Semi non Disney related, advice on inlaws

[Dismama2boys]

My in-laws are....interesting, but apparently not as interesting as yours! I wouldn’t ask for them to pay for cleaning, although you are certainly within your rights to do so. I just don’t think I personally would. Definitely don’t worry about bugs, and just clean it as you can.

I would, however be livid about both her presumption in messing up your home, and the lie. In our house, I try to have DH deal with any issues with his family (with my input and respecting my opinions), and I deal with my family. Feelings seem to be better spared this way. But in no way, shape, or form would I be considering a trip with people who showed my family so little respect.

 

[stephk1981]

The devoutly Catholic DMIL bold-face lied about where she spread the salt?

That aside, I agree with other posters that a good vacuum should take care of the problem and demanding payment for a cleaning will only make a bad situation worse. I think a shenanigan like that is enough to be excluded from the surprise Disney trip next year and perhaps from visiting again without some genuine apologies and convincing assurances that nothing like that will happen again.

Yes, I know! I think you all are right. This helps me confirm that asking for them to pay for cleaning would just make things worse. Thanks!

 

[stephk1981]

I am so confused by this action. Are there demons or possessed people she's trying to keep out?

Seriously. I'm confused. Like I'm so confused I don't even know what to say. I probably wouldn't be inviting her back any time soon. And I'd be wondering WHY she felt the need to spread holy salt everywhere.

Yeah, very confusing and kind of offended that she felt like our house needed to be ' secretly blessed' thanks for sharing!

 

[stephk1981]

You are confusing salt with sugar. Bugs don’t like and aren’t attracted to salt. The concern with salt is it causing micro abrasions to the hard surfaces. Vacuum the floors and change the sheets, and clean up the rest as you have time.

And don’t reward their behavior by doing anything nice for them like taking them in a trip.

I definitely have changed the sheets, and am taking your advice....one room a day. Thanks for sharing

 

[Tink_83]

So I for one would clean it myself as pp have said. I would also ask her why she was sprinkling the salt. For reference blessed salt can be used to bless a house to help “prevent break ins” or in cars for safe travel. It’s not just used for exorcisms so I wouldn’t jump to the conclusion that she thought the house needed to be blessed for those reasons.

The amount used, though, would normally be so minimal that you wouldn’t notice it. So clearly she massively overdid it. I’d also keep in mind some parishes are reviving old practices and blessed salt is one of them. It use to be used more often by Catholics for even cooking with (along with aforementioned light sprinkling within a house). Maybe her parish priest was encouraging the use without fully explaining how to use it...

She still should have told you what she wanted to do, and discussed it with you and if you didn’t want it then she should not have blessed the rooms. And I would be equally upset if my MIL did this (although it’s more likely that my dad would do something like this to me- he’s the overly devout catholic in my family - now I have to hope he doesn’t get his hands on blessed salt or I’m likely to have a mess on my hands- or extremely salty food for dinner one night!). Good luck with the house cleaning.

 

[stephk1981]

My in-laws are....interesting, but apparently not as interesting as yours! I wouldn’t ask for them to pay for cleaning, although you are certainly within your rights to do so. I just don’t think I personally would. Definitely don’t worry about bugs, and just clean it as you can.

I would, however be livid about both her presumption in messing up your home, and the lie. In our house, I try to have DH deal with any issues with his family (with my input and respecting my opinions), and I deal with my family. Feelings seem to be better spared this way. But in no way, shape, or form would I be considering a trip with people who showed my family so little respect.

We have been married for 13 years, and DMIL has been ' eccentric' with religious things over the years...as in at birthdays and Christmas she only gifts crosses, pendants of the holy family, rosaries etc, she sets her alarm to pray at 3 am every morning and will wake you up if you are in their home to pray as well!.....but this was all new. I think this is why I am really mad and upset, I thought I had a fairly good relationship with DMIL but I feel really disrespected in my home. I'm sure I will get over it, thanks for sharing!

 

[stephk1981]

So I for one would clean it myself as pp have said. I would also ask her why she was sprinkling the salt. For reference blessed salt can be used to bless a house to help “prevent break ins” or in cars for safe travel. It’s not just used for exorcisms so I wouldn’t jump to the conclusion that she thought the house needed to be blessed for those reasons.

The amount used, though, would normally be so minimal that you wouldn’t notice it. So clearly she massively overdid it. I’d also keep in mind some parishes are reviving old practices and blessed salt is one of them. It use to be used more often by Catholics for even cooking with (along with aforementioned light sprinkling within a house). Maybe her parish priest was encouraging the use without fully explaining how to use it...

She still should have told you what she wanted to do, and discussed it with you and if you didn’t want it then she should not have blessed the rooms. And I would be equally upset if my MIL did this (although it’s more likely that my dad would do something like this to me- he’s the overly devout catholic in my family - now I have to hope he doesn’t get his hands on blessed salt or I’m likely to have a mess on my hands- or extremely salty food for dinner one night!). Good luck with the house cleaning.

Thank you!!!! It sounds like you understand well she mailed us some holy salt for our anniversary and I put it in individual ziplock bags and put them under our beds in each room...I figured it can't hurt right!? But I never would have doused our house...I am sure she was quite overzealous....now i am also wondering what a security bag checker would have thought if they opened her bag to check anything at the airport!

 

[stephk1981]

What she did was terribly rude and lying about it made it even worse. I can understand why you are upset. You are definitely getting the short end by having to do the cleaning. Honestly, your MIL should have offered to pay for the cleaning. I suggested not to bring it up again only because I have seen families end up not speaking to each other over things like this. I don't want to seem like I'm discounting your feeling because you were definitely wronged. I think leaving them out of the trip is a good idea.

I didn't think that at all! I appreciate your thoughts...and you are right, I don't want this to be a point of contention in our family for the rest of our lives. Better to drop it. I think I've decided to forgo planning the surprise trip for them. I hope she thinks enough of our relationship to apologise at some point, that will be enough.

 

[stephk1981]

Thank you to everyone who posted, I greatly appreciate your thoughts and opinions!

 

[Daisy1940]

You should feel disrespected in your home-because you were! I’m mad for you! If it were me, she would never set foot in my house again. Visits would require a hotel at their own expense and all contact would be outside of my home because I’d never trust her again. This wasn’t an accident, she knowingly covered FIVE rooms of your house in salt that she knew would have to be cleaned up. She intentionally caused you and your husband (who work long hours at work and raising two kids) hours and hours of work. She intentionally did this as she was leaving so she wouldn’t have to deal with it. She has zero respect for you or your husband or your children for that matter. The Disney trip would be off if it were me and next year’s visit as well. If she wants to see you and your family again, the diaper money will be plenty to pay for a hotel room and travel costs. She likely does these “eccentric” things because she isn’t held responsible for her poor behavior. I’m honestly shocked anyone would suggest cleaning it and moving on-and I’m generally a huge doormat when it comes to family.

 

[tinkerjo]

I’m sorry but your MIL meant no harm from what I understand, and even though she’s should not have done it without asking, it seems she meant well. She probably lied because she is not confrontational and did not want to argue. I’m not defending her, it was wrong, but I bet she’s is heartbroken. I would have DH (since it’s his parents) discuss it with them and set future “rules” when visiting. Please remember that they won’t be around forever and trips and visits will be special memories. One day after the mess is cleaned up ( and by the way, I would just clean it up. It’s salt) and the hurt feelings are gone, you will look back at this and laugh. Please don’t be too harsh but definitely set boundaries.

 

[sponica]

@Tink_83 Part of me wants to see the look on the parish priest's face if MIL ever relates how the salt was disbursed....

@stephk1981 Someday I think this might be funny...like in the MIL story contest. I mean this even tops when my friends MIL moved her entire kitchen around "to make things better" when she was at work.

 

[Tink_83]

Thank you!!!! It sounds like you understand well she mailed us some holy salt for our anniversary and I put it in individual ziplock bags and put them under our beds in each room...I figured it can't hurt right!? But I never would have doused our house...I am sure she was quite overzealous....now i am also wondering what a security bag checker would have thought if they opened her bag to check anything at the airport!

I’m still trying to figure out what the priest told them about how to use it! Proper instruction is needed when they revive the old practices, specifically to prevent miss use like this! Although I’ll say I’ve never been woken up at 3 am to say prayers. I do get my fill of the rosary when we visit them though. But I do think she may even be more devout then my parents- and I’m the oldest of 8! I’ll say a prayer for you - and again good luck.

 

[Calee]

I know that I am in the minority, but I dont think you have to "just get over it" or that it is "just salt". The behavior was disrespectful. She disrespected you, your children, your husband, your home, and your own religious preferences. Then she lied about it. The physical salt is minor in comparison to all of that. You dont have to just get over it and ignore being treated like that in order to keep the peace. While I probably wouldn't bother with asking them to pay for a cleaning, I also wouldn't be inviting them back and i certainly would not take them on an expensive vacation. This is an adult we are talking about, not a young child that doesnt know better or who lacked impulse control. She obviously planned this, by having blessed and bringing such a high volume of salt, and she sat on it until she was leaving and then lied about it. If she was truly well intentioned she would have 1. Asked your permission before even bringing it, 2. Asked your permission (or participation in) the act and 3. Not attempted in any way to be deceptive.

Bad behavior does NOT have to be ignored or tolerated just bc someone is family.

 

[DisneyWishes14]

I, too, have a MIL who has no boundaries, so to speak, and over the years DH and I have just had to set up our own boundaries that we don't allow her to cross. It took some time to set these boundaries and DH did stop speaking with her for a while, but we are all on speaking terms now and actually enjoy each others company since we do not set up situations where the risk of her crossing a line might arise. In your situation, a boundary might be not allowing her to stay in your home for the time being. I certainly wouldn't want to spend money to take her on a trip in the near future. I actually do think your DH should discuss this with her to let her know that the gesture was not appreciated and caused you a gigantic headache. If she would like to "bless" you and your family, that's a very sweet thought, but there are plenty of ways to do it that won't cause a mess in your house. As PP mentioned, she must have known what she was doing was not going to go down well - she did it, didn't tell anyone and then tried to get out of town without having to face a confrontation. I wouldn't just "sweep this under the rug". If it isn't addressed with her, she will do something like this again.

 

[Tink_83]

@Tink_83 Part of me wants to see the look on the parish priest's face if MIL ever relates how the salt was disbursed....

@stephk1981 Someday I think this might be funny...like in the MIL story contest. I mean this even tops when my friends MIL moved her entire kitchen around "to make things better" when she was at work.

I’m sure he would be horrified! It’s not how it was ever intended to be used, not in those quantities. And not without permission of the home owner.

And I don’t know, personally I may be more upset about my kitchen being rearranged- but I have a lot of kitchen items so it would take me longer to fix that then to clean 5 rooms in my house. Plus this way I wouldn’t have to do a thorough cleaning again in a while (maybe a very, very, very small silver lining).

I do agree that years from now they may be able to laugh about it. Actually, hopefully that is the case, that in time it’s just one of those funny stories they can tell instead of something that is always upsetting.

 

[Allison]

You didn't cause a rift. She did and there is no excuse for that behavior. I don't care what the good intentions are. If you have any expenses because of this, they should definitely pay for it. A discussion needs to be had about this type of behavior not being tolerating in your home.

 

[LuvMyEAR]

I have a zealous Catholic mother myself. It always been the biggest wedge between us as her one true mission in life is for my sister and I to finally embrace her faith. Our stance is that we embrace religious freedom, which for some means freedom FROM religion.

As DM ages, she gets more devious than devout...surreptitiously sprinkling Holy Water on us, Trying to slip religious tracts to our grandchildren, etc. I think dementia or some form of psychosis is playing a part. Could be the case here.

Good luck with the whole mess. I sympathize very much.

 

[chicagoshannon]

Sounds like she's been watching too much Supernatural.

I would just clean it and leave it alone. If they bring up visiting again next year make it a condition that she leave her salt at home.

 

[Firsttimer15]

I think she meant it well, of course it’s a mess but I wouldn’t cause a rift in the family. It would be different if she did it on purpose to annoy you but she didn’t. We all make mistakes sometimes and it seems that she was genuinely sorry. The salt won’t cause any harm so you have enough time to clean it up. It’s not like it needs to be done stat.
If you don’t feel up to the task pay the cleaner yourself. If you have the money to take your family plus 2 people extra to Disney you have money to spend on the cleaner. since you don’t take them along anymore you can take the money that would have been used to pay for them and spend it on the cleaner.