Oh, the poor little guy. Fortunately, we havent had to deal with the death aspect with DD yet. However, she does fixate on big events & topics. She'll add in all sorts of strange details that may or may not be related and eventually start weaving a big event. It started just before she turned 3 & the older she gets the more in depth she goes. I think it's her way of figuring the world out & putting the puzzle together.
A few days ago I picked DD up early from daycare & the restaurant a few doors down had a grease fire that was just put out. There were a ton of fire trucks & other emergency vehicles in the parking lot - all the lights flashing - a real spectacle to a little kid. I told her there was a fire in the kitchen & she started talking about it & throwing in a ton of details. Fire in the kitchen, boys touched the hot pots even though Mommy told them not to, firemen poured water on hot pots, Fire boys went into the air to attack the fire, boys got big boo boos from touching hot pots. Five hours later when Daddy came home it was a 20 minute story. Three days later, she's still telling the story to anyone who listens (includes her stuffed animals & bowl of cereal) & it's getting longer...
I know driving past a bunch of fire trucks is no where on the scale of a death in the family, but I think compulsively talking about an event that drew their attention is a natural mechanism for the kids to find order in an otherwise chaotic world.
This is all so very reassuring, thank you!


And this:
I'm so sorry for your losses. I lost my Dad when I was a teenager. It still hurts. Every time I think about him, I still can't understand how life can go on without him, yet it does.
is the sweetest thing I've ever read. I cried when I read it. Nothing has ever summed up how I feel about my dad not being here as clearly as your lovely sentiment!

It's getting closer!
I think we're living similar lives...
I was just having similar thoughts the other day about "alone" time with my boys. When DS5 was in preK last year and I worked part time, he spent his mornings with me and got back home about 5:15 after having been picked up by Daddy. I picked DS8 up from his after school program at about 4:15, so we had an hour together then. This year, with both boys in the same school all day, I put them on the bus together and pick them up together -- neither one of them spends any alone time with me, and I think it's contributing to their problems getting along. I wish I had realized this was going to happen, and I would have made more of an effort to do special things alone with each boy this summer. Oh well! You've got Disney to make some great memories for him!
My younger son was 4 when my FIL died this past spring. He would randomly blurt out things like "Grandad's dead" (not especially easy to deal with while we were with my MIL, who didn't get that it was a developmentally appropriate thing to do). It's unnerving, but I chatted with the school psychologist who reassured me that it was ok. Their little brains just process things differently. Hopefully he'll start to settle down soon. A month isn't very long. I'd like to tell you that we're doing better, but his birthday was earlier this week and that was a small setback for the grownups, which of course gets translated right to the children!
Firstly, I am sorry your life is paralleling mine!

It's hard feeling like there's just not enough of you to go around, and not enough time in the day! It's very frustrating! I have been trying to spend some time alone with J.J., but generally that means that Sydney is somewhere with DH screaming in the house which I also feel bad about, or it's cutting into any alone/sleeping time that I have! I feel very stretched thin these days! Such is life as a mom, I guess!
I am glad to hear that it's appropriate for him to be saying strange things about death. I had assumed as much, but it's always good to hear! I feel like death is so hard for adults even, and it's just such a shock for children. My friend and her family were in a car accident when I was 10. My friend, her brother, and her parents died, and the two littlest kids survived. I still remember that day felt like it was a year, it was just so long. Plus, on top of that, another boy from my grade died of leukemia that same day. I didn't know him, but it was just so much at once. It was my first experience with death, and it was a very harsh one. It's just terrifying to realize that people you love can just be gone in an instant like that. And I was ten, so I was old enough to be able to talk about things and understand more. I can't imagine being three and having someone who lived in your house die. Even though we were able to prepare him more because we knew it was coming, it still must be hard. He has experienced far too much death in his little life...and up close and personal since we were at my parents house pretty much 24/7 for the 6 weeks my dad was dying, and then obviously we were here with my grandmother. Things should hopefully be looking up for him! And I'm sorry about your FIL. Birthdays are always hard. Anything that is an extra reminder of them just brings the loss to the forefront. I hope you're doing okay, and that your little ones are starting to come around. It sounds like you are having a rough month!
