Somebody say something funny.............

[PrincessJasmine08]

Paige!!! The moon roof does open I am beside myself!

Did you miss "Operating a Vehicle 101" Angel?

 

[paigevz]

Paige!!! The moon roof does open I am beside myself!

FAB! Lookie what I did while you were gone......................

 

[mantysk8coach]

And now Deep Thoughts, by Jack Handy...




Sometimes life seems like a dream, especially when I look down and see that I forgot to put on my pants.

OMG! I love Jack Handey! Here's another...

***Takes out Deep Thoughts book***

"If you ever fall off the Sears Tower, just go real limp, because maybe you'll look like a dummy, and people will try to catch you, because hey, free dummy!"

 

[L107ANGEL]

Did you miss "Operating a Vehicle 101" Angel?

http://www.disboards.com/showthread.php?t=1270156&page=1

Its not a bad world, but it is mine!

 

[paigevz]

OMG! I love Jack Handey! Here's another...

***Takes out Deep Thoughts book***

"If you ever fall off the Sears Tower, just go real limp, because maybe you'll look like a dummy, and people will try to catch you, because hey, free dummy!"

 

[PrincessJasmine08]

http://www.disboards.com/showthread.php?t=1270156&page=1

Its not a bad world, but it is mine!

Thanks for letting me relive that. I enjoy it more every time!

 

[paigevz]

http://www.disboards.com/showthread.php?t=1270156&page=1

Its not a bad world, but it is mine!

I just love that world..............

 

[WonderfulDreamer2]

What's invisible and smells like carrots?





























Bunny farts.

 

[PrincessJasmine08]

I just love that world..............

It sure does work out nicely for the rest of us. Cheap entertainment.

 

[Aimee K]

And Now Deep Thoughts, by Jack Handy


One thing kids like is to be tricked. For instance, I was going to take my little nephew to Disneyland, but instead I drove him to an old burned-out warehouse. "Oh, no," I said. "Disneyland burned down." He cried and cried, but I think that deep down, he thought it was a pretty good joke. I started to drive over to the real Disneyland, but it was getting pretty late.

 

[scraptoons]

You read a true one of my DH. Now here is one of my SIL.

She is in a mall bathroom stall. Her phone rings. It's her sister. They are talking as SIL exits the stall.

Another woman enters the stall and closes the door.

SIL: Oh wait a minute!! I left my phone in there!!! (Knocks on stall door)

SIL: Ma'am!! I think I left my phone in there! (continues to knock)

SIL: Ma'am!!!! Can you please open the door!!!! I left my phone in there!!!!

Awkard silence from the stall....

Meanwhile, my SIL's sister, still on the other end of the phone line, is saying:
You have the phone in your hand!!!! You are talking to me on the phone that is in your hand!!!

What seems like 5 minutes of stall door knocking later.....

SIL: OH!!! Never mind!! I have the phone in my hand! I'm talking to my sister!! Sorry, ma'am!!!!!

SIL runs out of the bathroom.

 

[paigevz]

You read a true one of my DH. Now here is one of my SIL.

She is in a mall bathroom stall. Her phone rings. It's her sister. They are talking as SIL exits the stall.

Another woman enters the stall and closes the door.

SIL: Oh wait a minute!! I left my phone in there!!! (Knocks on stall door)

SIL: Ma'am!! I think I left my phone in there! (continues to knock)

SIL: Ma'am!!!! Can you please open the door!!!! I left my phone in there!!!!

Awkard silence from the stall....

Meanwhile, my SIL's sister, still on the other end of the phone line, is saying:
You have the phone in your hand!!!! You are talking to me on the phone that is in your hand!!!

What seems like 5 minutes of stall door knocking later.....

SIL: OH!!! Never mind!! I have the phone in my hand! I'm talking to my sister!! Sorry, ma'am!!!!!

SIL runs out of the bathroom.

 

[scraptoons]

Another SIL story:

She goes into a store where everything is a dollar.

She sees some sunglasses. Stops to try on a few pairs.

She finds a pair she likes. Goes to check out and pay for her stuff.

Once in the car she reaches in her purse to find old sunglasses to put on. She can't find them. She starts looking.

Where did she find them? In the shopping bag. She paid for the pair that she already had!

 

[PrincessJasmine08]

Alright, you better make sure your sister in law doesn't know what the DIS is. You're making her look less than intelligent!

 

[scraptoons]

Alright, you better make sure your sister in law doesn't know what the DIS is. You're making her look less than intelligent!

She is a great sport. She loves to tell these airhead stories about herself all the time. She and her dad are the biggest laughers I ever met.

I mean they love to laugh!!!

But I could tell a couple of stories of my other SIL too! But I won't go there. She probably wouldn't appreciate it. Too bad, because they are really funny.

 

[Aimee K]

If you ever reach total enlightenment while drinking beer, I bet you could shoot beer out of you nose.

 

[PrincessJasmine08]

She is a great sport. She loves to tell these airhead stories about herself all the time. She and her dad are the biggest laughers I ever met.

I mean they love to laugh!!!

But I could tell a couple of stories of my other SIL too! But I won't go there. She probably wouldn't appreciate it. Too bad, because they are really funny.

Well thanks for teasing us! If your other SIL stories are as good as the first 2 I feel like I am missing something.

 

[paigevz]

If you ever reach total enlightenment while drinking beer, I bet you could shoot beer out of you nose.

EVERYONE reaches total enlightenment while drinking.........eventually........

 

[dolphinrescuegirl]

Don't Step on the Ducks! (fwd)

Warning: Don't Step on the Ducks!

Three women die together in an accident and go to heaven.
When they get there, St. Peter says, "We only have one rule here in heaven: don't step on the ducks!"
So they enter heaven, and sure enough, there are ducks all over the place. It is almost impossible not to step on a duck, and although they try their best to avoid them.

The first woman accidentally steps on one. Along comes St. Peter with the ugliest man she ever saw. St. Peter chains them together and says, "Your punishment for stepping on a duck is to spend eternity chained to this ugly man!"

The next day, the second woman s teps accidentally on a duck and along comes St. Peter, who doesn't miss a thing. With him is another extremely ugly man. He chains them together with the same admonishment as for the first woman.

The third woman has observed all this and, not wanting to be chained for all eternity to an ugly man, is very, VERY careful where she steps.

She manages to go months without stepping on any ducks, but one day St. Peter comes up to her with the most handsome man she has ever laid eyes on ... very tall, long eyelashes, muscular, and thin.
St. Peter chains them together without saying a word.

The happy woman says, "I wonder what I did to deserve being chained to you for all of eternity?"
The guy says, "I don't know about you, but I stepped on a duck!"

 

[scraptoons]

If you ever reach total enlightenment while drinking beer, I bet you could shoot beer out of you nose.

Same with cranberry juice. Although I really wouldn't recommend it. It wasn't pleasant.

BTY, Scott Baio was my idol crush as a teen.....