Hi Everyone
Wow it's been a long week and it's only Wednesday

. Anyway....I have to say that I've been through some mental roller coaster riding this week in terms of training and running in general. I have to say that I've developed this really dysfunctional relationship with running LOL.

I know that sometimes the running abuses me...but I keep on going back for more. I think that it abuses me because I don't always respect it! I miss running when I can't. I hate it when I can. I want to go faster. I compare myself to everyone out there that runs faster than me. Even when I do have a good run I'm still not satisfied. It all led me to ask the question...
"WHAT IS IT THAT I WANT FROM RUNNING???"
In the beginning, way back in January 2006, I really just wanted to start running because I knew it was a challenge for me. I knew that it would possibly take an act of God for me to view myself as A RUNNER. But that's what I wanted...a challenge, something BIG, a reason to call myself a runner. And here I sit, a full 1.5 years later, with all the miles under my belt...the multiple 5K races....a trail run....a 5 Mile race...a completed marathon.....a completed half marathon. And still, as strange as it sounds, I still do not consider myself a runner. I don't ever feel like a runner...when I'm at a race I feel like an imposter wearing a costume. There I am with my Nike running shorts and my Asics sneakers and my fancy watch.....stretching out like all the other runners, pinning my number on like all the other runners...but still, I feel like an alien. I don't look at others like that, some who are unable to run due to health reasons..those slower than me....those people are certainly runners. So why is it I'm unable to convince myself...ME....that I really am a runner and really deserve to be called a runner?
I know I keep saying it..but I really need to reevaluate what it is I want from running. Fitness? Sure

. Health? Sure

Thinner Legs? OF course

.
But for some reason that isn't enough. I've set goals for myself....maybe lofty ones...well, who knows. Running is so unpredictable. I can get hurt...things can get in the way of training....maybe I just can't go that fast LOL.

So I really need to step back and measure the little things...the small improvements....not some huge accomplishment. The day to day. It's very very hard for me to do that...just so you all know LOL! But I saw this quote from oprah (YES!!!

OPRAH....do NOT make fun of me Scott!!!)....
"The key to realizing a dream is to focus not on success but significance - and then even the small steps and little victories along your path will take on greater meaning." -Oprah Winfrey
So my dream is to really be satisfied with running me

. To feel like a runner...not an imposter....to enjoy my runs and races! My goal, my dream, is no longer to beat any particular time. Sure...if I run fast I'll be happy

...but I have to view EACH run as a success. If' I'm out there running...then it's a success! Bottom line

. Because that means I'm not hurt, I'm healthy and I'm able to do something good for myself that day!!!
OK...enough philosophizing for today. And...should I whine about my pace or anything along those lines...feel free to copy and paste this post

.
On to training.....
Monday: Day Off
Tuesday: 75 Min. Pilates, 3 Mile Run (9:18 pace!)
Wednesday: 60 Min. Pilates, 6 Mile Bike Ride (12 mph)
Sooo....I've started off really well! And I have also really improved my nutrition and water intake. Sure it's only been a few days of being super diligent...BUT...it's a start! Only 19 days to go to make it a habit LOL!
