Should men be forced into fatherhood?

[Shugardrawers]

Today, Dr. Phil has a man on who's suing to have his parental responsibility terminated.

The story goes that his girlfriend told him she had a medical condition which prevented her from ever becoming pregnant AND that she was on the pill for other reasons. He says he trusted her and wore a condom in the beginning but after a while stopped. She got pregnant. He says he told her in no uncertain terms from the very beginning that he was not ready to be a father. Of course, the state he lives in has ordered him to pay $500 a month in child support and he is doing so. He has never seen nor held his own child and doesn't even consider himself her father although a paternity test has determined that he is her biological father.

The meat of his argument is that women are given options when they becoming pregnant. They can terminate, place the baby for adoption or raise the child. He says men don't have any choices, they are forced to do what the mother wants. While he has a point, if he really didn't want to be a father, he should have continued to use a condom or heaven forbid, abstained!

What do you think of this?

 

[ItsonlyExperiment626]

It takes two to tango. He should of kept using the condom or asked her for medical records to back up her claim.

 

[Daxx]

It takes two to tango. He should of kept using the condom

You took the words right out of my mouth!!! He says men don't have a choice? Well, they do ... to abstain, to use a condom, to have a vasectomy. Three choices there. You don't want to create a life, then don't perform the act that creates one!

 

[magicmouse2]

ITA above posts. He might not want the child but it might want him when it grows old enough to track him down.

 

[cardaway]

I am in favor of men being able to remove themselves from financial responsibility. IMO the number births to unwed mothers would drop dramiticaly if women knew there would be no child support coming.

 

[GoofyDad869]

Without getting into a debate over abortion (pro-choice / pro-life) or adoption rights, here's my take on the situation.

If you're mature enough to realize ALL the possible consequences of sexual activity, as the 'father' you should have the personal integrity to stand by your actions. That goes along with your decision to use protection or abstain.

Bad pun intended - most guys don't realize they're playing with a loaded gun. Just a simple matter of deciding which organ makes your decisions for you.

 

[Chicago526]

Well, I can see his point, assuming she really did tell him she couldn't get pregnant between physical problems and the pill. It really isn't fare to him, he doesn't get a choice. But, all that said, men should know that going in, if a little swimer makes it past the goal line, he may have to pay up.

Now, if I were him I'd make darn sure that $500 a month is at least going towards taking care of the kid, and that mom isn't using it for herself. If she lied about being able to get pregnant, I wouldn't trust her character too much overall. If she's using that $500 for shoping sprees and spa days, then THAT'S a problem!

 

[Jennasis]

Sure he can sue...but I doubt he'll win.

 

[MsLeFever]

no glove no love!

And if father's are allowed to do this it will just open the door for deadbeat dads! And we'll be picking up the tab.

 

[mytwotinks]

Unless she raped him, he wasn't really "forced" into anything. Still a sad story though. I hate hearing about women who lie about infertility to get pregnant. It never ends in a happy family which is what every baby deserves!

 

[MsLeFever]

If she lied about being able to get pregnant, I wouldn't trust her character too much overall. If she's using that $500 for shoping sprees and spa days, then THAT'S a problem!

It seems (I'm watching the show now...) like she didn't lie. She believed that she couldn't get pregnant and she was wrong.

 

[DisneyAddict_M]

It seems (I'm watching the show now...) like she didn't lie. She believed that she couldn't get pregnant and she was wrong.

It happens. I believed I couldn't get pregnant. Don't know what put that thought into my head...so my ex-husband and I just didn't use protection for a year. We now have a 5 year old.

 

[mickeyfan2]

I understand his point, but he chose not to wear the condom and she got pregnant. It is his kid and that is that.

 

[Chicago526]

It seems (I'm watching the show now...) like she didn't lie. She believed that she couldn't get pregnant and she was wrong.

Well, that's a little differant then. Assuming that she also really thought she couldn't get pregnant, then I think this guy is SOL. Guess this baby was meant to be!

 

[lisajl]

IF you make that decision to have a relationship with someone, it is YOUR responsibility to protect yourself. Not only from unwanted pregnancy but also STD's. That child is in the middle of a mess. I feel horrible for her.
I guess the only good thing is that jerk will not be around to raise her.
Maybe her mom will find a real man that would love to be her babies father.

JMO

Lisa

 

[Shugardrawers]

I can not tell you the number of men I personally know who all say their girlfriends told them they were physically unable to get pregnant and/or were on the pill that now are paying child support. The problem is that the men are putting all the responsibility for the consequences on the women. Without the man's willing participation this would not have happened. Weren't we all taught that there is one and only one method of birth control that is 100% effective? If you just have to dance the dance you should be willing to pay the piper and it may cost you $500 a month for 18 years!

 

[kimmikayb]

This is a hot topic. I am looking forward to the Dr. Phil episode today. I have been in the "court system" for child support for over 6 years now and I have participated in several child custody/support message boards. I have heard all kinds of opinions. It's not a black and white issue. There are many, many shades of gray. Who knows why we are made the way we are but the truth is...if you are dead set agaisnt being a parent, abstain. It is really that simple.

The different shades of gray for me is the fact that women can have an abortion and it doesn't matter what the father thinks/feels. How horrible if you want to be a parent and take responsibility for your actions, to have that ripped away from you.

It is an issue without any simple answers.

 

[Miss Jasmine]

I'll be the dissenting female, and really I feel this way. A woman holds ALL the cards when it comes to deciding whether to abort, carry the pregnacy to term and put up for adoption, or carry the pregnancy to term and keep the baby. The "father" has no say in the situation what so ever. The woman decided to participate, she has responsibility to the situation as well. The difference is she gets to make the call, and the guy has to abide no matter what she decided. What if the guy would want the child, but she decided to abort? Yeah her body, but she is carrying a being that is half the DNA of the other person. Yet he has NO SAY. It sucks. If I was a guy I would be double wrapping.

 

[buddy&wooz]

My feeling is, sometimes things you can't/don't plan for happen, and you have to deal with it. Maybe he really felt he was safe from fatherhood with this woman, but he wasn't, so now he has to deal with it.

(must add this story to my warning warning file for my sons....)

 

[kimmikayb]

Well, I can see his point, assuming she really did tell him she couldn't get pregnant between physical problems and the pill. It really isn't fare to him, he doesn't get a choice. But, all that said, men should know that going in, if a little swimer makes it past the goal line, he may have to pay up.

Now, if I were him I'd make darn sure that $500 a month is at least going towards taking care of the kid, and that mom isn't using it for herself. If she lied about being able to get pregnant, I wouldn't trust her character too much overall. If she's using that $500 for shoping sprees and spa days, then THAT'S a problem!

That is an age old arguement with child support. The fact is, in most states child support is figured per each parent's wage and sometimes number of days the child spends with each parent. At $500 per month, mom doesn't have any luxery of spa days or shopping sprees. If it's like our house, it's thrown into the pot and used for every day expenses. So how will you make sure that $500 is going to the direct support of said child? It's impossible. She isn't going to get rich off $500 a month.