Somebody say something funny.............

[PrincessJasmine08]

Don't Step on the Ducks! (fwd)

Warning: Don't Step on the Ducks!

Three women die together in an accident and go to heaven.
When they get there, St. Peter says, "We only have one rule here in heaven: don't step on the ducks!"
So they enter heaven, and sure enough, there are ducks all over the place. It is almost impossible not to step on a duck, and although they try their best to avoid them.

The first woman accidentally steps on one. Along comes St. Peter with the ugliest man she ever saw. St. Peter chains them together and says, "Your punishment for stepping on a duck is to spend eternity chained to this ugly man!"

The next day, the second woman s teps accidentally on a duck and along comes St. Peter, who doesn't miss a thing. With him is another extremely ugly man. He chains them together with the same admonishment as for the first woman.

The third woman has observed all this and, not wanting to be chained for all eternity to an ugly man, is very, VERY careful where she steps.

She manages to go months without stepping on any ducks, but one day St. Peter comes up to her with the most handsome man she has ever laid eyes on ... very tall, long eyelashes, muscular, and thin.
St. Peter chains them together without saying a word.

The happy woman says, "I wonder what I did to deserve being chained to you for all of eternity?"
The guy says, "I don't know about you, but I stepped on a duck!"

Thanks!

 

[scraptoons]

Don't Step on the Ducks! (fwd)

Warning: Don't Step on the Ducks!

Three women die together in an accident and go to heaven.
When they get there, St. Peter says, "We only have one rule here in heaven: don't step on the ducks!"
So they enter heaven, and sure enough, there are ducks all over the place. It is almost impossible not to step on a duck, and although they try their best to avoid them.

The first woman accidentally steps on one. Along comes St. Peter with the ugliest man she ever saw. St. Peter chains them together and says, "Your punishment for stepping on a duck is to spend eternity chained to this ugly man!"

The next day, the second woman s teps accidentally on a duck and along comes St. Peter, who doesn't miss a thing. With him is another extremely ugly man. He chains them together with the same admonishment as for the first woman.

The third woman has observed all this and, not wanting to be chained for all eternity to an ugly man, is very, VERY careful where she steps.

She manages to go months without stepping on any ducks, but one day St. Peter comes up to her with the most handsome man she has ever laid eyes on ... very tall, long eyelashes, muscular, and thin.
St. Peter chains them together without saying a word.

The happy woman says, "I wonder what I did to deserve being chained to you for all of eternity?"
The guy says, "I don't know about you, but I stepped on a duck!"

Oh my DH is gonna LUV this one!

 

[paigevz]

Oh, THAT'S great Kimmer!

 

[PrincessJasmine08]

Oh, THAT'S great Kimmer!

Wow, 6 pages, Paige. Everyone's being good tonight.

 

[scraptoons]

Ok. I'll tell just one story of my OTHER SIL. It's one that I don't think she would mind me telling.

It has to do with kids embarrassing the parents.

SIL and her DD were shopping. Her DD was 3 or 4 at the time.

SIL puts pantyliners in the cart.

DD: Mommy, what are those?

SIL: Pantyliners. They keep your panties from getting dirty.

DD: OH.

They get to check out. A teenaged boy is checking out. Panty liners are scanned.

DD: Those are pantyliners. They keep the panties from getting dirty.

Akward Silence. Maybe they didn't hear her?

DD: Hey! Those are pantyliners! They keep the panties clean!!

Akward silence. Still didn't hear her?

DD: THESE ARE PANTY LINERS!!!!!!!!!! THEY KEEP YOUR PANTIES FROM GETTING DIRTY!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

SIL: Ok Ok we heard you!!!!!

Poor check out boy is

So is SIL.

That's it. No more SIL stories

 

[PrincessJasmine08]

Thanks for humoring me with that final SIL story.

 

[princess sparkle p]

OK here is mine…caution...


Sisters of the convent were out for a bike ride together….
As they went over the first hill they all cried out “waaahoooo”
The mother superior yelled out to the sisters they all needed to be quiet and not do this again…
As they went over the second hill they all cried out “waaahoooo”
Again the mother superior yelled out to the sisters they all needed to be quiet and not do this again…
As they went over the third hill once again they all cried out “waaahoooo”
The mother superior yelled out to the sisters “that’s it!!! If you cant all stop then we will have to put the seats back on”

 

[paigevz]

OK here is mine…caution...


Sisters of the convent were out for a bike ride together….
As they went over the first hill they all cried out “waaahoooo”
The mother superior yelled out to the sisters they all needed to be quiet and not do this again…
As they went over the second hill they all cried out “waaahoooo”
Again the mother superior yelled out to the sisters they all needed to be quiet and not do this again…
As they went over the third hill once again they all cried out “waaahoooo”
The mother superior yelled out to the sisters “that’s it!!! If you cant all stop then we will have to put the seats back on”

 

[Aimee K]

OK here is mine…caution...


Sisters of the convent were out for a bike ride together….
As they went over the first hill they all cried out “waaahoooo”
The mother superior yelled out to the sisters they all needed to be quiet and not do this again…
As they went over the second hill they all cried out “waaahoooo”
Again the mother superior yelled out to the sisters they all needed to be quiet and not do this again…
As they went over the third hill once again they all cried out “waaahoooo”
The mother superior yelled out to the sisters “that’s it!!! If you cant all stop then we will have to put the seats back on”

And we have a winner!

 

[PrincessJasmine08]

OK here is mine…caution...


Sisters of the convent were out for a bike ride together….
As they went over the first hill they all cried out “waaahoooo”
The mother superior yelled out to the sisters they all needed to be quiet and not do this again…
As they went over the second hill they all cried out “waaahoooo”
Again the mother superior yelled out to the sisters they all needed to be quiet and not do this again…
As they went over the third hill once again they all cried out “waaahoooo”
The mother superior yelled out to the sisters “that’s it!!! If you cant all stop then we will have to put the seats back on”

Thanks! You win!

 

[lovesmurfs]

If you have a line of 100 rabbits in a row and 99 of them take 1 step backwards, what do you have?

A receding hare line!

 

[princess sparkle p]

Why did the chicken cross the road???




To prove to the groundhogs it could me done…

 

[scraptoons]

If you have a line of 100 rabbits in a row and 99 of them take 1 step backwards, what do you have?

A receding hare line!

Ok my dad is going like this one.

 

[scraptoons]

A snail got mugged by another snail.

He was down at the police station to fill out a report. When asked what happened, he began with...

"It all happened so fast"

Another snail said the same thing when he witnessed an accident between two turtles.



A husband and wife were having another fight.

Husband: Why did God make you so beautiful, but so dumb?
Wife: God made me beautiful so that you would love me. He made me dumb so that I would love you.

 

[PrincessJasmine08]

A snail got mugged by another snail.

He was down at the police station to fill out a report. When asked what happened, he began with...

"It all happened so fast"



A husband and wife were having another fight.

Husband: Why did God make you so beautiful, but so dumb?
Wife: God made me beautiful so that you would love me. He made me dumb so that I would love you.

You need to do this for a living!

 

[scraptoons]

You need to do this for a living!

Thanks. I credit my skill to my DH, who is a professional clown by moonlight. Living with him for so many years, it kinda rubbed off on me.

But I was funny even before I met him. It runs in the family.

 

[paigevz]

Scrappy, you're about to hit 500...........make it a good one!

 

[RonnieJo66]

"say something funny"



"Changing the toilet paper will not cause brain damage"

"Does wine count as a serving of fruit?"






How'z that?

 

[willis37862]

"say something funny"



"Changing the toilet paper will not cause brain damage"

"Does wine count as a serving of fruit?"






How'z that?

....

 

[lovesmurfs]

Saw another joke on DIS a couple months ago:

Why does Ariel the Mermaid wear sea shells?

Because B shells are too small and D shells are too big!