Sorry I can't attend your Friday afternoon wedding, but WHY ARE YOU MAD ABOUT IT?

[jacksonsmom]

I think that's why I am invited to these things in the first place! I think they invite me knowing I won't be able to go, but I'll still fork over the cash.

Oh yes, I can relate to that. Although this isn't a wedding, but a baby shower. My cousin's wife is having a baby shower this Saturday. I am not close to my cousin or his wife at all. We basically only see each other at family weddings/funerals.
Anyway, she is having a baby shower this Saturday. This is her 5th child in 9 years and she DID have a shower for her 1st kid. The only difference is she is having a girl (her others are boys) anyway, so she sends me this baby shower invitation! They live in Arizona and I am in Minnesota!!!!!!

Yeah, right...I am really going to fly down there just for your baby shower

I am sure she is expecting a gift or cash, well she will be waiting for a LONG time for that! I gave her a gift when her FIRST child was born. She isn't getting anything else from her, I don't care if it is finally a girl. It isn't my responiblity to decorate your baby's closet pink

Anyway, I think sometimes people just really send out invites just for a gift/cash.
Pretty tacky if you ask me!

 

[roseprincess]

Oh, yeah... right there with you!!!

You can plan your wedding where you want, how you want, when you want... just don't get upset/angry if the "all about you" day doesn't fit into my schedule. I will try, but I'm not going to go broke or mess up my family vacation plans just so I can attend.

Can I tell the nephew story, Jodie? This one is a classic in the making.

My nephew, Hubby's only sister's only child, got engaged earlier this year. The engagement was in stages. They "decided" to get married, then they decided where they would get "officially" engaged, then they planned an extravagent trip where they could stage the "engagement" (complete with professional photos). "Save the date" cards followed with the "official" engagement picture included.

Oh, but wait... did I mention that they already got married? Let's see, somewhere after the official engagement and just before the engagement party (I left out the part about the engagement party, didn't I?), they decided to just go ahead and have a "vow exchange" ceremony. That ceremony took place a few weeks after the engagement party and just before we received "save the date" cards for the wedding.

What wedding? Oh, goodness.. the "vow exchange" doesn't count! That is just a formality that means they are married (which took place at the Ritz Carlton with immediate family in attendance, not exactly a steps-of-the-courthouse moment). They're still going to have a "wedding"... on a Friday... in a city that they JUST moved to... so EVERYONE that wants to attend has to travel to get there.

So, because it is hubby's sister and because it is her only child, we get to travel to a "wedding" where the couple is already married... blowing our vacation time and money... all while keeping a smile on our faces like this is the greatest thing ever.

Sometimes there is a reason for destination weddings. Sometimes there is a reason for Friday afternoon weddings. Good reasons. Reasonable reasons.

Sometimes, however, there are no good or reasonable explainations... no matter how hard you look...

Hi Tricia
Yeah, that is a classic story

 

[AlexandNessa]

What wedding? Oh, goodness.. the "vow exchange" doesn't count! That is just a formality that means they are married (which took place at the Ritz Carlton with immediate family in attendance, not exactly a steps-of-the-courthouse moment). They're still going to have a "wedding"... on a Friday... in a city that they JUST moved to... so EVERYONE that wants to attend has to travel to get there.

So, because it is hubby's sister and because it is her only child, we get to travel to a "wedding" where the couple is already married... blowing our vacation time and money... all while keeping a smile on our faces like this is the greatest thing ever.

Sometimes there is a reason for destination weddings. Sometimes there is a reason for Friday afternoon weddings. Good reasons. Reasonable reasons.

Sometimes, however, there are no good or reasonable explainations... no matter how hard you look...

So, wait? We're off the Ireland wedding? Or was just that for the "official engagement" that took place after the "informal" engagement?

Thanks everyone, I have enjoyed reading all the responses.

My brother got married in Hawaii (Kaui -- how do you spell that and I am too lazy to look it up right now). My brother lives in CA, his (now) wife's family is from TX. But, did I mention that our entire family lives on the EAST COAST. As in NJ? Or his best friends are in Boston? Nice. What a friggin LOOONG haul that was. And talk about expensive. But they used the same excuse ... "people can use it as a vacation!" Well, heck ... we felt OBLIGATED to use it as a vacation because I wasn't going to Hawaii from NJ for a 3-day weekend. It was one expensive wedding to attend, but don't worry ... they made up for it with "No gifts, please" in the invitation. I know they meant it, but who goes to her brother's wedding without bearing a gift? That is not in me. It was one of the worst "vacations" ever. Now, to his credit, his wedding was at a beautiful setting and the food and drinks were phenomenal. They almost had to be at that point. But, would I have done it if it weren't my brother? No flippin way. And I'm not going for anyone else now either. So there!

 

[Pam]

are you still going to send me a gift

Don't you mean send US a gift, dear?

Did you get us registered at the Old Country Buffet (great GCs for meals!) as well as at Hot Topic, Cabelas, and the Home Depot?

OP - I had a business acquaintance mad at me once for not going to her Halloween wedding that was on a weekday at 3:00 pm! On Halloween - at a Haunted House! In fact, only her boss showed up for the wedding - everyone else had to stay at the office and work and she was mad and couldn't figure out why everyone didn't shut done the office and come to her wedding! And then stay for hours at her boozy reception -- and not take their own kids trick-or-treating!

And yeah -- the marriage lasted less than 18 months - but enough time for a baby.

 

[Pigeon]

OP, I agree with you entirely. I just told off a relative who also did a Friday afternoon wedding and threw a hissy fit because we couldn't go.

The destination weddings just kill me. How self-centered can you possibly be to think that everyone wants to spend their precious vacation days according to your dictates? I don't even send a gift in that case.

 

[RVGal]

So, wait? We're off the Ireland wedding? Or was just that for the "official engagement" that took place after the "informal" engagement?

Ireland was the location for the "official engagement"... so that the pic that came with the "save the date" card was of them in front of the Irish castle.

Yes, for those of you keeping score... nephew had an informal engagement, followed by an official engagement... followed by an engagement party... followed by an informal (yeah, right) vow exchange ceremony... and the "wedding" will take place in January.

Confused yet? I am.

 

[flipflop]

I HATE when people say this!!!! Um no! I want to chise my own vacation destination and I don't want to spend it with a bunch of other people. But thanks anyway! Those brides and grooms are the first ones to complain after they get married when someone invites them to their wedding in Timbuktoo and expects THEM to use their time and money to come. Get married where you want but don't be mad if I don;t want to spend thousands just to attend. JMHO.

I do too, which is why I was particularly upset to hear it come out of my only brother's mouth. I think the worst part for me, and the reason why I am particularly annoyed, is that I don't really feel like I have a choice about attending this affair. He is my only brother and we are very, very close. My DH and I both have good jobs and my mother, in response to my annoyance, has already made the comment to me that "we can afford to go" (not that my mom is particularly happy about the current plan either but she is smart enough to keep her nose out of their plans).....well, we can afford to go if we forego our once a year family vacation we have planned with our kids or put less money in our 401ks but I don't like being expected to drop $5,000 (at least as a family of 5) and take 5 vacation days to watch my brother and his fiance exchange vows and be told it's okay b/c I am taking my "vacation". That is not a vacation to me.

 

[AlexandNessa]

I do too, which is why I was particularly upset to hear it come out of my only brother's mouth. I think the worst part for me, and the reason why I am particularly annoyed, is that I don't really feel like I have a choice about attending this affair. He is my only brother and we are very, very close. My DH and I both have good jobs and my mother, in response to my annoyance, has already made the comment to me that "we can afford to go" (not that my mom is particularly happy about the current plan either but she is smart enough to keep her nose out of their plans).....well, we can afford to go if we forego our once a year family vacation we have planned with our kids or put less money in our 401ks but I don't like being expected to drop $5,000 (at least as a family of 5) and take 5 vacation days to watch my brother and his fiance exchange vows and be told it's okay b/c I am taking my "vacation". That is not a vacation to me.

I could've written this post ...

 

[IMGONNABE40!]

Jodie, I was considering a vow renewal at RPR and was looking to put everyone up Club level. I was so hoping you and your DH would be there!! I was even counting on you to be the official event photographer after seeing all of the wonderfully clever shots of your friend Bud... Oh, well. I guess I'll just have to see what Damo is up to!

 

[Principessa Alba]

Oh, yeah... right there with you!!!

You can plan your wedding where you want, how you want, when you want... just don't get upset/angry if the "all about you" day doesn't fit into my schedule. I will try, but I'm not going to go broke or mess up my family vacation plans just so I can attend.

Can I tell the nephew story, Jodie? This one is a classic in the making.

My nephew, Hubby's only sister's only child, got engaged earlier this year. The engagement was in stages. They "decided" to get married, then they decided where they would get "officially" engaged, then they planned an extravagent trip where they could stage the "engagement" (complete with professional photos). "Save the date" cards followed with the "official" engagement picture included.

Oh, but wait... did I mention that they already got married? Let's see, somewhere after the official engagement and just before the engagement party (I left out the part about the engagement party, didn't I?), they decided to just go ahead and have a "vow exchange" ceremony. That ceremony took place a few weeks after the engagement party and just before we received "save the date" cards for the wedding.

What wedding? Oh, goodness.. the "vow exchange" doesn't count! That is just a formality that means they are married (which took place at the Ritz Carlton with immediate family in attendance, not exactly a steps-of-the-courthouse moment). They're still going to have a "wedding"... on a Friday... in a city that they JUST moved to... so EVERYONE that wants to attend has to travel to get there.

So, because it is hubby's sister and because it is her only child, we get to travel to a "wedding" where the couple is already married... blowing our vacation time and money... all while keeping a smile on our faces like this is the greatest thing ever.

Sometimes there is a reason for destination weddings. Sometimes there is a reason for Friday afternoon weddings. Good reasons. Reasonable reasons.

Sometimes, however, there are no good or reasonable explainations... no matter how hard you look...

You're making this up! Please tell me you are making this up!

No, I believe you, I just don't believe it! Your nephew is quite the little prince, isn't he?

 

[disneymom3]

OP, I agree with you entirely. I just told off a relative who also did a Friday afternoon wedding and threw a hissy fit because we couldn't go.

The destination weddings just kill me. How self-centered can you possibly be to think that everyone wants to spend their precious vacation days according to your dictates? I don't even send a gift in that case.

Oh yeah. The "destination wedding." I am sorry but even the title puts my teeth on edge. I have our family vacations planned literally through 2011. so, if you want to get married in CA in spring of 08, on a cruise in Jan 09, WDW in 10 and Pennsylvania in 11, I can probably make it. Otherwise, my vacation dollars have already been allotted.

I actually cringe a bit with the Friday evening weddings. We were young and stupid, what can I say. Our wedding didn't start until 7:00 so guest wise we were okay. But our poor bridal party had to get there at 4:00 and the place we had the pics taken was on the National Reg of Historic places so we couldn't eat there. So, we didn't even have food for them. None of our friends had gotten married yet and we were clueless. I feel I owe them all a serving of common sense since I didn't have any to give them then! And we weren't ALL that young--I was 23 and DH was 27. We were just clueless.

 

[janets]

Ah, the destination wedding. DH's only brother did this years ago.

His wedding was on Nassau, Bahamas. Why? Because his wife's parents live there and agreed to pay for the wedding if it was held there. BIL, never one to pass up the opportunity to have someone else pay for something (he believed that after waiting years to find the right girl, he should be entitled to all the things other couples get, like the parents paying for the wedding), so he said yes. Of course, he asked dh and I if we would be able to come...IF they had the wedding there. DH came right out and said that we would not be able to make it, we had a small child (ds#1 was under 2 at the time he asked) and that it was too costly to contemplate. DH also said something about not expecting too many people to make it, as this was an expensive situation for anyone.

Well, they had it there and the only people to attend (from my BIL's family/friends) were DH, MIL and MIL's friend. MIL paid for DH to fly there for the wedding (we were in the process of trying to buy a new house and we had a 2 yo at home so finance were tight). Not a single friend went, no other family members. But BIL didn't care. SILs entire family was there and someone else paid so he was happy. He didn't even care about MIL while there (he completely ignored her during the wedding/reception. So it was a mess. But again, BIL didn't care at all. Now, 7 years later, we never see them. And we live in the same state (only about 1 hour apart).

I think that it's perfectly okay to have a destination wedding or have it on a holiday weekend (dh and I were married Labor Day weekend) but you need to have realistic expectations of how many people will attend. People may not want their vacation to be your wedding. I know that unless it was someplace I really wanted to go, I would decline most destination weddings.

However, we just went to a wedding over LD weekend this year. Cousin's son got married at Dartmouth University (where he and his wife met). It's about 5 hours from us in NJ. Cousin's whole family lives in California. Bride's family lives in Boston. We live in NJ. But we don't see our west coast family very much and while it was an expense (hotel for 2 nights, gift, travel costs) we wanted to do it to represent the family. Other cousin's daughter is being married in CA next June. I'm going alone. It's too expensive to pay for airfare for 4 people for a weekend. And everyone is fine with that. So I think it's really a case by case situation but the couple needs to realize that not everyone loves the idea.

 

[RVGal]

You're making this up! Please tell me you are making this up!

No, I believe you, I just don't believe it! Your nephew is quite the little prince, isn't he?

I am not clever enough to make it up. Really.

Let's just say that, as an only child or somewhat affluent parents, he is *ahem* somewhat prince-like in his behaviors.

And his wife (Do we call her a wife yet? They are married, but haven't had the wedding yet, so I dunno... ) is VERY happy to be married to/marrying (whatever... my brain hurts...) the son of somewhat affluent parents.

Did I mention that nephew just turned 20? They are still in college? His parents are footing the bill for EVERYTHING? (engagement trip, vow exchange, wedding, current housing, tuition, etc.)

Yeah, we're taking bets on how long this marriage lasts.

BTW... I'm wondering now when they will celebrate their anniversary. Does the first vow exchange count? The wedding? Or is it a good excuse for TWO anniversary gifts?

Jodie will back me up. I've been venting about this ridiculousness (Is that a word? It should be. It certainly applies.) on a chat thread with her for months.

Oh, and talk about timing. I got the invitation to the "wedding" in the mail today. It's 3 months away.

First, the invitation is addressed to "Mr & Mrs"... but there is no "and family" added on. Are the kids not invited now? That just may change our obligation to go if they aren't.

Next, the "wedding" is on Friday... but if we want to stick around until Saturday, they're inviting everyone to join them at the Grand Ole Opry (Did I mention the wedding in January is in Nashville?). Oh, and if we want to join them at the Opry, all we have to do is SEND THEM $40 PER PERSON with our RSVP.

Woo Hoo! This just keeps getting better and better, don't it???

 

[Temair]

Last year we ended up with a travel wedding. My Brother announced his wedding and then we heard DH's brother was getting married. We let them know we would be up for the first wedding. They decided to have theirs the week before. We ended up taking 2 weeks and visited with family. We live in Arkansas and the rest of the family is still in Canada. DH was a grooms man at the first, and DD was flower girl at the second. Admittedly we didn't give them a big gift. It cost us more than our Disney trip did.

 

[Disney Doll]

I am not clever enough to make it up. Really.

Let's just say that, as an only child or somewhat affluent parents, he is *ahem* somewhat prince-like in his behaviors. The apple doesn't usually fall far from the tree!!!!
And his wife (Do we call her a wife yet? They are married, but haven't had the wedding yet, so I dunno... ) is VERY happy to be married to/marrying (whatever... my brain hurts...) the son of somewhat affluent parents. I don't understand why the "vow exchange"??? Is she pregnant???

Did I mention that nephew just turned 20? They are still in college? His parents are footing the bill for EVERYTHING? (engagement trip, vow exchange, wedding, current housing, tuition, etc.)

Yeah, we're taking bets on how long this marriage lasts. Less than 2 years. What do I win???
BTW... I'm wondering now when they will celebrate their anniversary. Does the first vow exchange count? The wedding? Or is it a good excuse for TWO anniversary gifts?

Jodie will back me up. I've been venting about this ridiculousness (Is that a word? It should be. It certainly applies.) on a chat thread with her for months.

Oh, and talk about timing. I got the invitation to the "wedding" in the mail today. It's 3 months away.

First, the invitation is addressed to "Mr & Mrs"... but there is no "and family" added on. Are the kids not invited now? That just may change our obligation to go if they aren't. Look at the inside envelope. The names on the front of thhe inside envelope are the people invited to the wedding. If your name isn't on there, you're not invited.
Next, the "wedding" is on Friday... but if we want to stick around until Saturday, they're inviting everyone to join them at the Grand Ole Opry (Did I mention the wedding in January is in Nashville?). Oh, and if we want to join them at the Opry, all we have to do is SEND THEM $40 PER PERSON with our RSVP.

Woo Hoo! This just keeps getting better and better, don't it???

See above

 

[Jynohn]

Some of you may remember when I posted last year about how my husband lost his "best friend" over a destination wedding.

"Best friend" (who also happens to have been the best man at our wedding and my daughter's godfather) was getting married and asked my husband to be his best man. My husband was thrilled to accept, until we heard the news...the wedding was in Aruba, and I was not invited. When DH asked how he could be invited to a wedding without his wife, many excuses were given about cost, etc. until it the real reason was finally revealed. Wait for it...

The wedding was booked at a couples only resort, and my husband was supposed to come as a "date" for one of the groom's single female friends so that she could go!

So not only was my husband supposed to use his vacation time and our vacation budget to travel to a wedding without me, he was also supposed to go as some other woman's date.

As I'm sure you can imagine, I made sure the invitation was declined.

 

[jenm2878]

The destination weddings just kill me. How self-centered can you possibly be to think that everyone wants to spend their precious vacation days according to your dictates? I don't even send a gift in that case.

Not everyone has destination weddings because they are self centered. We got married in Disney World instead of having a traditional wedding for a couple of reasons.
1) My dad had died a couple years prior to us getting married and I didn't want to have a traditional wedding if he couldn't be there.
2) We couldn't afford a traditional wedding. Both DH and I have mountains of student loans and were not about to take out another loan for our wedding. To get married at Disney + a ten day honeymoon was somewhere in the 5 or 6K range which was manageable.

We gave everyone two YEARS notice of our intended plan, and only invited our closest friends and family. Everyone had plenty of time to decide if they were going, and we weren't upset with those that declined. Most people CHOSE to extend the wedding trip into a vacation. My inlaws had never been and had a great time, while my family vacations at Disney anyway - this was just another reason for them to go.

We didn't want gifts and tried to do everything possible to make the trip easy for everyone. Honestly, we didn't care if it was just the two of us there with the reverend so we certainly understood if someone couldn't/didn't want to take the trip.

In the end we had 13 guests and everyone still talks about how much fun they had. I certainly hope none of them thought/thinks that I was a bridezilla for wanting our wedding to be what we wanted it to be. If it ended up being just my DH, me and the reverend, that would have been fine too.

 

[Minniemouse07]

Dh and I got married in Jamaica while on a cruise. We mailed out letters of invitation to everyone we would have invited to a traditional wedding at home... 1.5yrs ahead of time. Told everyone what we were doing, info about the cruise, info about places to stay on Jamaica (if they were interested in meeting us there) and specifically stated that it was okay if they couldn't come w/ us and we would have a picnic celebration 2wks later.

It turned out that 20 of our family and friends cruised w/ us (first cruise for 17 of them!) and two people met us in Jamaica for the day. When we returned we had a great, casual, catered picnic for 100+ family and friends in a local park. We had an album of pictures from the wedding, lots of great food, as well as games and activities for the 25+ kids!

The only person I went bridezilla on is BIL who said he was going, was excited about going, had his parents and grandmother "gift" him some of the money for the cruise and then a week before final payment didn't have the cash (which wasn't surprising knowing BIL). Dh and I ended up paying for both him and my brother (who knew up front he may not be able to swing the $$) to cruise w/ us. BIL was blase about the whole thing and my brother was gushingly thankful. ... go figure.

A destination wedding CAN be done well, without strife or guilt... so don't condemn all of them!

 

[northcapemaymom]

Some of you may remember when I posted last year about how my husband lost his "best friend" over a destination wedding.

"Best friend" (who also happens to have been the best man at our wedding and my daughter's godfather) was getting married and asked my husband to be his best man. My husband was thrilled to accept, until we heard the news...the wedding was in Aruba, and I was not invited. When DH asked how he could be invited to a wedding without his wife, many excuses were given about cost, etc. until it the real reason was finally revealed. Wait for it...

The wedding was booked at a couples only resort, and my husband was supposed to come as a "date" for one of the groom's single female friends so that she could go!

So not only was my husband supposed to use his vacation time and our vacation budget to travel to a wedding without me, he was also supposed to go as some other woman's date.

As I'm sure you can imagine, I made sure the invitation was declined.

Oh my! That story has got to be one of the most tackiest, outlandish, weirdest (sorry about the grammar) things I've heard regarding a wedding invite! Another woman's date! That takes the cake! I would have declined the invitation with a giant black NO (with a Sharpie marker, nonetheless) written across it! I can see how he wouldn't be your hubby's friend anymore.

 

[mickeyboat]

However, we just went to a wedding over LD weekend this year. Cousin's son got married at Dartmouth University

You were in my neck of the woods, and didn't call? You could have stayed at my house as I live just across the river from Dartmouth College.