Sad Parenting Observation

[Soldier's*Sweeties]

My Dad always meant business and I knew it. He would tell to do something with his quiet voice and I wouldn't waste time getting it done. My mother could rant and rave and I might hear something she said eventually.

My kids know that if DH steps in, they are DONE, and he never yells.

My favorite example is this:
When they were toddlers I was big on counting down to discipline(I have gotten MUCH better and now rarely are they ever in trouble). I was having a horrible day with them and I went, "If you don't stop you are going to bed right NOW... One,two...REALLY..One,two..." DH stood up and goes "THREE." They went running, got in bed and I didn't hear another peep all night. He never yells at them, or hits them... Honestly. There is just something about that "Dad Voice".

 

[kamik86]

I remember one thing with my parents that if anyone had saw would probably think my parents were awful parents. I was miserable through going out to dinner and people would be wondering why they would take me...

Here is the thing: I didn't want to go. I had plans that day after I left my drama club meeting. My parents picked me up and surprised me that they were going to take me out to dinner that afternoon. I told them I didn't want to go and they got upset that they were doing something nice and I was ungrateful and made me take this "present"

So maybe the kids didn't WANT to be there. Maybe exactly what they are hoping is that mom would stop making them go to the beach, maybe they absolutely hate the beach.

 

[kamik86]

My kids know that if DH steps in, they are DONE, and he never yells.

My favorite example is this:
When they were toddlers I was big on counting down to discipline(I have gotten MUCH better and now rarely are they ever in trouble). I was having a horrible day with them and I went, "If you don't stop you are going to bed right NOW... One,two...REALLY..One,two..." DH stood up and goes "THREE." They went running, got in bed and I didn't hear another peep all night. He never yells at them, hits them... Honestly. There is just something about that "Dad Voice".

when one of my nieces was small (smaller then in this story... I think she grew out of this by around 3) mom was a TOTAL pushover. All real discipline came from Dad. This lead to her not listening to any females but if a guy especially when using a bit of a deeper voice said anything she would listen instantly.

 

[Soldier's*Sweeties]

when one of my nieces was small (smaller then in this story... I think she grew out of this by around 3) mom was a TOTAL pushover. All real discipline came from Dad. This lead to her not listening to any females but if a guy especially when using a bit of a deeper voice said anything she would listen instantly.

It took me a few years to get "tough", plus I had to correct a lot of the wrongs I had made with being a pushover. I didn't like the way they were headed behavior wise, so I just bit the bullet and changed. I'm consistent and now they know that what I say goes. So much happier now

 

[Mkrop]

My kids might try to do other things while I loaded the car when they were younger, but if I had to ask more than once they knew it would not be pretty. The phone would be mine and the basketball gone. And I can get my point across with causing a scene but frankly if I do I really dont care, if I feel my parenting is in the right judge away at me being loud

 

[Chocolate Cake]

I ask my kids to do something once. If they don't do it, then I TELL them to. If they still don't do it... Well then that's their problem.

If my son didn't put his phone down it would be mine for the day, maybe longer if he was a jerk about it.
And the basketball? Gone also.

Yes. I agree. No way would I ever have to ask my children to help me multiple times. This is not a "My child is a perfect DIS child" situation either.

What kind of parent raises a child to sit and watch mom do all the work? And this after being asked to help? Um, no. Walk right over, rip their phones out of their hands. But, really, it should not get to that point if you raised your children with boundaries and consequences.

 

[CookieandOatmeal]

I was raised by a tiger mom. She would just give us a look and we knew we better get our move on it or we would face dire consequences! Didn't even have to say anything to us lol.

 

[soccerdad72]

Sigh - we've been there, done that. Still going through it. Seems like a constant struggle lately of reminding our boys that we don't debate everything - when we tell them to do something, it needs to get done right away. Hasn't been happening everytime, unfortunately.

 

[FlightlessDuck]

Wow! Unreal.

Remember, this forum is like 70% female.

 

[disneyjunkie]

Wow we are allowed that kind of talk on here now? I don't see any reason to be rude because someone stated their opinion which doesn't happen to agree with yours or the masses here.

And here we go with the pearl clutching and the hand wringing.

Sorry, next time I'll just say gosh, darn it .

 

[worm761]

I try not to judge other parents because none of us are perfect and maybe the kid is just having a moment. But we were in a restaurant the other day and my DH said those words "If my kid ever acted like that there'd @#$% to pay." We were at Knewk's. You order your food and go sit down, get your drinks, they bring the food. The father had two girls that looked to be around 3 and 6. The 6 year old wanted soda and dad said no soda, you can have sweet tea. She instantly starts bawling which he ignores. No biggie there. Then when the mother comes to the table with an infant he tells her that "we are having a moment". To which they are now both ignoring this kid. She is up from the table, crying, and has her mouth open and is forcing spit to come out of her mouth. Yes, it was a lovely dining experience. As we were leaving the 6 year old who has refused to eat is now on dad's lap and he's comforting her. And for the busboy's sake, I really really hope they cleaned up the mess that I saw under the baby but I somehow don't think that they did. I'll be honest. I totally judged those parents. A trip the bathroom would have happened if DD tried to pull that crap on us.

 

[Chocolate Cake]

Sigh - we've been there, done that. Still going through it. Seems like a constant struggle lately of reminding our boys that we don't debate everything - when we tell them to do something, it needs to get done right away. Hasn't been happening everytime, unfortunately.

Keep at it! It will happen. Now is the time to teach them, not when they are 13, 14, 15 etc.

I know just being calm and immediately giving consequences worked best when they were young. NO discussions about it. Even a 6 year old understands if I had to ask you twice to bring your bicycle into the garage, you are not going to have a front wheel on that bicycle for a few days, while all of your friends are out riding and having fun. I will walk quietly to your strewn bike, take a wrench and remove your tire. No discussions. No arguments. No screaming. Tire goes into my closet and I pour a glass of wine and open my book. Believe me, they learn fast.

 

[Chocolate Cake]

I'll be honest. I totally judged those parents. A trip the bathroom would have happened if DD tried to pull that crap on us.

I would judge any parent that would allow their child to scream and disrupt my meal. Drives me nuts. Take them home and deal with it. I don't want to hear screaming or see spitting while I am paying to eat. Pathetic parenting.

 

[mom2AidanAndEli]

I remember one thing with my parents that if anyone had saw would probably think my parents were awful parents. I was miserable through going out to dinner and people would be wondering why they would take me...

Here is the thing: I didn't want to go. I had plans that day after I left my drama club meeting. My parents picked me up and surprised me that they were going to take me out to dinner that afternoon. I told them I didn't want to go and they got upset that they were doing something nice and I was ungrateful and made me take this "present"

So maybe the kids didn't WANT to be there. Maybe exactly what they are hoping is that mom would stop making them go to the beach, maybe they absolutely hate the beach.

And there's the thing...more excuses for unacceptable behavior.

If you were old enough to be at a drama club meeting, you were old enough to know how to behave respectfully. Your horrible parents forced you out to dinner to spend some time with them. Oh, the horrors! Even if you didn't want to be there at the moment, you suck it up and be grateful.

Whether these kids wanted to be at the beach or not is not the point. Mom asks you to do something, you do it. Period. End of story.

 

[soccerdad72]

Keep at it! It will happen. Now is the time to teach them, not when they are 13, 14, 15 etc.

Older son is 14 - fortunately, he's been pretty good about listening (and helping around the house) lately. Younger son is in one of those defiant phases - he's 10.

 

[Chocolate Cake]

Older son is 14 - fortunately, he's been pretty good about listening (and helping around the house) lately. Younger son is in one of those defiant phases - he's 10.

Door off his bedroom. He is now old enough to protest, but calmly say he can earn it back when he is ready. No Starbucks. No mall trips. Hide the video game controllers or cords. Turn off wi-fi on his phone. All with a brief and calm explanation of why it was done and how he can earn his items back. Then no discussions about it.

 

[declansdad]

 

[Wishing on a star]

Ohhh goodness gracious folks...

I know that there are involved and respected dads.
Of course there are.

But, since when do we see a thread here on the DIS where mom is nowhere to be found, and Dad is the one who is ignored and disrespected???
Seriously.

I am having a hard time seeing the scenario described without thinking, these kids might not have behaved that way and disrespected their mother, if there were father in the picture who was standing up and saying.. you will do what your mother asks you to do and you will treat her with more respect, or I will also be the one delivering some consequences.

What are the percentage of kids in this country who do not even have their dads really in their lives?

This isn't any male bashing of global proportions.

But, it does not really seem to be PC to make any negative statements about male parenting, or GASP!!!!
One is immediately flamed and accused of male bashing.

Maybe a huge double standard?

 

[kamik86]

And there's the thing...more excuses for unacceptable behavior.

If you were old enough to be at a drama club meeting, you were old enough to know how to behave respectfully. Your horrible parents forced you out to dinner to spend some time with them. Oh, the horrors! Even if you didn't want to be there at the moment, you suck it up and be grateful.

Whether these kids wanted to be at the beach or not is not the point. Mom asks you to do something, you do it. Period. End of story.

Yeah shouldn't have done it fair enough... but it did get me what I wanted. My parents didn't continue to "surprise" me with things like this. So honestly yeah don't feel too bad about it.

As for mom asks you to do something you do it period... yeah never really bought into that. Parents can be wrong and unreasonable too.

As for this instance it obviously didn't break either of us. My parents and I still have a great relationship.

 

[EMom]

Ohhh goodness gracious folks...

I know that there are involved and respected dads.
Of course there are.

But, since when do we see a thread here on the DIS where mom is nowhere to be found, and Dad is the one who is ignored and disrespected???
Seriously.

I am having a hard time seeing the scenario described without thinking, these kids might not have behaved that way and disrespected their mother, if there were father in the picture who was standing up and saying.. you will do what your mother asks you to do and you will treat her with more respect, or I will also be the one delivering some consequences.

What are the percentage of kids in this country who do not even have their dads really in their lives?

This isn't any male bashing of global proportions.

But, it does not really seem to be PC to make any negative statements about male parenting, or GASP!!!!
One is immediately flamed and accused of male bashing.

Maybe a huge double standard?

Not once has my husband had to utter these words. We are not the "wait until your father gets home" type. His mother did that and it failed miserably. Lucky for her, she had good kids, because she was useless at discipline and enforcement. NO ONE has to tell my own child to treat me with respect. I make sure that happens. It is my responsibility. In our case, if I'm out with kids and there is no dad around, it's because he's working his rear end off so I can afford the luxury of being a SAHM. Mothers need to have enough backbone to make sure the kids don't walk all over them and not rely on their father to make that happen.