Also, the fact that she sabotages her relationships has nothing to do with putting her ex on a pedestal or Ricci. Emily is a beautifully insecure person who needs reassurance to build up her self esteem.
Despite Womack's assurances that she was the woman of his dreams, Maynard struggled as she watched the season play out.
Emily sabotages her relationship because of
abandonment issues, not self esteem. The distinction is is important in
how she needs to be reassured and why. She needs reassurance and certainty that
he will always be there. She's afraid that if she loves deeply again, allows herself to be that vulnerable, that she will be blind sided and lose him again for some reason, or he will be taken away. That's slightly different than saying, "You are enough for me. You're the only one I want."
She'd rather sabotage and have the advance certainty of making someone leave than to ever be blind sided by getting another phone call that her love is not coming back.
IMO, when she kept asking Brad HOW he would be there for Ricki, like during a 3am trip to the E.R., she needed reassurance that
he was in it for the long haul. She even said it many times. She tends to be unemotional and hard to read, so she wasn't giving him much info on what and HOW she needed that reassurance. He said about 3 times he'd be there. But, it obviously wasn't enough
for her.
This is key. This is where the train wreck happens in most relationships. The mis-communication when people aren't meeting each other's needs, and don't know how to. Brad thought & felt that telling her
three times should have been enough. He then got insulted and felt invalidated because it wasn't enough. This touched his wound. She needed to let him know she wasn't invalidating him. She just needed
more reassurance than he was giving her or to do it in a different way, because repeating it 3 times wasn't working. (This isn't about making Brad wrong.)
Emily, if she's an audio person, might have needed to hear it a
ten times in order for it to be enough. If he had just started making up a whole bunch of scenarios of how he'd be there every which way possible, it might have been enough.
If she's a
visual person, he might only needed to sit right in front of her, look her clear and steadily, with an unwavering, unflinching gaze, and all the certainty in the world, and saying it once might have been enough. Instead, what she
saw, was Brad physically pull back, get all fidgety, look down, away, every where but in her eyes, get all sweaty, and even want to walk away and distance himself from her. That's not reassuring.
If she needed
emotional reassurance, she might have needed to be hugged like Chantal. Instead, he emotionally pulled away and got angry.
Brad knew
exactly how to reassure Chantal. He'd say, "Aw baby!" then put his arm around her. She fall against his shoulder and sob it out, finally feeling reassured. He even did that during the ATFR!!!
Brad shuts the situation down with anger to get control of the situation, or he withdrawals to get out of the situation. We've seen him do this with both Emily & Ashley.
As you and DonDraper said, anger isn't a bad emotion. It is actually very healthy when communicated & expressed in healthy ways, not becoming abusive at one another, or becoming rage or violence. It's a signal when one is hurt, been let down, boundaries violated, or when one has been betrayed. But, when Brad uses anger to control the situation, to stop communication or to withdrawal, then nothing gets resolved. We don't know what Emily does when she gets angry. It would be interesting to have seen a fight of theirs. It probably makes him feel not enough. It seems they are stuck at an impasse here.
The man that can give Emily the reassurance she needs, in the way she needs it, will ultimately be the one that wins her heart. She won't need to sabotage and run them off into a ditch. However, she needs healing in this area. This is one of her wounds she is bleeding from. Right, now, she may never find a man who can reassure her enough.
Emily's pedestal issue with her deceased fiance is different. It is from the fact that he didn't live long enough for them to have a full, long term relationship with the bumps and scrapes. Heck, they might have even broken up. It's easy to idealize and put someone on a pedestal after they are gone prematurely. Ricky was probably larger than life to her. That's hard for any other man to live up to. Instead of finding another man she can put on a pedestal, Emily needs to take Ricky off the pedestal and put him away.
We also don't know what her relationship with her dad was like and when he divorced her mom, and how that plays into her abandonment and pedestal issues. She might have put him on a pedestal, too.
]
Man, do I remember THAT!
I think the "bear" needs a major intervention.
)
They did seem much more compatible on ATFR than previously to me, even with the comments about his temper, etc. And Emily made me chuckle when she said if she'd got to go on those zip-line, swim with sharks, etc, dates, "I'd be fun, too!" I wondered why Emily's dates were always so mellow. Who chooses who goes on what date? Did Brad think Emily was too fragile for some of the fun things he did with Chantal? 
Yup, and his brothers/SILs. I thought it was awful when the SILs were talking about Emily fitting in better because she already had a child. This wasn't about finding a friend for you to socialize with over a playdate, this was supposed to be about Brad finding a wife. Not that Brad is any prize, but geeze, think about what's best for him, not what's best for you!
Just when I think I have spent way too much energy on these two and I am done, you gals suck me back in. . . Really fantastic insights here. 
Like I said, they are both too needy to be married yet.
fits, too. 
After the plane crash and finding out she was pregnant, she didn't move home to be with her mother. (At least not that we know of.) I would have, if I was 18 and pregnant, alone. She stayed in Charlotte and is near her would-have-been in-laws.
Wow! Just wow! 
It's so cool to share what we all bring to the table. 
Even opposing views make me think, "I didn't see it that way, but I can see now how someone else would get that." 
