The birds and bees talk with your son

[NHdisneylover]

DD12 and DS10 can't remember a time when they did not know the basics. DD turned 2 four days after DS was born. I bought the book Where Did I Come From while I was pregnant and we read it together several times so she would know what was going on (it is pretty long for a typical toddler--she was/is a book fanatic. It would be a good starter book for basic info for you now). Anyway, we kept that book on the shelves and read it every so often along with all our others books (a mix of fiction and non fiction).

Like others have said we have had a series of conversatoins over the years. Never one big talk. I want to build a foundation of trust in this area so we can keep having the talks as the years go by without too much embarassment. I also think they need to hear information over and over for it to really sink in. We also have It's Perfectly Normal which I think is a great book for the older/moving beyond the basics crowd.

Overall we treat information about sex in the same we we treated information about nutrition or any other health issue because that is what it is--a health issue.
This summer the kids went to camp. Kids at camp could be as old as 16. DD12 easily looks 16. I was concerned she might run into pressure to do things she hadn't really thought of (I used to teach Junior High--I do know it comes up that young at times) and reitterated for both kids some basic info and some specific things I thought might come up (which grossed them out thank goodness) and my feelings about those things. We also talked about drugs and alcohol (especially inhalants which might not seem like a drug to a 10 year old if he didn't know). And we talked about applying sunsceen and checking for ticks. Health and safety in various forms. As it turned out they only enountered one issue and it was bullying of my son by a few boys when they split into small groups while touring. They handled that well and got themselves out of a bad situation admirably.

Good luck deciding what to do with your son. Personally I think he is not too young for the information.

 

[DisneyBamaFan]

Have him watch Monty Python's: The Meaning of Life

 

[mumom95]

Thanks for all the advice.

I think I'll check out the book It's So Amazing and see if I like it. We have the book "Where did I come from", my MIL gave it to me, it was the copy that she gave to my dh when he was young. But honestly, I don't really want to use it. It's too hokey for me, so to speak. Maybe if I'd had this kind of talk with him when he was 6 or 7, but I'm hoping to find something that sounds a little more grown up.

I think the idea of smaller, multiple conversations is a good idea. My plan is to have a little talk about the basics of the birds and bees then give him a book to read. Then afterwards ask him if he's got any questions about what he read.

My son isn't a huge talker. He probably knows more than we realize. I do want to make sure I open the lines of communication with him, and that he knows he can always come to me with questions. I'm hoping it won't be too hard. I'm one of those people that will talk about anything with anybody, so hopefully my kids will realize I don't get embarrassed easily and they can bring things up.

My daughter is 8, and after reading everyone's replies I'm starting to think maybe we should have the talk with her too. She's different though. She tells me all kinds of things, so I doubt she's heard anything, because I'm pretty sure she would have told me. Plus, bless her heart, she's very naive (sp?). She'll probably still believe in Santa when she's 20. This past year a couple of kids in her class told her there was no Santa. She came home and told me they must be Jewish because Santa doesn't visit Jewish people. It never once dawned on her that there may not actually be a Santa.

Thanks again for the advice. Oh, and I was another one of those whose parents never had any kind of talk with them about sex. I had an older sister that filled me in on a lot though.

 

[NHdisneylover]

Another book you might like for your daughter is The Care and Keeping of You It does not get into the birds and the bees but it handles puberty for girls very well. It might be a very good place to start for her.

 

[Castlebound]

Another book you might like for your daughter is The Care and Keeping of You It does not get into the birds and the bees but it handles puberty for girls very well. It might be a very good place to start for her.

I gave that book to my DD two years ago. It is a very good book for a girl.

 

[NHdisneylover]

I gave that book to my DD two years ago. It is a very good book for a girl.

It is. It drives me nuts that there is not an equally good one out there for boys

 

[DisneyBamaFan]

It is. It drives me nuts that there is not an equally good one out there for boys

Hustler?

 

[NHdisneylover]

Hustler?

I think that is a little further down the progression than I was looking for

 

[mumom95]

Another book you might like for your daughter is The Care and Keeping of You It does not get into the birds and the bees but it handles puberty for girls very well. It might be a very good place to start for her.

We have that. I haven't given it to her yet, but had heard so many good things about it I bought it when I was in Chicago.

I wish there was one equally as good for boys.

 

[mumom95]

Hustler?

We have a Hustler store about 15 minutes away. Never thought of going there to look for information.

 

[Castlebound]

We have a Hustler store about 15 minutes away. Never thought of going there to look for information.

That could be an interesting conversation....Why yes DS all women look like that naked!

 

[mumom95]

That could be an interesting conversation....Why yes DS all women look like that naked!

I'm more worried about the fact that he'd probably pick up some "toy" and ask what it was used for, and I couldn't answer him because I wouldn't know

 

[ilovejack02]

I think you have a good idea of where to go with it now. I have always talked about it with my DS20. ANytime we heard something on the radio or tv that I thought he might not really know what it meant, It opened a door for me to have a conversation with him.

I still talk to him about protection even at 20. Im too young to be a grandma just yet, nor do I want him catching or giving someone a STD.

 

[aprilgail2]

We've never had one big talk with our sons, just little ones. Though, I do remember when my then 10 year old asked me what o.s. was. That was a bit uncomfortable for me, but he took it in stride.

If you've not had any kind of talk about sex with him, I'd definitely do it now. He's heard a lot from his friends, already, I'm sure of it.

That was a big one on the school bus this year- my friends first grader came home telling her about this gross thing she heard on the bus- the older kids were talking about the real meaning of the song that goes- "you spin my head right round when you go down down down"
My daughter was disgusted by that one LOL- she always says that she feels so sorry for boys because they have to walk around with that ugly third thumb between their legs their whole lives LOL.

 

[mjantz]

Cokesbury, which is a church supply store geared towards the United Methodist Church has a book called 'Created by God' that I highly recommend. It is Christian-based but it discusses everything (being gay, contraception, etc). My son has taken the class twice & has the book in his room. We've talked a bit as he's had questions but no big discussion.
DD will be taking a female class next year with the general education class in 2 years. She's asked a few questions in regards to physical development but no real adult questions. I'm not looking forward to that discussion.

 

[Pigeon]

For all the folks out there who are dreading having these conversations, it really can be a wonderful experience. I was nervous, too. But we started when the kids were fairly young with age appropriate discussions and went from there. We got some great books and read them together. It was actually very bonding.

I like the "It's So Amazing" and "It's Perfectly Normal" books because they are done in cartoonish format, and have some joking around between a bird and a bee, one of whom is interested in learning about sex and the other of whom is mortified. Although the format is cartoon, they are honest, straightforward, and deal with everything in a fairly detailed manner.

I think the fact that we read a chapter or so together in the evening helped the kids (and I) get over any embarrassment more easily, as we were focused on the book and not staring at each other. The reading would lead to lots of questions and good conversation, about sex, relationships, families, love and more philosophical issues. We've really developed a closer relationship, and the kids feel free to ask me anything.

So, it may not be as traumatic for you the parents as you might think!

 

[shortbun]

I agree that you're getting a late start. We've given our son information little by little. It's easier for them and easier for you. When he was three he was painting pictures of sperm in preschool which the teachers thought was hilarious. The paintings made great modern art and we have one hanging in our living room. Only our closest friends know what it is, lol!! At age 10, I did the whole condom and banana demostration and last summer DS and I went for a walk down the aisle in the grocery where are the condoms and other BC stuff is and had a more in depth conversation after we left the store. There are 13 and 14 year old pregnant girls in this city. I am sure(I've heard the details) a few of his classmates are doing all but the deed so I've made sure we've discussed how to say no, when to stop, love versus lust, what leads to other things and how to totally respect one's partner as well as the BEST thing to do to avoid disease and pregnancy-abstinence. Seriously, we always end with 'just don't do it and you won't have a thing to worry about.' Yeah right. Get started with something and I agree that a car ride with Mom and Dad is a great place to get the conversation started-less pressure.

 

[JessicaR]

So, someone said if they are old enough to ask they are old enough to know the truth. I have to respectfully disagree. My DD came to me when she was five (5) and asked me what sex was. She actually heard it on a commercial of all things. I DO NOT think she was old enough at five (5) to know what sex is.

With that said, she is now nine (9) and I am considering buying some books for her to read and then discussing those books over a short period of time.

My grandparents never had that talk with me. As far as I can tell I turned out fine. No STD's, no pre-marriage pregnancies or any of that. I will say though, with my first "encounter" I was like "You want me to do WHAT?" So, maybe a little talk would have eased me into the whole thing!

That would be me. I also said we always answered with age appropriate responses. At 5 most talks were biological not emotional when relating to sex. At five we kept it short and sweet with little to no details. Sometimes five year olds can be satisfied with discussing genders, what sex they are. Sometimes thats all they actually mean.

The poster that asks their kids what they think it means replied perfectly! And, it opens up an opportunity for more talks.

 

[JessicaR]

When he was three he was painting pictures of sperm in preschool which the teachers thought was hilarious. The paintings made great modern art and we have one hanging in our living room. Only our closest friends know what it is, lol!!

I love the walking down the grocery store asile and discussing! Thanks for a great idea.

 

[karibritt01]

We have always given my kids age-appropriate answers to their questions, but do not go further than their interest at the time. My son is active in Scouts. As a cub scout, we had to go over the basics of sexual predators and what is/isn't appropriate touches. In boy scouts, the section on sexual predators was a little more involved. Then in 5th grade, his class took an overnight field trip where they broke into small, same sex groups and talked about puberty, changes in the body, and touched briefly on puberty of the opposite sex and sex. This year he started 6th grade, and we had to discuss sexual harrassment. DS questioned me about what I meant by inappropriate touches, and I told him basically you don't touch or talk about anyone's privates - not their b**bs, butt, pe... at this point he had figured out where I was going with it and says "OK! Stop, stop! I got it!" My point is that we have not had any formal talks, but he does get the basics. He also knows that I will answer if he asks, even if the answer embarasses him!