Terrified to Fly!

[Noreendisfour]

My daughter gets more afraid every time we fly - which is maybe once a year for her. It didn't start until she was about 10 years old and has gotten progressively worse every time we fly. We were on a plane in August and it was no different. She was crying and begging me not to take her on the plane. She sobbed for the first half hour of the flight with her nails dug deep into my arm no less! It really did break my heart.

But I just kept on telling her that I would never put her in a dangerous situation. I told her to look at the flight attendants. Then I told her they all have husbands/wives/children. I kept on telling her that her fear is not based on fact. And I told her I felt really bad that she was afraid but I knew she was safe. Then I started playing word games with her and we brought some magazines with us and made fun of the people in the magazines. Just really goofy stuff to get her mind off where we were. Of course if there is any turbulence at all she turns white, but I quickly talk about something else and eventually she calms down again.

It doesn't make for a nice flight, but when we lend 3 hours later and I say we'd only be in Connecticut if we drove, she gives me a nice hug and thanks me for being so patient with her.

It's not easy being a parent of a child who has a fear of flying especially if you love going to wdw and just can't face the long drive as an alternative!

 

[Liljam]

Liljam, it sounds like you have a fear of death, maybe that is the core?

Most people don't like the thought of death, but there is a difference between not liking it and being fearful of it.

I don't want to die, but I am not afraid to. I'm not going to intentionally put myself in harms way or do stupid things, but I don't live life afraid I will die tomorrow.

Granted I could be reading way to much into what you wrote, but its just a thought.

Close - its partly that. It's a fear of death associated to flying, but flying also brings up all of these other irrational thoughts too that all combine in my mind to make it the most fearful of all fears I have. It's the feeling of being out of control, the enclosed cabin with no way out if I want to until we land, the fear of falling, the weather, the bumps, all of it just freaks me out. When we stuck on the beltway once during the air show at Andrews Airforce, I almost passed out in the car from the fighter jets swooping above us so low and so loud. But anyway, I'm not afraid to die other ways, although I don't want to, I just fear the planes ! I hope to get through it before my child is old enough to sense any of it because I want him to experience life and culture. I started watching that website someone posted to see how it will help and I'm hoping maybe we can fly next trip just to save some time and so that I can overcome this fear. I should mention my DH is also a little nervous to fly as he has never done so either! I think if you travel by air as a child you can get through it way better as an adult!

I didn't realize until I read this thread that I would hear weird noises on the plane or that the plane may turn during takeoff so those are good things to know if you are as fearful as I am. I think education about it is helpful!

 

[snowbunny]

I respect your opinion, but for all my parenting years I have chosen to respect my kids fears. We ALL have them at some point in our lives.

Well, I do and did respect his fears. But at the same time, he was 10 years old and I made it clear that his fears although real to him were largely unfounded and were not going to bring a trip for three other people to a grinding halt. That's what I was trying to communicate to the OP.

Edited with a note to Liljam, who said: "I have a fear of the height of the plane and the fear of being enclosed in something that is so far up with nothing but air above or below and I know I have little chance of life if we crash." - Believe it or not some of us who fly regularly feel this way too! I put my DD14 on a plane alone every month to train in another city for her sport, and my heart leaps up in my throat when I see that plane take off. BUT, when I think about the precious memories of vacations with my parents as a child, when I see the wonderful experiences of my kids by taking them out into the world, it's worth it. And I can actually enjoy flying on that basis. Don't let the fear keep you prisoner, and good luck to you.

 

[ruadisneyfan2]

Here is an excellent book about fof written by a Southwest Airline pilot. Not only does it explain reasons behind noises, turbulence, etc., it explains all of the testing airplanes must undergo before they can be flown and ongoing testing for pilots.

http://www.amazon.com/This-Your-Cap...=sr_1_1?ie=UTF8&s=books&qid=1231555762&sr=1-1

I found it fascinating and I was only fearful after a tubulent flight and wanted to learn more about it. I was a bit of a scardy cat for a while but not enough to stop me from flying.

Since my very turbulent flight I've had plenty of smooth ones which helps remind me that even though flying is a big event for some, it's just another day at work for the crew. Sometimes it's smooth, sometimes it's bumpy. Same as with me working in a hospital and some fill with panic just walking into one.

I think after becoming moms we sometimes develop more fears just knowing that we are soooo needed and are now concerned with "what happens if something happens to me?" which I never worried about pre motherhood. I used to joke that my siblings could fight over my car if our plane crashed. I am more fearful now riding in a car than flying. I am hopeful that many of these fears will ease once my kids grow up and become independent.

good luck to all of you overcoming your fears!!

Not sure if this is any better but my boys are just the opposite and don't fear enough. They're daredevils and don't fear flying, extreme roller coasters, rides, skateboarding without protective gear,etc.

 

[Tootles]

Not sure if this is any better but my boys are just the opposite and don't fear enough. They're daredevils and don't fear flying, extreme roller coasters, rides, skateboarding without protective gear,etc.

Well, I suppose there IS that. We always joke that my older son (the one with the fear of flying) will likely give us no trouble when he's a teen. WAY too afraid to try anything! He NEVER follows the crowd and is very comfortable with who he is. My younger son, the one excited about flying, is our daredevil too. I love the fact, now, that he'll always try new things and experiences. That could come back to bite me in the bum someday!

Update: As these messages come in, I have read bits here and there to my son. His opinion now is basically "I STILL have a fear of heights, I do not think you'd put me on a plane if it were dangerous, I still am afraid to fly, but I will think about the things you told me-because it's still a long time away". Progress?

 

[fla4fun]

I didn't realize until I read this thread that I would hear weird noises on the plane or that the plane may turn during takeoff so those are good things to know if you are as fearful as I am. I think education about it is helpful!

I had a big fear of flying, and about three years ago, the opportunity to go to London presented itself. I'd always wanted to go, and I knew I had to fly to get there.

One website I found helpful was fromthecockpit.com, and I also scoured the Internet for videos of landings and takeoffs. Watching the videos, I could hear the sounds and see the movement of the plane visually, so I felt more prepared. It's so important, in my opinion, to know how the plane will feel doing different things, and how turbulence affects the plane, and the sounds I might hear during the flight. It was especially important to me, because I knew the trip would be a solo trip, with no one there to distract me or console me. I didn't want to sit there and wonder if everything was OK. Knowledge is power!

I made the trip, and although I was still a little nervous for takeoff and landing, I wasn't afraid to fly. I even made a return trip to London last summer, and the flight was a big part of the enjoyment of the trip. I won't say I don't get a little nervous now and then, but I know I CAN fly if I need to, and the anxiety won't get the better of me.

 

[ruadisneyfan2]

Update: As these messages come in, I have read bits here and there to my son. His opinion now is basically "I STILL have a fear of heights, I do not think you'd put me on a plane if it were dangerous, I still am afraid to fly, but I will think about the things you told me-because it's still a long time away". Progress?

Well, this is progress! At least he's mulling it over and realizing that he's not the only one with fof. Also he's seeing that fof can stop a person from fully enjoying what life has to offer and that it can be overcome.

I really think that education is the key!
Using the example of my turbulent flight that started my mild fof, once I read the book I mentioned earlier, I realized that turbulence will not cause the plane to spin out of control (like I imagined in my crazy head) and that when the pilots say we're moving to a higher altitude to get out of turbulence, it's not for safety issues. The author explained it like this: 2 pilots saying to each other, "This ride sucks. It's really bumpy. Let's move so it's not so bumpy." and that's it. Kind of like when you see a pothole coming up on the road and you avoid it. And maybe sometimes you can't avoid every bump in the road. If you had a passenger in your car holding on tight and getting hysterical over every bump in the road, you'd kind of laugh at them a little right? Or at least tell them, "Look, that little bump in the road is NOT going to cause us to crash."
Knowing all this makes me feel better when we're in the air.

 

[Liljam]

Well, I suppose there IS that. We always joke that my older son (the one with the fear of flying) will likely give us no trouble when he's a teen. WAY too afraid to try anything! He NEVER follows the crowd and is very comfortable with who he is. My younger son, the one excited about flying, is our daredevil too. I love the fact, now, that he'll always try new things and experiences. That could come back to bite me in the bum someday!

Update: As these messages come in, I have read bits here and there to my son. His opinion now is basically "I STILL have a fear of heights, I do not think you'd put me on a plane if it were dangerous, I still am afraid to fly, but I will think about the things you told me-because it's still a long time away". Progress?

I think that's awesome progress for your son. I would even go ahead and check out the books that others have suggested (I know I am) as they may help give you more useful tips to ease his mind. Keep going along with educating him and turn off any airplane movies you catch on tv that might scare him. I love action flicks which might have caused a minor setback in the way I view flying. Snakes on a Plane, Conair and Redeye and all those other action movies don't really leave a good taste in my mouth about flying however unrealistic they are! Good luck and keep posting on his progress!

 

[Tootles]

...and turn off any airplane movies you catch on tv that might scare him. I love action flicks which might have caused a minor setback in the way I view flying.

Good point!

 

[tam626]

We drove down in 2000 from Pa. I have been afraid to fly my whole life. This past October, my dh & I took our 3 year old & it was my first time flying. I hate heights & roller coasters but after the plane took off, I was fine. On the way back, I was;nt even afraid of the take off. I heard a woman behind me explaining everything to her son that was going to happen & it actually helped me.

 

[goofy4tink]

Well, I suppose there IS that. We always joke that my older son (the one with the fear of flying) will likely give us no trouble when he's a teen. WAY too afraid to try anything! He NEVER follows the crowd and is very comfortable with who he is. My younger son, the one excited about flying, is our daredevil too. I love the fact, now, that he'll always try new things and experiences. That could come back to bite me in the bum someday!

Update: As these messages come in, I have read bits here and there to my son. His opinion now is basically "I STILL have a fear of heights, I do not think you'd put me on a plane if it were dangerous, I still am afraid to fly, but I will think about the things you told me-because it's still a long time away". Progress?

Progress indeed. Look at it this way....any sane person would have reservations (okay, fear) about getting into a metal tube, full of people that is then going to try to get off the ground and float around, up in the sky. It's metal people!!! We all know what happens if you throw a screw into the air..it falls to the ground.
Unless you have a grasp of aerodynamics, it's going to be hard to feel comfy about being in the air for the first few times you fly...plain and simple. Your ds will figure it out, he will mull it over and think it to death. Then..he will probably get on the plane but be scared out of his mind. It's okay, that's normal. I fly fairly often and I still don't understand how that darn thing stays aloft. But, then again, I can't figure out how ships stay afloat either.


Oh, and I've been told that a lot of pilots look forward to slightly bumpy flights. Much less boring. Sure, they do try to avoid the major stuff...can't have passengers freaking out back there. But that plane is built for turbulence...those wings bouncing??? It's okay. They're supposed to. That's what I've been told and that's what I'm gonna keep believing!!!

Tell your ds he's doing great!!!

 

[Tootles]

Tell your ds he's doing great!!!

Thanks! At the beginning he was "embarrassed" by what I wrote about him on the Disboards. Being afraid to fly and all....but now he seems to like that many people have typed in with regards to having a fear themselves, or their child's fear of flying. I think it's nice for him to know he's not the only one.

On a side note: I showed him some videos on Youtube of people's first time flying. (kids, adults, views from the plane, etc.) Even though he didn't say too much, he certainly was interested in watching other people's experiences/reactions....

 

[ruadisneyfan2]

Thanks! At the beginning he was "embarrassed" by what I wrote about him on the Disboards. Being afraid to fly and all....but now he seems to like that many people have typed in with regards to having a fear themselves, or their child's fear of flying. I think it's nice for him to know he's not the only one.

On a side note: I showed him some videos on Youtube of people's first time flying. (kids, adults, views from the plane, etc.) Even though he didn't say too much, he certainly was interested in watching other people's experiences/reactions....

baby steps....

 

[fla4fun]

On a side note: I showed him some videos on Youtube of people's first time flying. (kids, adults, views from the plane, etc.) Even though he didn't say too much, he certainly was interested in watching other people's experiences/reactions....

The videos are great. That was a big help to me to get over my fears. I wanted to see what it looked like from the inside out, and hear all the different noises. It made a big difference knowing what the experience would be like in advance, without having to experience it myself. Try to find videos that use the same type of airplane you may be flying on, and even the same airline if possible. I was able to find the same plane and airline and even the same airport, so it was very specific.

Another sensation that comes to mind is when you are taking off, and then all of a sudden, it feels like the plane is slowing down, or that the engines have gone off. I found out by reading that actually they are increasing power - kind of like an optical illusion. I was glad I'd read about it before flying or I would have been wondering what was going on.

 

[goofy4tink]

The videos are great. That was a big help to me to get over my fears. I wanted to see what it looked like from the inside out, and hear all the different noises. It made a big difference knowing what the experience would be like in advance, without having to experience it myself. Try to find videos that use the same type of airplane you may be flying on, and even the same airline if possible. I was able to find the same plane and airline and even the same airport, so it was very specific.

Another sensation that comes to mind is when you are taking off, and then all of a sudden, it feels like the plane is slowing down, or that the engines have gone off. I found out by reading that actually they are increasing power - kind of like an optical illusion. I was glad I'd read about it before flying or I would have been wondering what was going on.

The one I particularly like is that feeling of weightlessness about 30 seconds into the flight. That one horrified me until I found out it was normal!!
And yes...that feeling of slowing down is scary...it's almost funny to watch the passengers faces when that happens. They try to look nonchalant as they look around to see if anyone else is concerned about the speed of the plane.

 

[WillCAD]

The last time we went to WDW, we drove. It was 19 hours of driving. My eldest son, loved the ride. He played his game system, watched movies, slept a lot....you get the picture. My younger son, HATED sitting in a car seat for that long. He would have fits and sob if we drove too long without stopping. So, now, we're planning another wonderful WDW vacation! Yeah!! This time though, we opted to fly. (2 1/2 hrs and we're THERE!) My younger son, who will be 8 when we leave, is ecstatic! He's always wanted to fly on a plane! My older son, who will be almost 11 when we leave, is REFUSING to go! He says even a trip to WDW is NOT worth having to fly. He's terrified. Now, he hates heights, mind you, and roller coasters, boats and even trains for that matter. Everything frightens him. I think he would be fine, once we were in the air. He's taken the train a few times now, and seems more comfortable each trip. The first time, he basically sat in silence, 4 HOURS, and grasped onto the seat handles! What can I do to help him out? Have any other parents experienced this with their children? Any advice or words of encouragement are SO much appreciated!

Sounds like symptoms of a classic phobia to me.

Phobias are very, very difficult to overcome without professional help. There are many psychologists who specialize in this sort of therapy, and they have a pretty high success rate, but those who try to overcome it on their own have a much lower success rate and often have panic attacks before takeoff that cause them to miss the flight. Sometimes they have panic attacks after takeoff, and that's downright dangerous.

Your countdown timer says you have 11 months till your trip. I recommend seeing a child psychologist for a few months to help DS confront and overcome the fear. Not only would he be able to fly, but the counselling sessions can help him deal with all sorts of fear issues and improve his overall quality of life.

Fear is a terrible thing to live with, and horribly difficult to overcome without professional help. Take some steps now to help your son overcome his fears, and he'll be a much happier person when he grows up.

 

[goofy4tink]

Sounds like symptoms of a classic phobia to me.

Phobias are very, very difficult to overcome without professional help. There are many psychologists who specialize in this sort of therapy, and they have a pretty high success rate, but those who try to overcome it on their own have a much lower success rate and often have panic attacks before takeoff that cause them to miss the flight. Sometimes they have panic attacks after takeoff, and that's downright dangerous.

Your countdown timer says you have 11 months till your trip. I recommend seeing a child psychologist for a few months to help DS confront and overcome the fear. Not only would he be able to fly, but the counselling sessions can help him deal with all sorts of fear issues and improve his overall quality of life.

Fear is a terrible thing to live with, and horribly difficult to overcome without professional help. Take some steps now to help your son overcome his fears, and he'll be a much happier person when he grows up.

Usually we agree on stuff, but not this one. As a kid gets older, they are able to understand possible dangers of certain situations. It is perfectly normal for a child, who has yet to fly, to be horrified at the thought. As I said before...what sane person thinks it's okay to sit in a metal tube, full of 'souls' and to expect it to stay up in the air???? Metal does not float. So, it is understandable why a child would have this fear.
My dd was terrified of flyng...sobbed all the way down the jetway. That was when she was much younger...about 4ish. But then again, she was terrified of the Easter bunny and Santa Claus. Pedi said her imaginationwas in overdrive!!! Anyway.....
I would hate to have a child think there was something wrong with him simply because he was terrified of flying. Those of us who fly frequently can sometimes forget what it felt like to be scared the first time we flew. Heck, I don't have to go that far back to remember how nervous I was, and I was an adult!!
My 32 y/o dd was sobbing on a flight from FtL to Tampa..it was bumpy and she was sure she was going to die. She hates to fly, doesn't do it very often..maybe 3 times in her life so far. But man...she was terrified on that day. So, if a 32 y/o is terrified, I see no problem with a youngster being afraid.

 

[LibertySq100]

Maybe also, a small step would be to pick up a cheap copy of Microsoft's Flight Simulator (an older version in the bargain bin section).
If he could play the game for a while, he could learn they can fly planes with dense fog, the normalcy of "bumps" on the flight and generally how everything works.
Even if the worst thing happens (the dreaded aborted takeoff that scares a ton of people) he could understand why it happens.

 

[Henlady]

I also understand your DS fear. I have not flown since my last flight about 26 years ago. I have only flown twice before, and on both those flights my flight going to wherever was wonderful and my flight home was not so good. Since that time we've either driven or taken the AutoTrain.
Well, at the ripe old age of 57, DH and I are going to fly to Orlando in February. It's a short 4 night trip and I didn't want to drive 2 days to get there (we always split the drive and stay overnight) and the AutoTrain rates were out of sight. I'm not worrying about the flight. I'm looking at as a new adventure. I figure 2.5 hours of travel is much better than driving 18 hours.
The chance of having something happen during an 18 hour trip on the road is much greater than a 2.5 hour trip. Tell your son that a 57 year old grandma was not comfortable flying either. But sometimes if you really want to do something you just have to take that first step and move forward. If you don't take that first step, you may miss a wonderful opportunity. Life is all about taking those first steps.

 

[dis75ney]

On our last trip to WDW, we had planned on driving until we found an awesome deal on airfare two weeks before we were to depart. We kept the flight a secret until DS got home from school the day we were to fly to Orlando. He was so upset that we were driving, but once we told him we had to drive to the train station in order to get to the airport, he brightened right up!

That being said, as we were waiting for our insanely-delayed flight, DS got a little nervous and starting asking all sorts of questions. Now I am PETRIFIED of heights, but can fly with few problems (just don't give me a window seat), so I was able to play off that fear. DS is well aware of my fear of heights, so I pretended that I was a lot more scared than I actually was. Worked like a charm - DS told me that he would be brave for me and held my hand during take off and landing. He also offered me his Nintendo DS so I would be distracted.

We're keeping our next trip a secret, but DS is still asking when he can go on a plane again...