Say something or let it go?

[iheartdisney]

I enjoy relishing in everyone else's family drama posted here, and rarely have any of my own to share. So now I have a good one, i figured I'd open myself up for opinions here. Enjoy!

So, DH is gone for a year and i decided to take the opportunity to go back East to visit my family. i was gone for 6 weeks. We had DH's cousin staying here and taking care of the pets and the yard, and he was under strict no visitors orders, mainly because when he and DH's brother get together they drink and smoke way too much pot, and i don't want that going on in my home.

Well, apparently the brother called DH and asked permission for him and his wife and kids to crash at our place on their way home from Disneyland. Dh tells me he told them yes, that Brother and Wife could sleep in our son's room, and their kids could stay in our girl's room on the bunkbed and they were not to go into our room. Mainly because the thought of someone else sleeping in my bed, grosses me out, and also that is where our guns and valuables are kept.

Well, the housesitting cousin knew nothing about any of this until BIL and family show up, and tell cousin that they are to stay in our room, and their kids in both of the kids' rooms. And they showed up the day before cousin was to leave, so he had to entertain and clean up after them instead of cleaning up his own mess from the past 6 weeks.

I had a 24 year old staying in my house for 6 weeks, I expected a mess when i got home. But I wasn't expecting the mess that BIL and his family left behind, and I seriously want to say something to them about it. Because they do this everywhere they stay, but no one ever says anything to them. MIL and SIL have both complained about them trashing their houses when they go out there to visit.

First off, i am COMPLETELY skeeved out about someone else sleeping in my bed! Especially after they were told not to go in our room. I seriously threw the pillows out. They trashed my son's room- legos everyehere! Tore apart all of his Vinylmations, i can't even find half of the arms. And I had a $200 lego set on the bookshelf in the living room that was GLUED TOGETHER that is now torn apart and all the pieces are tossed in the general lego box. i don't even let my kids play with that set, and it will take forever to find all the pieces again, we have a LOT of legos. The fact is that they had to have sat by at watched (or completely were not supervising their children) as their spawn tore apart a set that was glued together.

So here is my conundrum...I've typed up a message and deleted it at least three times in the week since I've been home. Should a call them out on this or let it go? Honestly, DH's family is not close at all so it isn't like I need to worry about seeing them any time soon. And maybe if someone would let them know they can't treat other people's homes like this, just maybe they would keep their hellions in check and show some respect for someone else's home.

 

[phorsenuf]

I enjoy relishing in everyone else's family drama posted here, and rarely have any of my own to share. So now I have a good one, i figured I'd open myself up for opinions here. Enjoy!

So, DH is gone for a year and i decided to take the opportunity to go back East to visit my family. i was gone for 6 weeks. We had DH's cousin staying here and taking care of the pets and the yard, and he was under strict no visitors orders, mainly because when he and DH's brother get together they drink and smoke way too much pot, and i don't want that going on in my home.

Well, apparently the brother called DH and asked permission for him and his wife and kids to crash at our place on their way home from Disneyland. Dh tells me he told them yes, that Brother and Wife could sleep in our son's room, and their kids could stay in our girl's room on the bunkbed and they were not to go into our room. Mainly because the thought of someone else sleeping in my bed, grosses me out, and also that is where our guns and valuables are kept.

Well, the housesitting cousin knew nothing about any of this until BIL and family show up, and tell cousin that they are to stay in our room, and their kids in both of the kids' rooms. And they showed up the day before cousin was to leave, so he had to entertain and clean up after them instead of cleaning up his own mess from the past 6 weeks.

I had a 24 year old staying in my house for 6 weeks, I expected a mess when i got home. But I wasn't expecting the mess that BIL and his family left behind, and I seriously want to say something to them about it. Because they do this everywhere they stay, but no one ever says anything to them. MIL and SIL have both complained about them trashing their houses when they go out there to visit.

First off, i am COMPLETELY skeeved out about someone else sleeping in my bed! Especially after they were told not to go in our room. I seriously threw the pillows out. They trashed my son's room- legos everyehere! Tore apart all of his Vinylmations, i can't even find half of the arms. And I had a $200 lego set on the bookshelf in the living room that was GLUED TOGETHER that is now torn apart and all the pieces are tossed in the general lego box. i don't even let my kids play with that set, and it will take forever to find all the pieces again, we have a LOT of legos. The fact is that they had to have sat by at watched (or completely were not supervising their children) as their spawn tore apart a set that was glued together.

So here is my conundrum...I've typed up a message and deleted it at least three times in the week since I've been home. Should a call them out on this or let it go? Honestly, DH's family is not close at all so it isn't like I need to worry about seeing them any time soon. And maybe if someone would let them know they can't treat other people's homes like this, just maybe they would keep their hellions in check and show some respect for someone else's home.

I would let it go. Is the situation going to be fixed because you say something? No. So why bother?

 

[smitch425]

I enjoy relishing in everyone else's family drama posted here, and rarely have any of my own to share. So now I have a good one, i figured I'd open myself up for opinions here. Enjoy!

So, DH is gone for a year and i decided to take the opportunity to go back East to visit my family. i was gone for 6 weeks. We had DH's cousin staying here and taking care of the pets and the yard, and he was under strict no visitors orders, mainly because when he and DH's brother get together they drink and smoke way too much pot, and i don't want that going on in my home.

Well, apparently the brother called DH and asked permission for him and his wife and kids to crash at our place on their way home from Disneyland. Dh tells me he told them yes, that Brother and Wife could sleep in our son's room, and their kids could stay in our girl's room on the bunkbed and they were not to go into our room. Mainly because the thought of someone else sleeping in my bed, grosses me out, and also that is where our guns and valuables are kept.

Well, the housesitting cousin knew nothing about any of this until BIL and family show up, and tell cousin that they are to stay in our room, and their kids in both of the kids' rooms. And they showed up the day before cousin was to leave, so he had to entertain and clean up after them instead of cleaning up his own mess from the past 6 weeks.

I had a 24 year old staying in my house for 6 weeks, I expected a mess when i got home. But I wasn't expecting the mess that BIL and his family left behind, and I seriously want to say something to them about it. Because they do this everywhere they stay, but no one ever says anything to them. MIL and SIL have both complained about them trashing their houses when they go out there to visit.

First off, i am COMPLETELY skeeved out about someone else sleeping in my bed! Especially after they were told not to go in our room. I seriously threw the pillows out. They trashed my son's room- legos everyehere! Tore apart all of his Vinylmations, i can't even find half of the arms. And I had a $200 lego set on the bookshelf in the living room that was GLUED TOGETHER that is now torn apart and all the pieces are tossed in the general lego box. i don't even let my kids play with that set, and it will take forever to find all the pieces again, we have a LOT of legos. The fact is that they had to have sat by at watched (or completely were not supervising their children) as their spawn tore apart a set that was glued together.

So here is my conundrum...I've typed up a message and deleted it at least three times in the week since I've been home. Should a call them out on this or let it go? Honestly, DH's family is not close at all so it isn't like I need to worry about seeing them any time soon. And maybe if someone would let them know they can't treat other people's homes like this, just maybe they would keep their hellions in check and show some respect for someone else's home.

If someone wrecked my kids' stuff it would be on like Donkey Kong. I would let them know that they are no longer welcome to stay in your home, and let them know why. Family or not, they had no right to do that to your stuff.

As for the bed and pillows, do you ever stay in hotels? That part of your story wouldn't really bother me, but to break stuff in your home? Yeah...I'd be talking to some people about boundaries. Good luck, and be prepared for any fallout that may be coming. What is your husband's opinion?

 

[Erin1700]

I would be fuming at DH for saying yes. If you knew what they were like, you should have called them and said No.

 

[RNMOM]

If it would make you feel better, go for it. I would also send every other family member a copy cause you know there will be backlash and at least they can have the facts straight.

Never trust something as important as you home to family.

 

[Jex]

Dh, or dw in my case would be cleaning up the mess after they agreed to them coming over.

 

[Buckalew11]

I would have probably had a stroke.

The sleeping in my bed would have done me the same way--especially after you asked them to sleep in the other room,but, as Smitch425 said, it probably isn't much different than a hotel situation. It still makes me *shiver.*

I'd discuss it with your DH. Unless he can't be bothered by it (like fighting a war instead), I'd at least get his input before I mentioned it to his brother.

Sounds like a horrible family situation.

 

[Poohforyou]

Honestly, the person I'd suggest you have a conversation with is your dh. I don't care if it's his family, if they aren't going to respect your home they shouldn't be allowed there. I do have to wonder why you didn't tell your cousin they were coming.

 

[aaarcher86]

I'd be saying something. I don't tolerate that nonsense. I have no problem with confrontation and/or tearing someone a new A hole.

DH deserves a kick in the scrotum for saying yes.

 

[Gumbo4x4]

I'd probably drive all night to BIL's house and beat him to a pulp - and I haven't thrown a punch in 25 years. But, WOW talk about out of line. Some folks just need a good beating.

 

[cinder-ellah]

First off "Big Hug" to you.

Deep breath.......

Sending the rest of the family a copy of what you send them is brilliant !

Will it change the offenders ? No.
People like that have no clue on how to behave or to respect other people's belongs & boundaries.

The only good will be, is for you to vent and to absolutely give them notice that visiting / staying at your house is not an option in the future. You don't even have to go into detail. They will still be clueless as to the disruption and disappointment that they've caused you.

So sorry that happened to you.

 

[LisaR]

I would be beyond pissed!

But you knew they were slobs. You said they do this everywhere they stay. What good will it do to confront them? Will they pay for the damage? Will they change their ways? If it will make you feel better to send them a nasty-gram, go for it. But if it won't fix the problem and will only create a bigger mess, let it go.

Now your DH is another issue altogether. We'd be having a serious heart to heart talk about his decision to let them stay.

 

[cobright]

Photograph the mayhem. Burn the sheets and flip the matress.

Now you compose your letter like this:

Dear (whatever),
This is what I expected, and this is what I found. Please consider how you would feel in my position. I would like to hear more from you about this and look forward to your reply.

With love,
(whoever you are)

I don't know what your three drafted letters contained, but these lines convey everything with no emotional attacks no judgements. Just entreaty to parlay. Be prepared to give a little and the other party will confirm your hurt feelings.

 

[4nana]

OMG, I can't believe how ungrateful, destructive, and irresponsible these relatives sound . I am with you, would be totally upset at their disrespect for your home, property, and generosity . Honestly, I would have to cool down before I even approached the topic with them, I'd probably let DH handle the fall out, as seems he did the inviting . I feel for you, and wish you good luck!

 

[iheartdisney]

Thanks all for the support!!

i didn't know about it until after the fact. I got home and texted cousin and asked what happened (He had left on Sunday night and we got home Tuesday) He told me what had happened, and i texted DH for clarification because the #1 rule we put forth to the cousin was NO VISITORS, especially BIL! Thats is when DH texted back that he had given them the OK. And hadn't told cousin.

i haven't asked DH about, because we have only spoken twice in the past week, for about 10 minutes each. And i am of the mindset that i handle the home while he is gone, he has enough to worry about over there.

I understand the hotel comparison, but it just feels different to have your personal space violated. Plus i don't stay at anything less than a Holiday Inn and Suites... i don't like my hotel rooms to look like someone has already been there.

 

[JakeJenna]

I would discuss it with your DH first but I would send an email, I don't think I would send it to the whole family though.

 

[BigAlsGal]

Photograph the mayhem. Burn the sheets and flip the matress.

Now you compose your letter like this:

Dear (whatever),
This is what I expected, and this is what I found. Please consider how you would feel in my position. I would like to hear more from you about this and look forward to your reply.

With love,
(whoever you are)

I don't know what your three drafted letters contained, but these lines convey everything with no emotional attacks no judgements. Just entreaty to parlay. Be prepared to give a little and the other party will confirm your hurt feelings.

 

[hereyago]

I would also go Donkey Kong on DH and BIL and it wouldn't be pretty. But I also blame the idiots before who never told them not to act like barn animals while staying at someone s house. I am smart mouth and smart butt: I would take pictures and send a cc to everyone so they could see what barn animals did with the title: This is how NOT to treat someones home and how you have a ban for this family member. I may have fun with it, Photoshop his face and put a big ban sign over it lol

 

[NHdisneylover]

I would start by talking to your husband. I understand that you handle home while he is away, but he caused this mess by saying yes to the arrangement without consulting you and he NEEDS to know what they did so he does not make that mistake again.

I absolutely would NOT involve other family beyond those who actually made the mess (asking for worlds of hurt and drama there, and not really anyone else's business).

I would say there are two reasonable choices:

1. say and do nothing but do not ever let them stay with you again. If they directly ask you why down the road, I would not make excuses but would tell them the truth ("the mess you left behind last time was just too much for me and i do not want to be in that position again").

2. Calculate the cost to buy the Lego set again and hire a maid service to clean up their mess and send them a bill. You will likely never see a penny, and they may never speak to you again, but they will at least know what they did and how upset you are--and it gives you a great fallback if they are ever so gutsy as to ask to stay at your place again.

 

[wdwmom0f3]

If someone wrecked my kids' stuff it would be on like Donkey Kong. I would let them know that they are no longer welcome to stay in your home, and let them know why. Family or not, they had no right to do that to your stuff.

As for the bed and pillows, do you ever stay in hotels? That part of your story wouldn't really bother me, but to break stuff in your home? Yeah...I'd be talking to some people about boundaries. Good luck, and be prepared for any fallout that may be coming. What is your husband's opinion?

Amen!! I would be beyond livid with them and with my husband for telling them that it was okay to stay. I would make damn sure everyone envolved here would know that they were never welcome to stay at my home again. Who stays at someone's house and leaves it trashed like that?

I would have expected to come home to a clean house regardless of who stayed there.