Sorry I can't attend your Friday afternoon wedding, but WHY ARE YOU MAD ABOUT IT?

[arminnie]

just don't act like a jerk when someone declines your invitation.

See that's the real problem. It is almost impossible for people who truly are world class jerks to do anything but act like jerks.

I see nothing at all wrong with destination weddings. The vows are between the bride and groom. Everyone else is optional.

 

[AlexandNessa]

Some of you sound like guestzillas - you only want other people's weddings to be on your terms.

Who are you talking about?

The point of this thread, which I believe I was clear about, was that if the bride hasn't exactly made it easy for her guests to come (or attendance comes at a significant expense), she shouldn't be angry when people can't come. What is guestzilla about that?

 

[blue_eyes5212]

I wish I had a destination wedding! I would have loved to get married at
Disney! Actually the honeymoon was my first Disney trip, so I didn't know how much I would love it until after the fact, but that's beside the point!!

When I got married I was wanting to invite people from work and all that, so we did it here in town. Looking back I realize that I don't care who all was there as long as our parents, siblings and each other were there.

Speaking of bridezillas, I just don't get it! I've never watched that show, but I have heard stories about brides ordering their attendants around and saying "You will do anything I want you to!! I'M THE BRIDE!!!" If I had ever done that I would have expected my wedding party to tell me to kiss their........ (you get the idea)!

 

[RVGal]

From the Merriam-Webster dictionary:

Guest - : a person entertained in one's house b: a person to whom hospitality is extended c: a person who pays for the services of an establishment (as a hotel or restaurant)

Host - a: one that receives or entertains guests socially, commercially, or officially b: one that provides facilities for an event or function


I think what gets lost in the destination wedding concept is that you are no longer HOSTING an event for your GUESTS. You are inviting them to come along on your vacation. If that works for you and yours great. Just don't get upset with those of us that it doesn't work for.

 

[ead79]

I had a destination wedding at WDW. When we chose to have a destination wedding, we know that would affect the number of folks who could come. It increased the guest list on DH's side slightly since his extended family lives about 1.5 hours from WDW and had less travel time than they would have to Atlanta. I wasn't offended by those who couldn't make it to the wedding--I understood that was a potential consequence of having a destination wedding. Not everyone wants to spend their vacation time to come to a wedding, and others are excited about it and look forward to coming to WDW. In the end we had about 75 guests, which was a great size for us to get a chance to visit with everyone. I think it's wrong for a bride to get angry when someone can't come to their destination wedding. FWIW, I also think it's unfair for people to assume that destination brides are automatically selfish.

 

[LoraJ]

Who are you talking about?

The point of this thread, which I believe I was clear about, was that if the bride hasn't exactly made it easy for her guests to come (or attendance comes at a significant expense), she shouldn't be angry when people can't come. What is guestzilla about that?

I just see a bunch of hostility in this thread towards brides and grooms who have destination weddings. And lots of assumptions that they are all "angry" that they can't attend. Sure there may be dissapointments, that's only natural. But it's silly to call all destination wedding brides and grooms self-absorbed and selfsih. The angry destination wedding bride would be angry about her no RSVP's no matter where her wedding was. So don't lump us all together.

 

[flipflop]

Okay - so slightly off topic - I have a question for the destination wedding brides who are subbed onto this thread. I fully believe there are circumstances where a destination wedding makes complete sense. As I mentioned before, just don't be a jerk if I can't make it. That said, it seems most of you had family all over the place so people would have been travelling anyway. I am curious about your thoughts when every member of both sides of the couple's families live within a 10 mile radius of each other and the bride and groom expect guests to drive 10 hours or fly somewhere for a wedding. In this situation no members of either family are deceased and everyone gets along. Granted invitees can choose to say they will not attend but that's a little difficult when you are the parent, grandparent or sibling of the bride or groom. My thoughts are that it is selfish, and not the normal run of the mill I am the Bride selfishness that is expected - we live at the beach and they want to get married at the beach but they are asking that we spend $5000 to go to a different beach (and no I have not and will not share my aforementioned thoughts with the couple). Selfish??

 

[LadyShiva]

I just see a bunch of hostility in this thread towards brides and grooms who have destination weddings. And lots of assumptions that they are all "angry" that they can't attend. Sure there may be dissapointments, that's only natural. But it's silly to call all destination wedding brides and grooms self-absorbed and selfsih. The angry destination wedding bride would be angry about her no RSVP's no matter where her wedding was. So don't lump us all together.

Brides ARE selfish. It's expected and normal. You get what you want for a whole day, and you get to play the princess. It's not like the Bride is going around personally and asking which entree the guest would like!

Now when that selfishness tips over to calling people up and yelling at them, you should rightfully be called a Bridezilla.

Have you ever called people up and yelled at them for messing up your wedding?

Brandie

 

[ead79]

Okay - so slightly off topic - I have a question for the destination wedding brides who are subbed onto this thread. I fully believe there are circumstances where a destination wedding makes complete sense. As I mentioned before, just don't be a jerk if I can't make it. That said, it seems most of you had family all over the place so people would have been travelling anyway. I am curious about your thoughts when every member of both sides of the couple's families live within a 10 mile radius of each other and the bride and groom expect guests to drive 10 hours or fly somewhere for a wedding. In this situation no members of either family are deceased and everyone gets along. Granted invitees can choose to say they will not attend but that's a little difficult when you are the parent, grandparent or sibling of the bride or groom. My thoughts are that it is selfish - we live at the beach and they want to get married at the beach but they are asking that we spend $5000 to go to a different beach (and no I have not and will not share my aforementioned thoughts with the couple). Selfish??

Hmmmm. I have mixed feelings on that one. If no one had to travel in the first place, then I suppose having a destination wedding makes less sense. However, I still strongly believe in the couple's right to have their wedding where they choose. I do think that it's VERY important that the couple take the financial situation of their immediate family into consideration though. We would not have had a destination wedding if my parents, MIL, or grandparents could not have afforded to come. Guests not being able to come is an entirely different situation from immediate family not being able to come.

 

[ead79]

Brides ARE selfish. It's expected and normal. You get what you want for a whole day, and you get to play the princess. It's not like the Bride is going around personally and asking which entree the guest would like!

Now when that selfishness tips over to calling people up and yelling at them, you should rightfully be called a Bridezilla.

Have you ever called people up and yelled at them for messing up your wedding?

Brandie

Selfish is a word with some pretty negative connotations. I don't think I was selfish just because I was a bride or just because I had a destination wedding. I went out of my way to provide comforts for my guests so they would feel pampered (welcome bags, a private fireworks party, bus transportation so they didn't have to try to drive around WDW property, etc.). I guess I just don't agree that all brides are selfish just because it's their wedding day.

 

[LoraJ]

Brides ARE selfish. It's expected and normal. You get what you want for a whole day, and you get to play the princess. It's not like the Bride is going around personally and asking which entree the guest would like!

Now when that selfishness tips over to calling people up and yelling at them, you should rightfully be called a Bridezilla.

Have you ever called people up and yelled at them for messing up your wedding?

Brandie

Um, no I didn't. Why would I call someone and yell at them that they couldn't come to my wedding. And why would them not being there mess up my wedding? Assume much?

And I was plenty worried about other people on "my" (what about my husband, why is all me? Isn't it his day too) day when I made sure they all got on their shuttle bus, had drinks in had, were enjoying the food or needed anything else.

 

[damo]

Jodie, I was considering a vow renewal at RPR and was looking to put everyone up Club level. I was so hoping you and your DH would be there!! I was even counting on you to be the official event photographer after seeing all of the wonderfully clever shots of your friend Bud... Oh, well. I guess I'll just have to see what Damo is up to!

Well thanks a lot for making me your back up guest/photographer!!!

Shove off Jodie, I'm going now!

 

[LadyShiva]

Selfish is a word with some pretty negative connotations. I don't think I was selfish just because I was a bride or just because I had a destination wedding. I went out of my way to provide comforts for my guests so they would feel pampered (welcome bags, a private fireworks party, bus transportation so they didn't have to try to drive around WDW property, etc.). I guess I just don't agree that all brides are selfish just because it's their wedding day.

But it was YOUR wedding day, right? You stated it as such? You wanted YOUR day to go well?

I think your wedding day is one of those days everyone accepts and understands the bride's selfishness. It is a day of lasting memories... You, as the bride, are creating a marriage, and you want it to last your whole life.

I don't see it as ego-mania. It is the day you focus on yourself and your husband, and society agrees with that. That's why we pay for $300 plane tickets and $100/night hotel rooms to go celebrate "YOUR" day.

*shrug* It's only when brides use their guests over and above societal expectations that we all get hacked off.

Brandie

 

[AlexandNessa]

I just see a bunch of hostility in this thread towards brides and grooms who have destination weddings. And lots of assumptions that they are all "angry" that they can't attend. Sure there may be dissapointments, that's only natural. But it's silly to call all destination wedding brides and grooms self-absorbed and selfsih. The angry destination wedding bride would be angry about her no RSVP's no matter where her wedding was. So don't lump us all together.

Pot ... this is kettle ...

I don't understand your anger.

No one said what I bolded, with the emphasis on "all."

Believe it or not, I had a destination wedding. We're going off on a destination wedding tangent here, but the point of the thread, was that I actually had a bride-to-be call me and yell at me for not dropping everything I was doing to come to her 2 pm on a Friday afternoon wedding. And, since you weren't on the line when she called, you didn't hear her anger for yourself so I would understand your skepticism.

I clearly said that brides and grooms can do whatever they want, and again the point is, when they do whatever they want to do whenever they want to do it and don't make it easy for guests to come or it costs guests a lot to come, it shouldn't be a surprise to anyone that some people won't come or can't afford to come. That's it.

If you were invited to my destination wedding and didn't come due to expense or time, I got that. I didn't consider the guests who didn't want to come "guestzillas;" that's for sure.

My destination wedding went as follows:

with few exceptions, everyone could drive to the wedding

the wedding was late enough on a Saturday afternoon that no one didn't have to stay the night on Friday if they didn't want to (though most came Thursday).

the hotel we arranged was $90/night that included breakfast which is very reasonable for a summer rate in Maine. Expensive for some, yes. Those it was expensive for didn't come.

most people came up on Thursday before the wedding. They were greated with "welcome packets" that we made with areas maps and hot spots if they wanted to sight see and then we hosted a big cocktail party on the water that evening.

on Friday, we hosted a big lobster bake (or whatever else you wanted instead) for all our guests.

Saturday afternoon was the wedding, with all the food you could eat and beer and wine and spiked lemonade you could drink. And, we arranged transportation to and from the wedding so no one had to drink and drive.

Sunday morning most went home.

I was:


1. not mad at all when someone couldn't or didn't want to come.

2. not about to call someone who couldn't or didn't want to come and curse them out.

3. trying my best to be a gracious hostess that if someone did want to attend I tried to make it as easy on them as possible.

4. (finally) pleasantly surprised that we had 60 people, and even through the grapevine didn't hear a peep of complaint.

I didn't do it to be selfish. My husband and I liked the spot we picked, and we wanted to share it with family and friends. I agree with you that not all destination weddings have self-absorbed brides and grooms. I hope I wasn't.

 

[LoraJ]

Alexandnessa,
my anger isn't directed towards you, but ladyshivas assumptions mostly.

I think it's crappy that someone yelled at you for not being able to attend their wedding. But like I said, they would do that whether it was on an odd day, destination or not.

 

[ead79]

But it was YOUR wedding day, right? You stated it as such? You wanted YOUR day to go well?

I think your wedding day is one of those days everyone accepts and understands the bride's selfishness. It is a day of lasting memories... You, as the bride, are creating a marriage, and you want it to last your whole life.

I don't see it as ego-mania. It is the day you focus on yourself and your husband, and society agrees with that. That's why we pay for $300 plane tickets and $100/night hotel rooms to go celebrate "YOUR" day.

*shrug* It's only when brides use their guests over and above societal expectations that we all get hacked off.

Brandie

I think we'll just have to agree to disagree. I called it "my" wedding day, because that's the only way I know how to refer to it properly. It was the day I got married, and I'm not sure how else to phrase that. I wanted the wedding to go well, but not just for myself and DH. It was also extremely important to us that our guests have a wonderful time and feel pampered.

 

[AlexandNessa]

Well thanks a lot for making me your back up guest/photographer!!!

Shove off Jodie, I'm going now!

Ok, fine. I'm shoved! Send me pics!

 

[LadyShiva]

Um, no I didn't. Why would I call someone and yell at them that they couldn't come to my wedding. And why would them not being there mess up my wedding? Assume much?

And I was plenty worried about other people on "my" (what about my husband, why is all me? Isn't it his day too) day when I made sure they all got on their shuttle bus, had drinks in had, were enjoying the food or needed anything else.

Then there you go... You were appropriately respectful of the sacrifice your guests made to attend your wedding. AKA, not a Bridezilla!

The wedding is traditionally seen as the "Bride's day." Hubbies just get to show up and look good beside the bride. And no, I'm not saying that's right or that it happens every time!

I think you're getting worked up by virtue of coming onto a thread that was created as a vent for those people experiencing Bridezillas. A LOT of us have paid quite a bit to attend weddings that we were "expected" to attend. When we're the ones paying the credit card bill, don't expect us to be joyous months later!

I'm glad your wedding went well. Heck, I'm glad MY wedding went well. But I also understand buyer's remorse for guests, too!

Brandie

 

[AlexandNessa]

I think you're getting worked up by virtue of coming onto a thread that was created as a vent for those people experiencing Bridezillas. A LOT of us have paid quite a bit to attend weddings that we were "expected" to attend. When we're the ones paying the credit card bill, don't expect us to be joyous months later!


Brandie

Well said, Brandie.

 

[LadyShiva]

Alexandnessa,
my anger isn't directed towards you, but ladyshivas assumptions mostly.

I think it's crappy that someone yelled at you for not being able to attend their wedding. But like I said, they would do that whether it was on an odd day, destination or not.

I realized how selfish I was when the cake fell after we cut it and I busted out laughing--I didn't care if the people there ate or not, because I had my piece of paper.

I think you're on a higher pedestal than I am if you don't think your wedding would have been wonderful if no one other than you, your DH, the minister, and your 2 witnesses were the only ones there!

It isn't a slam, it isn't an insult, it's just the realization that the most important thing to a wedding is the bride, the groom, and the ceremony. All other people and things make it just more wonderful (unless you have a dysfunctional family, that is! )

Brandie