures from Christmas at all. Such a shame if I didn't. I hope I never get sick at Christmas again! I'll have to check the camera and see if there is anything worth posting later.

Okay, enough babbling from me. Hope everyone is having a great day. TTYL.

 

[floridafam]

Happy Birthday Connor!!!!!!!!!!!

 

[cabmom]

Happy Birthday Connor

Hope you all have a great day!~

Marilynn

 

[DisneyPhD]

I agree that supporting Icebrat, her DP and Tess is the best thing for them. I have been really encouraging her to get it at home too because as great as Dis is, it can only go so far. (But I am so glad we can help you Icebrat, I have been thinking of you and praying for you and Tess daily.)

Justthat, children and people are resilient, but just because some can manage, or have in the past does not mean chances should be taken for current situations. The more support and info everyone has the better chances Tess has. Even though she might be fine with out, why take that risk? The sooner intervention happens the better the outcome is. The fact that DP and Ice are smart mature women is such an assets to Tess. She is coming from a place where she didn't really have a half a mom, and now she gets 2! How lucky is that? I have worked with situations like this in foster care and with patients in social work, but I have never been the foster or adoptive mother. I can't even imagine how difficult it would be. Hugs to you Ice and DP.

Keeping that in mind, it is better Tess is with them now instead of months or a year from now. It is better they have to learn one day at a time with her, instead of having her be in a bad environment while they learn and prepare. It is so wonderful that you and DP dropped everything to give Tess a safe family home Ice. This can not be easy and you have been doing a wonderful job with it.

I agree that the new mom's thread is a great place and I hope that Kdibattista does come back when her DD comes home. I know every mother can use support (and mom's to be.) I know this thread has been support to me.

FF, in the past 5 years (or less) I have had 5 root cannels. The last one and the 1st one have been the hardest (molars). I hope that is my last one ever. One thing I have learned the sooner the better. Putting it off doesn't help. This is not to say I haven't putt them off. I have. You are in more pain now then you will be when it is all over. The worst part really is they don't just get it all over with in one trip. Keep coming back and living with temporary fillings is the worst for me. If it is hurting I am guessing they are going to put you on antibiotics. Some I had them for, some not. Better to take them (as much as I hate taking them) then risk the infection. Best of luck. I feel for you, I really really do.

Tasha, great pictures. Wow, she is getting big.

Hope every has a good day. Lily woke up vomiting, so I don't get to go to the gym or out much today. She seems to be doing well. Not sure just when to take her to the doc. I will tmw if she isn't better. I am worried about traveling with ear issues. I don't want to take her in there and expose her to more though. We still have a few days to heal. Everyone is on zicam and other homopathic metholds like extra vitiman C.

On a lighter note, Happy Birthday Conner! Wow does time fly.